Coming Home- Rock Bay 1 (24 page)

He didn’t know why he hadn’t just opened his mouth and told Tally what Brock had said to him earlier in the week. Tally would’ve stayed with Lex. There was no way he’d have chosen Brock after that. Hopefully. Lex only wished he could be sure—sure that if he opened up a vein and showed Tally his humiliation that Tally would actually do something about it. Days before, when Tally had offered to deal with Brock for him, Lex believed him outright. But now? He wasn’t sure if he could. And it was breaking his heart.

There was a not-so-subtle banging on his door.
“Lex, are you in there? I’m starving!”
Lex dragged himself to his feet and unlocked the door, then he

went back to his bed and sank down tiredly. Amy followed him in and stood, watching him expectantly. He tipped his head to look back, not really all that interested in moving. “I’m just tired. You ready?”

Amy regarded him for one more long moment. “You know what? Get up. Fuck him. He’s being an ass, and you don’t have to put up with it.”

Lex squeezed his eyes shut. “I hate this. Things seemed so good there for a while.”
“Hey, maybe Tally will pull his head out of his butt. You never know. But for now, you’re not moping. We’re going to have pizza and go watch a movie. Oh, and Mason is meeting us at the pizza place.”
“Mason? Amy! Hanging out with him is the worst thing I could do,” Lex moaned. Like he needed that complication.
“Yes, Mason. He asked if I was doing anything tonight. He understands that you’re in a relationship. It’s not the big deal you’re making out of it.”
“Fine.” Lex drilled Amy with a mutinous stare and slowly peeled himself off of the couch. “But just to be clear, I think this is an awful idea.”
Amy rolled her eyes and shoved his jacket into his arms. “Yeah, yeah. Let’s go.”
“
H
EY
, Tally! What are we doing tonight?” Brock looked like a big dorky puppy when Tally knocked on his door. He saw Lindsay, Brock’s wife, in the kitchen reading a book with a cup of tea.
“Do you want to see if Lindsay wants to come with us?” That was nerves talking. Tally knew if Brock’s wife was there he’d never be able to go through with it.
Brock scoffed. “Are you kidding? It’s just us guys, right?”
“Yeah, but it was just us guys last weekend. Don’t you want to do something with your wife?”
“Not really.” He rolled his eyes and lowered his voice. “I have to see her every other night when I get home from work. I need a night off.”
You’ve been with us half the weeknights too.
Tally didn’t get it. He never felt like he needed a night off from Lex. Lex. Shit. He shouldn’t have left him. He’d thought it a million times. Fucking stupid. “Did you call Drew and the others?” It was time to get the show on the road. He wasn’t going to drag it out any further.
“How ’bout just me and you this time? Like in high school. We can even go to the cemetery.”
Brock wiggled his eyebrows and pulled a joint from his pocket.
Tally laughed. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”
“I thought it would be fun.”
Tally was saved by Brock’s phone ringing in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at the caller ID. “Shit. It’s Drew. I was hoping to get away from him tonight. He’s such a kiss ass.”
Actually, you’re the kiss ass. He’s just a nice guy.
Tally was kind of annoyed. The follower act that he’d been kind of flattered by at first was suddenly grating.
“Tell Drew we’ll meet him at O’Toole’s. Let’s grab a few beers.”
Brock made a face but passed on the message.

Drew were propping him up as they made their way to Drew’s apartment. He hadn’t managed to tell Brock before the guy was completely sauced off his gourd and not willing to listen to anything, but Tally didn’t care. It was over anyway, confession or not. No more.

Tally was excited to get home. He was tired, and he’d had enough of Brock fun to last him for weeks. Forever, actually. Besides, after what Brock had said about Drew earlier, he wasn’t sure if it mattered what he did. Brock wasn’t ever going to respect Drew, and after he learned that Tally was gay he wasn’t going to respect him either.
Fuck it.
All Tally wanted was Lex. In his arms.

The small park that served as a town square was cluttered with booths, already being set up for the start of summer block party that was in a week. Tally had always mocked it when he was younger, choosing instead to get high at the cemetery with Brock and the others. He was actually looking forward to it this time: working in the booth with Lex, handing out drinks, and smiling, touching each other when no one else was looking.
Lex
. Every time Tally thought about his face earlier, the way Lex looked at him like he was being betrayed, he felt a shot to the gut.

