Conflicted Innocence (7 page)

Chapter 12

An intense pain in Lee’s chest made it difficult to breathe. Could it be a heart attack? He remembered a woman he used to work with would often present with all the symptoms of a heart attack, but they turned out to be panic attacks.

He cupped his hands in front of his mouth the way she used to do and forced himself to breathe.

After a while, his breathing returned to normal, and he felt a little calmer.

He cleaned up the vomit on the floor, his shoes and the sink, all the while trying to put his thoughts into some kind of order.

A hopeless task.

He’d had sex with a fifteen-year-old. It doesn’t get more fucked up than that!

Or, it shouldn’t.

But, bizarrely it did.

Because now, the fifteen-year-old lay dead at the bottom of the cellar stairs. How could that even be possible?

If he grew enough balls to call the police, he knew all the damning evidence pointed at him being some kind of perverted murderer. Nobody would believe he was the innocent party. Or he had been until she began screaming rape.

There
was
no way out. He couldn’t just dump her body, even if he wanted to. His DNA was bound to be all over her, even though they’d used a condom.

He couldn’t deal with this right now. He would clean up, lock the cellar door and go home until he could work out a plan. He could keep Lydia away, at least for now. Nothing connected him to Susie—nobody saw them together or knew her in the village.

She said she’d run away from home weeks ago, so any search would have been scaled down by now.

He flew around the place, cleaning up and packing his few items of clothing and toiletries. He placed Susie’s coat and shoes beside the cellar door, unable to face opening it yet.

When his phone rang again, he almost leapt from his skin. It was Jimmy. He couldn’t speak to him right now—he’d surely hear it in his voice.

He was a murderer. A child murderer.

A fresh bout of sobs racked his body. How would he ever get away with this? His rational mind knew he wouldn’t. He knew the best thing was for him to call the police and confess everything.

But his rational mind wasn’t in control. Not any more. Instead, his irrational mind was set on high alert for self-preservation, and there was no arguing with that.

He spent hours curled on the pile of cardboard, rocking to and fro and sobbing.

As the light began to alter, he forced himself up and tried to pull himself together.

He cleaned away all traces of Susie. She didn’t have much, apart from the coat and shoes. He opened the cellar door and launched them down the stairs. He’d deal with them at a later date.

Soon after, he locked the place up, threw his overnight bag in the car and left.

Away from the cottage, he could breathe again. Even pretend it hadn’t happened—for now, at least.

He stopped for petrol, and nobody paid him the least bit of attention. He even sounded okay when he had a bit of banter with the girl on the till. The real test would be with his friends and family. Could he actually pull this off?

Only one thing for it. He reached for his phone and returned Jimmy’s calls.

“Where the bloody hell have you been?” Jimmy said, good-naturedly.

“Sorry, mate. I somehow managed to put my phone on silent. Don’t ask me how. I’ve never been able to do it before, even when I wanted to.”

“You and technology! It’s embarrassing.”

“I know. I know. Very fucking funny. But we can’t all be good at everything. At least I can spell,” Lee said.

“That’s what spell check’s for.”

“But how the hell does a writer get away with not being able to spell?”

“I just told you. But you’d struggle because you don’t even know your way around a computer,” Jimmy said.

“I know enough.” He couldn’t believe how easily the banter slid off his tongue. He’d always been a law abiding citizen, never even had so much as a parking ticket, and now, he had a dead girl in his cellar and was shooting the breeze with his buddy. Clearly the behaviour of a psychopath.

“What time are you back?” Jimmy asked.

“I’m on my way, now. I’ll get a good night’s sleep and leave at dawn. There shouldn’t be too much traffic on the road at that time.”

“If there’s anything you need me to do, give me a shout. I’ll probably be home by the time you arrive.”

“Can’t think of anything off the top of my head. How are things with your new housemates?”

“Fantastic. I can’t wait for you and Lydia to get to know Geri. She’s amazing.”

