Coincidences (23 page)

‘Did he say anything about
speaking to me on the phone last night?’

‘No,’ said Jane. Turning back
towards the front door, she carefully placed the parcel inside. After closing
the door, she said: ‘Anyway, I have to go.’ She appeared suddenly nervous.
‘I’ve got some shopping to do. It was nice to see you again.’ She began to walk
towards the gate.

Alice followed her. ‘I didn’t
mean to shock you,’ she said. ‘I came to see my dad; I just wanted to meet him.
I didn’t know you would be here. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you about this.’

‘No, I’m glad you did,’ said
Jane turning around. ‘I mean, you’re right about me being shocked, but I’m glad
I know.’

‘It’s just that, your dad... I
mean,
our
dad... well, he didn’t want you to know... yet. He thought it
would be for the best if you didn’t know. I suppose he has his reasons,’ said
Alice.

‘Yeah,’ said Jane.

‘Listen, Jane. I’d prefer it if
you didn’t say anything to him about this meeting. I think he’d be upset if he
knew you’d found all of this out from me. He probably would have preferred to
tell you about me in his own time.’

‘Okay,’ said Jane, nodding.
‘Anyway, I suppose you’ll be visiting him soon, and then we can get it all out
in the open.’

Alice felt tense again,
imagining a meeting with her father, but she was glad that at least Jane seemed
to be taking it so well; maybe that would make it easier for her to approach
him. ‘Yes, soon,’ said Alice.

Jane smiled at her as she walked
out of the gate.

As she walked away, Alice
suddenly remembered the name on the package, “Miranda Forester”. She followed
Jane.

‘Jane? Can I just ask you one
question before you go?’

Jane hesitantly turned to face
her.

‘It might sound a bit strange,
but I’m just curious to know. It’s just that I think your mum might know my
mum. Do you know what your mum’s surname was before she married your dad?’

‘Um, yes... It was Carey.’ Jane
smiled.

‘Thank you,’ said Alice,
quickly, catching her breath.

‘Well, bye, then,’ said Jane,
eyeing Alice curiously.

‘Yes, bye.’

Alice watched as Jane walked
away from her along the street: Jane Forester, who she now knew was her sister.
Not just half-sister, but sister. She watched as she turned the corner of the
street and disappeared into the High Road. Then Alice turned around and headed
back to the Tube station. Her mind was full of unanswered questions.

***

Alice couldn’t believe the events of the day. She
couldn’t really remember anything after saying good-bye to Jane and watching
her walk away. Somehow, she had made her way back to her flat but she didn’t
know how. Her mind was full of confusion. She thought back over the past two
weeks. Things seemed to be happening, everything was changing, but she had no
control.

She could not believe it was
possible that she had lived for twenty-one years not really knowing anything
about where she came from. Everything that she had believed in had been a lie.
The hardest part to accept was that Stephanie was not her real mother. She knew
now that up until this moment, she had been almost in denial. Now, she could
not deny the truth. She had found out beyond doubt, that her real mother
actually existed. Miranda was no longer just a fictional character. She had
seen the proof of her existence clearly, with her own two eyes; parcels do not
arrive addressed to people who do not exist.

She could not shake the feeling
of betrayal that permeated her mind each time she remembered the name on the
parcel. It was a feeling that came from the pit of her stomach. She found it
hard to accept that for all these years, her real mother and father had been
living together only a few miles away, with her sister, and yet they had never
once contacted Stephanie to find out about her. She had not mattered to them.
They had abandoned her. They had never wanted her.

Why did they leave her with
Stephanie? It didn’t make sense. They obviously wanted children. They had Jane.
Was it possible, that in all these years, they had never thought about her or
wondered how she had turned out? She was sure there must be more to the story;
something that would answer her questions.

She began to wonder what sort of
reaction she would get from her parents if she went to visit them now. Her
father had been so unkind on the phone. How would Miranda react? She began to
question what she really hoped to get out of seeing them. Wasn’t it better if
she just accepted that Stephanie was the only mother she had ever known?
Shouldn’t she just carry on as she was? At least Stephanie cared about her; she
was sure of that. The more she thought about her real parents, the more she
began to imagine them as uncaring, unfeeling people, who had abandoned their
baby daughter, and had never given a thought to her welfare.

