Come to Me Quietly (Closer to You) (16 page)

Aly wrapped her legs around my waist.

I rubbed against her, shameless and brash.

“Aly… ”

“Jared… I want you.” Aly’s touch became urgent, her kiss greedy. Desperate hands rushed down my back to grip my ass. “Love me, Jared. Love me.”

My mouth opened in a silent cry that I buried in the haven of her neck. And I wished that I could. Even though I knew that wasn’t what she meant, for one fleeting moment, I wished I could love her and that this beautiful girl could love me back.

Unbridled hunger washed over us in waves, sweat slicking our skin as our bodies grasped for each other.

And I felt powerless, consumed, hard.

So fucking hard.

Overwhelmed, I pushed back to my knees and dropped a kiss to her soft belly. Aly sucked in a sharp breath and her hips jerked from the bed. Then she threaded her fingers in my hair and begged my name. My arms wound under her bent legs, and I tucked her close. Shifting, I leaned forward and rested one hand on the bed beside her waist. Her leg was trapped between my arm and side, scorching my skin.

I glanced up at her. Aly watched me with chaotic eyes as I smoothed the opposite hand along her stomach, down her thigh, and then ran the backs of my fingers over the bare skin at her center.

Aly shook.

I held my breath as I slipped two fingers inside her.

She gasped and writhed, and her hands fisted in the sheets at her sides. She was warm… so fucking warm… and so fucking tight. I searched her, listened to the rapid tumbling of discordant words that whispered from her mouth.

Realization hit me like a flood.

“Why the fuck are you a virgin, Aly?”

Aly just lifted her hips and begged me more. “Please.”

I continued to search her, please her, pressed my thumb to her clit as I lurched forward and covered her mouth with mine, demanding through my kiss, “Why are you a virgin?”

Aly’s hands flew to my face, her hold firm but her eyes sincere as she looked up at me. “Because I want it to matter.”

“Shit… Aly.”

Crushing my chest to hers, I curled my arm over the top of her head and mashed my cheek to hers.

I quickened my hand, my fingers filling her hard and fast.

Her nails cut into the skin of my shoulders, burrowed deep enough to sink into my blackened soul. Aly tightened, her breath rasping from her lungs and filtering across my face. “Jared… I don’t… so good.”

I could feel it hit, her pleasure as she convulsed all around my hand. Affection rushed through my chest.

No
.

And still she was begging, “Jared, please,” lifting herself to me as she tried to get to my underwear.

I rose on my knees between her thighs, grabbed her hands, and pinned them to the bed. “No way, Aly.”

I might be an asshole, I might take and take and take, but there was not a chance in hell I was going to take
that
.

My eyes searched hers, trying to understand, trying to make her understand. “You said you want it to matter.”

Sadness clouded her features. “How could it not matter with you?”

Regret twisted through my gut because I knew better than to have allowed this to completely spin out of control. But it was me who lacked control, and it was Aly who held me.

And it would matter. To me. But that wouldn’t make a fucking difference in the world because I could never be what she needed. Could never be what she deserved.

I would destroy whatever we created, would ruin her, would wreck this beauty.

I loosened the hold on her hands. The tension that had stretched me tight ebbed, and my body softened as I rested my elbows on the bed, bracketing her shoulders. I swept the hair on her forehead from her face. “You matter, Aly. You’ve always mattered to me. But this… ” I twirled a strand of her hair with my finger. “I keep warning you we can’t do this, and you just keep pushing me further and further. I don’t know what it is you think you want from me… what you think I can give you.”

Aly frowned. “I just want you to stay.”

She made it sound so simple. Easy.

Stay.
 

Staying here would only be another transgression added to the uncountable others. Another blemish. Another mark. Surrender heaved from my lungs in a heavy sigh.

I’d already fucked it all up anyway. In the end, what would staying a little longer change? No doubt, when I finally left, it was going to hurt.

I spread my palm over the cheek of her trusting face.

Not just me, but it was going to hurt Aly, too.

“Stay,” she whispered again, lifting her chin to place a tender kiss on my mouth.

I rolled to the side and took her with me. “This is crazy.”

