Color Me Blind (A Divine Love Story Book 1) (25 page)

After the funeral everyone came back to the house to gather comfort in numbers and
for everyone’s favorite pastime, eating.  A week had passed since Ahmed’s death.  Blake looked around at the sea of people in his home there to celebrate the life of his friend and roommate.  There was some laughing, some crying and some just standing around looking lost. 

Ahmed’s parents shared a look of absolute devastation that broke his heart.  He watched Victoria try to busy herself in the kitchen. 
He wondered if it hurt more to have experienced a great love and lost it or to always long for the potential that you knew you could never have.  Alyssa stood off to the side by herself looking as if she was trying to absorb everything she didn’t know about Ahmed through the people who knew him.   

He didn’t have the energy
to mingle or whatever was the appropriate behavior for the host of something like this.  He made eye contact with his mother.  She was of course manning the food in the kitchen with Jasmine’s mom. She blew him a kiss.  He smiled but he needed to get out. He nodded at his dad and Justin on the way out.  He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

He
went outside to the backyard to get some peace and quiet.  Closing the door behind him he stepped out onto the white wooden porch and took in a gulp of fresh air.  He loosened the black tie that felt like a noose around his neck and leaned against the column after he gave it a good kick to rid some of his frustration. 

Life really sucked at the moment.  Once again racism had reared its ugly head and brought pain into his life.  It just wasn’t fair. 
Ahmed was one of the nicest people he knew.  He wasn’t a terrorist. He wasn’t like the whack job that shot up the campus and slaughtered those innocent people.  This is the kind of stuff that exasperated him where God was concerned.  Why in the world would He let someone like Ahmed pay for the feelings people couldn’t handle?

He wished he could be like Jasmine and just accept God as sovereign
, but it was hard.  At the moment his heart was broken because he’d just lost a friend.  The only relationship he’d had in years was over.  He was in love with his best friend and she acted as if the sight of him revolted her.  The thing that upset him the most about it was if he hadn’t been so close-minded he and Jasmine would probably be married with 2.5 kids by now.  He could see their lives so clearly.

He was such a hypocrite.  He
was no better than the people responsible for taking Ahmed’s life.  He didn’t choose violence but he’d hurt people in the process like Amber, Derrick and hell Melissa.  Had he really been in love with Jasmine even back then? 

In his heart he knew he was.  If he could pinpoint the moment it would’ve been that night his father beat them.  The moment he realized she still wanted to be his friend after knowing
and living through the truth about his father.  She had him bound to her for life.  He was back to his first thought.  Life sucked and the choices he’d made that got him here sucked too.

He heard the
door open and close behind him.  He didn’t bother to look because he didn’t care who it was.  He wasn’t in the mood.  He looked down at the hand on his arm.  It was Amber’s.  Well, he didn’t expect that. 

She smiled, “Hey.” 

“Hey.” 

“Can we talk just for a minute?” 

He didn’t want to deal with this at the moment. 

H
is face must have expressed that because she said, “I just need some closure. Give me a few moments of your time, please?” 

He nodded
.  It was the least he could do.  He headed out to the wooden picnic table sitting in the middle of the yard. Amber followed.

She looked really nice in h
er black dress.  He didn’t remember seeing her at the service but there were so many people he’d probably missed more than just her.  Since she called the meeting he waited her out. 

After a few moments she fin
ally spoke.

“
First, let me say this. I am so sorry for your loss.  I adored Ahmed. He was actually my favorite of the group.” 

Blake laughed
because that he knew. 

She continued, “
Look, I’m really sorry for the timing but I need to move on.  I doubt I’ll ever see you again.” 

He nodded. 

“I watched you today.  Knowing you the way I do I realize you’re no longer hiding the fact that you’re in love with Jasmine.  It’s all over your face.” 

His head snapped up.  She
put her palms out in surrender.

“Wait
, I’m not trying to start a fight.  I guess it’s my roundabout way of asking are you ready to admit that you’re in love with her?” 

He didn’t see the point in lying to her now, “Yeah I am.” 

“Does she know?” 

“I haven’t told her yet if that’s what you’re asking?” 

“Why not?” 

Defensively he asked,
“Why do you care?” 

She sighed
.

“I’m sorry
, I guess I’m just feeling a little smug that I was right,” she smiled. 

He relaxed a little and decided to get this over with.

“Amber, I am so sorry for all the pain and heartache I caused you. I want you to know I never set out to purposely hurt you. I really didn’t know that I was in love with Jasmine.  I wasn’t trying to play you. Nothing has ever happened between us.  I never cheated on you.” 

“When did you
realize it?” 

“
It hit me the night of her anniversary dinner when she hacked off all her curls.” 

She laughed.

“Don’t tell her I said this but I like her new haircut.” 

He laughed too.

“Actually I think it looks nice
, but I still prefer the curls.  It was such a dramatic change that it just got my attention and caught me way off guard.” 

“So the night we went to the charity ball you knew?” 

He wanted to squirm but he resisted.

“
I knew I was attracted to her. The realization of being in love with her came later.” 

She rolled her eyes,
“Well that explains a lot.” 

He felt horrible. 

