Confessions (19 page)

“I'm calling about an old credit card that was sent to collections.”

“What's the account number?”

I rattled off the number I found from an old bill. I could hear her typing on a keyboard.

“Is this Trinette Montgomery?”

“Yes, it is,” I replied.

“I must inform you this call may be monitored or recorded. The information I am about to discuss is in an attempt to collect a debt. Ms. Montgomery, we've been trying to reach you for almost two years since the bill was turned over to us for collections.”

Yeah, whatever. “How much do I owe you?” I already knew, but I wanted to hear what she had to say.

“$932.”

I leaned back on the chair. “Hmmm…don't have it. I don't even have a job, but I just got my taxes and want to spend it paying this bill. I'll give you half.”

“Half? I'm sorry, but I only can go down thirty percent.”

She was lying. I had spent all day the day before reading this enlightening book called
Debt Cures
that educated me on paying debts. Ms. Netta got up this morning, knowing exactly how to play the game of debt relief. “I
only
have half. Either you take it or I'll spend it at the mall, buying a new pair of shoes.”

There was a three-second pause before she replied, “Hold on while I talk to my supervisor.”

My lips curled in a smile. Her mama obviously ain't raised no fool. I held the phone and stared out my kitchen window and thought about the past few days.

The last week was hell for me. After Michael made me feel like a ho, I just shut down. No phone calls or personal appearances. I was so ashamed I didn't want anyone around me. Michael personally delivered my car to the house, but when he knocked at the door I pretended I wasn't at home, and he left the key in the mailbox.

The rest of the week, I hung out at home by myself, and I realized I didn't like the person I had become. I had everything, but in reality nothing I had was worth having. I had said to my clients so many times, “No one can change the way you're living your life but you,” and that what I was trying to do. Make over Netta into someone I was proud to be. Today, I had negotiated five debts, and it felt good. Damn good. Two more debts and I will have covered every derogatory item on my credit report. In the process, I had put a dent in the money I took from the joint account, but that didn't matter. Not anymore. It was time for me to start living on my own two feet.

“Ms. Montgomery?” The customer service representative returned to the phone. “You still on the line?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I have good news! I spoke with my supervisor and she has agreed to $466
if
you can pay that today.”

I smiled. Not for a moment did I doubt they would accept my offer. “Sure…as long as you agree to remove this debt from my credit report as well.”

“T-That shouldn't be a problem.” I guess my request caught her off guard. What's the point of giving them what they want if they can't do something for me in return?

Crossing my arms, I strolled across the room as I spoke. “Wonderful. Fax me a copy of the agreement and I'll give you my bank information.” I gave her the number to my personal fax and agreed to call her after I received the information.

I hung up my phone and was heading toward my office when the doorbell rang. “Who the hell could that be?” I wondered as I moved through the house. No one knew I had taken time off from work except my job and Nikki. As soon as I peeked through the peephole, I swung the door open and asked, “What do you want?”

Darlene had the nerve to be standing on my doorstep with her hands buried deep inside the pockets of a navy blue trench coat that as far as I was concerned had seen its better days. Her shoulder-length hair was pulled back in a bun that looked too severe for her thin face, not that I really cared.

“I came to talk.”

Out the corner of my eye, I saw Travis's Escalade parked in front of my neighbor's house. I rolled my eyes in Mama's direction and spat, “We don't have anything to talk about.”

“Yes, we do.” She then had the nerve to walk in my house and move over to the couch and take a seat. It was obvious she wasn't leaving until she had a chance to say whatever was on her mind. I thought I might as well get this shit over with.

I slammed the door shut, then moved over and stood in front of her with my arms folded against my breasts. “Okay, so talk.”

Darlene unfastened the button of her coat and slipped her arms through. She was wearing a yellow short-sleeved blouse. I gasped at the sight of her arms. She's light brown like me so the purple bruising was apparent.

“What happened to you?”

She followed the direction of my gaze, then held her arms out so I could get a closer look. “Dialysis. I think they've stuck me in every place possible.”

Thinking about what she went through on a weekly basis deflated some of my anger. I lowered onto the love seat across from her. “How often do you go? Once a week?”

