Collection of Stories for Demented Children

Published by John H. Carroll at
Smashwords

Copyright 2011 John H. Carroll

Cover image Copyright 2011 John H.
Carroll

This collection is dedicated to all the
demented adults who enjoy my writing.

These are
are for children who want Wile Coyote to finally catch the
stupid roadrunner, eat it for dinner and use the bones as a
toothpick.

Table of Contents

The Emo Bunny that
Should

Zachary Zombie and the Lost
Boy

Drippy the Peg Legged
Rainbow

Unholy Cow

Attack of the Sugar Plum
Fairies

About the
Author

This is dedicated to demented children who
don’t care about Dick and Jane fetching a pail of water and would
rather read about them falling down the hill.

***

Emo the Bunny was sad. It wasn’t that he
didn’t have anybody to play with, it was that he didn’t want to
play at all. While other bunnies were dancing, thumping and hopping
all about, Emo preferred to lie in a dark corner and twitch his
nose. What he really wanted was for someone to come and hold him,
rubbing his cheek until everything was okay.

The glossy, black-haired bunny with
grey-bottomed feet lived with his parents and siblings in an
upside-down coffin that had been thrown out by humans years ago.
The coffin had old purple fuzz inside that Emo liked to rub his
back and ears against, making purple streaks throughout his fur.
Some of the other bunnies teased him about it, but they made fun of
everything
about him and he just didn’t care anymore.
Actually, he did care, he just didn’t show how miserable the
taunting made him feel.

The one bunny he
did
like was Haylo.
Emo had accidentally bumped against her once and noticed her
chestnut-brown fur was softer than anything in the world. Her
smile, as he stammered out an apology, had melted his heart. It was
the only time she had noticed him because her parents didn’t like
bunnies that were different.

Emo’s mother came through the entrance,
which was a hole in one end of the coffin. “Get outside, Emo. It’s
too pretty of a day to sit around sulking.”

“I don’t want to.” He growled at her and
pawed at the ground with his nails, but she took him by the scruff
and dragged him outside.

It was a cheerful, sunny day with birds
singing joyous songs. It bothered Emo because when it was sunny
outside, he was expected to do awful things like forage and
socialize. Cloudy days were his favorite, when the sun wasn’t too
bright and everyone stopped hippity hopping everywhere.

Emo dashed into the thick forest behind the
coffin, away from the bright clearing where other bunnies were
playing. He wandered through the trees, looking for a quiet, shady
area to hide in. Sometimes he would see a butterfly. Other bunnies
enjoyed chasing butterflies, but Emo just stared at their pretty
colors and wished
he
could be so beautiful.

A mild breeze brought the scent of flowers
and fresh dew to Emo’s ever-twitching nose. His long, floppy ears
heard a myriad of insects, birds and various woodland creatures
going about their industrious activities. The whole thing depressed
Emo to no end. Why did everything have to be so wonderful when he
was trying to wallow in misery?

***

It was then that he saw the famed Easter
Bunny. The giant idol of Easter was six feet tall with white fur, a
blue jacket, enormous ears and a permanent smile on his face. Word
in the forest was that the Easter Bunny wore contacts so people
wouldn’t see that his eyes were actually black with fiery red
pupils.

Duck minions traveling with the Easter Bunny
had captured two bunnies from Emo’s side of the forest and shoved
them into cages to be taken away to the Easter egg factory. The
cages were stacked in an evil, duck-shaped wagon pulled by two
beaten deer. Frightened chickens cowering in other cages on the
wagon would be forced to lay Easter eggs. In another cage was a
dejected goose taken to hard-boil the eggs that the bunnies would
then paint.

It was a hidden, cruel side of the Easter
Bunny that humans didn’t know about. Santa Claus originally had a
similar situation with overworked elves before they formed a union
to overcome appalling working conditions. Now the elves ran the
show at the North Pole and Santa was just a simple delivery
driver.

However, the bunnies, chickens, geese,
chipmunks and other animals hadn’t been successful at forming
unions. Most critters were too interested in food gathering and
frolicking in the forest to organize and take the Easter Bunny to
court.

The captives didn’t stand a chance. Everyone
underestimated how much being nipped by a duck could hurt. Emo hid
behind a bush as he watched the ducky wagon roll along a forest
trail toward the factory.

Recently, a number of bunnies had
disappeared from Emo’s side of the forest. He had noticed it, but
others were too busy being happy to pay attention. Missing bunnies
made Emo gloomy. He considered spending the day lying down to think
about how miserable the situation was, but in a rare moment of
action decided to follow instead.

Most bunnies hippity hopped down whatever
trail they were on, but Emo hopped normally and even walked slowly
when possible. It was easy to keep up because the Easter Bunny
traveled at a lumbering walk, and the ducks weren’t in any hurry.
More than once during the two-hour journey Emo considered lying
down to take a nap, but he was feeling almost energetic and kept
following.

***

Upon arriving at the hidden factory, the
Easter Bunny tapped on a huge tree with his cane. When a door in
the trunk opened, he went in and shut it behind him. Then a crack
appeared halfway between that tree and another tree fifty feet
away, revealing large secret doors that gradually opened.

Emo watched from behind another tree a short
distance away as the sinister ducky wagon rumbled inside. The last
minion looked around to see if anyone noticed before heading in,
but Emo was excellent at hiding.