“I never meant to hurt you Amber.  You were the first woman I felt a real connection with after my break up way back in high school.  You’re the only person since my first love that I even wanted to let in.  I honestly thought you were it for me, but that day at the barbecue I realized that it didn’t matter who I was with.  They would have a problem with Jasmine.  The truth is Jaz has had my heart since we were nine years old.  You forcing me to give her up made me realize how much she meant to me.  That was the hardest thing I ever had to do.  Honestly, I started to resent you for it.” 

She frowned. 

He continued, “I’m not saying I was right because I was dead wrong.  Your instincts were right on the money.  I just couldn’t see it because I was blinded by my own BS.”

Amber said, “
I would love to blame you and say this was all your fault but I can’t.  I played my part too.  I should have gotten out when I first realized you two had something that I just couldn’t compete with.  That was pretty early on.  I was just arrogant and thought if given enough time I’d win your heart.” 

He asked, “Are you going to be okay?” 

She waved him off.

“Yeah I’m gonna be fine.  I’ve cursed you and Jasmine to hell and back a few ti
mes.  Now I’ve moved on to more grown-up ways of coping.” 

He laughed. 

She smiled, “I know this is going to shock you but I think you should tell her how you feel.  I’m 99 percent sure she’s going to tell you she feels the same way.” 

He eyed her suspiciously.

“So now me and Jasmine have your blessing?” 

“I know right. It’s hard to believe, but to be honest you two have something I didn’t even know existed.  You have this total and complete intimacy that’s not even marred by anything physical.  You’re like the perfect team.  It used to drive me insane because even when she wasn’t around her presence was there.  In the last few months my pride kept me in the relationship not my heart.  I wanted to win.  Now that I’ve had some time to be honest with myself I’ve realized that.  What you guys have has given me hope that I can find it too.  The next guy I date, however, is absolutely, positively not allowed to have any close female friends that are not blood relatives.” 

He smiled.  All the things that
Amber thought they had no longer existed. It hurt so bad to know it.  He had to get Jasmine back. He just had to. 

He grabbed her hand, “Thanks for this.  I feel better.” 

She said, “Me too,” and stood. 

He stood also
as she walked around the table to give him a hug. 

She smiled up at him, “Good luck with everything.” 

He kissed her cheek, “You too.”

Before she turned to leave she asked, “Hey
, I need clarification on something Jasmine said the night of the charity dinner.”

With a puzzled look Blake said, “Okay.”

“What does don’t make me act my color mean?”

Blake threw his head back and laughed.

“That just means don’t make her play into the stereotype that would have been appropriate to display at the time.”

“Oh. Ha!”

She headed back inside
and passed Damon on his way out.

Blake looked up to see
Damon heading towards him with a couple of beers.

He walked up and said, “Here
, I thought you could use one of these when Lucy said Amber had you cornered out here.” 

Blake accepted the beer and laughed, “You guys are priceless.” 

Damon took a seat, Blake followed his lead. 

Blake asked, “So you needed some fresh air too?” 

“Nah, I really just came to check on you.” 

“Me?  Why?” 

“Because I know you man and I know you came out here to sulk. So what are you going to do about Jasmine?  You two have been walking around on eggshells for a week trying to avoid each other and for what?  If we can learn anything from Ahmed it’s that you never know when your time is up.” 

Blake took a sip of his
beer.

“I hear you.  I want her so bad my balls are perpetually blue.” 

Damon choked on his beer.

“That’s TMI man, TMI!
Man you can hang that up. Jasmine ain’t gon give you none until you jump that broom homie.” 

Blake sighed, “Yeah you’re right about that
, but that’s not a problem.  I would marry Jasmine in a heartbeat if I knew she felt the same way or if I could get her to speak to me.” 

Damon
paused mid sip, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute now, you’re ready to pop the question?” 

“You said life is too short and you know better than anyone how much time me and Jasmine have wasted.
  I’m tired of being mad.  The two of us really have no reason to drag out a relationship.  We’ve practically been dating since we were two.”  

“True
, but I guess your other relationships wouldn’t have been as entertaining had you guys hooked up back in high school.” 

Blake laughed. 

“So what do I do Damon? This is big.  It’s going to change everything for everybody.” 

“Man don’t worry about everybody else.  After all this time you and Jasmine deserve to snatch your little piece of happiness.  Jazzy’s a strong
black woman.  You’re gonna have to put your foot down and be like…Woman,” Damon said, in a faux macho voice. “Look here, we need to talk and I don’t want no lip.  I’m taking you away this weekend. We got some stuff to deal with it so be ready when I call!  And then just walk off.” 

Blake laughed hard. 

“Dude, you’re an idiot.  How about I translate that to say, we should take a trip, get away from everybody and finally have a heart to heart about all of this.” 

“Okay fine, if you wanna do
it the soft way. I think my way would be more entertaining for me, Carmen and Lucy though.” 

Blake just shook his head.
 

Damon continued, “Now remember
, Jasmine is still pretty wounded.  She can be a beast when she’s like that. Don’t take no for an answer.  You’re going to have to force her to deal with this because she’s avoiding it.” 

“Why do you say she’s avoiding it?” 

“Man come on, why do you think Ahmed made Jazzy his power of attorney?  Because she is always cool, calm and collected and she’s smart.  She makes good decisions.” 

Blake nodded
in agreement. 

“
For the last two weeks she’s been a mess and so unlike herself.  Only love or fear can fluster somebody like Jasmine into being this off her game.  It might be a little of both.”