Classic Snacks Made from Scratch (20 page)

2 tablespoons (1 ounce) unsalted butter

1 tablespoon heavy cream

1/2 teaspoon cornstarch

MAKE THE CRUST:

Pulse the flour, sugar, and salt together in the bowl of a food processor to sift and combine. Add the butter and pulse in 3-second bursts until partially incorporated, with pea-sized chunks throughout and a texture resembling moist cornmeal.

With the processor running, drizzle the water and vinegar through the feed tube; process just until a shaggy and crumbly dough starts to form. Transfer the dough to a mixing bowl.

Lay 2 sheets of plastic wrap on a clean work surface. Divide the dough into 2 pieces and place one on each sheet of plastic wrap. Pat into discs, wrap well, and chill in the refrigerator for at least 1 hour (or overnight).

MAKE THE CURD:

Whir the sugar and lemon zest in a food processor for 15 seconds.

Whisk the eggs together in a bowl until well beaten, then vigorously whisk in the zested sugar.

Heat the lemon juice and butter in a straight-sided, heavy-bottomed saucepan over low heat just until the liquid starts to steam and a bubble or two appears at the edge of the pan. Remove from the heat and slowly drizzle about 1/4 cup of the hot lemon juice into the eggs, whisking constantly to temper the eggs and help them adjust to the heat. Whisk the tempered eggs back into the remaining lemon juice.

Return the pan to the burner on low heat and cook, stirring constantly, for about 5 minutes, until the liquid thickens considerably and puddles up on itself when dripped from a spatula or spoon. Watch carefully to make sure the curd doesn’t come to a boil—that will cook and scramble the eggs.

Strain the curd into a clean bowl through a fine-mesh strainer to remove any errant bits of cooked egg or zest (it happens every time). Cover and refrigerate for at least 1 hour.

BAKE THE PIES:

Preheat the oven to 425°F. Spritz 8 wells of a muffin tin with baking spray.

On a floured work surface, roll one of your dough discs into a rough 10 by 12-inch rectangle about 1/4 inch thick. Cut out 8 rounds using a 4-1/2-inch cookie cutter. (Don’t have a cookie cutter that wide? Use the clean lid from a deli container.)

Gently press the dough rounds into the greased muffin wells, patching any holes with dough scraps. Make sure the dough comes up over the edges, as it will shrink and sink into the well as it bakes. Line each dough-filled well with aluminum foil and fill with pie weights or dried beans. Freeze the muffin tin for 10 minutes.

Bake for 10 to 15 minutes, until the dough no longer looks raw and shiny when you peek under the foil. Remove from the oven and gently lift the foil packets and weights off each crust. (If using beans, remember that they’ll no longer be edible but, once cool, can be saved and used indefinitely as pie
weights.)

Whisk the heavy cream and cornstarch together in a small bowl, then whisk it into the chilled lemon curd. Roll the remaining dough disc into another 10 by 12-inch rectangle about 1/4 inch thick. Cut out 8 more rounds, this time using a 3-inch cookie cutter.

Fill each parbaked crust with 1-1/2 to 2 tablespoons lemon curd and top with a small dough round, pressing gently to adhere it to the bottom crust. Cut small slits in the crust tops to let steam escape; brush with a light layer of the remaining lemon curd.

Return to the oven and bake for 15 to 20 minutes, until the top crust is golden brown. Remove from the oven and let cool in the muffin tin for 5 minutes, then slide a knife around the edges to loosen and gently pry the pies out of the wells. Transfer the pies to a wire rack to cool completely before serving.

Store the pies in the refrigerator in an airtight container for up to a week.

After-school favorites and college bar snacks still rule, even decades after you swore you’d hoovered your last batch of Totino’s. Stashing these savory bites in the freezer means you’ll always have something to throw together for an impromptu gamewatch instead of calling Papa John’s, or for a night spent catching up on old
Gilmore Girls
episodes—Lorelai did love her junk foods.

Once you’ve got your freezer stashed with breaded bites, the key is to keep your fridge equally stocked with a whole bunch of excellent craft beers to match your homemade mozzie sticks and spicy poppers. Time for a homebrewing lesson, perhaps?

TATER TOTS

PIZZA ROLLS

MOZZARELLA STICKS

SEASONED WAFFLE FRIES

SOFT PRETZELS

JALAPEÑO POPPERS

Whether you can quote
Napoleon Dynamite
by heart (“Napoleon, gimme some of your tots…”) or just have an affinity for crunchy starches, you’ve got to admit that tater tots are genius. And these aren’t soggy, weak-ass lunchroom tater tots. This version coats fluffy baked potato bits in panko for extra crispiness. Health-minded cooks might be tempted to bake these, but be warned: you’ll lose a lot of crunch and flavor by foregoing a quick dip in hot oil. For the most authentic results, stick with frying.

YIELD:
about 3 dozen tots

TOTAL TIME:
2 hours, plus cooling time

DIFFICULTY:
4

SPECIAL EQUIPMENT:
box grater, electric deep fryer (or a large pot and a candy/oil thermometer), heatproof tongs or a metal skimmer or mesh strainer

TOTS

1 pound russet potatoes

1/2 cup (2-1/8 ounces) unbleached all-purpose flour

1/4 cup (about 1 ounce) finely grated Pecorino Romano cheese

1/2 teaspoon garlic salt

1/4 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more for seasoning

1 large egg, beaten

COATING

1 large egg whisked with 1 tablespoon water, for egg wash

2 cups panko bread crumbs

FRYING

vegetable or canola oil

PREPARE THE POTATOES:

Preheat the oven to 400°F.

