Christmas at the Gingerbread Café (5 page)

We move inside and make our way to Janey, who’s handing out cups of eggnog. I wave at familiar faces; most wink back as if we’re in a conspiracy. Damon clasps my hand as we mill about waiting for the show to start. At this moment I’m as happy as I can ever remember. CeeCee hands us both a candle as the choir assembles.

The music for
Amazing Grace
begins, and this time I smile. I know there’ll be no crying tonight.

Muted light peeks through the blinds the next morning, and I lazily arch my back. I feel drowsy as a cat, on account of getting no sleep. Damon’s beside me, curled around the flannelette sheets. I ease out of bed and head for the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash. The girl in the mirror looks flushed, radiant.

While I’m scrubbing the vestiges of the gloop from my face, I hear Damon wake. He pads around the room looking for his clothes. I stifle a giggle as I remember that they’re somewhere near the front door. So, things kind of moved quickly after the carols last night. My ears burn, and I know the town folk are talking about us already.

I’ll say he simply came back here for a glass of wine, and that was it. Being Christmas morning, there’s more chance he can sneak out without anyone knowing he stayed over. Dizziness grips me when I think of Damon naked. That man’s a fine specimen of the human form, and I just couldn’t say no. Anyone would have done the same.

“Lil?”

I wander back into the bedroom. There he is, all propped up on the bed, shirtless, and pantless by the look of the bulge under the sheet.

“Good morning,” I say, walking back into the room with only a towel on.

“I got you another present.” He winks and pats the bed.

“Oh, yeah? Didn’t you give me that a number of times last night?”

“That was only practice. And today is actually Christmas Day, so I’m going to need to start all over again.”

I drop the towel and walk to the bed. He whistles appreciatively as I join him under the sheet.

My phone rings, the old cordless lost somewhere deep inside the house. “That’ll be CeeCee inviting us to her place for Christmas dinner. You think you can drag yourself out of bed for some food?” I say snuggling into the warmth of his embrace, wishing the phone would stop so I could stay here. “If CeeCee’s cooking, then yeah.” I throw a pillow at him as I go to fetch the phone.

As I scramble past the lounge I pick up an old throw rug and wrap it around myself. The phone continues to ring, and I find it on the kitchen bench.

“We’re coming, Cee. Give me—”

“It’s not Cee.”

I nearly faint, when I hear him speak. After all this time, my heart lifts, and I will it not to.

“What is it you want, Joel?” Can’t imagine he’s ringing to wish me a Merry Christmas. We haven’t spoken since he left, and that wasn’t because I didn’t try. But a girl’s got pride, and when he ignored my calls, my pleading texts, I stopped. Waiting for a reply, for any word, was devastating when I was met with silence.

“How are you, Lil?” He sounds off, as if he’s forcing himself to sound chipper.

“I’m great, Joel. What can I do for you?” I’m aware of Damon not ten feet away, naked and waiting. It seems wrong to leave him there,
and
wrong to have him there.

“I miss you.”

I shake my head. Of all the times for him to call; if he’d called yesterday, things would have been markedly different.

“Oh, yeah? And what does your redhead have to say about that?”

“That’s all over. Has been for a while now. I’ve spent this Christmas break mulling it over, and I know I made a mistake. A huge mistake.”

A movement behind startles me. Damon’s searching the floor for his clothes. He pulls his jeans on, and raises his eyebrows at me.

“Now’s not a good time, Joel. I’m going to have to talk to you later.”

Damon motions to the door. He looks bewildered, and I realize he must know who Joel is. I hold my hand up, so he knows to wait.

“Can I call you back? In the morning?” Joel says, his voice beseeching.

“I don’t know about that. You take care now.” I hang up the phone, and place it back on the counter.

“I’m gonna go,” Damon says, a hurt look plastered on his face.

“Wait, why? I thought we were going to CeeCee’s.”

He stares at me for a length of time, waiting for me to speak. I haven’t told him about Joel, but figure in this small town of ours he probably already knows.

