Christmas in Sugarcreek (8 page)

“What would you like me to do for you?”

He was standing so close she felt her breath catch. Forced herself to remember that Ben was talking about work. Not anything else.

“Maybe you could go around the aisles and pick up a bit. Also, please look and see if you notice anything that we’ve just about run out of. Later we can restock.”

“I can do that.”

Judith busied herself with counting money and receipts, trying not to be too hard on herself when she continued to count the same stack of dollar bills over and over again.

When Ben came back toward her, he carried a list in his right hand.

Unable to stop herself, she watched him approach. His shoulders were broad and, as usual, there wasn’t a bit of hesitancy in the way he moved.

Once again, she recalled gaping at him during their last year in school together. And remembered the way he’d raised a brow when he’d caught her doing so.

In a flash, the memories rushed back, just as if it had been yesterday. They’d been on the playground, and for once she was sitting by herself. He’d been bouncing a basketball on the blacktop . . . and she hadn’t been able to stop staring at him.

“Did no one ever teach you manners, Judith Graber?” he’d asked. She’d hated that she’d been so rude, and had hated even more that he’d noticed. “The last thing I need is a lesson in manners from you.”

“Doubt that.”

Her head had popped up. “Why?”

“Because every single time I turn around, I see you staring at me like I am stained,” he replied, his voice turning husky.

She’d felt her cheeks heating. “I don’t. I mean, I don’t think you’re stained.”

“I think you do.”

“Nee—”

Four steps brought him close. So close, he stopped a mere foot away from her. “I know what I see. I know what you see when you look at me. You know I’m not good enough.”

Her mouth had gone dry as she’d attempted to say the right words back. To tell him that though she was a little afraid of him, she’d thought that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t as bad as they’d all thought.

Though the school yard was almost empty, she’d felt on display. And, like the silly girl she was, she’d started worrying more about what their teacher would think instead of focusing on Ben.

Who had been staring at her with his beautiful hazel eyes that were framed too well with dark eyelashes.

Who always smelled clean and masculine and wonderful.

Just as she continued to stand there, painfully awkward, he leaned close. So close, if she’d lifted her chin and swayed forward, their lips would meet. “Do ya want to know a secret, Judith?”

She hadn’t been able to help herself. She nodded.

Looking satisfied, he lowered his head slightly, so his lips brushed her ear. “I don’t mind. Feel free to stare at me all you want.”

She’d been so shocked, so embarrassed, her hands had curved into fists.

Then she’d turned and ran home. His deep laughter floating behind her.

Even when she remembered the scene now, Judith felt herself cringe. She’d been hopelessly naïve, and he’d used that innocence to his advantage. During their last months of school together, she’d avoided him as much as she could.

And when other boys had given her attention, she’d gone walking with them when they’d asked.

It was only late at night, when she couldn’t sleep, that she remembered just how much she’d once fancied Ben Knox. Before he’d embarrassed her.

And before she’d known better than to risk her heart on someone so outrageous. Someone so unsuitable for a goody-two-shoes like Judith Graber.

Chapter Eleven

Six Days Until Christmas

“W
e haven’t gone out to dinner in ages,” Lilly told Robert as she drove him down Main Street toward the Sugarcreek Inn. “I’m so excited.”

With what could only be described as exaggerated patience, her husband sighed. “Lilly, if you want to go out to eat more, you only have to ask.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Perhaps you do . . . sometimes?”

Well, she did, every now and then. Sometimes her feet and back hurt after waitressing for hours. On those days it was hard to find the energy to come home and spend more time in the kitchen.

Especially since no matter how hard she tried, the food she made wasn’t all that good. Correction. It wasn’t good at all. But none of those reasons were enough to stop trying. “I wouldn’t do that to you. I know you like to have supper waiting for you when you get home from the factory.”

“I like having you home,” he corrected gently. “That is what is important to me.
You’re
who I look forward to seeing. Not a roast chicken.”

“I know that. I mean, so far I’ve managed to ruin every chicken dinner I attempted.”

“The last one wasn’t so bad.”

“It was far from good.” When she stopped at the stoplight, she glanced his way. Robert was obviously trying hard not to smile.

Which made her finally relax. When she thought of all the meals she’d made for him that had been barely edible, she began to giggle. “I’m afraid to bake fish again.”

“Perhaps that’s for the best . . .”

“But I do think my lasagna has improved. Slightly.”

“It has gotten much better, that is true. Still, we can go out to eat a little more often. Perhaps once a week?”

She would love that. But still . . . “I just don’t want you to change your life for me. Even though, you know, you already have.”

