Come Together (18 page)

Danielle
. Lucy’s sister, David’s ex. Did he treat her like trash? Hadn’t she called him a gentleman? “She’s making that up because he didn’t choose her,” I said, but I heard the wavering in my own voice.

He shook his head slowly. “I didn’t want to tell you, but she said . . .” He hesitated and looked away for a moment. When his gaze returned, his expression was soft. “She said after he finally screwed her, she never heard from him again.”

My heart dropped. David had sworn to me that there’d been nothing more between them than a one-sided kiss at the masquerade ball. My mind flashed to that night. According to him, it was the last time they saw each other. And that night, we’d fucked hard and then we’d fought hard. He’d cast me aside angrily, maybe thinking he would never see me again. I couldn’t help myself from picturing her pink hoodie in his car, physical evidence of their relationship. “That’s not . . . true,” I said, trying to hide my internal struggle.
Would Dani lie about that? Would Bill?

“Whether or not it’s true, it could happen. Think about how devastated you’ll be if you throw everything away for nothing.” He ran his hand over mine. “I’ll never leave you, babe,” he said as a tear ran down his cheek. “I’ve been by your side through all of this.”

I sniffled, and he winced as he straightened up and took my face. He leaned in, holding me still. His lips touched mine softly, and he kissed me. It was a different kiss than I was used to from him. It was humble and affectionate until he deepened it. He moaned, opening my mouth with his tongue.

“Stop,” I said, pulling back suddenly and wiping my face. “No, I can’t.”

His eyes, pained either by my words or by his broken nose, darted over my face. “Think about what you’re doing,” he said seriously. “You’re throwing everything down the drain for a fling. He doesn’t love you. I do. He doesn’t want you as his wife. I do.” I watched as more tears fell from his pleading eyes. “Liv.”

I shook my head and looked away. After a moment, he dropped my hands and stood up. “You’re making a huge mistake,” he warned, wiping the corner of his eye. He backed away and was gone as abruptly as he’d appeared.

I dropped my head in my hands and heaved a deep breath as his words rang through my head. ‘
You’re making a huge mistake.’

Had David slept with Dani after the masquerade ball? And could I blame him if he had? I wasn’t sure that I could – after all, I was going home with my husband. But he’d definitely denied it, and that was not something I could forgive.

Before my mind could conjure up the image of them together as it had many times before, I inhaled a soothing breath and closed my eyes. My gut told me it wasn’t true. No part of me thought David would lie to me. I was mildly comforted until I began thinking about the other things Bill had said.

They were logical. They made sense. And I couldn’t ignore them.

The truth was, I had acted rashly. Always with David, my decisions were made based on emotion. And there were reasons, long ago, that I’d decided I would never allow that. It always led to pain.

Now that David had caught me, how long would he hold me? What rule was there that because I’d left my husband for him, he had to love me forever? I knew, I’d always known, there are no guarantees in love. More often than not, irrational love ended in pain. I felt suddenly ill . . . how had I let myself fall so deep in so little time?

My parents had been in love at one point, and they hadn’t lasted. Greg and Gretchen had had that out of control, burning love in college, but he had walked away without looking back for years. And up until recently, I’d assumed Bill and I would be together forever. I didn’t remember feeling one way or another about it, but I never imagined things would end. Doubts began to tug at me. My father and his ex-wife, Gina. Gretchen’s parents. David’s sister and her husband. Was there no such thing as forever?

Was Bill justified to say I was throwing everything away?

I believed David. I believed that he believed he loved me and wanted to be with me. But he was a man who had been living the life of a bachelor for a long time. And that meant acting alone. It meant that he might cut and run if things didn’t go the way he wanted.

The thought of David leaving me now had me mentally curling up into a ball. How would it feel if he left in six months, a year, two years?

My stomach lurched with the harsh realization that I’d held Bill at arm’s length because I was weak. Lucy had been wrong to call me strong. I only pretended to be. The truth was, I wasn’t strong enough to withstand the pain of losing someone I loved. Or to handle my parents’ divorce. After all this time, I still couldn’t let it go. Because I was the weak one.

My instinct was to flee. After a lifetime of hiding from these feelings, I knew this moment was the time to get them under control. But for once they were unmanageable, and I knew if I tried to rein them in, I’d fail.

I started when my office door slammed. “What happened?” David demanded from across the office.

“David,” I hissed. “What if someone sees you here?”

“So what? Everyone’s at lunch, like you should be. What happened?”

I groaned. “You saw him.”

“Who?”

“Bill. He was just here.”

“No, I didn’t fucking see him. That’s why you canceled?”

“He needed to talk.”

David took a deep breath. “Get over here.”

I blinked a moment and then stood. Cautiously, I rounded the desk until I was standing in front of him.

“I’m not happy,” he said.

“I can tell.”

“I don’t like you canceling on me and then turning off your phone.”

“Okay.”

“And I told you, if he’s near you, I want to be there.”

“I didn’t know – ”

“But for all the times I stood in this office and couldn’t touch you, I’m going to kiss you anyway.”

With a small smile, I took a step closer and placed my hands on his chest. His arms came around the middle of my back, and he held me for a slow kiss.

I felt his love in that kiss. He believed he loved me, but a small part of me wondered if he knew the difference between lust and love, now and someday.
Bill asked what makes me different. I
don’t
know that David doesn’t say these things to everyone. He said himself that he didn’t know Maria expected more of him. That she one day thought he would come around. What did he give her that she clung to for so long?

“Hey.”