They were stumbling by the small movie theater with Brock getting heavier with each step. People started streaming out, first slowly, then more and more. The ten o’clock movie must have just gotten out. Tally and Drew stopped walking and waited for the crowd to dissipate.

“Why we stoppin’?” Brock slurred.
“People, Brock. We’re waiting for the people.”
“Oh, look. Ith’s Sexshie Lexshie!”
Fuck a duck.
Tally looked up

and, sure as can be, there were Lex and Amy coming out of the theater with another guy who had dark brown curls and an adorable smile.
What the fuck?
“Ooooh, Lexie!” Brock called. Lex stopped and looked. Tally mentally willed him to turn and keep walking, but it didn’t work. “Which one of them is your date, the fag or the dyke? I bet she’sh got a bigger cock for you to sit on.”

“Brock!” Tally yanked on the drunk ass. Amy gave him a pointed stare as if to say “what are you going to do now?” A couple of people on the sidewalk stopped to look. “I’m sorry, Lex,” Tally said, his voice polite but nothing more than friendly. “Brock’s just a bit drunk, and he’s acting like an
asshole.
” Tally pinched Brock under the armpit. He knew it was his moment to drop Brock and walk the few short steps it would take to pull Lex into his arms and never let go. He didn’t move.
Shit….

“Ouch, fucker! Why did you pinch me?” Brock looked drunkenly outraged.
“Say sorry to Lex. He didn’t do anything to you.”
“’Cept maybe turn him down for a date,” Amy muttered with a low laugh.
Lex clenched his jaw. He looked angrier than Tally had ever seen him. He elbowed Amy in the side. “Amy, Mason, let’s get the hell out of here.” He didn’t even look at Tally.
Mason? The nurse?
Tally saw red. What the hell was that guy doing with Lex? Lex was his! He glanced over at Drew, who’d been silent for the whole exchange. Drew was standing there with his mouth open.
“Your name is Mason?” Drew whispered.
Mason the nurse was staring right back at Drew, looking shocked and clearly a bit disgusted at the fact that Drew would been seen with the likes of Brock.
Oh, of course it was the same guy
. Tally’s stomach hurt like hell. Could the situation suck any worse? Lex didn’t even look at Tally. He just turned and walked away, right toward his building. Tally felt like the air was sucked out of his lungs.
“Drew, let’s go. We’ve gotta get Brock to your place. I need to talk to Lex.”
“Yeah, that kinda sucked, Tally. I would be pissed if I were him.”
“Thanks a fucking lot, Drew. Listen, I’ll make sure Brock knows about me, but like I said. After tonight, I’m out.”
“Knowsh whatt?” Brock asked, tipping his head.
“Never mind, dude. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

W
HEN
Tally got back to the apartment, Lex was sitting in the dark at the dining room table. He had his head in his hands and didn’t even turn around when he heard Tally walk up behind him.
Shit.

“Don’t ‘hey, babe’ me! What the fuck was that out there?” Looks like he was right to get worried. Lex was angrier then Tally had ever seen him.

He wished he had a good answer. “I don’t know.” He wanted to say more. It was dumb, he was dumb, he loved Lex more than anything. He was scared to open his mouth, even though he knew he needed to right at that moment.
Speak before it’s too late, asshole.