“You wouldn’t be doing anything to me. You’d be happy. And I like making you happy.” Gently, he looked her way and smiled. Looking down the street, his expression turned tense. “Of course, you didn’t have to choose this restaurant. We could have gone to Dutch Valley. Or maybe even Mexican food.”

“I wanted to come here.”

“Even though you work here?”

“Even though.”

Her heart skittered a bit as she felt the full force of his attention
.
Recently, he’d shaved his beard. Now he was as clean-shaven as any
Englischer
. The new look made him look younger.

And, perhaps, more a match to her?

Like a reoccurring dream, the old nerves and self-doubts grabbed ahold of her again. “Do you miss your beard?”

“Not at all. I like my cheeks smooth.” His hand went right to his chin. “What made you ask that?”

“I don’t know. I just thought that maybe you wanted to grow it again.”

“I don’t.” He smiled slightly. Then, right when she was at a traffic light, he leaned close and kissed her cheek. “I could have sworn my wife liked my smooth cheeks.”

She couldn’t believe it, and blushed. Robert was filled with surprises for her. Always. In so many ways, the perceptions she’d had about the way an Amish man behaved, or the way he might treat her, constantly went on its ear.

Robert was as affectionate and sweet as any newlywed she’d ever seen. He was eager to hold her in his arms at night; and when they were alone, he touched her often.

He continually put her needs first.

After brushing his lips against her jawline, he sat back in his seat. “Lilly? Aren’t you going to tell me what you think of my smooth cheeks?”

“You know I love your smooth cheeks,” she admitted with a shy smile.

“Then stop worrying, wife.” Stretching out his legs, now encased in jeans instead of homemade wool pants, he slapped a hand on his thigh. “Though this adjustment hasn’t been easy, there are some things I’m enjoying. One of them is my smooth cheeks. Another is my new clothes. These jeans are mighty comfortable.”

Secretly, she’d been missing her jeans, though she had to admit she was getting more used to the conservative dresses she was wearing now. She’d also been missing mascara and wearing her hair down.

When she turned into the inn’s parking lot, she was happy to see how full it was. “They’ve got a good crowd here tonight. I bet Mrs. Kent will be happy about that.”

“You sound almost wistful. Do you wish you worked more often?”

“Not at all. I’m happy with my three days a week.”

“Are you sure?” There was enough of an edge in Robert’s voice to make Lilly realize she wasn’t the only one who needed reassurance.

Reaching out, she squeezed his hand. “I’m happy with you, Robert. I’m happier with you than I could dream possible. And that’s enough for me.”

Looking at her more closely, he finally nodded. “You mean that, don’t you?”

“I do.” She parked the car, climbed out, and waited for him to come around.

Then they went in together, side by side. Just like every other married couple. “What are you going to get to eat?”

“I’m not sure.”

Almost immediately, Miriam came rushing forward. “Lilly! Look at you! What are you doing here?”

Glancing shyly Robert’s way, Lilly shrugged. “Eating supper out.”

More than one tableful of customers turned her way and smiled at the commotion. A few of the regulars raised their hands. “Lilly! Good to see you.”

She couldn’t help beaming. “Thank you! It’s good to be here.” As she gazed around the restaurant, she couldn’t help but grin at the line of Christmas cards hanging from ribbons over the windows and the small artificial tree the girls had set up near the back.

Though she still worked during the day, the restaurant felt different at night. Quiet instrumental music played in the background, red-and-green checkered tablecloths decorated each table, and strands of Christmas lights lined the ceiling.

“We miss seeing your smiles,” an elderly lady said. “When are you on the schedule again?”

“Monday.”

“If you want extra hours, let me know,” Miriam said. “Things around here have been crazy.”

After darting a look in Robert’s direction, she shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m a pretty busy wife now you know.”

“We know,” Mrs. Kent said as she walked over to greet them as well. “I saw Irene Graber and your mother in here the other day. They take great pride in letting me know what a dutiful wife you’ve become.”

Squeezing her shoulder, Robert chuckled. “Lilly is a
gut
wife. She makes me happy.”

Miriam held two menus to her chest. “Are you ready to be seated?”

“Definitely,” Lilly said.

“Your usual table, Robert?” Miriam asked with a sly smile.

“What table is that?”

“The one by the window, of course. You always came in and sat there when you were trying to get up the nerve to court our Lilly.”

Right before her eyes, Robert blushed.

“We’ll take a seat over in the back by the Christmas tree. Thanks, Miriam,” Lilly said.

Robert waited until she took a seat, then sat across from her. “Is this why you wanted to come here?” he asked. His voice was gentle but his gaze was suspicious. “Because you want to work more and you think I needed encouragement?”

