Come What May (Heartbeat) (15 page)
Read Come What May (Heartbeat) Online
Authors: Faith Sullivan
It’s a little after nine o’clock in the morning when we cross the Pennsylvania border into Maryland. We’re into the third hour of our ten-hour road trip, and I’m already antsy. This is shaping up to be one long ass day.
I look over at Jada. She’s usually a morning person, but she’s slouched down with her head against the window. She dozed off a while back. The Neon has the most uncomfortable seats imaginable and her back is going to be sore when she wakes up. I still can’t believe she agreed to come with me.
But I’m holding up my end of the bargain. I called Charlie before we left and arranged to meet him for breakfast when we got back. He sounded surprised but happy to hear from me. He asked how I was doing, and for the first time I told him the truth. I didn’t give him a glib answer or try to brush him off. I admitted that I was struggling. I allowed myself to spin out of control, and I needed help putting on the brakes before things got any worse.
Charlie gave me some sound advice. After all, he has decades of experience as a paramedic. He knows how quickly someone can get screwed up. We deal with life and death on a daily basis. It begins to take a toll, no doubt about it. But what he was curious about was why I called. Why now? I related my conversation with Jada and how she recommended that I reach out him. He chuckled and said I was lucky to have her as my partner. I couldn’t agree more.
There’s going to be a lot going down this weekend. Coming face to face with Kelly for the first time since we slept together is going to be hard. I have no idea how I’ll react. She’s carrying my child. I’m bound to feel some kind of undeniable connection to her. But do I play it cool and not even acknowledge the fact that it’s mine? Does she expect me to act right from the start that it’s Brian’s? Deep down inside, it makes me kind of sad. Whatever ties I have to this baby will be severed before it’s even born. It’ll never know that I’m its father.
And I dread facing my brother. We’ve had practically no communication since he found out what Kelly and I did. I stabbed him in the back. And now he’s going to have to raise a living, breathing reminder of that betrayal. Will he really be able to love this baby? I don’t completely understand his reasoning for marrying Kelly. Supposedly, he’s going through with it because the baby is mine. He considers it his duty since I’m sure as hell not going to marry her. I forced his hand into doing something he really doesn’t want to do or he would’ve proposed to her a long time ago. There’s no way we can be what we once were to each other.
I’ve lost so much in all of this—Brian, my unborn child, a future with Jada. The list keeps piling up. One stupid act has cost me so much. All because I couldn’t get my head together over a girl I know more as a ghost than a flesh and blood person. Her influence over my life is staggering. It’s like she’s directing my course and I’m powerless to stop her. I’ve never felt so out of control, so dangerous. I don’t want to be the guy who hurts the people he loves in order to get whatever the hell he wants. My one driving need is to fill this hole Katie left in my heart. But I’ve gone about it the wrong way. It’s time to start making amends before it’s too late.
Jada stirs beside me. Making the effort, I pull myself away from dwelling on my problems and concentrate on her. “Sleep well?” I ask as she massages the crick in her neck.
“Yeah, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m usually not so groggy in the morning.” She stretches her arms and lowers the visor to check her reflection in the mirror. She groans as she examines her face. “Your family’s going to think you brought a freak of nature instead of a date.”
My heart does a funny sort of hiccup. Did she say date? Does she think this is a date? Something inside me stirs, but I push it back. I need to focus on reassuring her that she looks great. I know she’s self-conscious about the burn. It’s up to me to bolster her confidence. This can’t be easy for her to have to face a bunch of strangers when she’s not at her best.
“That’s really great that you’re able to take the bandage off now. It’s coming along.” I’m a guy. I don’t know the right words to say. I wonder if that was good enough.
“The doctor said I’m still not able to cover it with makeup which sucks. Adam, you’ll certainly make an impression escorting the girl with the dual-colored face.” She sticks out her tongue and flips up the visor.
I reach over and give her shoulder a squeeze. It’s tricky because I’m the one who put her in this predicament. If I didn’t drive the ambulance while under the influence of drugs and alcohol, she wouldn’t be burned. If I didn’t convince her to come to this wedding, she wouldn’t have to endure the stares and whispers surrounding her injury. I am quite possibly her worst nightmare. And yet, here she is, sitting next to me. I seriously don’t deserve her.