“She must be pretty amazing to put up with you.”

“Drive safe, smartarse.” Jimmy hung up.

Having passed the first test, he felt pleased with himself for a moment until a wave of emotion washed over him as Susie’s sweet face, and haunting grey eyes, filled his mind. But she had brought it on herself. The bitch turned on him, not the other way around. She wouldn’t have cared if her accusations cost him his wife, his home, or his freedom. She wanted his money—end of.

If he managed to get away with this, he’d never be stupid enough to help anybody again, regardless of the circumstances.

Chapter 13

Waiting outside the prison gates, Lee suddenly came over all queasy again. He’d waited for this day for so long, and now it was finally here his mind was elsewhere.

He’d not slept a wink. Jimmy and Geri had called in for a few minutes when he first arrived home, and he thanked them for their help, but they didn’t hang around.

The evening was spent in front of the TV on the sofa, and that’s where he stayed until 6am. Every time he nodded off, he was woken by a vision of Susie’s abnormally twisted body and her wide, glassy-eyed stare.

He didn’t have a clue what he would do from here. He was no killer. He couldn’t dispose of her body in cold blood as though tossing out a chicken carcass.

The scenario he’d settled on, in the middle of the night, was to sneak back to the cottage, break in and unlock the cellar door. Then he would take Lydia to show her the cottage at a later date, and they would find the poor girl at the bottom of the stairs as though she’d fallen after breaking in.

But he knew, unless he left it long enough, the police would be able to pinpoint the exact time and date of her death. But so far that had been the only thing he could come up with.

Lydia was late. They’d told him she’d be released at 10am and it was already a quarter past.

He’d been there since nine and he needed to pee. But, the way his luck had been going of late, he daren’t move away. Not for a minute.

What would they talk about? His mind was tuned to one subject with no room for much else. He hoped she’d have enough to say for the both of them. Although, when he visited her in prison, she’d always been distant and happy to let him waffle all the news of the outside world while she just sat there saying very little. He prayed it would be different today, or else she’d see right through him.

A Volkswagen camper van pulled up at the side of him, and a hefty black woman dressed in a tight fitting brown dress got out. She leaned on the front of the van, the dress clinging obscenely to her ample figure, and lit a cigarette.

Lee thought about Susie’s tobacco and how he’d stuffed it in the glove box yesterday. He would love to have a smoke now, but Lydia would have a fit—she hated the smell of cigarette smoke.

He got out and nodded at the woman.

“Alright?” She nodded back.

“I presume you’re waiting for someone, too?”

“Yeah.” She took a deep drag of her fag.

“I’ve been here for almost two hours.”

“They’re always late, man. That’s why I didn’t rush.” Her thunderous laugh made him take a step backwards.

“You’ve been here before then?” he asked.

“Yeah. This is my third time.”

“Third? Gosh, and I thought once was bad enough. I couldn’t do this all over again.”

“Glutton for punishment, me.” She laughed again and flicked her cigarette butt into the road. “Oh, oh. There’s movement.” She pushed herself off the van and began rearranging her knickers and bra under her dress.

Lee didn’t know where to look. He was petrified by what she meant with the
movement
statement, thinking she may have just crapped herself, until he realised several people were walking towards the gate.

His heartbeat boomed through his entire body, and he suddenly felt lightheaded.

And then he saw her.

She was thinner. He’d been aware she’d lost some weight, but she looked different in the ill-fitting prison issue clothing anyway. But now, dressed in the navy blue, knee-length dress she wore for court six years ago, she looked like skin and bone. The severe way her lacklustre hair had been scraped into a band did nothing to soften this.

He took a few steps towards her when suddenly a woman, with a hard looking face and a mass of blonde hair, sprinted from the gates and shoved past Lydia. She ran towards him and he panicked, his nerves already clanging, and he felt his body sag with relief as the woman ran past him and launched herself at his new friend, wrapping her legs around the much larger woman.