“No.” Though hearing she was missed did feel good, working was the furthest thing from her mind at the moment.

“Are you sure? Because it kind of seems that way.”

Lilly heard the challenge in his voice. And a thread of disappointment—because he feared she was lying. “I promise you, Robert. I didn’t not want to come here in order to work more hours. I’m simply comfortable here, that’s all.”

He waited a moment, then nodded. “All right.”

After asking Miriam for two glasses of iced tea, they sat in an uncomfortable silence while they waited for her to return. The air between them felt awkward.

After another moment’s pause, Robert looked down at the menu and studied it intently. Lilly did the same, just as if she’d never worked here and didn’t have feelings about what she liked and didn’t like.

“I think I’ll get smothered chicken,” she finally said.

“I’ll get the same thing,” he replied.

Miriam came and took their orders. With a curious look, she took Lilly’s menu. Lilly averted her eyes, not wanting to see Miriam’s confusion because she knew it echoed her own feelings.

Because as each minute passed, Robert was drifting away from her. In truth, his behavior was like night and day from the man kissing her cheek at the stoplight.

And just when she thought things couldn’t get any worse, the front door opened and in walked Abe, Abe’s wife, Mary, and his father.

They saw her and Robert. Glared. And then, after a moment’s hesitation, the trio approached. Across from her, she sensed Robert’s discomfort. Though his relatives’ appearance wasn’t her fault, she still felt responsible for their dinner out getting worse. Why in the world had she ever imagined that this would be a good idea?

“Robert? Evening,” his father said as they approached. “How goes it?”

“We are fine.
Danke
.”

Lilly raised her head. Waited for the newcomers to acknowledge her. But just like when she’d first met them at the flea market, none of the three even looked her way.

It was almost like she didn’t exist.

Which completely broke her heart. Not for herself; she was used to straddling two worlds. But Robert surely wasn’t.

After it became obvious that his family wasn’t going to say a word to her, Robert stood abruptly, his chair scraping the floor as he did so.

“Perhaps we could speak outside for a moment,” he said. Then he walked to the door, not even bothering to put on his coat.

Not even bothering to offer a word of explanation to her.

Mr. Miller looked at her. “Lilly,” he said, with a nod. Then turned and followed his son. After another few seconds, Abe followed the other two men.

Mary went and sat down.

“What is going on?” Miriam asked when she approached with a pitcher to refill Lilly’s glass of water. “Is everything all right?”

She didn’t have the heart to pretend it was. “No.”

Miriam sat in Robert’s empty seat. “What can I do to help?”

“Nothing. There’s nothing to do,” she murmured, watching Robert and Abe exchange heated words right in front of the picture windows. To her dismay, she wasn’t the only one watching the conversation with interest. No, the Miller family seemed to capture the interest of just about everyone in the restaurant. Two ladies were eating their rolls while unabashedly attempting to read the men’s lips.

Lilly grimaced. She ached to fix everything between Robert and his family, but she had no idea how to do it.

Miriam got to her feet and squeezed Lilly’s shoulder. “I know things seem bad, but they’ll get better.”

“I don’t see how.”

“Anyone with eyes can see that you and Robert were meant to be together. Our Lord wouldn’t have put you in each other’s path if He hadn’t intended for you to be together.”

“You really believe that, don’t you?”

Miriam nodded. “And I’m not the only one, Lilly. There are a lot of us Amish who have no desire to shun Robert.”

“No offense, but I wish Robert’s cousin was one of them.”

Miriam’s eyes twinkled. “Let me tell ya a secret. Abe Miller didn’t just start being narrow-minded and full of spite. I do believe he’s had a lot of practice over the years. Now, I’ll go get your food.”

Lilly almost asked her to wait, but as a waitress there, she knew that wouldn’t be fair to either Miriam or the cooks. They had a lot of food to make and serve and couldn’t be dependent on the soap opera that her marriage was turning out to be.

“I’m sorry about that,” Robert said when he returned to his seat. “I simply couldn’t hold my tongue any longer.”

Lilly could practically feel dark emotions emanate from him. “What did you say?”

“I’ll tell you later,” he said as Miriam approached with two heaping plates of pan-roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, and tomato gravy. “Ah. This looks mighty good, Miriam.”

“I’ll let the girls in the back know,” she replied with a smile before turning away.

After two forkfuls, Robert looked at Lilly. “Now, wasn’t there something you’d wanted to talk to me about?”

“Nothing of importance,” she whispered. Suddenly, she didn’t trust her voice, his ears, or their audience. The last thing he needed was for her to once again share her worries about not being good enough.

He might already think that.