“Listen, I think it’s best if you go back to your grandmother’s place.”
“Tonight?” Tally’s heart was pounding so hard he could swear it was visible even through his shirt. How could he have fucked everything up so badly?
“No. I think you should go back to your grandmother’s permanently.”
“Lex. What…
why
?” He felt like he was going to throw up, and the worst part was he couldn’t even get mad. The whole damn thing was his fault.
“You know why. We’re not going to work as long as you’re friends with Brock. I hate seeing you with him, can’t stand there and listen to him talk like that and then have you look at me like we’re just… acquaintances. That was fucked, Tally, and you know it.”
“I know, Lex. I’m sorry, I—”
“I can’t do this right now. The guy I saw out there tonight, well, it wasn’t you. To be fair, it wasn’t the guy from high school either, but ‘not quite an asshole’ isn’t who I want to be with.”
“Lex, please—”
“Tally, can you please just go?”
“But—”
“
Go.
”
Tally looked at Lex, afraid to walk out the door, afraid to even move for fear he would never be back in this place, back belonging to Lex and happy and in love. It would’ve been one thing if he never had it in the first place, but he
had
, and it was amazing and comfortable and nothing like he expected. He didn’t know if he could give it up. Tally turned slowly toward the door, hoping like hell that Lex would say something to stop him. He didn’t.
I’m not taking my clothes. I need a reason to come back.
“Don’t forget your stuff.”
Fuck.
“Can’t I get it tomorrow?”
“I’d rather you took it with you right now.” Tally felt his heart crumble. “I’ll just see you on Monday.”
“
Lex
.”
“I need to not see you for a couple of days, Tally. Then maybe I can try to just… go back. To the way things were. Before.” He stood up and went to his closet where Tally’s duffle bags were sitting on the floor. He picked them up and handed them to Tally.
“Can’t we talk about this?”
Lex shook his head. “Not tonight. I need to think.”
“Are you really ending us?”
He squeezed his temples. “Right now? Yeah, I think so.”
Tally crumbled inside. He didn’t know what to say or do other than pack his things and go silently. It wasn’t what he wanted. All he wanted was to hold onto Lex and never in a million years let go. It didn’t look like he had a choice. He felt the pressure of tears building up behind his eyes.
Fuck. Don’t you dare fucking cry.
He started piling shirts, socks, and underwear into the bags with shaking hands.
This isn’t the end. It can’t be. For once in my lame-ass life I have something to fight for, and I’ll be damned if I let him go.

Fuck tomorrow. He was dealing with this shit now before it was too late and he lost Lex forever. The pavement was hard under his feet, jarring and solid, each step he took away from Lex and the life that he might have ruined felt like it echoed in his knees.
Love you, babe.
He was going to get Lex back, or at least show him that he was more important to him than some old friends who weren’t worth a tenth, no a millionth, of what Lex was to him.

The blocks disappeared under his shoes. He practiced his words in his head.
Brock, I’m gay, Brock, you’re an asshole, and we’re not friends and oh… I’m gay. Brock, I love Lex. Stay the hell away from him.

Tally was glad Drew’s loft had exterior stairs. He didn’t much care about waking Brock up and figured Drew fucking owed him, but getting a bunch of neighbors involved in the scene wasn’t his big fantasy. He pounded up the metal stairwell toward Drew’s top-floor condo. He was glad that he’d driven Drew home a few times after one of Brock’s drunken evenings or else he’d be screwed trying to find the place. Tally pounded on the door of Drew’s condo, hard and continuously, until he heard a shuffling from the other side. The door creaked open cautiously, and a woozy looking Brock stuck his head out.

He stepped aside anyway and let Tally into the apartment.
“I did go home, but I got kicked out. We need to talk.” “Kicked out?” He rolled his eyes. “Your grandmother always was