“Was that your husband?” he asks, his voice breaking.

“Ex-husband.”

“Sounds like you got some unfinished business there, Lil.”

My eyes averted, I spin the phone, and desperately try to think.

“Please, Damon. Let’s go to Cee’s and enjoy the night.”

He searches under the lounge for his sweater. He finds his boots and stuffs them on.

I shiver, cold despite the rug wrapped around me. He walks over, and holds me tight. We stay squeezed together for an age. Lightly, he kisses the top of my head, cups my face and stares into my eyes. “Lil, I’m going to give you some space to decide what you want. I know all about Joel. Rosaleen told me.” He has the grace to blush. “So no pressure, OK? You need to do what’s right for you. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

His heartfelt plea breaks me. Tears spill as I watch him walk away. He’s right, and that’s what hurts most of all.

The phone rings again, and I let it go to the message bank. I don’t want to talk to Joel again until I’ve decided how I feel. I head to the shower. I’ll go to CeeCee’s. Being in the bosom of her happy family will be just the distraction I need. Being alone is too much right now, especially with the scent of Damon still on my skin.

“Merry Christmas, sugar plum.” CeeCee embraces me, and I will myself not to cry. Way to ruin Christmas, I think glumly to myself. I force a smile on my face as we break apart.

“And where is that fine-looking man?” She looks over my shoulder into the inky night.

“He’s not here.”

She searches my face. “And why not, pray tell?” She ushers me inside. The sound of children’s laughter rolls down the hallway, and I can hear a TV blaring in the distance.

“He’s got other things to do. Where is everyone? I want to say hello.”

“Oh, no, you don’t. Not before you tell me what’s going on.” CeeCee pushes me into her formal sitting room, a chintzy affair with floral lounges, and floral curtains, her fine china on display.

“It’s nothing, Cee. I’ve got gifts for the—”

“Stop right there. Now, how long have I known you? And you think you can waltz in here with that pasty smile of yours, and those puffy red crying eyes, and I won’t know somethin’s wrong?”

Damn my crying eyes. I need to learn to sob silently, to un-puff.

“You gonna tell me or am I gonna have to march over to Damon’s and find out myself?”

And she would. “It’s not Damon. It’s Joel.”

“What you mean ‘Joel’?”

“Joel rang, while Damon was there. He says he made a mistake, he’s not with the redhead any more…”

“And what? He wants to come back to you?”

“I guess.” I pluck at a tassel on the cushion. It’s hard not to compare the two men, and the only thing that keeps me from running back to Damon is the fact that Joel and I have so much history. I hardly know Damon.

CeeCee’s trying really hard not to let loose what’s going on in her head but I can gather she’s none too happy, by the grunting and sighing she’s doing.

“Sugar plum, there ain’t nothing I can say that’s gonna change your mind. You have to decide, but I just want you to know, if you lie down with dogs, you gonna get fleas!”

I cackle along with CeeCee, and the mood lightens. “You certainly have a way with words.”

“So, how you feel?”

“I don’t know. Last night with Damon was magical. But Joel and I were together since we were kids, you know?”

“I know. And you the forgiving type. Sometimes when a man does wrong, you have to make him accountable, Lil. That man don’t see what we see. He looks around this town, disdain on his face, like he better than most folk. I just wonder if he’s really ready to move back here. You and I both know this place hasn’t changed none in two years, and surely won’t any time soon.”

She’s right. Pining for Joel these last two years, I realize I’ve been pining for what we lost, by him breaking my trust. And the fact that Joel always wanted a bigger, better life than what we had.

“You know, it’s funny, Joel sounds exactly like Damon’s ex-wife. They think small towns are full of hicks that don’t know any better.”

“I know all about her. Rosaleen told me everything at church today.”

“She must have sore jaws what with all her yapping.”

“She used to it, what with all the practice. And what about Damon? He has a baby girl?”