“I can’t control how other people are going to react, but any time you start to feel uneasy, come and stand next to me, okay?” It’s not enough, but it’s the best I can do.
“Adam, am I going to be the only person of color there?” Her brown eyes widen with sudden comprehension. “I am, aren’t I?”
“Well…” I begin, but I don’t know where to start.
“Damn it, Adam. It’s going to be awkward enough looking like this. Why didn’t you tell me?” She’s mad, really mad. I grip the steering wheel, unsure of how to respond.
“I didn’t think it was such a big deal.” And for me, it’s not. But I’m sure a few of my more ignorant relatives are going to freak out when they see I’m with a black girl.
“It is, Adam. This is exactly what I was afraid of.” Huffing, she yanks the seatbelt, shoving it behind her arm.
“They don’t even know you, Jada. Once they see the kind of person you are, they’re going to fall in love with you.” And they will. Sure, we’ll be the source of gossip, but it’ll die down once they give Jada a chance. They’re not that closed-minded…I hope.
“Don’t worry, Adam. I’m used to it. I was the only person in my high school class who wasn’t white. I know how to deal with standing out in a crowd.” She sighs, unfastening her ponytail to let her hair fall around her face.
“My parents can’t wait to meet you.” It had been months since I last talked to them, and the conversation was strained at first. But when I mentioned that I was bringing Jada their spirits seemed to lift considerably.
“Thanks Adam. Make me even more nervous than I already am.” She groans, looking out the window.
“What? It’s the truth. They wanted to know all about you.” I think they’re excited I’m bringing a girl with me, period. I’m not like Brian. I don’t do steady relationships.
“I’m sure. So what story am I selling? Am I your crazy-in-love girlfriend or are we just supposed to be friends? What’s the deal?” Her tone is light, but underneath the surface her questioning appears more pointed. She’s waiting to see how far I’m going to take this charade.
“I sort of figured we’d be dating. It makes things like sharing a room a little easier.” With a swift jerk of the head, her eyes bore into me. It appears I’ve struck a nerve.
“You’ve got to be kidding me? You didn’t even get me my own room? And let me guess…we have to share a bed too?” She leans forward and turns off the radio. My heart is in overdrive. I keep my attention fixed on the road. I can’t look at her right now.
“If it’s that much of a problem, I’ll sleep on the floor. You can have the bed.” It’s a small concession and I’m sure it’s going to do little to appease her.
“No, Adam. Get another room.” She’s adamant. There’s no way she’s budging on this.
“Jada, it’s one of the last weekends of the summer—prime vacation time. All of the hotels are booked. The only reason we got this is because one of Brian’s friends is letting him use his timeshare.” And thanks to my big mouth I let another crucial detail slip.
“Wait. Hold up. Timeshare? You mean we’re all staying together?” Her breathing increases and I think she’s about to hyperventilate.
“It’s like a big house. They’ll have their rooms. We’ll have ours. We even have our own bathroom. We just have to share the living room and the kitchen.” I’m not exactly thrilled about the living arrangements either, but it’s only for a weekend.
“So we’re all under the same roof? Perfect. This just keeps getting better and better. If we weren’t already halfway there, I’d tell you to turn around and take me home. This is too much, Adam, even for you.” She rubs her forehead, disgusted by how I’ve manipulated her. I can’t say that I blame her.
“I’ll make sure we’re out of the house as much as possible. We’ll only be there to sleep and take a shower. That’s it. I promise.” I have to get her back on my side somehow. I can’t have her mad at me when we arrive.
“But aren’t you the best man? Your brother’s going to want some kind of bachelor party, right? Which means I’ll be left with Kelly, a woman who may or may not still have feelings for you and oh yeah, just so happens to be carrying your child. Adam, you are out of your freaking mind.” I’ve never seen Jada so angry. Is it because of Kelly? Why does she care if she has feelings for me?
“The last person my brother is going to want to party with right now is me.” And that’s the flat out truth.
“But I thought this was all about keeping up appearances? Isn’t that why we’re going? You’re telling me Brian’s not going to hold up his end of the deal?” Her voice is flat like the fight has gone out of her.