Still staring at the commotion to his side, he gasped as someone tapped him on the shoulder. He spun around on the spot.

“Hello, you,” Lydia said, softly.

All the crazy emotions from the past few days rushed to the fore, and he gripped her bony shoulders and pulled her towards him, the tears rolling down his face.

She eventually pushed away and smiled shyly. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that!” She stroked his head, leaving her hand to linger on his cheek for a few seconds as she gazed sadly into his eyes.

“I missed you.” His words were barely audible.

“And I you.”

“Good luck, man,” the campervan driver said as she climbed in behind the wheel.

He wiped his eyes and waved as she drove off.

“Come on. We should be getting off too. We’ve got a long drive back.” He opened the car door for Lydia, and she clutched at her handbag as she slid into the seat, a worried look on her face.

They travelled for the first few minutes in silence.

Lee kept glancing her way, but she was turned slightly to face out of the window, and he couldn’t see her expression.

“So, it must feel strange to be out at long last?”

She shrugged and turned to smile at him. “I’m terrified, if I’m honest.”

“Don’t be terrified! This is a happy time. The brand new start to the rest of our lives.” Or until the shit hits the fan, he thought.

“Where are we going to?”

“Home!”

She gasped. “But, I thought...”

“The cottage isn’t ready yet, Lyddie. I didn’t expect you home so soon.”

Her fingers gripped at the strap of her handbag that was still hooked over her shoulder. Her lips pressed together in a tight line and she turned back to face the window.

“You’ll be alright, love. I promise. And Jimmy has a new girlfriend who’s just moved in. She’s nice and can’t wait to meet you.”

Her brow wrinkled, but she didn’t say anything.

The rest of the journey was filled with either small talk about the altered scenery, or silence. He didn’t have the energy to push her and figured she’d come around in her own good time.

Almost three hours later, they pulled up outside the house they’d bought together all those years ago, and he felt her stiffen.

“I don’t know if I can do this, Lee.” Her eyes projected her pain.

“It’s alright. I promise. Once you enter you’ll see it’s just a house—our house. Our home.”

She shook her head rapidly. “I can’t do it, Lee. Please don’t make me do it!” she cried.

He didn’t know what to do. Short of dragging her kicking and screaming down the path, he wasn’t going to be able to get her to go inside. He expected her to feel strange. It had been the same for him after it first happened, but it didn’t last long. In fact, the house, and all the memories it held, became a comfort to him eventually.

“Just wait here.” He got out of the car, and instead of heading down their path, he went to Jimmy’s.

***

“They’re here,” James said, peeking from the window. He’d come home at lunchtime in order to be there when Lydia and Lee arrived home.

Once again, I got a twinge of jealousy at his interest in Lee’s wife, and then immediately felt guilty. I knew he was worried about his mate. Lee had looked like death warmed up last night.

“Give them a chance to get inside, Mister. Make yourself useful, and go and wake Gracie up from her nap, or she won’t sleep tonight.”

Seconds later, I watched Lee march down our path, and I rushed to open the door.

***

Geri opened the door before he reached it.

“Sorry to bother you, Geri, but is Jimmy about?” He’d seen Jimmy’s car parked on the street.

“Sure,” she said, eyeing Lydia in the car. “Is everything alright?”

“Not really, no.”

She stepped aside for him to enter and called Jimmy who came down the stairs with a chuckling baby on his hip.

“Hello, mate. What’s up?”

“It’s Lydia. She’s refusing to go in the house.”

“I did worry that might happen.”

“I was wondering...can I bring her in here for a coffee? Let her get used to the idea a bit. I really don’t want to drive off as I know she definitely won’t return.”

“Of course you can,” James said, glancing at Geri.

“I’ll put the kettle on.” Geri headed to the kitchen.

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Lee said, stepping back outside. Back at the car, he opened Lydia’s door and her petrified eyes broke his heart.

