Coincidences (25 page)

She made her way to the kitchen,
aware that she would have to eat something. As well as losing sleep, she had
been forgetting to eat, and this had left her feeling unwell. But when she
opened the fridge door, she just didn’t feel like eating anything. She made
herself a cup of tea, and sat alone with her thoughts. Looking at the brightly
coloured clock, that somehow seemed to be mocking her mood, she saw it was 8.30
a.m. She was supposed to go to work at the bookstore today; soon, Rob and
Sophie Bairns would be wondering where she was.

At 8.45 a.m. she went into the
living room and picked up the telephone. She spoke to Sophie, and explained
that she was unwell and thought she had the flu. Sophie was very understanding,
and said she would see her on Monday.

She put down the phone, and at
that moment she decided to phone her dad. It wasn’t planned, but it felt like
the right thing to do, rather than just turning up. At least she would be able
to arrange a time to meet him, so that they could talk properly. She couldn’t
bear to go to the house again and find that he wasn’t in.

She dialled the number from
memory. Since Jenny had first given the number to her, she must have read it at
least a hundred times, over and over; she was just so amazed that she actually
had her father’s telephone number.

‘Hello?’ Her father answered the
phone, sounding as though he had just woken up. Alice felt guilty for waking
him.

‘Hello,’ she paused, not sure
whether to call him “Dad” or “Mr. Forester” or “Ken”.

‘Who is this?’

‘It’s Alice.’

‘Alice?’ He sounded confused,
not immediately remembering who she was. Then, he continued. ‘Oh, Alice,’ he
sounded disappointed. ‘I thought I told you the last time we spoke, you
shouldn’t call here. Try to forget about me. I’ve never been a father to you,
and I can’t be one now.’

‘Why are you being like this?’

‘It’s for the best,’ he said,
almost in a whisper as if to avoid anyone else hearing.

‘But, I have questions. I want
to meet you.’

‘No, that won’t be possible. I’m
sorry.’ His voice was cold; devoid of emotion.

She felt incredulous. ‘You can’t
just ignore me! I’m your daughter whether you like it or not. I need to talk to
you. I have to have some answers.’

‘Alice, sometimes things don’t
work out the way we want them to. It’s as simple as that. People move on,
people change.’

‘I have to see you in person. I
need to know why you left. Why you never tried to contact me. Lots of things.’

‘Oh, this is stupid! You know
very well that Stephanie and I divorced. We lost touch. These things happen.
You’re not a child anymore.’

‘I don’t understand how you can
be so cold. It’s like you’re a stranger.’ Alice could feel tears in the corners
of her eyes.

‘But, don’t you see? We
are
strangers;
that’s what I tried to tell you the last time you phoned. Nothing good can come
of us meeting.’

‘Don’t you care about me at
all?’ She held back the tears of frustration.

‘It’s too complicated to explain
on the phone.’

‘Well, we’ll meet up. You can
explain everything and then I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.’

‘I can’t meet you, I’m sorry.’

‘If you’re worried that Jane
will find out, you don’t have to. I met her when I went to your house
yesterday. I went to see you, but you were out. I know everything,’ said Alice,
wanting to hurt him as much as he had hurt her with his careless words. ‘I know
about you and Miranda. I know she’s my real mother, and I know you’re living
together.’

‘Jane hasn’t said anything.’ He
sounded as if he was thinking aloud.

‘I told her not to tell you
she’d seen me.’

‘We’ve never told Jane about any
of this. What did you say to her?’ He sounded anxious.

‘I didn’t tell her much. She
thinks we’re half-sisters. She doesn’t know the whole story. She thinks I’m
your daughter from your first marriage. Aren’t you going to tell her the
truth?’

‘Alice, listen, what we did—we
never meant to hurt you. Stephanie was a good woman, you couldn’t have hoped
for a better mother. She really wanted you. You haven’t missed out on anything
really. I just think it’s better if things stay the way they are.’ He was
almost pleading.

‘Didn’t you think that I would
try to find you one day?’

‘I don’t know. We didn’t think
about it. It seemed like the only thing to do for the best,’ said her father.
‘That way, everyone was happy. Don’t you see?’

‘No, not really,’ said Alice.
‘How could it have been the best for me? Growing up not knowing my real
parents, my sister... Do you have any other children?’

‘No, just Jane. Listen, Alice,
we never planned any of it... It just happened. Stephanie wanted a child so
badly. She really did. I couldn’t take you away from her. I tried to make the
marriage work, for you. I know we did wrong, your mother and I, but please try
to understand. We wanted you to be happy. That’s all we wanted.’

