Connie’s Courage (20 page)

Well, whatever he might do, she wasn't interested! All men were the same so far as she was
concerned. You couldn't trust a one of them, no matter how much they sweet-talked you, Kieron had proved that to her!

Unaware of Connie's unhappy thoughts, Mavis was both blushing and laughing at the same time, as she tried to look prim.

‘For your information, the reason I haven't mentioned Harry recently is because he's been so busy that he's barely had time to telephone or write home, never mind visit. We all know that it's because his Housemaster thinks so highly of him that he gives Harry so much extra responsibility, but I know, too, that although she doesn't say so, Mother misses seeing him. I shall ask Mama to tell Harry that you were asking after him though, Connie.

‘No … no you mustn't do that.

When Mavis stared at her, Connie amended hurriedly, ‘What I mean is, that I wouldn't want your brother to think I was being critical of him for not coming home more frequently, Mavis. After all, it's nothing to me what he chooses to do! she added sharply.

What on earth had made her say that? Connie was furious with herself. Why should she be interested in Harry? She wasn't. Not one little bit! Anyone would think she was regretting having turned him down, and she wasn't. After all, she had given him a chance to reassure her and he hadn't taken it, had he? And she knew why! It was because he had been lying about loving her in the first place!

How could he really love her, knowing what he did about her? How could any decent young man?

She only had to think about what their own mother would have had to say if John, for instance, had brought home a girl with a past like Connie's. She wouldn't even have been allowed in over the doorstep!

And folks – families – did ask questions when one of their number made plans to wed. Vera had told them all, in an aggrieved voice, how many questions she had been asked by Bert's mother and grandmother. ‘Nosy pair!' she had told them, tossing her head.

‘We've both got time off at the end of August, Connie, and I was hoping that you would come to New Brighton with me,' she heard Mavis saying placidly, as she finally managed to drag her thoughts away from her friend's brother. ‘I know that Mother and Sophie are longing to see you, and Sophie hasn't forgotten that, thanks to you, Mother has agreed that she may have her ears pierced.'

Immediately Connie's expression softened. ‘Sophie has written to me to tell me that she's grown nearly three inches, and that soon she will be nearly as tall as your mother.'

‘Oh, Connie!' Emotional tears filled Mavis's eyes. ‘None of us will ever forget that, but for you, she would not be here.'

‘That's nonsense,' Connie told her bracingly. ‘I nursed her, that's all. Anyone …'

‘No,' Mavis stopped her fiercely. ‘You saved her life, Connie. You will come to New Brighton with me, won't you?'

‘Oh, go on then. I'll be needing a bit of bracing fresh air by then, especially seein' as Vera caught me at a weak moment, and I've promised to have tea with her on me next full day off.' She pulled a wry face. ‘Like as not she'll be on at me to go out dancing with her – Josie said that she was trying to persuade her to go out with her last Saturday night,' Connie added.

‘I know,' Mavis agreed. ‘And I told Josie she should remind Vera that she's a married woman now, with a husband to take her out.'

‘Yes, and that, unlike her, we are on our feet all day long, not sitting on our backsides. I thought they had us working hard in our first year, Mavis, but that was nothing to what we have to do now. Sister has me working flat out from the minute I get on the ward – and she's got me looking after the new First Years,' Connie complained.

‘That's because she knows what a good nurse you are, Connie,' Mavis comforted her, loyally, knowing that it was the truth.

‘If you say so, Mavis,' Connie teased her. ‘But it doesn't stop my poor feet aching fit to burst out of my shoes!'

They talked for several minutes about their work, and then Connie exclaimed, ‘It's coming up for your birthday in September. I expect that Frank will be popping the question then, and giving you a ring.'

Mavis blushed and laughed, and then shook her head, but before she could say anything, another nurse came over to join them, putting an end to their private conversation.

‘Ah, there you are, Pride. We've had a new admission whilst you were off duty. A stab wound. He was lucky that Mr Clegg was here and was able to deal with it promptly, otherwise he would have more than likely bled to death. As it is, his breathing isn't very good, and he's going to need careful watching.