Shaking her head, Mama gave me a sad smile. “Try three times a week.”

I forced my eyes away. I didn't want to care, and the fact I was feeling sorry for her only made me madder. “What is it that you want?”

She shrugged and looked nervous again. “I want to clear the air between us and give you a gift.” I hadn't noticed the book in her hand that she now held out for me to take. I stared down at it as if it were cursed.

“What's that?”

“Something I want you to have.” I made no attempt to take the book. Darlene eventually gave a defeated sigh and placed it on the couch beside her.

I sat there for what felt like forever waiting for her to speak. Taking in her features, noticing the dark rings around her eyes. She looked tired…and weak.

“I wanted to talk to you about your father.”

I leaned back against the seat, heart pounding with anticipation. Since I was a little girl, I had asked my mother about my father, but she always said he was a one-night stand whose name she couldn't remember. Even then I knew she was lying.

“I met Darren Austin when I was barely eighteen years old and he was thirty. I'll never forget the day I brought him home to meet my mama. Jean had a fit…cussing…going off. She told me to either end the relationship or get out and never set foot at her door again. Darren was my first, and I was so in love, I moved in with him. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for that man and he knew it. Eventually he started putting his hands on me. If I refused to do what he said, he kicked my ass. I tried going home, but Mama refused to let me come back so I had no choice but to stay with Darren. He knew he had the control and no one could help me, and it wasn't long before he started pimpin' me to his friends.” Mama wrung her hands nervously in her lap as she drew in a shaky breath. “Afterward, he wanted all the intimate details, then he would beat me for not resisting.”

“Why didn't you just leave?”

“Where would I have gone? Times weren't like they are now. I had no money, no education and nowhere to go.” Her eyes pleaded with me to understand, but I didn't. “By this time, he had already introduced me to cocaine, and I was thankful for anything to take my mind away from the pain.”

I pursed my lips at the mention of her first drug of choice.

“Then one night I was gang-raped. Darren tied me down to the bed, and while three of his friends took turns on top of me, he sat in a chair smoking a cigarette and watched.”

I sprung from the love seat. “I don't want to hear anymore!” This story was just too painful and reminded me too much of what I had gone through. I could feel her pain and her feelings of helplessness because I had been there as well.

“Netta, let me finish!” Mama shouted, and I froze. She hadn't raised her voice to me in a long time. “Please,” she pleaded, her voice softer now. Tears pooled in her eyes, and I felt that traitorous tug at my heart. “Please just let me talk, and I promise I will never bother you again.”

“Fine…go ahead and finish.” I flopped back down on the seat.

Mama wiped her eyes. “After they left, Darren beat me so bad he fractured my ribs. He said I should have resisted. I knew at that point if I wanted to live I had to get away from him. I waited until he went to the club, and I went to Mama with one eye swollen shut and begged for her to let me in. And don't you know she slammed the door in my face.” Mama gave a laugh that lacked humor and lowered her gaze to the floor. Tears dampened her lap.

“I made it to the hospital, and a nurse there gave me the address to a battered women's shelter. I was still living there when I found out I was pregnant with you.”

I closed my eyes, trying not to think about the fact that my father could have been Darren or any of the men who had raped her. No wonder my life was so fucked up.

“I was determined to get my life together. The shelter helped me get a job and a place to live, and when you were born it didn't matter to me who your daddy was. One thing for sure, y-you were my b-baby.” Her voice cracked. Tears burned at the back of my eyes, but I willed them away. “You were four when I started dating Travis's father. All I had ever wanted for you was a family. I thought Trey loved me, but I found out he was married. After that I started looking for love wherever I could find it, but it was always the same thing, men taking and tossing me aside when I was all used up. Before long I had five kids and no man and a job that barely put food on the table. I started working nights and leaving y'all at home alone. You were eleven at the time and responsible enough to take care of your brothers if they needed something. Someone must have hotlined me, because I came home to find all of you gone. Social services had taken y'all away!” She sniffled. “I was willing to do whatever I had to do to keep my kids together. I worked during the day as a cashier and turned tricks at night to hire a lawyer to get y'all back. There was no way I was turning my back on my kids like my mama did.”