‘Why won’t you agree to meet me?
I just need to see you. To speak to you. I can’t talk about this on the phone.
Please.’

‘If I agree to meet you, to
explain everything, will you promise that you won’t tell Jane about any of
this? I think it’s better if she doesn’t know. And, I think it’s probably
better if things remain how they are.’

‘I don’t really agree that Jane
should be kept in the dark. She’s an adult now. You should tell her.’

‘Well, exactly,’ said her
father, clearing his throat. ‘That’s what I mean...
I
should be the one
to tell her, when I feel the time is right. It should come from me, not you.’

‘Okay,’ said Alice. ‘Well, when
can we meet? This afternoon?’

‘Hmm... Okay. About three
o’clock. Jane will be out; she’s visiting a friend. Miranda will be here. We’ll
explain everything.’ He sounded irritated.

‘Great,’ said Alice, ‘I’ll be
there at three.’

***

Miranda Forester, wearing her peach-coloured towelling
robe and fluffy, pink slippers, stood at the bedroom door, yawning. She watched
her husband emerge from the spare room, with the telephone in his hands. He
seemed stressed; his forehead creased into a frown.

‘Who was that, Ken?’ The
telephone had awoken Miranda, and as she had tried to drift back to sleep, she
had heard her husband's voice through the wall as he spoke on the phone. He had
sounded agitated. She was sure he had shouted a couple of times. ‘Who’s phoning
us at this time in the morning?’

‘It was Alice Turnbull,’ he
said.

‘Who?’ Miranda yawned again. The
name meant nothing to her.

‘Miranda, let’s go back into the
bedroom to discuss this. Jane might hear us out here.’ He placed the telephone
back on the table in the landing where it usually sat, and walked past Miranda
into the bedroom.

Miranda followed, confused. ‘So,
who’s Alice Turner?’

‘Turnbull,’ corrected Ken. He
sat on the edge of the double bed. ‘Please, sit down.’

Miranda sat next to him. ‘Well?’
she asked, impatiently.

‘Alice is Jane’s sister.’

Miranda gasped. ‘Oh, Ken. I
don’t know what to say. How did she find us? Did she just phone up out of the
blue, now? Have you spoken to her before? Have you met her?’

‘No, I haven’t met her, but she
wants to meet today.’ He stood up and paced the bedroom.

‘Today? Oh my God. I can’t
believe it. Our daughter.’

‘I was trying to get rid of her,
but she’s insisting on meeting us,’ said Ken, sitting on the bed, leaning
forward, and placing his hands over his face.

‘Trying to get rid of her? What
do you mean? She’s our daughter, Ken. She probably looks like Jane.’ Miranda
had a wistful look in her eyes. ‘I’ve dreamed of this day.’

‘Do you know what you’re
saying?’ Ken’s eyes widened as he looked up at his wife.

‘What?’ Miranda stood up and
folded her arms. ‘Don’t you want to meet her?’

Ken stared at his wife in
disbelief. ‘I know this has come as a shock, Miranda, but think about what you
are saying.’

Sitting down again, next to him
on the bed, Miranda cast her eyes downwards.

‘We have to try to forget about
Alice. We agreed that, years ago, didn’t we?’ he said, urgently.

Miranda nodded, her lips turned
downwards at the edges. She looked at her hands.

‘I know it’s painful, but it’s
for the best,’ he continued. Putting an arm around her, he sighed deeply.

‘I know you’re right, Ken; it’s
just that it still hurts, whenever I remember back. It’s just brought it all
back to me.’ She wiped her tears with the sleeve of her dressing gown. ‘I gave
up our child, all those years ago. Jane’s sister. Now, well, hearing she’s
alive and wants to see me. Sorry... I’m just being sentimental.’ She stood up
and took a tissue from the box on the dressing table. As she blew her nose, she
caught sight of her appearance in the mirror. She picked up her hairbrush and
began to brush her hair.

‘She knows everything,’ said
Ken.

Miranda turned around to face
him, her mouth wide open. ‘How?’

‘I’m not sure, but she knows.’

Miranda, still holding the
hairbrush, went over to sit next to her husband. ‘How can she?’ Her brow
furrowed, she continued, ‘We are the only two people who know everything...
Even Stephanie didn’t know... or... did she?’

Ken shrugged. ‘Alice came here
yesterday, looking for me, and she spoke to Jane. Luckily, she hasn’t told Jane
everything. Jane thinks Alice is my daughter from my first marriage. Can you
imagine what would happen if Jane found out the whole truth?’ Ken was pacing
the bedroom again.