As the doors began to shut, Emo hippity
hopped his way toward the entrance, just managing to get inside
before they closed. He dashed into the dimly lit corridor and
caught his breath. If a bunny could blush, he would have at the
thought of having hippity hopped.

The wagon rolled around a corner. Emo
followed, taking great care not to hop with any enthusiasm while
nervously eyeing closed doors on either side of the corridor.
Peering around the corner, he saw that it opened onto a huge
factory floor. Two mean-looking brown bears were unloading the
cages, chickens to the right and bunnies to the left. The goose had
already been taken away. In a short time, the wagon was unloaded
and the duck minions nipped at the heels of the deer to get them
moving.

When they were gone, Emo moved forward. The
factory was immense, with thick columns every forty feet holding up
a ceiling as high as the tallest trees of the forest. Animals at
workbenches produced colored eggs and other candies. To the right
were rows of chickens laying eggs for all they were worth.
Overburdened chipmunks carried the eggs to giant pots of boiling
water stirred by worn-down geese. When the eggs cooled down, field
mice took them to the bunnies for painting and then gophers put the
painted eggs in baskets.

Duck minions kept watch over everything and
there were a few bears for heavy tasks and extra muscle. Each of
the columns supporting the ceiling had walkways branching out above
the factory floor. Nests lined platforms on the sides of the
walkways where robins laid eggs that were then filled with
chocolate and crunchy stuff. In the far back of the warehouse were
chocolate cows, magically transformed to produce all the milk
chocolate needed for chocolate bunnies and other treats.

The result of all those captive animals was
a smell that overwhelmed poor Emo’s sensitive nose. A cacophony of
clucks, moos, tweets and honks hurt his ears while the ducks
quacked at every silly goose that couldn’t help but take a gander
at what was going on around them.

The sight of woodland critters forced into
slave labor depressed Emo terribly, so he decided to go home and
hide in his corner of the coffin to try to forget the traumatizing
image. He turned and hopped back to the large doors. When he
reached them, he realized he didn’t have a clue how they
opened.

Emo froze when he heard quacking. Two duck
minions were waddling up the hallway toward one of the side doors.
Luckily, the ducks weren’t very observant, so they didn’t see him.
They lowered their heads and head-bumped the door to get through.
Emo watched before hopping over to the door, thinking to do the
same thing.

He realized they might be just inside and
that following would be a bad idea, so he went to a door on the
other side of the corridor and head-bumped it. Much to his
surprise, it opened just as easily. Emo slowly pushed through and
looked around.

***

A single candle in a dark room illuminated
hundreds of beady black eyes. Sharp paws yanked him inside and a
flashlight aimed at his face clicked on. “What are you doing in
here?” a commanding, high-pitched voice demanded. “Are you one of
the Easter Bunny’s minions?”

Emo whimpered. “N . . . No. I . . . I’m Emo.
I just followed the Easter Bunny and his minions here after they
kidnapped some bunnies I know.”

“Are you here to save them?” the shadowy
figure asked.

“Wha? . . . S . . . Save them? No. I’m just
a Bunny. I want to go home and hide.” The thought of trying to save
all those bunnies terrified him.

“Hmm . . . You’ll serve as a perfect
diversion,” the figure said. More flashlights turned on,
illuminating over a hundred squirrels gathered on bookshelves,
chairs and desks in a large office. They were members of the
Squirrel Militia, the organization responsible for the safety of
forest creatures. An imposing black squirrel by the name of Captain
Nuttington led the tough militia. “The treatment of forest denizens
in this factory is unacceptable and we’re breaking them out. Come
with me.”

“Wait! Why do I have to be a diversion?” Emo
wailed while being pushed through a different doorway into a
smaller hall. No answer was forthcoming. In a moment, they reached
another door. Some of the squirrels opened it a crack to see if the
coast was clear. A column of light from the opening illuminated the
hall.

Captain Nuttington stood next to Emo, lifted
a floppy ear and whispered, “Alright, this is where the chickens
are. Your job is to hop through as fast as you can. Scratch any
duck that gets too close and avoid the bears. Once you get about
halfway through the rows of chickens, race over to the geese and
goose a few. Once you get past . . .”

“Wait a minute!” Emo protested, drawing
hushing sounds from the squirrels. “I don’t
want
to do this.
I want to go home and take a nap.
I’m
not a hero.”

The captain’s eyes were fierce as he got
nose to nose with Emo. “You do this or we’ll stuff acorns in your
ears.” Emo shrank back in fear. Nuttington pointed a finger in his
face. “Now, once you get past the geese, run back and forth between
the bunnies and tell them to start hopping everywhere.”

“What do I do if they catch me?” Emo
whined.

“Don’t get caught. Just keep hopping as
though your life depends upon it . . . Because it does. Those bears
do terrible things to woodland creatures, things I can’t talk about
. . .” Captain Nuttington shuddered while the faces of the other
squirrels became grim. “Go, Emo Bunny. Go now!” With that, they
pushed him out the door.

***

Emo stood still for a brief moment, his
twitching nose the only movement.

“Hey! What are you doing out of place?” a
duck to his right quacked.

That was all he needed. Emo hopped as fast
as he could through the rows of egg-laying chickens. It caused
quite a ruckus and the poor hens got their feathers ruffled. About
halfway through the rows, Emo ran into a bear . . . literally.

He changed direction and headed toward the
geese, barely avoiding the paws that tried to snatch him. A duck
appeared in front him only to be bowled over by a head-butt. Emo
shook his head and continued running.