I couldn't stay quiet any longer. “But you did turn your back. You left me with Uncle Sonny!”

She pressed her palms together and closed her eyes like she had taken a moment to pray. “Netta…I'm so sorry about that. Back then I had no idea, I swear to you.” She dropped her eyes. “I didn't find out until later.”

I was confused. “Later?”

Mama nodded and looked at me. “When I lost my job, I let my brother move in with us. By then I had gotten turned on to crack, and before long that was the only way I could get the pain to go away. I was sick, Netta. I know that's hard for you to believe, but I didn't know what I was doing from one day to the next. All I wanted was that good feeling. Sonny paid the bills and supported my drug habit.” She placed a shaky hand to her head and smoothed it across her hair. “I saw you in the hospital that day you came to see Sonny. I was standing on the other side of the door. You never did care for him, so I was surprised to see you run outta his room crying. After you left, I went in Sonny's room and demanded he tell me what happened. That's when he broke down and confessed everything. I was so angry, I reached for a pillow…and smothered him with it.”

“What?” My eyes snapped to hers, and I knew she was telling me the truth.

Mama stared at the ceiling and looked as if she was trying to find the right words. “I blamed myself for what happened to you, and if I couldn't do anything else I wanted to make sure he experienced what it felt like to be helpless.”

Sitting across from her, I couldn't find the words to bridge the silence between us. There wasn't anything I could say. My mother had killed my uncle.

She sniffled. “All I had ever wanted to do was to protect my children and keep them together. Instead, I failed all of you.” With a sigh, Mama put back on her coat, then rose from the couch. I got up as well. “Thank you for listening. I felt it was time you knew.” She reached out and touched my arm, and something inside of me cracked. Before Mama could turn away from me, I reached for her and wrapped my arms around her waist. Mama grabbed hold of me and the two of us held each other and cried.

“Thank you,” I said.

She looked up into my eyes. “A mother is supposed to protect her own. I'm just sorry it took me so long.” Her smile was sad as she released me and walked out the door.

“Hey, Nikki, Kenyon called. He said, ‘Tell her I love her, and I always will.'” Trinette did a good job of sounding like him and then started laughing hysterically over the phone. I was glad she was at least back to work and in a good mood.

I groaned. “He is soooo sad.”

Trinette was right. Kenyon was nuts, or maybe a better way of describing it was by saying the dude was obsessed. The crazy dude was calling my phone every hour on the hour and had the nerve to leave a message with every call. I eventually had to turn my cell phone off, but all that did was make him start calling my house. I had to contact the phone company about getting a new phone number. It was easy to ignore calls to my cell phone, but the house was another story all together. With Donovan coming home, the thought of Kenyon just happening to call in six months was not worth the risk. I had to make up a lie and tell Donovan I changed my number because I was getting too many hang-up calls. Since I was ignoring his calls, Kenyon started texting, and each text was more persistent than the last.

“Hey, I told you something wasn't right with that dude.”

I removed several old copies of
Ebony
off the shelves and filled the rack with May's edition as I spoke. “Netta, I don't understand him. Ever since I told him it was over between us, he's been acting psycho.” I couldn't even bring myself to tell Trinette how psycho he was acting, because I would never hear the end of it. “I had to change my home number.”

“I don't understand it either. What man begs a woman to stay with him? That's such a turnoff! I still don't know how you were with him in the first place. Nikki, you sure know how to pick 'em.” Hearing her laugh was so much better than all that crying she had done last week.

“You got some nerve. Don't forget you've dated some doozies in your day.”

“True that,” she admitted.

“Remember Mr. Stutter?”

“Y-Y-Yes. I used to hang up the phone long before he could get the words out.”

I was cracking up. “And let's not forget Cory.”

“Eeew! Girl, don't remind me. He's still calling my job, but ain't anything like
your
Kenyon.”