She wiggled closer and plastered herself to my side. “I know… but I like it.”

Quietly I laughed at the simplicity that was unbearably complex, and I smoothed my hand over the top of her head. “You do, huh?”

Her fingers tickled over my sensitive stomach. “Yeah, I do.”

I squeezed her and turned my mouth to her ear. “No sex, Aly. You waited this long… don’t waste it.” And fuck, if my body wasn’t still screaming for her. But I meant it.

“Okay,” she whispered seriously, her hand trailing up my torso to flatten on my chest. Then she lifted herself up on her elbow, a new shyness taking her over as she chewed at the inside of her lip. “Will you let me touch you?” she asked as she moved to straddle my legs and sat back on her knees.

She didn’t wait for an answer.

A slow moan locked in my throat when she freed me, and vibrations rocked me to my core when she took me in her hand. I shot up to sitting, gripped her head in my hands, and bunched her hair in my fingers, kissed her hard.

This girl. This girl.

“Aleena.”

Why would she want someone like me?

“Jared,” she breathed. Her soft hand was wrapped around me, her intense green eyes locked on mine as she began to move. Slowly at first, almost tentative. “Is this okay?” she murmured.

Okay? This girl just had no idea what she did to me.

“Fuck, Aly… that feels so good. You don’t even know.”

A whisper of a smile edged her mouth, her tongue darting out to wet her lips as she increased her pace. She leaned back a fraction to make herself room, bringing her other hand up to anchor to my neck.

We were nose-to-nose, and the air panted from her mouth mixed with mine as she heightened me to a pleasure that shouldn’t have been possible.

I grunted, my body fucking straining, desperate for more of her touch. “Aly… shit.” Pleasure shot through every nerve in my body as I came.

And Aly was kissing me, whispering my name as she led me through my release.

I wound her in my arms and buried my face in her chest, clinging to her. Because God, I didn’t want to let her go.

Aly slipped off my lap and pulled me down to her side. Warmth swam in her eyes as she stared at me, gentle fingers brushing through my hair. “Thank you… for tonight… for staying here with me.”

I kissed her forehead, unable to understand this girl. “You’re beautiful, Aly.”

She snuggled into my side and I held her closer, listened to her breaths as they slowed and evened, her heartbeat a steady thrum against my ribs as she drifted off to sleep. I got lost in it, lulled by it. Finally I let go and closed my eyes.

Sleep teased along the edges of my mind, a murky haze taking hold. Colors flashed. In defense, I squeezed my eyes tighter. But the inevitable came. Helplessly I watched as trails of blood made a distorted path down one side of her face. My chest convulsed and I was sure it was fire that pricked and singed my flesh.
 

“Jared,” she mumbled.
 

So badly I wanted to cry, but no tears would come, like they were locked inside with the fear and the pain.
 

She looked so sad. So sad and so scared.
 

But still she managed to smile.
 

A soft hand came to my face and moved down to cup my neck. “Shh,” Aly whispered. “Wake up, Jared. You’re shaking. It’s okay. I’m here. It’s okay.”

My eyes flew open to meet the pitch-black darkness of Aly’s room. Sweat drenched my body, and ragged breaths rasped from my lungs.

Aly pulled me closer and placed a kiss just below my ear. “It’s okay.”

I crushed her to my chest, my frantic heart pounding against hers. It wasn’t fucking okay. It never would be. But just for a little while, I wanted to pretend it was.

We lay together, curled up as one, and I fell asleep again and slept like I hadn’t for so, so long.

Faint light seeped through the window, and I awoke to find Aly sleeping in my arms. Her hair was spread all around us, the length spilling out behind her and a few wayward pieces crawling across my chest. I pressed my nose to her hair and breathed her in. One of her arms was draped across my chest, her flawless skin a striking contrast against the colors marring mine.

The pure and the impure.

Guilt seeped all the way to my bones.

I kissed her head and untangled myself from her hold. Pausing at her door, I listened to the silence on the other side, before I slipped out into the main room. Christopher’s door was closed. Who knew what time he’d come in last night? I sure hadn’t heard him.

Guess I’d been otherwise occupied.