Miranda stared into the distance,
as if she were in a trance. ‘We should have told Jane before; years ago. We
can’t tell her now. She won’t be able to forgive us. Oh, Ken, sit down, you’re
making me nervous.’

Ken reluctantly sat back on the
bed.

‘Jane never even knew you were
married before, it must have come as a shock to her finding that out. We can’t
let her find out about the surrogacy, about... We just can’t.’ Miranda’s eyes
were wide.

‘It won’t come to that,’ said
Ken, his mind ticking everything over. ‘I’ve arranged for Alice to come here
today at three o’clock. Jane will be out.’

‘She’s coming here? Today?’

‘Yes. I had to do something. She
was threatening to tell Jane everything. She wants to meet me. She said that if
we explain everything—why we did it—then she will leave us alone. I think she
just wants to know what happened.’

‘But, can we trust her not to
tell Jane?’

‘I don’t think she’ll tell Jane.
Why should she? I mean, if she wanted to, she could have told her yesterday
when they met, couldn’t she? No, I don’t think she’ll tell her,’ said Ken, once
more, as if trying to reassure himself. ‘Hopefully we’ll put an end to this
today.’

‘I can’t believe it. Alice is
coming here. Our child.’ Miranda smiled at Ken, but her smile faded, as soon as
she saw the frown on his face.

‘Miranda, face reality. We can’t
afford to let our emotions get involved here. We’ll have to treat her as a
stranger, for Jane’s sake. We can’t get close to her. We’ll talk to her today,
but then we’ll have nothing more to do with her. It’s the only way.’

Miranda was nodding, but her
eyes were distant. ‘I know you’re right.’

Returning to her seat at the
dressing table, she looked at her husband’s reflection in the mirror. ‘Oh, Ken,
we did do the right thing all those years ago, didn’t we? I know we don’t talk
about it now, but I still sometimes wonder what it would have been like if we
had Jane
and
Alice. All through the years, when Jane was growing up, I
often thought about Alice. On her birthday—’ Miranda stopped and turned towards
him, open mouthed.

‘Miranda, what is it?’ He
frowned. ‘What?’

‘Stephanie. I’ve just realised.
If Alice knows, then she must know. Does she know about—’

‘I don’t know,’ interrupted Ken,
‘that’s the worst part. I hope not. I mean, I know it was a long time ago, but
I’m sure it would still shock her. I’d hate her to turn up on our doorstep.
Jane would definitely find out then. Stephanie had no idea about our
relationship. Sometimes I think it would have been better if we’d just told her
then
, that we were in a relationship; we could have avoided all this—all
the lies to cover everything up—don’t you think?’

‘I don’t know,’ said Miranda,
shrugging her shoulders.

Ken appeared deep in thought.
‘All these years, I’ve put it to the back of my mind. Now and then, I wondered
why we did it. Wouldn’t it have been easier if we’d explained everything to
Stephanie? I just felt so guilty at the time for cheating on her, for the way
it happened. She was the one who introduced the surrogacy idea, and introduced
me to you. It was like, by leaving Alice with Stephanie, knowing she had wanted
a child so badly, I was sort of making up for treating her so badly. Making up
for all the deceit.’ He bowed his head. ‘I suppose it’s always easier to see
what you should have done when you look back on things.’

‘I think if Stephanie doesn’t
know already, it’s better if she doesn’t find out,’ said Miranda, reaching out
to touch his hand.

‘How can we avoid her finding
out, if Alice knows? She’s bound to tell her. I never wanted her to find out.
It’s all falling apart, Miranda. We thought we were doing the best thing we
could, trying not to hurt anyone, but it’s all backfired. The worst thing is
that if Jane finds out, she’ll never forgive us.’

Miranda and Ken sat staring at
the ground in the half-darkness of their bedroom.

***

Alice walked along Oakview Road. It was only when she
arrived at the gate of number twenty-seven, that she realised she was going to
meet her parents for the first time in her life. As the thought entered her
mind she felt nauseated, and wanted to turn around and run as fast as she could
away from the house. Panic began to stir inside her, and she doubted she could
actually go through with meeting them. She stood, motionless, just a few feet
away from the front door, staring at the house. They were inside now, expecting
her. Were they as nervous as she was? She took deep breaths, trying to calm
down and reminded herself that the two people she was about to meet were the
same two people who had abandoned her, years ago, without a second thought.
They
should be nervous, not her. They were the ones who would have to explain why
they had done what they had done. But, somehow, Alice could not shake the
feeling of dread.