Cloudy with a Chance of Boys (17 page)

“Only pretend the bed is the pool of water and pretend I’m soaking wet. Watch. I’ll show you.” I demonstrated falling back on the bed dramatically and almost hit my head on the wall.

Both of my sisters started laughing like idiots.

“I hate you guys. This is so not funny!”

“You know you can’t sleep in our room tonight,” said Joey. “You have
major
boy cooties.”

“Stevie, so what if you got wet? You still got your first kiss! You are so lucky. I hate my life!”

“Why can’t everything go back to the way it was?” Joey asked sulkily.

“So, then what happened?” Alex pressed.

“I ran.”

“Did he say anything?”

“He was . . . stuttering. I don’t know.”

“Did you say anything?”

“I don’t think so. I might have yelled at him.”

“Oh, man, that is, like, the worst first kiss ever!” said Alex.

I clobbered Alex with the pillow I was holding. “It’s all your fault, Alex.”

“Me? What’d I do?”

“You made us throw stuff in the fire that night. You made us wish stuff. I tossed in my troll doll and wished for something new and exciting to happen to me. Instead, I got first-kissed by a troll in a Santa shirt.”

“At least your hair didn’t turn green,” said Alex.

“That would be cooler,” said Joey.

“I want the spell off me,” I said with a shiver. “Is there, like, a double-reverse,
anti
–first kiss spell or something?”

“Yeah, right,” said Alex. “Uh! My baby sister got kissed first.”

“Gross me out,” said Joey.

“I just can’t believe this happened to me,” said Alex.

“To you? You guys! How about . . . I can never show my face at school again. At least not in Earth Science or in the halls or at lunch. And I’ll just have to flunk my Science lab. Forget it. I’m never leaving this house again.” I leaned back and put the pillow over my head. “That’s it. From now on, I’m going to wear this pillow case over my head when I go to school.”

“Can I take your picture?” Joey asked.

TO BE OR NOT TO BE . . . TYBALT

Starring Alex

Me:
Sock Monkey! You’re never going to believe what I just heard.

Sock Monkey:
Don’t you mean
over
heard?

Me:
Busted. I admit it. I was listening in on play practice again. I can’t help it — I miss being part of the play.

Sock Monkey:
So, tell me!

Me:
Okay, so Tybalt, a.k.a. some kid named Conrad Icches, just threw in the towel. As in
quit the play.
As in
walked out the door
!

Sock Monkey:
Who’s Tybalt?

Me:
Tybalt is Juliet’s cousin, and a Capulet. He hates all Montagues, especially Romeo. He’s the one, at the ball, who realizes it’s Romeo in disguise and wants to kill him on the spot. Except he can’t because Lord Capulet would get super mad. So later, he sends a letter to Romeo and challenges him to a big duel, where they’ll fight to the death. So cool! I was made for this part.

Sock Monkey:
What? I thought you were made for the part of Juliet. Besides, you quit, remember?

Me:
I know, but I made a mistake, okay? I never really wanted to quit. I think I just freaked when I couldn’t be Juliet. But every day when I hear them practice — I don’t know, it’s like I’m missing out. Like something’s wrong. A piece of me is missing when I’m not acting in a play.

Sock Monkey:
But you can’t be Tybalt. Tybalt hates Romeo. You like Romeo.

Me:
So? He has, like, the best part, even though he hardly has any speaking lines, because he gets to sword-fight all the time. They call him the Prince of Cats because he’s so great at sword-fighting. He can even kill a mouse, no problem.

Sock Monkey:
But he’s a boy, right?

Me:
Yeah, but the boys get to do all the cool action stuff. The girl characters just fold their hands and swoon and faint all the time. It’s boring just waving a handkerchief around.

Sock Monkey:
So, you would dress up as a boy, even though Jayden is the lead. And she’ll be in a silky, satiny, frilly dress?

Me:
For one thing, I already have the short hair. Besides, at least this way I get to be in the play. I can’t spend my whole life eavesdropping on them.

Sock Monkey:
You mean, at least you’d get to be around Scott Towel, because you’d have scenes with him.

Me:
That too.

Sock Monkey:
And you guys would have to practice together
a lot,
like as much as with Jayden, because the sword-fighting scenes are really hard.

Me:
Exactly. Wouldn’t you just love to see the look on Jayden’s face when she finds out I’m in the play? She’s still a measle-mouthed maggot. A moldwarp. A beslubbering flax-wench!

Sock Monkey:
Tell us how you
really
feel.

Me:
It would just kill her if I got a good part in the play.

Sock Monkey:
To be or
not
to be Tybalt. That is the question.

Me:
I think I’m really going to do it. Yep. Now, all I have to do is convince Mr. Cannon that he should give me another chance. Even though I quit.

Sock Monkey:
How are you going to do that?

Me:
Hey, I grew up sword-fighting my sisters using paper towel tubes. Dad taught us tons of stuff. Who could possibly know the thrust, the lunge, the high-low sequence, and going for the kill better than me?

Sock Monkey:
Sounds like you’re the man for the job!

FRENCH-FRIED FRENEMIES

Starring Alex

SETTING:
THE RAVEN THEATER; PLAY PRACTICE, THE NEXT AFTERNOON.

Jayden:
What’s she doing here?

Scott:
Um, she lives here?

Mr. Cannon:
Everyone, I’d like you to welcome our newest addition to
Romeo and Juliet
— Alex Reel.

Matt:
Hey, Alex.

Brianna:
Alex is back?

Allen/Alvin:
We need you . . . we really need you.

Jayden:
Mr. Cannon, I thought Brianna was going to be my understudy.

Me:
Hi, everybody. I’m happy to be back! I was, um, super busy and thought I might not have time for the play, you know? But then I heard about Conrad quitting and got the idea that maybe I could help out and fill in for him. So, I talked it over with Mr. Cannon, and he said yes.

Mr. Cannon:
We’re very pleased to have you back, Alex.

Jayden:
I don’t get it. Conrad was Tybalt. Juliet’s cousin. Hello! He’s a
guy.

Me:
That’s me. Tybalt.
(Tugs on short hair and holds finger under nose, imitating a mustache.)

Mr. Cannon:
Alex has been good enough to step up and take Conrad’s place and play the role of Tybalt. That saves us from holding auditions again, since we’re already behind.

Jayden:
(To Alex.) You’re
going to be Tybalt?

Scott:
(To Alex.)
You’re going to be
Tybalt
?

Mr. Cannon:
I, for one, think it’s a great idea. Mix it up a little. In Shakespeare’s time, all the actors were men, and they had to play female parts.