Tally gritted his teeth. “This has nothing to do with my grandmother. I haven’t been living there for weeks.”
“What the fuck are you talking about, dude?” Brock slurred. He lurched into Drew’s kitchen and came back with a glass and a bottle of whiskey.
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”
Tally went to grab at the glass, but Brock snatched it up and away from him. “What are you? My fucking wife? Bitch is always nagging me about my food, how much I drink, telling me to exercise.”
“Maybe she just wants to take of care you.” Tally wasn’t about to get in some heated debate about Brock’s poor wife. He had his own problems to deal with. “But that’s not why I came.” He watched Brock down the finger of whiskey.
“What’s going on out here?” Drew came out from his room looking sleepy and confused.
Tally gave him a significant look. “I’m dealing with it now, D. Lex just ended things with me over this. It’s not fucking worth it. I’m not losing him.”
“What the hell are you two girls talking about?” Brock looked bleary and confused.
Tally turned on him. “I’m gay, Brock.
Gay
. Lex isn’t my boss, he’s my boyfriend. I’ve been with him this whole time. He just broke up with me because I’ve been being a dumbass to him because I’m too stupid and insecure to rock the boat with you. Not doing it anymore. I want my real life back.”
Brock squinted at Tally, his confusion turning a bit hostile. “I know it’s not April Fools. You can’t be serious.”
Tally walked closer, until he was right up in Brock’s face. “About Lex? More serious than I’ve ever been about anything in my life. I’m going to walk out of here right now, and I don’t want to hear from you again.” He looked over at Drew. “It was never going to work the way you wanted it to. You know that, right?”
Drew nodded silently. Tally clenched his fists one last time, and without hesitating even one more second, he turned and jogged out the door.
He was calmer on the way back to Lex’s place…
his
place too, damn it! Lex would take him back; he had to take him back. Tally didn’t know what he would do if Lex said no.
I’m such a fucking idiot.
How anything could’ve seemed more important, even for a few brief weeks, than what he had with Lex baffled Tally. It was so clear to him as he jogged back to the apartment he thought of as home, the man he thought of as home. Tally slowed and let himself in the back door. His car was still there in the gravel lot right next to Lex’s. It looked right sitting there.
They
were right. Lex loved him, he loved Lex. They would work it out. Tally was sure of it. He’d ditched Brock, right? So why was he standing outside instead of going up and proving himself to the man he loved?
Tally took a deep breath and walked quietly up the stairs to the apartment and let himself in. He started to creep across the living room toward the hallway that led back to their bedroom.
“What are you doing here?” Lex’s voice was quiet but unexpected. Tally jumped. “I thought I asked you to go to your grandmother’s house?”
Tally felt his chest constrict. He turned. Lex was sitting on the couch. He looked pale, and even with only the light from the moon, Tally could tell his eyes were red and puffy. “Lex, babe.
Please
. I don’t want to lose you.”
He sat down on the couch where Lex had been sitting, slouched in the dark. He tried to reach out for Lex’s hand, but Lex drew it away. “I need you to go. I’ll talk to you on Monday.”
“But Lex, I
told
him. I told him everything: that I love you, that I don’t want to be friends with him anymore. It’s done.”
“Why’d you do it, Tal? What was the point if we were already over? Was it that you really just can’t stand to lose?”
“I can’t stand to lose
you
. This isn’t some competitive thing. When you kicked me out earlier my fucking heart broke.”
“It broke
my
heart to watch you being friends with some guy who’s been a total asshole to me my whole life. Don’t you understand that?”
“Yeah, I do. I’m not stupid, you know.”
Tally didn’t understand what was going on. It wasn’t supposed to
be
that way. He was supposed to apologize to Lex, tell him about Brock, and they were supposed to already be in bed kissing and making up. He didn’t know what to do with this Lex who was sitting there so stoic and unemotional.
“I never treated you like you were,” Lex murmured. He was right. Lex may have, rightfully so, treated Tally like an asshole, but he’d never acted like he was dumb, less than worthy… all the other shit people seemed to think of him. “Why were you doing it, Tal? If you knew it hurt me, why did you keep going out with him?”
Tally sighed. “I don’t know.” And he didn’t. He’d liked the attention, but how could he have ever thought it was worth hurting Lex over?
“Lex, can’t we fix this? I don’t want to do it without you.”
“Do what?” His voice was still quiet, dull.
“I don’t know. Life… everything. I love you.”
“I love you too, Tal. That’s why this sucks so much. Can we just…
not
right now? I can’t deal with it. I need to think.”
“Think about what?” Tally was panicking. What was there to think about? They loved each other, right? It was a stupid fight, and it was over, right? He couldn’t have messed things up that bad, could he?
“I jumped into everything so fast with you, you know?” Lex said quietly. He was fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “I was ready to just… I don’t know, give you my heart, the rest of my life, share this place with you, the shop, everything.” Tally reached out for Lex again. He couldn’t help it. Lex had just said everything he wanted to hear so bad that he could barely believe it was real. And then he said exactly what Tally was afraid of hearing. “But what if this whole thing was a huge mistake?”
It took Tally a few moments to breathe. “Baby, we can’t be back there again.”
“I am.” Lex looked unsure, concerned. Tally’s stomach twisted up. “Listen, I’m not saying I’ll give us another shot, and I’m not saying I won’t. I just need some time. Please go.”
“I’m not giving up. I’ll see you on Monday, okay?”
There was a long silence. Tally was afraid he’d pushed it too far and Lex would say no. He was about to get up when he heard a quiet “Okay.”
Tally couldn’t help it. He had to touch him, if only just once. He reached out and cupped Lex’s face in his hand. He wanted to do so much more, hold him, kiss him, take back the last few weeks so he’d never made such a dumb mistake in the first place. For a second, Lex brought his hand up to cover Tally’s, fingers intertwining, but then he seemed to remember himself, and he pulled Tally’s hand away from his face. Tally nodded and stood.
“I love you,” he said again as he walked toward Lex’s front door.
Lex didn’t answer.