Maybe she was expecting too
much. Shouldn’t she just get on with her life with the satisfaction that she
now knew who her real mother and father were? But, somehow, she felt unable to
do that. She had gone too far now. She could not turn back. It was as if her
mind was on a one way street.

She thought about Jane. Jane had
seemed nice. She had seemed interested that she had a sister she hadn’t known
about. Alice knew that what her father had said was true—she and Jane were
strangers. They had grown up apart. She felt sad about that. She wished that
she’d had the opportunity to grow up with Jane. She remembered the look of
shock on Jane’s face when she had seen the photograph of her dad.

Suddenly, she felt nervous. She
had not thought about the consequences of anything. What if Jane said something
to her parents? It could just slip out. Would it even be possible for Jane to
not
say something? After all, finding out that she had a sister she never knew
about must have affected her too. Would it lead to an argument? Would there be
more lies, to cover up the lies? Her father had been so anxious that Jane
should not be told. Maybe he would make Alice out to be the liar.

She regretted rushing in. She
had been so determined to find out the truth that she had ignored the advice
Stephanie had given her, and she had also ignored her father’s request that she
should not tell Jane anything. What would happen now? Perhaps her parents would
not want to have anything more to do with her now that she had shattered their
little family unit. What would Jane do? Would she thank Alice for letting her
know, or in the end would she come to hate her and see her as an outsider; the
person who had come into her life after so many years just to tip the scales?

But, then, she remembered
something that Jane had said. She had said that she was glad she knew that
Alice was her sister. Alice felt warm inside, remembering this. A calmness came
over her, and she didn’t feel so upset about everything. She felt glad that she
had discovered the truth. As she became aware of that, she felt more in control
of the situation: she could decide the next move. If she wanted to see her
parents, she could. If she decided to carry on with her life as before, she
could. It was her choice.

She recalled that Jane had
seemed happy at the thought that Alice would be visiting her father, but no
sooner had the thought come into her head, Alice began to appreciate that
things were not so simple. The feeling of gloom, which had been with her for
the past two weeks, returned. She could not get past the fact that her parents
had abandoned her and that she had never had the opportunity to be a part of
their family. There was still so much that needed explaining.

The telephone rang. Alice lifted
the handset. ‘Hello,’ she said.

‘Hello, Alice,’ came Stephanie’s
voice. ‘How are you?

‘I’m fine, thanks,’ she lied. Hearing
Stephanie on the line made her yearn for the time before she had found out
about her real parents. She had been happy then.

‘I was worried about you. I know
you were going to visit your father today. Did you go?’

‘Yes, I went,’ said Alice, not
really wanting to discuss it. There was silence. Alice knew Stephanie was
waiting to hear more. ‘I didn’t actually see my dad; he wasn’t in. He was at
work.’

‘Oh,’ said Stephanie, almost
with a sigh of relief, ‘never mind.’

‘I did see, Jane, though. His
other daughter.’

‘Oh.’ The disappointment in her
voice was audible.

‘Yes, we had a nice chat. She
seems really nice.’ Alice still felt gloomy, and her tone of voice was flat.

‘I know it’s not what you want
to hear, Alice, but I still don’t think it’s a good idea for you to meet him,
darling.’

‘Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t,’
said Alice. Then without thinking, she continued, ‘I found out that Jane is my
real sister, not just my half-sister. So it wasn’t a complete waste of time
going there today.’ She wished she could take the words back as soon as she had
said them.

‘Oh, really, how’s that then?’
asked Stephanie as if she had not really been paying attention.

Alice prayed that Stephanie
would not work it out. She couldn’t think of what to say to change the subject.

‘Alice, are you still there?’

‘Yes, yes,’ she said, flustered.

‘What do you mean, she’s your
real sister?’

‘Um, I... Oh, did I say that?
No, I mean, yes, I found out she’s my half-sister,’ said Alice, hoping that she
would ask no further questions.

‘No, Alice, you said you found
out she is your real sister, not just your half... Alice!’ exclaimed Stephanie.
The penny had dropped. ‘That would mean that Miranda is her mother.’