‘I'll keep my eye on him, Sister,' Connie responded dutifully and calmly, her hands folded neatly in front of her stiffly starched apron, as she stood waiting to receive the Ward Sister's instructions. The two new First Years were standing next to her, and Connie could feel their awe and their apprehension.

It seemed such a long time ago now since she herself had been in their shoes, and after Sister had dismissed them, Connie gave the bolder of the First Years a warning frown as one girl immediately started to hurry away.

‘No running, Nurse, she reminded her sharply, whilst secretly she couldn't help comparing them to how she herself had been. She smiled ruefully, remembering her impetuosity of those days, shaking her head a little over her youthful folly.

Tonight was her first night on night duty, after
two weeks on days, and automatically Connie paused to check the corners of the beds to see that the sheets and blankets were straight and tight.

‘You know that new patient who was stabbed,' the other First Year told Connie excitedly. ‘He's a real bad lot, by all accounts, and should have bin left to die and not had his life saved. Leastways, that's what I heard Sister saying. Seems like he's been goin' around terrorising folk and threatening them, and now he's got his comeuppance. Sister said as how it was a crying shame that whoever stabbed him didn't do the job properly.

‘Sister knows all about him, on account of her cousin, who runs a pub down on the dockside. He was beaten nearly senseless by the gang of thugs this chap runs because he wouldn't pay him protection money to leave his pub alone. Sister says it isn't right that someone like ‘im should go around threatening decent law-abiding folk, and getting away wi' it like ‘e's bin doing, and that if she ‘ad her way …'

‘You are here to work, Nurse. Not to gossip,' Connie stopped her firmly, well aware that the two girls were pulling faces at her behind her back, in the belief that she didn't know. After all, hadn't she and Vera and Josie, and even Mavis, at times, done exactly the same thing!

The new patient might be a thoroughly bad lot but it was still her duty to nurse him, Connie reminded herself. She sent the two First Years about their business and made her way to the
last bed, and pulled back the screen. She could hear the laboured sound of the man's breathing as it faltered unsteadily, warning Connie that Sister had been right when she had said that he would need careful watching. He might have survived his wound and his blood loss, but that rasping, tortured breathing said that he was by no means out of danger.

Connie stepped up to the bed and then froze, as recognition washed sickly over her.

Fear and loathing filled her. She wanted to turn and run like the girl she had been; would have done, but she was not that girl any more, she reminded herself fiercely. She forced herself to stay where she was and look down into the unconscious face of the man who still haunted her worst nightmares.

Bill Connolly moved restlessly and turned his head to one side, coughing up blood. His open mouth was pressed against the pillow, obstructing his breathing. Automatically Connie reached out, intending to remove the pillow and lift his head so that he could breathe properly. And then stopped.

Was it right that a wicked evil man like Bill Connolly should be helped to live to inflict misery and pain on others? He was already struggling to breathe, his efforts to drag air into his lungs simply pressing his mouth deeper into the pillow. It would ultimately smother him unless she removed it, and helped him.

Could fate have deliberately handed him over to her?

Slowly and purposefully, Connie reached out to the pillow. It was already covering his mouth. All she had to do was to move it higher to cover his nose. His own weakness would do the rest. She didn't even need to be here.

She could hear another patient further down the ward moaning and calling out for her. All it would take was one firm push and a handful of seconds. Then she could leave, and when she came back it would all be over. It couldn't be wrong, surely, to rid the world of a man like this one. Even Sister had said that Bill Connolly didn't deserve to live.

Connie closed her eyes, her hand resting motionless on the edge of the bed. How long was it since he had taken that last dragging breath? The cries of the other patient were becoming louder and more demanding. Bill Connolly had rolled over and his face was totally buried in the pillow. She didn't need to do anything other than just walk away.

Tears welled in her eyes and her hand started to tremble. Swiftly she reached for the pillow and wrenched it away, turning him back onto his back as she did so, one of her own tears splashing down on her hand.

