Comparative Strangers (20 page)

Amanda said, ‘Don’t—oh, God, don’t! No one could be like that.’

Clare said flatly, ‘I didn’t believe it either, until I saw Malory a couple of days later, and realised he knew exactly what had been going on—and that I hadn’t a prayer any more where he was concerned.’ She shuddered. ‘That was what hurt, not Nigel—I only had myself to blame for that. But the fact that I’d lost Malory through my own blind, egotistical stupidity. If I’d turned Nigel down—if you’d married him—then Malory might have loved me eventually. And I’d have made him happy. Which is more than you’re doing.’

Amanda flinched. ‘How dare you!’

‘Oh, I dare.’ Clare’s eyes were steely. ‘I met him on the plane coming back from New York—I’d been there on a modelling assignment. He looked terrible. I—I asked a few idle questions about Nigel, and watched his reaction.’ She took a breath. ‘My God, I hated you. I saw you at the airport, although Malory didn’t. I saw you running away again, and I was glad. I thought, It serves her right, the silly little bitch. She’s got the only man I’ll ever want, and she still hankers after his worthless brother.’

‘Then why are you here, telling me all this?’

Clare looked down at her nails. ‘Because I’ve seen Nigel—spoken to him. I was in this wine bar, and he was there. He’d been drinking, and I asked him, straight out, what he’d been up to. He looked smug, and said he’d fixed things so that Malory would never trust you again. He went rambling on about some production of
Othello
he’d seen years before, and the value of circumstantial evidence.’ She sent Amanda a narrow-eyed look. ‘I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about, but clearly you do.’

Amanda flushed. ‘Yes.’

‘Then, presumably, you also know how to deal with it. Unless, of course, you really are still carrying a torch for that little swine.’

Amanda shuddered. ‘God, no!’ She looked down at her clasped hands. ‘But it’s too late to save my marriage.’

‘So what are you going to do about it—run away for the third time?’ Clare’s tone jeered at her. Her smile was catlike. ‘That would suit me very well. With you out of the way, Malory might turn to me again.’

Amanda’s head lifted sharply, and she stared at the older girl. She said, grittily, ‘I really wouldn’t count on it.’

Clare gave a meditative nod. ‘So, you do love him,’ she said. ‘I admit, I’d wondered.’ Her smile wavered. ‘And he loves you, even if he is bleeding to death at the moment. He gave me a lift from the airport—my idea, not his—and in the car, I—I made it clear I was his for the asking, that I’d console him in any way he wanted.’ She sighed. ‘He was still polite, still charming, and, physically, he didn’t move a muscle. Yet suddenly he was a thousand miles away.’ There was a pause, then briskly she pulled herself together. ‘Well, Mrs Templeton, goodbye, and good luck.’

Amanda watched the door close behind Clare and thought, I’m going to need it.

When Dr Redmond made his rounds, Amanda told him quietly and firmly that she wished to discharge herself and return home. She was aware that Malory had followed him into the room, and she avoided his gaze as Dr Redmond debated her request.

‘Well, why not?’ he said at last. ‘But you must promise me to take things easy for the next few days, spend as much time in bed as possible.’

Malory said, with a ghost of a laugh in his voice, ‘No problem,’ and Amanda looked down at her hands, folded in her lap, forbidding herself to blush.

But did he mean it, she asked herself confusedly as a hired car drove her to Aylesford Green, or was he simply presenting the facade of a happy marriage to the world? Certainly, the remark was the most human he’d made in days.

Mrs Priddy was hovering anxiously on the step, her face splitting with a smile as Amanda was helped out of the car.

‘The master rang with his orders,’ she told Amanda firmly. ‘It’s a nice, warm bath for you, then your dinner on a tray in bed, and no argument.’

When Amanda reached the top of the stairs, she turned automatically towards the west room, but Mrs Priddy halted her, her face pinkening slightly.

‘Mr Malory also gave instructions for your things to be moved to his own room, madam,’ she said. ‘I hope that was right.’

‘Oh, yes,’ Amanda returned rather faintly. ‘Quite—right.’