Alice was silent.

‘Alice?’

‘Yes,’ said Alice. ‘Sorry, I
didn’t mean to tell you, it just came out. I’m really sorry.’

‘Well, I don’t know what to say.
How did you find out? Did you meet Miranda?’

‘No.’

‘Does she live with your
father?’

‘Yes. Well, I think so.’

‘Are they married?’ Stephanie
knew now, without having to be told, that when Roger had petitioned for
divorce, all those years ago, he had done so in order to be able to marry
Miranda.

‘I don’t know,’ said Alice,
remembering the parcel addressed to “Mrs. Miranda Forester.” She felt terrible;
she couldn’t believe how many people’s lives she had affected, just because she
wanted to find out about her background.

‘I never even considered
that
as a possibility.’ Stephanie sounded distant. ‘It’s come as a bit of a shock,
actually. I don’t know why. I mean, I don’t care who your father ended up with.
But, I can’t believe... Miranda.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Stop apologising,’ said
Stephanie. ‘So, do they have any other children?’

‘Not that I know of.’

‘Are you going to go back to
visit them?’

‘I don’t know. I was just
thinking about it all now, before you phoned. I’m not sure what I think about
them. I’m not too happy about the way they’ve never bothered to contact me. I
don’t know, but it seems like they never cared about me. Jane is really nice
though, and I’d like to keep in contact with her, so maybe I should visit them.
What do you think?’

‘Oh, I don’t know, dear, I’m
still trying to get my head around this. I suppose your father must have been
seeing Miranda, behind my back, for some time. That would explain why he left
us without an explanation. I should have realised he was attracted to her when
the surrogacy thing was going on. What a fool I must have been; all the signs
were there. Your father wasn’t keen on the surrogacy idea, but he changed his
mind when we met Miranda. I was too blind to realise what was going on under my
own nose.’

‘But, that doesn’t make sense,’
said Alice, ‘I mean, if they were seeing each other during the time when
Miranda was pregnant, why didn’t they take me with them when they ran off
together? Why didn’t they keep me?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said
Stephanie, sounding agitated. ‘Maybe they didn’t want a child.’

‘But they’ve got Jane. She
doesn’t seem that much younger than me. Why didn’t they ever want to know me?’

‘Don’t upset yourself, darling;
they’re not worth it. They’re probably both just as selfish as each other; only
thinking of themselves, to hell with everyone else.’

‘Probably,’ said Alice, in a
small voice. ‘So, do you think they would want to meet me?’

Stephanie was aware that Alice
probably needed to feel that she was loved by her parents, not that she meant
nothing to them, so she pushed aside her own feelings about Roger and Miranda
for a moment. ‘Oh, Alice, they are your parents, whatever they’ve done. I’m
sure they’d like to meet you.’

‘They’ve never acted like
parents. Why didn’t they ever try to get in touch with me?’ Alice fought back
tears.

‘Maybe they didn’t want
me
to find out that they were together, maybe that’s why they never made contact,’
suggested Stephanie.

‘But what difference would it
have made if you found out about them? You were separated from my dad. You
wouldn’t have cared.’

‘I know, but they probably
thought I wouldn’t agree to let them see you, if I found out about them. Then
they would have had to go through the courts to be able to see you. You were
legally mine and your father’s, after you were born. Miranda had given up her
rights over you. It would have been difficult for them.’ Stephanie sighed.

‘Yeah, but did they ever
approach you, to ask if they could see me?’

‘No, never.’

‘So, they didn’t know for sure
that you’d deny them access. They didn’t even try to find out.’ Alice sounded
glum.

‘Don’t upset yourself,’ said
Stephanie. ‘There are always a lot of reasons why people do, and don't do,
things. And time goes so fast. People’s lives can get very busy. It doesn’t
mean they never thought about you, darling. It was all quite complicated. I
mean, what with the surrogacy agreement, they were probably afraid that it
would all come out in the open. Or, maybe Miranda didn’t want to face me after
having an affair with my husband. I don’t think we’ll ever know why they didn’t
contact you, but don’t think it’s because they don’t love you. You are their
daughter.’