Convenience and Compatibility (20 page)

He leans over and kisses me. “No. Our house
key.”

I look back to the key ring and touch the
medallion. It’s metal flowers grouped into a round bouquet. The
flowers are enameled in bright colors. It’s happy and beautiful and
I love it. I look back to Dean. “Thank you.”

We go inside and I take a good look at my
ring under one of the reading lamps in the living room. It’s white
gold with tiny diamonds in a diagonal pattern. It’s intricate and
looks very old.

“What’s the history with this ring?”

“It was my mother’s grandmother’s ring.”

“It’s beautiful Dean. I love it.” It seems to
fit well; a little too big, but not too much that it will fall
off.

Dean is in the kitchen, making dinner, I
think.

“Have you eaten yet?”

“No. I was waiting for you.”

“Can I help?”

“No. Just relax, I got it.”

“I think I’ll take a quick shower then.”

I go upstairs and take my clothes off. I’m
unsure where I should put my dirty clothes; is there a communal
hamper, or do I keep it separate? I toss the scrubs in a corner and
get in the shower – I’ll figure it out later. As the water is
running over my head I look at the ring – it’s perfect. I wonder if
Dean retrieved it from his parent’s house yesterday, and that is
why Jeanette was upset. Honestly, I’m shocked that she would allow
him to have it.

I get out of the shower and wrap a towel on
my head over my wet hair. I put on the black nightie from last
night and Dean’s robe over the top. By the time I’m downstairs
dinner is ready. I sit at the dining table and Dean serves me
lasagna and salad.

“This is a wonderful meal Dean, thank
you.”

“You’re welcome. I bet you’re tired.”

I nod, then contemplate bringing up the
subject that has been on my mind for two days.

“Dean, how is this going to work out with
your parents essentially against us?”

“You don’t think we will work out?” Dean has
put down his fork and furrows his brows.

“Honestly I don’t know. I feel like we are
meant to be together, but maybe we should slow down a little.”

“Mallory, I love you. I want to share the
rest of my life with you. That’s all I need.”

I look down at my plate and use my fork to
shift my food around. I feel bad that I brought anything up, but it
was inevitable.

Dean continues, “I’m sorry if you feel like
I’m moving too fast. I feel really bad about everything now: the
keys, the car, the ring. It’s just that when we first met I knew I
wanted to be with you… So, I’m not enough?”

“It’s not like that Dean.” I look up and see
the hurt in his face and know I need to choose my words carefully.
“I am so in love with you, but love isn’t everything in a
relationship. I want the support and love of my in-laws as well.
Maybe we can work on it.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

I feel horrible, he was so happy just a
little while ago, and now I’ve broken his heart.

“I can’t eat.” Dean pushes his plate away and
walks into the study, closing the door behind him.

I look down at my plate – I only got through
about half of my meal. Like Dean, I don’t think I can eat anymore.
After cleaning up my plate, I go up to the bedroom and climb into
bed. I listen for Dean while I try to fall asleep and hear nothing.
I’ve seen him a little moody before, but never this pouty before.
Maybe he doesn’t want me here tonight?

I decide to give him some space; lord knows
that I need to gain a little bit of perspective. I get up and
rummage through the closet for my knapsack. Dean had very neatly
put it away, folded, in one of the drawers. I start packing the
essentials, not sure when I’ll be back. I tell myself that I will
only go if he is still holed up downstairs by the time I am done
packing. If I had to pick which scenario I favored, I’d have a
difficult time. I’ve never had such an emotionally tense
relationship.

The bag is packed and I’m dressed as I listen
at the top of the stairs – nothing. I quietly make my way to the
garage and get into the car. I’ve come this far and now I want to
go no matter if he asks me to stay. I put the key in the ignition
and find Dean has put a garage door opener on my visor. I press the
button and start the car, pulling out as soon as the car has
cleared the door. I get to the street and shut the garage door with
no sign of Dean. Surely he would have heard the garage door open
and close. I’m saddened by the thought that he really did want me
to go.

I get to my apartment and the tears are
really flowing. The more I try to get them to stop, the harder they
come. By the time I’m at the door of the apartment, my body is
convulsing with sobs. I slip the ring off my finger and put it in
my fist, not wanting Tara to know in case she is home.