Bathed, clad in her best nightgown, she sat propped up by pillows and ate her dinner obediently, and waited on tenterhooks for Malory’s return.

It was late when she eventually heard the sound of the car. And it seemed an eternity before the bedroom door opened, and he came in.

He stood for a long moment, staring at her, Then he said quietly, ‘Welcome home.’

‘Thank you.’ She gave him an uncertain smile. He still looked pale, but there was a new air of relaxation about him. She said with sudden insight, ‘Mrs Markham—something’s happened.’

He nodded. ‘She’s going to pull through,’ he said. ‘And we’ve discovered what caused the adverse reaction.’

‘Can it be cured?’ she asked.

‘I doubt it,’ he said, with faint amusement. ‘“It” turns out to be fifty-seven, female, and totally unaware that she’s done anything wrong. Mrs Markham’s sister, Winnie,’ he explained as Amanda stared at him in utter bewilderment. ‘She was so sorry for poor Dorothy, unable to sleep in that big noisy hospital, that she gave her a sleeping tablet she keeps in her handbag.’

Amanda gasped. ‘As simple as that?’

Malory nodded. ‘Things often are.’

She said stiltedly, ‘I’m glad for you. It must be a great weight off your mind. There was a silence, then she said, in a little rush, ‘Malory, what am I doing here?’

He walked forward slowly, shrugging off his jacket, loosening his tie. ‘You’re starting to be a wife to me—in every way there is.’

She shook her head. ‘I—I can’t. Not while you think I’ve been unfaithful to you—while you think our baby…’ Her voice was choked with tears suddenly, and she couldn’t go on.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, not touching her. He said, ‘When I saw you lying in the road that day, a lot of things suddenly became very clear. I’d sworn, years ago, that I’d never let Nigel get to me again. I thought if he saw that his sordid little games didn’t matter to me, then he’d stop. On the whole, I succeeded. But everything changed when I saw you. You were my Achilles’ heel, and Nigel knew it. Even before you were engaged, it gave him sadistic pleasure to tell me what it was like to kiss you—to touch your breasts. How I stopped myself from killing him, I’ll never know.’

She looked at him in total bewilderment. ‘But you didn’t know me.’

‘I’d never met you’ he said, ‘but I’d seen you— at some rally lunch in the Lakes. Nigel had dragged me there, and I was bored out of my skull. Then, across the room, I saw you—a girl with hair like autumn leaves, and virginal eyes.’ He gave an uneven laugh. ‘I said I didn’t believe in instant bliss. Well, I didn’t believe in love at first sight either, yet there I was, lost, hopelessly and for all eternity. I was on my way to you when I saw Nigel looking at me, then at you. I saw him smile, like the cat that stole the cream, and I stood there, and watched him step in and take you away from me, and there wasn’t a damned thing I could do about it.’

‘You were there—that day?’ Her lips parted soundlessly. ‘But I didn’t realise…’

He smiled at her, putting a hand out to touch her cheek in a fleeting caress. ‘I know, my darling.’

‘But—if you’ve loved me all this time, why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I was terrified I might frighten you away,’ he said simply. ‘You wanted protection from me, not passion. I thought if I held back, gave you time, you might come to care for me—to give me what I wanted from you.’ He sighed briefly. ‘When you came to me that afternoon, threw yourself into my arms, I knew it was too soon—but you were so lovely, so totally desirable, I couldn’t resist you. And, like some adolescent, I lost my head completely—shocked you—hurt you.’

Colour stole into her face. ‘But you made up for that later,’ she said in a low voice. ‘Why did you walk away from me afterwards?’

‘Hurt pride, to some extent,’ he admitted grimacing. ‘And the conviction that you still weren’t ready for the complete sexual commitment I wanted from you. You see, I couldn’t get away from the idea that, in your heart, in spite of everything, you still wanted Nigel.’

‘Oh, you’re so wrong!’ Her voice broke. ‘Malory, I don’t know how to make you believe me, but I began loving you a long time ago, only I just didn’t realise it. Then, that day when Nigel came here and he kissed me—it made me see how I really felt.’ She shivered. ‘When he touched me, I felt sick, dirty, but I didn’t fight him in case it made things worse.’