Scrub the potatoes, then puncture one or two times on all sides with a fork or paring knife. Wrap each potato in foil and bake for 45 minutes to an hour, until just hitting the tender side of being cooked. The potatoes should still retain some firmness.

Unwrap the potatoes—careful, hot steam may escape—and let cool on a wire rack until you can peel off the skins by hand.

Line a rimmed baking sheet with waxed paper.

Grate the peeled potatoes into short and chunky strips, like shreds of grated cheese, using the coarse holes of a box grater. In a large bowl, use your hands
to mix the grated potatoes with the flour, cheese, garlic salt, kosher salt, and beaten egg.

COAT THE POTATOES:

Have the egg wash ready in one bowl and the panko bread crumbs in another. Roll a small ball of the potato mixture between the palms of your hands to form the familiar cylindrical tater tot shape. Dip it into the egg wash, then roll in the panko to coat. Place on the prepared baking sheet and repeat to form the rest of the tater tots. Freeze for at least 1 hour. (Once frozen, the tots can be transferred to a freezer bag and kept frozen for up to 3 months.)

FRY THE TATER TOTS:

Heat at least 2 inches of vegetable or canola oil to 350°F in an electric deep fryer or large, high-sided pot. Line a baking sheet with paper towels and an upside-down wire cooling rack (see Deep Frying 101,
page 188
).

Add the tater tots in batches and cook until golden brown. Frying time will vary based on your equipment, but should take no more than 4 to 5 minutes per batch. Transfer to the lined baking sheet with heatproof tongs or a metal skimmer or strainer, and sprinkle with kosher salt.

Serve the tater tots immediately.

I think I’ve discovered the secret to Totino’s pizza rolls. The little nibbles mount a big offensive attack, scalding the mouth with a blast of molten sauce at first bite to obscure the fact that the taste is seriously gnarly. For the homemade iteration, I’m rebuilding the roll completely. Homemade dough, real mozzarella, high-quality pepperoni, and—most importantly—my bedrock favorite marinara sauce are the tools of the trade here.

YIELD:
24 pizza rolls

TOTAL TIME:
3-1/2 hours, including chilling time

DIFFICULTY:
4

SPECIAL EQUIPMENT:
electric deep fryer (or large pot and a candy/oil thermometer), pastry or pizza cutter, heatproof tongs or a metal skimmer or mesh strainer

SAUCE

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 small yellow onion, diced

2 large garlic cloves, minced

1 pinch kosher salt

1 pinch red chili flakes

1 small carrot, peeled and finely shredded

1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes

DOUGH

2 cups (8-1/2 ounces) unbleached all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon kosher salt

1 large egg, beaten

1/2 cup water

FILLING

1/2 cup diced mozzarella cheese cubes, about 1/4-inch size

1/2 cup diced pepperoni cubes, about 1/4-inch size

FRYING

vegetable or canola oil

MAKE THE SAUCE:

Heat the oil in a heavy-bottomed 4-quart stockpot or Dutch oven over medium-low heat. Add the onion, garlic, pinch of salt, and chili flakes and cook for about 10 minutes, until the onions are very soft and translucent. Add the carrots and cook for 1 minute more.

Add the tomatoes and bring to a simmer. Cook for about 1 hour, until the sauce has darkened and thickened slightly. You’ll end up with more sauce than
you need for this recipe; make spaghetti for dinner!

MAKE THE DOUGH:

Stir the flour, salt, egg, and water together in a large bowl, using a fork or your hands, until a shaggy dough forms. Turn out onto a lightly floured surface and knead for 5 minutes, until the dough is soft and supple.

ASSEMBLE THE ROLLS:

Line a rimmed baking sheet with waxed paper or parchment paper.

Cut the dough ball in half. Reserve half while you roll the rest into a thin 8 by 12-inch rectangle. Seriously, roll it as thin as you humanly can—it’ll bounce back, sort of like pizza dough. Using a pastry or pizza cutter, slice the large dough rectangle into 12 (4 by 2-inch) rectangles. Pull them apart from each other or they’ll try to rejoin, like little amoebas.

Using your fingers, stretch each small rectangle as thin as possible until almost translucent. Fill half of each piece with a few mozzarella cubes, a few pepperoni cubes, and a dollop of sauce. Fold the unfilled half on top to make a tiny hot pocket–style pizza roll; press the edges to seal well. Carefully transfer the completed rolls to the prepared baking sheet.

Repeat with the remaining dough and filling. When all dough rectangles are filled, place the baking sheet in the freezer for at least 1 hour. When frozen through, the rolls can be transferred to a freezer bag and kept frozen for up to 3 months.

COOK THE PIZZA ROLLS:

Heat at least 2 inches of vegetable or canola oil to 350°F in an electric deep fryer or large, high-sided pot. Line a baking sheet with paper towels and an upside-down wire cooling rack (see Deep Frying 101,
page 188
).

Fry the frozen pizza rolls, in batches if necessary, until golden brown and floating. Frying time will vary based on your appliance, but should take no more than 5 minutes per batch.

Transfer to the prepared baking sheet with heatproof tongs or a metal skimmer or mesh strainer and cool for 1 minute before serving.

Serve the pizza rolls immediately.