I let out a long, aggravated sigh. “Yeah, thanks.” Glancing at the door, I noticed a florist moving into the bookstore. I was anxious to find out if the beautiful bouquet in his hands was for me. “Trinette, let me get back to work. I'll holla at you later.” I put the phone in my pocket and moved out into the aisle and down toward the front of the store to greet the delivery guy. “Aren't those beautiful! Please tell me those are for me.”

He gave me a warm smile. “Well, if your name is Nikki Truth, they are.”

“That would be me.” I grinned as I took the vase filled with a dozen long-stemmed pink roses from his hands. I set it on the table, then signed my name on a clipboard and returned it to him. “Let me get you a tip.”

While holding up his hands, he shook his head. “Don't worry about it. It's already been taken care of.”

I watched him leave, then reached inside for the card.
I thank God for second chances. I luv u Donovan.
Damn, I had a good man, and obviously he recognized he had a fabulous woman, because he had ordered his boo flowers. Smiling, I carried the bouquet over to the counter.

“Oooh! Those are gorgeous,” Karen complimented. I could see the envy in her eyes. From the way she talked, all a man seemed to bring her was heartache and pain.

“Yes, they are. Thank you. My husband bought them for me. I'm gonna leave them here on the desk for both of us to enjoy.”

Nodding, she agreed. “Looking at them will definitely brighten up the day.”

I looked outside and frowned. It was definitely March because it had been raining all morning. Business in the store had been slow. On mornings like this, I spent the majority of time restocking the shelves.

After taking a final sniff, I returned to the magazine section and was cracking open another box when I spotted Kenyon browsing the discount books to my left. When the hell did he get here?

Holding the box cutter in my hand, I moved over to where he was standing. “Can I help you with something?” I asked with a hand at my hip. This dude was really trying to push my buttons.

He cocked his head to the right and smiled. “Hello, Nikki. I'm in the mood for a good mystery. Got any suggestions?”

“Yeah, I suggest you get the hell outta my store!” Thank goodness no one else was there, because I hated to act ugly in public. Karen came around the counter and gave me a concerned look. I waved my hand, indicating I had everything under control.

Kenyon glanced down at the box cutter and looked nervous. “Why are you acting like I've done something to you? All I am trying to do is come in here and buy a book from a black-owned bookstore instead of giving my money to Barnes and Noble. That's it.”

Blowing out a long breath I replied, “Okay, then go ahead and find something, then please leave.” I swung on my heel and returned to the box of magazines and was putting them on the shelves when I felt someone standing over me. I didn't even have to look to know it was Kenyon.

His eyes were lit up with excitement. “Baby, I found something that sounds really good.”

I looked past the latest James Patterson to glare at him. “How many times I gotta tell you to stop calling me baby?”

He brought a hand to his mouth. “I'm sorry. I just wanted to let you know I found something. Have a good day.” Without another word, he moved to the desk, where Karen was more than happy to help him. Out behind the cabinet, I watched him smile as he spoke. The confident man had returned, and he was gorgeous standing there in black slacks and a pinstripe shirt. While I watched him I couldn't help but remember how good we had been together in bed. Even now I lay awake at night and relived him being inside of me, stroking me deep, making me come like no other man has ever been able to do, including my husband. And that's part of the reason why I needed him to stay away from me. I resented that I still thought about him, when the only man who should feel my mind is Donovan. I forced myself to turn away. Kenyon was the past, and maybe some of our time together was memorable. However, the only man I wanted in my life, lying between my thighs at night, was Donovan.

I buried myself in my work until my stomach started to growl. Glancing down at my watch, I saw that it was almost noon.

“Karen, I'm gonna run out and grab some lunch.”

“Okay, I'll go when you get back.”

I reached for my purse behind the counter and swung it over my shoulder. It was rare when I got a chance to go out and eat, but today I was feeling just too good. “Can you pick up some stamps while you're out?”

“Sure,” Karen said, then frowned. “By the way, I…uh…been meaning to tell you this last month while I was cleaning out the desk drawers, I found a bunch a letters. I assumed your last assistant
forgot
to mail them so I stuck them in the mailbox. It wasn't until your flowers came in today and I…uh…looked at the card I realized the letters were to your husband.”

I cocked my head to the side, looking up at her. “What? Wait a minute. You're telling me you found a bunch of letters in the drawer that were never mailed?”