He took her hands in his. ‘Amanda, why didn’t you tell me he’d been here?’

She gave a little sigh. ‘I forgot. It—it just wasn’t important enough to remember. All that mattered was you—and letting you know how I felt about you.’

His eyes were tender. ‘You have a faultless sense of priority, my sweet, but if you’d mentioned Nigel’s visit, even in passing, I’d have been on my guard. As it was, when I opened that envelope, I felt as if I’d been pole-axed—all my worst nightmares coming true at once.’ He groaned. ‘All my life I’ve been analysing situations and making logical conclusions, but I can’t be rational where you’re concerned. I was too hurt and jealous to even consider the possibility that Nigel was up to his old tricks again. All I could remember was that you’d once told me you didn’t know if you could trust yourself where Nigel was concerned. I began to think that you’d given yourself to me out of guilt—and it nearly drove me mad.’

He shook his head. ‘I’d been out that morning, making arrangements to take you away on a proper honeymoon. On the way back, I’d bought out some florist’s for you. The flowers were there on the desk when I opened the photographs. They seemed to be mocking me—telling me what a fool I’d been.’

She said gently, ‘You threw them away, didn’t you? Mrs Priddy found them, and brought them to me. They made me feel very sad, although I didn’t understand why.’

‘I shouldn’t have left as I did,’ he said, ‘but I didn’t trust myself. I felt I had to get away, lick my wounds in privacy, but it just made everything worse. I kept tormenting myself, seeing you with Nigel—imagining you doing with him what you’d done with me. I thought I’d go crazy, I was hurting so much. I wanted to hurt you in turn, and I did— didn’t I?’

She shivered. ‘Yes.’

He said slowly, ‘I watched you walk away from me, and I thought, what the hell? I love her, and I always will, and even if it isn’t my baby, it’s part of her, and I’ll love it and cherish it for her sake.’

She said passionately, ‘Do you think—do you really think I could bear to have any man’s child inside me but yours? Oh, God, I love you so much!’ She pushed aside the covers, scrambling on to her knees, throwing her arms round his neck and seeking his mouth with frantic ardour.

His arms enclosed her crushingly, and they kissed again and again, desperately, yearningly.

At last he pulled himself away, his breathing ragged. He said, ‘Darling, we’ve got to stop. You need to rest…’

‘I need you.’ Her hands tugged at the buttons of his shirt.

Malory groaned. ‘So much for all my virtuous intentions’ he muttered. He lifted her gently, and set her back against the pillows, before starting to take off his clothes. She watched him, savouring the urgent race of her breathing, the clamour of her blood.

He lay beside her and kissed her mouth, then swiftly removed her nightgown, dropping it on the floor beside the bed. ‘No more barriers of any kind,’ he whispered. His brows drew together as he looked at her. ‘My poor, bruised love. I hardly dare touch you.’

She arched against him, loving the naked brush of his skin against her own, drawing his hands to her breasts. ‘I’m not that fragile.’

He caressed her with skilful tenderness, his body infinitely gentle as it penetrated hers. The pleasure, when it came, was gentle, too—like a breeze rippling across a field of corn—and so beautiful that it stirred Amanda to her very soul.

He said remorsefully, ‘Darling, you’re crying. I hurt you.. ’

‘No, oh, no!’ She pressed small kisses to his face and throat. ‘I—I thought that would never happen to me again.’

‘No chance.’ Malory wrapped her in his arms, kissing the remaining tears away. ‘I would never have let you go. If you’d left me, I’d have followed you to the end of the world.’

‘You are my world.’ She looked at him, her heart in her eyes, and saw her love reflected in his own gaze.

‘And now, my pregnant angel, it’s time you got some of the sleep the doctor ordered,’ he told her firmly.

‘On one condition.’ She snuggled her cheek against his bare shoulder. ‘When I wake in the morning, I want to be in your arms.'’

‘You will be,’ he said. ‘In my arms, and in my heart, all the days of our lives.’

And, with a sigh of total contentment, Amanda closed her eyes.