I opened my eyes. “Hey,” I repeated.

“You’re not with me.”

I searched his eyes for a moment, wondering how he could tell the moment my mind began to wander.

“Now, I want to know what he said to you.”

I sighed and dropped my eyes to his chest. His pecs tightened under my hands when I said, “He kissed me.”

“You’re kidding.”

“It didn’t mean anything. If anything, it reminded me how much – ”

“Don’t bullshit me,” he clipped.

“I’m not,” I said defensively.

“What’d he say to you?”

“We talked about a lot,” I said.

“Yeah?”

My gaze dropped down again, and I tried to keep my fingers from curling into his chest. “Can we talk about this later?”

His arms around me gave me a light shake. “No.”

“It
just
happened,” I told his tie. “I need a little time to process it.”

“Fuck,” he muttered, his body vibrating under my hands. “You’re letting him get in your head, honeybee.”

I smiled barely, a reflex to the endearment.

“And here I let myself think I had you,” he said.

My smile fell, and I looked at him finally. “You do,” I stated.

“This weekend, you gave. I saw it, and it was everything I had hoped for. But I can feel you taking it away. Shut me out and this won’t work.”

I continued staring at him as his words sank in.

“I know you didn’t have that with him,” he continued, “so I get that it’s scary. But we aren’t going to be like that. There’s no reason to keep things from me, and I won’t tolerate it.”

“I’m not keeping anything. I told you he kissed me.”

“And you told me it didn’t mean anything. I believe you. I’m more worried about what he put in your head.”

“He’s not in – ”

“Because I can feel you shutting down.”

“I’m not,” I rushed out. “But things are moving so fast, and I need a minute. We had a perfect weekend, but maybe I should take a step back and stay at Gretchen’s tonight.”

He looked away and shook his head. “He has you so fucked, you don’t even realize that this is how it’s supposed to be.”

“What does that mean?”

“Bill, or maybe your mom, I don’t know, they have you believing that you’re supposed to do this on your own. That if you let me in, I’ll take that trust and turn it on you. You’ve gotta let me help you deal with whatever’s going on.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just bit my lip.

He looked at me, eyebrows raised, waiting for me to speak. I turned my head to look out the window.
I’m not like your other girls. Not like Maria. If you break me, I won’t recover. I’m too weak.

His arms dropped from around me. “Go to Gretchen’s.”

“What?” I asked as I stepped back.

He crossed his arms. “Go. Just know that I can’t be in a relationship with someone who won’t talk to me. I can’t always be the one doing all the work. So you go to Gretchen’s to figure out if that’s the life you want. A life without me – maybe it’s being single, maybe it’s with Bill. But it’s without me.”

I felt my chin quiver. Suddenly I didn’t want to go to Gretchen’s. I knew I’d fucked up, but I didn’t know exactly how. I was trying to spare him from seeing the weakness in me. I was trying to spare both of us from the heartache that could be. “I – I’m sorry. You’re right. Tonight, we can talk – ”

“No,” he said. “I already gave you the chance to talk, but instead you want to keep it all inside so you can make decisions without me. So you can believe him over me. You’re supposed to be on
my
side, Olivia. Not his. So go and decide if you want what we had this weekend, or if you prefer the type of life where nobody gets in, and it’s just you, and you have no pain, but you don’t have real love either. Not the kind I’m
handing you
.”

My mouth had fallen open while he spoke. His tone was firm, but there was sadness in his voice that burrowed into my heart and made me sad too. He stepped around me toward the door.

“I’m not doing this to hurt you,” I pleaded. “I
am
on your side – ”

“Spare me, babe,” he said as he turned back to me. “Take the time you need, and let me know what you decide. This isn’t an ultimatum; I just need to know that we’re on the same page, because by protecting yourself, you’re fucking me over. And I put it all out there for you. I don’t hold anything back. Now I’m the one who’s fucked.”

Those words sent stabbing pain through my chest. Hurting David was the last thing I wanted to do, and I had done it too many times. I wondered at the look on my face, because he walked back over and gently took my chin in his hand.

“Did you eat?” he demanded softly.

“What?”

“You promised, when I tried to make you breakfast, that you would have a big lunch.”

I sighed. This was his concern? “I will eat now.”

He placed a kiss on my lips and then pulled back. “I love you. Okay?”

I bit my lower lip painfully hard to hold in tears. “Okay, baby.”

He nodded and left.

CHAPTER 13

HEELS CLICKING AGAINST THE CONCRETE perforated my thoughts. I glanced down the hallway to see Gretchen approaching. “Aren’t my roommates home?” she asked when she spotted me sitting outside her apartment.

“Oh, maybe. I didn’t knock.”

“Come on,” she said, unlocking the door. “You look homeless.”

I smiled unwillingly and followed her inside. She immediately disappeared to make tea. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked from the kitchen. When I didn’t answer, she reappeared and handed me a mug. “What happened, Liv?”

“Bill came by my office today.”

“And?”

“He kissed me.”

Her eyes became unusually large for someone discovering that a husband had kissed his wife. I looked down and continued. “It was different. We were both very . . . present. But still, nothing like kissing David.”

She snorted. “I bet not. Pretty sure kissing someone as smoking hot as David burns the best way possible.”

I looked back at her because she was right. There was nothing like it in the world. “Bill said some things I can’t ignore.”

She fell onto the couch next to me, and her eyebrows met. “Like what?”

“Basically that David is doing what he does best, playing me. And when he’s done, he’ll toss me aside and I’ll have no one.”

“What did David say to that?”