To my horror Adam and Tara are on the sofa
when I come in. I don’t look at either one and run to my room,
closing the door and collapse on the bed - sobbing. Tara rushes in
after me and rubs my back.

“What did that asshole do to you?”

I can’t answer; I just cry louder and wish
she would go away.

“Did he hurt you Mallory?”

I shake my head no, please leave me
alone.

My phone starts ringing in my bag and Tara
pulls it out before I have a chance to get up.

“It’s him. Should I tell him off for
you?”

I shake my head. “Just turn it on
silent.”

Tara leaves and comes back with a box of
tissues and a warm washcloth for my face. She really can be very
caring when she wants to. I clean myself up and look over to see
Adam in the doorway. I know he means well, but I don’t need him to
have another reason to dislike Dean.

“I’m okay. Thank you. I have to work
tomorrow, I think I’ll go to bed.”

“Wanna carpool tomorrow?” Tara asks. I think
she is trying to cheer me up.

“Sounds great, thank you.” I manage a small
smile to appease the two of them, hoping that my acting is good
enough that they will go.

Tara leaves and shuts the door behind her. I
pull out a gold chain from my jewelry box and slip the engagement
ring on and clasp it around my neck. I’ll worry about this
tomorrow. I take off my clothes and crawl into bed – suddenly I’m
exhausted and want to sleep.

I’m so tired that I drift off to a dreamless
sleep.

The alarm goes off at
five-thirty and
I am wide awake. I haven’t gotten that much sleep in weeks. I hum
to myself while getting ready and realize I am excited about going
to work. The distraction of a busy day is a must-needed respite
from thoughts of Dean. Last minute I decide to pack a bag and get
away at my parent’s house for a couple of days.

As soon as we get in the car I expect Tara to
start right away with her questions about last night. Surprisingly
it takes a couple of blocks before she gets started.

“Why were you so upset last night?”

“Dean and I had a disagreement about
something – it’s complicated. And no, I don’t want to talk about
it.”

I glance at Tara and she is pouting – I can’t
help but laugh at her.

“Still not going to tell you Tara.”

“Fine. Did you hear him last night?”

“Who? Adam?”

“No. Dean came over last night. You mean, you
didn’t hear that?”

By the tone of her voice I know it must have
been bad. Oh shit.

“Hear what Tara?”

“Dean came up, and Adam ripped him a new
one.” Oh no! “And I helped a bit.” She added quietly.

“Tara! No!”

“Mallory, I’m sorry. That guy is a piece of
crap. I’ve never seen you so upset about a boy before.”

“Shit Tara. I’m sure Adam will be telling
Greg about it today… arghh.”

“You’re probably right.” Tara shrugs her
shoulders.

I pull into the parking garage and decide to
not think about it today. Avoidance is a coping skill that I’ve
mastered to perfection. I’ll deal with the aftermath later.

The unit is overstaffed and I’m sent to the
ER – my least favorite place to work. I’d much rather give shots or
clean smelly wounds all day. The ER is pretty dull, thank God, and
I spend most of the day bullshitting with the other nurses. I love
the camaraderie nurses have and realize by the end of the shift
that I have enjoyed my day and all but forgotten about Dean.

I walk out the back door to my car; I don’t
want to run into Dean in case he is waiting in his usual spot,
although I doubt he is. I get to my car and look at my phone, the
first time since last night. I ignore the text and voicemail alerts
and call my mom.

“Hello honey, you just getting off work?”

Her reassuring voice comforts me and I’m glad
I called.

“Hi mom, can I come by for a visit? Maybe
stay for a couple of days?”

“Of course! Are you hungry?”

“Starved. I’m just leaving work, I’ll see you
soon.”

“Drive safe.”

I get off the phone and make my way up
Interstate 5, happy to put work and my problems behind me.

Chapter 15

My parents live in a seventies ranch style
house. They bought it shortly before me and my sister were born,
and have never renovated anything. I use my key when I get there
and head straight to the kitchen. Mom is heating up whatever it was
they had for dinner, I think stir fry. I sit on the stool and smile
at her. It feels good to be home.