“It won’t be hard to make some excuse like he doesn’t want to leave Kelly in her condition or something. You’re thinking too far ahead. I gave you my word that I won’t leave your side. And I won’t, Jada. You’re going above and beyond for me. I won’t make things harder for you than they already are.” I hold out my baby finger to her as a sign of truce. “Pinky promise.”
“You better not let me down.” She snags my finger with hers as hard as she can.
“You’ve got my back. I’ve got yours.” I smile over at her and she rolls her eyes.
“I’ll believe when I see it,” she mutters just loud enough for me to hear.
The Neon is on the verge of overheating so Adam decided to get off the interstate. Now we’re killing time at a gas station somewhere in West Virginia. The delay means we won’t get to the Outer Banks until later tonight. His parents wanted to take everyone out for a celebratory dinner at a well-known crab house, but it doesn’t look like we’re going to make it, especially if we experience more car trouble along the way.
We’re near the Cumberland Gap National Park and the landscape is absolutely breathtaking. I wish we could stay among these mountain peaks instead of traveling any farther. I think Adam and I could have a good time camping around here. I’m sure he’d love to explore the many hiking trails. Maybe someday we can come back.
And that’s when I feel that little ache in my heart. There’s probably not going to be a next time. This is it. I play my part in front of his family. His brother marries the woman pregnant with his child. And we go home and pretend like nothing happened. Our ambulance will be fixed, and we’ll be back on the road as good as new.
If only things were that easy.
Adam is talking with one of the mechanics. Luckily, this is a full service station with an attendant to pump gas. There’s even a small garage attached for repairs. Adam’s holding a container of coolant, but it’ll most likely be a good hour before he can add it to the steaming radiator. These steep mountain inclines have done a number on the Neon. And it looks like we won’t be able to turn on the air conditioning for the remainder of the trip. I’ll be a hot and sweaty mess by the time I meet his family.
But what’s really bothering me is Kelly. I have no clue what her game is. It’s hard to make heads or tails of the story Adam told me about the night they spent together. They were both drunk, but she didn’t exactly fight off his advances. She knew where they were heading, and they ended up in his bed. It seems hard to believe that she is the innocent victim in all of this. She came with Brian to take care of Adam because he was in a vulnerable state. Brian didn’t want his brother drinking, yet Kelly didn’t take the bottle away from Adam. She encouraged him by joining in.
Adam’s a big boy, and she’s a grown woman. But she should have known better. Why didn’t she put a stop to things before they went too far? Was she into her boyfriend’s little brother all along and that was her chance to seduce him? Obviously she was hoping they’d never get caught. Too bad she turned up pregnant after not sleeping with Brian for months.
Is she going to be my competition when we get there? Is that why Adam wants me in the same room with him in case he has an unexpected visit from her in the middle of the night? Nothing’s worse than being Adam’s sexual stopgap. I wonder how far Kelly’s claws are going to come out once she meets Adam’s new ‘girlfriend.’ I better not let her out of my sight. I’ve never even met the girl, but I don’t like her and I certainly don’t trust her around Adam.
And it doesn’t help that Kelly looks eerily similar to Katie—reddish hair, ivory skin, slight build. She’s exactly his type—his every fantasy come to life. With the image of Katie affixed in his mind, it’s not hard to imagine why he made a move on his brother’s girlfriend. Especially after a few drinks, I bet she started to look really good to him, and he couldn’t resist. He can never have Katie, but he can have her. He can still have her.
Scooting down, I try to keep my face in the shade. I have no idea how I’m going to manage at the beachfront wedding ceremony. I’ll need a parasol or something. I’m not about to ignore my doctor’s warnings about staying out of the sun. If I’m not by Adam’s side while they exchange their vows, oh well. He’ll survive. He’ll probably be looking at Kelly the entire time anyway.
Why didn’t Kelly leave Brian for Adam? That’s what I can’t understand. Does she really love Brian or is there something more in it for her by staying with him? It appears Brian has a better paying job than Adam and lives in a wealthy suburb outside of Philadelphia where there’s certainly a lot more excitement than the small town we live in. Maybe she’s one of these types who wants it all. She can keep her comfy lifestyle and get a little piece of Adam on the side whenever she likes. I don’t think he’d turn the mother of his child down if she came on to him again. Men are weak like that. No matter what happens, he’s always going to have that bond with her.