“It’s okay, Lyddie. We’re just going into Jimmy’s for a coffee.”

“But, I really don’t think...” Suddenly her gaze left his face and settled on a point just behind him.

“Hi, Lydia. Long time, no see,” Jimmy said.

“James.” Lydia’s eyes welled up as Lee stepped away, allowing his friend to move closer.

She unbuckled her seatbelt and took his proffered hand.

“You look well,” she said, as she stepped from the car.

“I know I do.” He laughed, causing her to smile.

“Still the same, I see.”

He pulled her in for a bear hug. “You can always count on me.” He kissed her on the top of the head. “Come on, let me introduce you to Geri and Grace.” He led her down the path and into the house.

Lee locked up the car and then followed close behind. He dreaded his wife’s reaction to the baby. Grace would be the first child she’d been in contact with since Joseph, and he honestly didn’t know how she’d react.

Jimmy led them both into the lounge and eased Lydia onto the sofa. She gripped her bag tight to her chest once again.

“I’ll just go and check on the drinks. Still black coffee for you both?”

They nodded.

Lee sat next to her, feeling totally inadequate. What kind of man couldn’t comfort his own wife when she was obviously distressed? But he didn’t have the energy, and prayed Jimmy would return quickly from the kitchen.

Moments later, Geri appeared carrying her daughter, and Lydia’s face changed. She appeared shocked at first, and then she smiled.

“Hello, beautiful. What’s your name?” Lydia said, her eyes filling up.

“This is Geri, my girlfriend. I told you she was beautiful,” Jimmy said, carrying in a tray.

“Oh, you.” Geri gave him a mock stern look and shook her head.

Lydia laughed—a real, tinkling laugh that pricked at Lee’s eyes.

“Hi, Lydia. I’m Geraldine, and this is Grace. I’m so glad to finally meet you.” Geri extended her hand.

Lydia took it, smiling broadly.

The baby reached for Lydia, and an awkward moment passed between them.

“Do you mind?” Geri asked, offering the baby to Lydia.

“Of course not, if you’re sure?”

Geraldine smiled and plonked the child on Lydia’s lap.

The emotions gripped Lee again. He couldn’t cope with all this pressure. Not today. “I...I need a bit of air,” he said, rushing back outside.

He needed a cigarette. Fuck what Lydia would say about it. They were all very different people nowadays. He pulled the pouch from the glove box and lit one of the already rolled cigarettes with Susie’s lighter.

“I didn’t know you smoked?” Jimmy said, suddenly behind him.

Lee exhaled noisily. “Only now and then. Want one?”

“No, I’d have an asthma attack.”

Lee wafted the smoke away. “Oh, sorry, mate—I didn’t think.”

“I’ll just stand up wind of you. Are you alright? You know you can talk to me, don’t you?”

“I know. I’m just wound up, that’s all. This has been a long time coming, and now it’s actually happening, it’s just too much.” He took another deep drag, coughing as the smoke caught his lungs.

“I know. I can see it’s affecting you badly, and can’t imagine how you feel. She’s your wife, but after all this time you’re relative strangers.”

Lee’s face fell as tears pricked his eyes. “You have no idea, mate. My life is such a fucking mess.”

“It may seem that way right now, but this time next week things will have settled down again. I promise.”

“She can’t even set foot in her own house, Jimmy. What am I going to do?”

“Like you said the other night, if she can’t face it, she’ll have to stay at the cottage.”

“NO!” he snapped, throwing the cigarette butt at his feet and grinding it into the pavement.

“Alright, keep your hair on.”

“Sorry, mate. I’m just—”

“Listen, why don’t you both stay here tonight? Lydia might feel different after a good night’s sleep.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. Come on. Your coffee’s getting cold.”

Lee stashed the pouch back in the glove box and slammed the door.

“Hang on,” Jimmy said, bending to pick something up off the floor. He held out his hand showing Susie’s lighter. “What does the ‘
S’
stand for?”