“Where’s Dad?”

“Didn’t you see him? He’s watching television
in the living room.”

“No.”

“Oh, maybe he went to bed.” Mom smiles. It’s
a family joke how Dad goes to bed earlier than most people have
dinner.

“Mom, it’s only eight o’clock.”

Mom shrugs and plates my food. “Here you go
honey.”

“Thanks Mom, have any wine?”

She pours me a tall glass of red wine. Much
more than I would have poured, but that’s Mom. She sits down next
to me at the bar. “Boy problems?”

Mom really is sweet and I know she cares, I’m
just not ready to get into everything now – I’m too tired. I decide
to keep it short and sweet and hope she doesn’t ask anymore
questions.

“Not really Mom. I don’t know. I just missed
home.”

“Okay honey, I’m going to go find Dad and go
to bed. I love you.”

“Love you too Mom. Goodnight.”

I finish dinner and take my glass of wine and
overnight bag to the guestroom. Mom and Dad long ago got rid of my
bedroom, now when I come over I’m in the guest suite/sewing
room.

I flick on the light and see piles of fabric
and craft projects littering the room. They must have been covering
the bed – oh Mom. I chuckle a little at Mom’s messy chaos. It
drives me a little crazy if I spend too much time with her, but
mostly I find it endearing.

Eager to get the hospital funk off me, I take
my shower in the adjoining bathroom and get dressed quickly. I’m
anxious to check my voicemails and call Dean.

There are two texts from last night.

9:05: “Where are you going?”

10:47: “?”

The last one must be from when he came over
to the apartment. Poor Dean.

I check the voicemails, one from last night,
the other from tonight.

9:15pm from Dean: “Where did you go? Please
come home.”

7:05 pm from Dean: “Mallory, I’m sorry about
last night. Please come home and we can talk about it. I love
you.”

Now I feel bad that I am here instead of
working things out with Dean. A little time away is good so I can
clear my head and see things from a better perspective. Right? At
least I’ll tell myself this over and over to selfishly feel better.
Why are relationships so hard?

I take my wine and walk into the living room
- relieved that Mom and Dad have gone to bed. I grab a blanket from
the sofa and quietly open the patio door. I make myself comfortable
on one of the metal chaise loungers, or as comfortable as I can
get. Mom has since taken all the cushions to the garage for the
winter.

I take a deep breath and muster up my courage
to call. Put your big girl panties on Mallory. I ring Dean and he
doesn’t answer after the first couple rings. Maybe he’s in the
shower? More than likely pissed at me. I can only imagine what he
thinks after coming to the apartment last night. His answering
machine comes on and I listen to his message, remarking that I’ve
never heard it before. I hang up before the beep comes.

I sit in the silence on the patio and am too
tired to cry. The last few days have been so overwhelming. When did
this relationship get so difficult? I look at the dark backyard at
Mom’s rhododendrons lining the property and the camellia bush –
just starting to get buds.

My phone rings and I see a picture of Dean
light up on my phone, smiling into the camera. When did he do
this?

“Hi Dean?”

“Hi Mallory. Sorry I missed your call, I was
in the bathroom.”

I smile, of course he was.

“That’s alright. How are you?”

“Not great… Mallory, where are you?”

“I’m at my parent’s house.”

“Really.” Dean’s tone is flippant, and I
wonder where he thinks I am. I choose to ignore the inflection.

“Yea, my parents just went to bed. I’m
sitting on the patio drinking a glass of wine.”

“Where do they live?”

“Edmonds.”

Dean is quiet, and I’m not sure if I should
fill the silence, or wait.

“Are you coming home tonight?” Dean’s voice
almost breaks and I feel like a selfish bitch for coming here.

“No Dean, not tonight.”

“Are you ever coming back to me?”

I don’t answer right away. On the one hand
I’m not really sure that we will work out, on the other, now is not
the time to have the break-up conversation.

“I love you. Of course I will.”

“I’m sorry about last night, I wish I would
have stayed at the table and finished our conversation. I don’t
blame you for leaving… I regret a lot about last night. I love you
so much.”