I bet Adam bringing me to the wedding isn’t even a threat to her. She doesn’t want him exclusively. She knows he sleeps around with other women, and it didn’t bother her before. Why would she care now? She has her place in his rotation, and she’s happy with that. She doesn’t want more from him as long as she has staked her claim.
And are his parents really that blind? I find it hard to believe that they can’t feel the tension brewing between their two sons. And it doesn’t take a genius to put the timeline together for when the trouble began. It all centers on Kelly and Brian’s trip in February to Adam’s apartment. Nothing was the same after that. Kelly turned up pregnant. Brian stopped speaking to Adam, and Adam cut off communication with his parents. Sure, Adam’s issues after Katie’s accident figure in, but they have to discern there’s more to it than that. They live closer to Brian and Kelly and must have noticed the couple was having problems before and after their visit to Adam’s. And then bam—they’re getting married and having a baby. It must have thrown them for a loop. It had to.
And here I come right in the middle of everything. I’m Adam’s buffer in this maelstrom of family drama. Maybe I just should have kept my mouth shut and stayed with Jason. My life would be a lot simpler if I had. The man I love wouldn’t be reuniting with his former flame under the guise of respectability that I’m providing. And that’s what makes me want to scream. Jason remained faithful to me the whole time he was away at college, even when his friends razzed him about it. He was there for me when Gloria died. Sure, he lost it when I broke up with him. But who wouldn’t after all we’d been through? It didn’t help that Adam’s sudden arrival added salt to the wound. Oh God, did I make a terrible mistake by letting Jason go? Am I in so over my head with Adam that I can’t see straight?
I’ve never felt so out of my depth before. Adam’s leading me to places I don’t necessarily want to go. And I’m sick of lying for him and covering his ass when he keeps on making mistakes. I’m just enabling his bad behavior, not correcting it. He’s still drinking. He’s still having casual sex. He’s still using me to make everything okay.
I can’t believe I gave in to him about coming to this wedding. I’m such a fool. Anyone with an ounce of common sense can see that. I’m like putty in his hands. He molds me to fit the situation at hand. I’m the loyal partner who keeps her mouth shut on one end, and I’m the wannabe girlfriend on the other. And then it hits me. The realization is so painful I can’t bear it. My stomach churns and I bend over to steady myself. He knows I’m in love with him. He’s known the entire time, and he doesn’t care. I’m just a puppet to him, nothing more. By doing whatever he wants, he knows I’ll never say no to him.
But what kills me is that he’s never even kissed me. Kelly belonged to his brother, but he took her into his bed. Too bad I don’t look like Katie. That must be the problem. He’s not attracted to me in the slightest. He basically came out and said that his family is going to be shocked that he’s with a black girl. Despite all his mixed signals, I never stood a chance with him. Not ever.
I force back tears as Adam strides toward me. Even after four hours of driving, he still has a jaunt in his step. A girl waiting in a car while her friend buys a pack of cigarettes checks him out as he walks by. He gets this all the time. He’s so used to it. It doesn’t even faze him. He has girls dropping at his feet every minute of the day. Why wouldn’t his brother’s girlfriend want to sleep with him? Why wouldn’t I?
All of my emotions bubble to the surface when he reaches me. I’m hit by an onslaught of conflicting feelings, and it’s too much. I need to get away from him. I’m going to be sick. I fling out my arms and push him firmly out of the way.
“Jada, where are you going…Jada?” He keeps calling my name, but I don’t stop. I rush into the store, startling the clerk behind the counter.
“Restroom?” I manage to ask in a high-pitched squeak.
He points to the back and I scurry away from him. The long-legged blonde buying the cigarettes looks at me like I’m some kind of lunatic. But I’m dripping with a cold sweat as my vision starts to blur. I make it through the door and just about manage to lock it when I collapse to my knees and throw up into the toilet. I made it just in time. Violently, I heave the remains of the hot dog I’d just eaten. My ears are ringing and I feel dizzy. It doesn’t stop for a good five minutes. Someone’s knocking on the door asking if I’m all right, but I ignore whoever it is. My heart’s just been shattered beyond recognition. I’ll never be all right again.