She nodded. “At first I thought maybe you had stuck them in the drawer for me to send out, but yesterday I found an electric bill that hadn't been mailed either.”

“What?” I knew why it had taken so long for Donovan to get my letters.

“I'm sorry.”

“No, it's not your fault. It's that stupid chick I had working here in the office. No wonder they threatened to disconnect my electricity in November. I went down there arguing with them like a damn fool for nothing. Damn! No wonder my husband never got his letters.” I was tempted to call Tiara and cuss her out. Knowing her, she probably had done that shit on purpose. She was always a little too happy when Donovan came into the office, and he said she brought her son in every week to his shop just so he would cut his hair. I was so pissed, I was halfway to my car before I realized Kenyon was leaning on the hood.

“What do you want?” I definitely was not in the mood for him.

He rose and moved toward me. “Baby, please, I just wanna talk to you.”

I pressed the remote on my key, starting my car. “Talk to me about what!”

His answer was pitiful. “Why…why do you act like you hate me? I've never done anything to you.”

“Except stalk me.”

Kenyon swallowed hard. “I just…I just wanted to see you.”

“Okay, you're seeing me, now leave me alone.”

“Baby, baby, please, just hear me out,” Kenyon pleaded.

“Quit calling me baby!” This man was so pathetic. Didn't he realize I didn't want to hear shit he had to say.

I must have looked like a lunatic, because he backed up a bit. “Baby, I-I mean Nikki, please…just listen and don't interrupt.”

I rolled my eyes, crossed my arms and leaned against my Lexus. “What? I don't have all day.”

“Sweetie, we fell in love,” he began with a shrug. “You fell in love with me and I fell in love with you. We have something special, and that's not going to easily go away. Please, don't interrupt. I-I care about you and I can't just turn off my feelings like that.”

I was quickly getting impatient. “Well, you're gonna have to.”

“You're my best friend.”

Oh, goodness. His lips quivered and he looked like he was about to cry. Damn! The last thing I wanted to do was to feel sorry for him. “Kenyon, listen, you're a really nice guy. Really, you are, and there is a woman out there who is gonna love you, but I already have someone to love me.”

“He can never love you like I do.”

“You're right. He loves me more. Now get outta my way.” I pushed him aside and hopped into my car as fast as I could. I was sick of hearing all that whining. I couldn't even feel sorry for him anymore.

“Wait!” He started knocking on my glass. “Baby, please, let's just go out to lunch and talk.”

“Kenyon, I don't want to go out with you! Do you know how pathetic you sound begging?”

“I'm just fighting for what I want. My sister told me I needed to start standing up for myself. Well, baby, I'm standing up. I want you and I'll take you any way I can get you.”

Talking to him was a big waste of time. I'd had callers with issues, but his ass took the biggest cupcake. I put the key in the ignition, and thank goodness Kenyon had sense enough to get out of the way when he did, otherwise I would have run over his feet.

I peeled away from the lot cussing under my breath. Kenyon was pathetic. As I hit the corner, my cell phone rang and I tapped my earpiece.

“Hello?”

“Baby, please, just give me another chance.”

You've got to be kidding. “Why are you calling me?”

“Baby, please…I miss you.”

“Well, I don't miss you. You drove me crazy, smothering me all the time.”

“Baby, I've never done anything but try to love you.” The desperation in his voice was sickening.

“Kenyon. You need some help. You really need to go and see a therapist.”

“Nikki, there's nothing wrong with me.” This was so ridiculous I felt like laughing.

“There is something definitely wrong with you. You drive a woman to drink.”

“Baby!” he squawked, and had the nerve to sound offended.

I gave a strangled laugh. “I'm serious. You're so damn worrisome. Stop calling me.” I was really laughing.

“Okay, okay. Call me later if you wanna talk.” He sounded so sad.

“Kenyon, I'm…not…calling you.”

“Baby…just call me later.”

“Uh-huh.” I had no intentions of calling him, but I knew it was the only way I could get him off the phone.

He ended the call before I could. Kenyon had some serious issues far worse than I could deal with.