She couldn't do it! She just could not do it. Something in her was filled with revulsion at the mere thought of taking his life, never mind actually doing it. And it was not just that her training was overwhelming her own feelings, Connie admitted. She could not stand by and see a man die, not even when that man was
this
one – and she certainly
could not take a life, no matter how much a part of her wished that she could.

She cleaned away the blood mechanically, and waited until his breathing had steadied.

Ten minutes later, as she attended to the other patient, her hands were still shaking.

‘Oh, Connie, I am so looking forward to this weekend! It's the first Bank Holiday we've had off in ages. I hope we get good weather, we should do since it's the end of August. I've promised Sophie that we'll take her on the pier. Oh, and I almost forgot, Harry is coming home – not for the full weekend, just for the day.'

They were on the baggage ferry, hanging onto the side, the wind blowing their thin summer dresses against their bodies, and tousling their hair.

Connie raised her hand to her hair, as her heart jerked like a child's toy on a string at the mention of Harry's name.

‘Frank is coming over as soon as he comes off duty and I thought the four of us, me and Frank, and you and Harry could p'raps go out for a bit of something to eat together.'

Connie said nothing but her smile curved her mouth, and her eyes were sparkling.

‘Mavis! Connie! You're here at last.'

Sophie had been right about how much she had grown, Connie reflected, as she returned the
younger girl's loving hug, and teased, ‘Miss Impatience!'

Elsie Lawson looked tired and slightly strained though, and Connie could feel Mavis's anxiety as she, too, looked at her mother.

‘Has Harry arrived yet?' Connie heard her demanding, as she finished hugging her mother.

‘Yes! He got here about an hour ago.'

‘What, and he didn't come down to walk us home?'

‘He had … That is … there was something he wanted to tell me …'

A curious sense of foreboding iced down Connie's spine.

‘The very best of news, my dears. Harry has become engaged to the Housemaster's daughter, Miss Rosa …'

Harry was engaged. Shock, followed by anger, followed by a sharply unbearable pain caused Connie's heart to thump in huge hurting thuds. So she had been right all along! He had not meant a single word of what he had said to her! Either that, or he had very quickly switched his affections to someone else, Connie acknowledged cynically.

Well, she hoped he wasn't going to expect her to congratulate him! She certainly pitied the poor girl who had been so taken in by him, though. Had she been able to do so, she would have turned round and made her way straight back to the hospital, but of course she couldn't, not without having Mavis,
his mother and Sophie wondering what on earth was going on.

Perhaps she ought to tell them. That would show him up for what he really was! But of course they would never believe her. To them Harry was perfect, and no doubt to his new fiancee as well! Had he said the same words to her as he had to Connie? Had he told her that she was the sweetest, the kindest, and the prettiest girl he knew? Connie nearly cried out at the pain that gripped her heart.

No, she wasn't hurt! She didn't care like that; she wasn't really thinking that, if she hadn't rejected him, she could have been the one calling herself his fiancee!

She could hear Mavis and her mother talking about the engagement. Mavis's voice was full of sisterly curiosity and excitement.

‘Harry's engaged! I can hardly believe it! He has never so much as mentioned anything, or given us any kind of hint! What a dark horse he is.'

‘They are to be married before the new term starts, Sophie broke in importantly. ‘In the school chapel. We are to be bridesmaids, Mavis, and Miss Cartwright has sent with Harry some fabric patterns for us to see. She has chosen palest blue for our dresses.

Connie had started to shiver. Her throat felt raw and her head was pounding. She must be coming down with a summer cold, she told herself numbly.

Harry was going to be married. Harry who had kissed her … Harry who was now, quite obviously, saving all his kisses for someone else. Someone else who he was going to marry. Miss Rosa Cartwright! And Harry was going to marry her.

‘I still cannot believe that this is happening,' Mavis announced sitting down, a little later. ‘I have not even met Miss Cartwright, and yet she is to be my new sister …'