I flopped onto the couch. A tangle of emotions surged through me. Mainly it was guilt, but simmering beneath that was something that felt… good.

Really good.

I resisted a smile when I thought of Aly falling asleep in my arms. I itched to return to her, to climb into the warmth of her bed and her spirit, to sink in and never let go.

Instead I grabbed my notebook and a pack of cigarettes and headed out the sliding door to the balcony. Morning threatened at the horizon and I slid to the concrete floor. Lighting a cigarette, I took a drag and drew it deep into my lungs, then released it toward the sky.

Shaking my head, I pulled my notebook onto my lap. I thumbed through to the back. The pages were thick, tattered, words scribbled and bleeding together in savage chaos.

Except for the few pages where she lived, where in my words she was more than just a fantasy and I had brought her to life. I turned to them and lost myself there.

Two hours later I sat on the couch beside Christopher. He was playing one of the video games we used to play years before. He’d staggered from his room about thirty minutes ago, looking about as disheveled as I felt. It was early, and I had no idea why he was up since the guy tended to sleep half the day away. He’d grunted a “good morning” as he slumped to the couch and flipped on the TV in the same motion.

After what went down last night, shame was twitching my fingers. I did my best to act normal, but that kind of deception was hard to manage because what happened between Aly and me was anything but normal.

Even if it felt so right.

I rubbed a nervous hand across my tense jaw, listening as the shower in Aly’s bathroom sprang to life.

God, the girl was dangerous. A minute ago she had quietly slipped across the hall from her bedroom to the bathroom, shooting me a shy smile as she passed. Crimson colored her face with a ridiculous blush, and her hair was all a mess because my fingers had been tangled in it all night. She wore the same tank and shorts that had been discarded on her floor.

My knee bounced because I was thinking about Aly peeling them from her body before she climbed under the hot sheets of water in the shower.

Closing my eyes, I fought for restraint.

It was Saturday, which meant no work for me, and I had no idea what I was going to do with my sorry ass all day. Aly had to work. How pathetic was it that I didn’t want her to go?

The shower shut off, and a few minutes later Aly emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel. She rushed to her room and clicked the door shut behind her.

I shot off the couch and sought the isolation of the bathroom. I didn’t think I could handle sitting by Christopher any longer, hanging on to this secret that felt like a million tons on my shoulders. So much of me wanted to shout it, to scream out that I had touched beauty, that for a few minutes I had felt more than the nothingness that was my life. Years of isolation did that to a person, and when emotions were freed, it was hard to keep them contained.

But instinctively I knew to keep my mouth shut.

When I left, I wouldn’t leave Aly ashamed, couldn’t bear to shed light on the sickness I was tainting her with. This would be our secret, our fantasy, and for just a little while, I was giving in to it.

Steam filled the small space, and the mirror was coated, hiding me in the misty haze. I swept my hand across the surface and looked at my reflection in the foggy mirror.

Hate spun through my insides and throbbed down my limbs.

What the hell did she see?

When I heard her bedroom door open, I quickly opened the bathroom door, wanting to catch a glimpse of her before she left for the day. Feigning apathy, I slowed when I stepped out into the hall.

She stood at the bar, gathering her things.

“Have to work today, huh?” I asked. As if I didn’t already know.

She dropped her face, looking all shy and innocent and perfect, and then shoved her wallet into her purse. “Yeah. I’m just working the short lunch shift, though, so I’ll be off a little after one.” Gathering up the mass of dark hair from her neck, Aly twisted it into a ponytail. “It shouldn’t be too bad,” she said.

She glanced up at me with awareness in her eyes, as if she knew exactly what I was thinking, that I couldn’t stand to watch her leave. She knew I was going to be counting the hours before she returned and she even knew how much I absolutely hated the fact that I would be. The thing that twisted me all up was Aly looking as if she felt the same, like she was dying to bury those fingers in my skin.

I fisted my hand. It took everything I had not to push her up against the wall and kiss her senseless.

Considering Christopher was sitting on the couch playing video games, I figured that was a really fucking bad idea. I sat back and played it cool.

“I guess I’ll see you later,” Aly said as she heaved her ridiculously huge purse onto her shoulder.