I remember Damon’s Christmas gift then. I’d forgotten in the drama of the afternoon. A gingerbread-house kit. Complete with all the trimmings, ready for father and daughter to assemble when they get some time together. “Yes, he’s got a little girl named Charlie. She’s all set to visit after Christmas. And that’s who’s calling him every five minutes. Poor baby, she’s missing him like crazy.”

CeeCee nods, “I can imagine him as a daddy. I bet he’s great with kids.”

“But that’s just it, Cee. What if his ex-wife decides she’s made a mistake, just like Joel’s done? And she wants to come back after a while? They’ve got a little girl — they’d have to try for her sake. And then what? I’m left all alone. I just don’t know if I can go through that kind of heartbreak again.”

“Really, sugar? You’d stop yourself from falling truly in love in case of a ‘what if’? That ain’t no way to live your life. Who knows what the future holds? But don’t put your life on hold on account of one fool who weren’t good enough for you.”

Listening to CeeCee, so fervent and so right, I know. Everyone else has moved on, and it’s time I did too.

“How do you think the little girl will feel about her daddy having a girlfriend?”

“A girlfriend who owns a shop that specializes in gingerbread men? Pretty darn good! If she don’t love you from the get-go, we’ll sure as shooting find a way to her heart.”

“Doesn’t that sound a little Hansel and Gretel to you?”

CeeCee slaps her leg, and laughs. When she’s composed she says in a more serious tone, “Sounds as though you know what’s in your heart, Lil. I’m a let you stew on it a bit more.” She pulls me up from the lounge. “Come help me in the kitchen. I promised your mamma I was going to look after you. We need to get some meat on those bones of yours.”

“I got plenty of meat on these bones, Cee.”

“You could use a little more.”

We enter the small kitchen. The table is laid with a red tablecloth, and small green candles sit in the center. Gold Christmas crackers are neatly lined up next to the cutlery. The delicious smell of turkey wafts out from the oven. I think of calling Damon. I can see him sitting here, carving up the meat, and joking with CeeCee. But I don’t, just in case he says no.

“You want me to baste it?” I ask.

“Sure thing, honey. And I’m gonna start the gravy. I’ll call the kids in to come say hello.”

I yawn as I park the car in my driveway. It’s nearly two a.m., and fatigue hits me like a brick. CeeCee and I got to talking and time raced away, as it does. One by one, the kids disappeared and the house grew quiet, until it was just the two of us sitting at the table, drinking gingerbread coffees.

The truck door creaks with protest as I push it open and hop down from the seat. I jump, startled, as I see a figure on the porch.

“Sorry, I scared you.”

“No, it’s OK.”

“I couldn’t stay away,” he says.

“Oh, yeah?”

Heat floods my body as I run to him. I lift my face to his and kiss him full on the mouth. My heartbeat quickens as he moves his hands around my hips and pulls me closer. Cupping my face, he stops to gaze at me. “Yeah. If he wants you, he’s going to have to fight me for you.”

We laugh. “I’ve seen those muscles of yours. I think we’d better appoint the winner now, and save all the bloodshed.”

He nuzzles into my neck, and I break out in goose bumps. We stand under the light of the moon, and look at each other, grinning like fools. “I missed you like crazy,” he says, and bends to kiss me.

Joel and the memory of the years we spent together drift into the night, forgotten. From now on in, I only want the real thing. I’m not settling for second best any more.

Before I forget, I go to the truck, and retrieve Damon’s present. He unwraps it delicately and I frown at the memory of myself wrenching the paper off the gift box when he gave me the turkey.

When he sees what it is, he stares at me, with that same all-knowing look, as if we’ve done this before. “She’s going to love that.”

“I hope so,” I say. “After all, she’s the most important person in your life, and I just want you to know I respect that. To me, your child, no matter what the circumstance, should be number one.”

Damon embraces me, and whispers, “How’d I get to be so lucky?”

I lead him inside, past the Christmas tree with its flashing lights, so bright and colorful as if it’s shrieking congratulations to us. I hold that thought in my heart, and vow never to forget this moment.

I pull Damon to the bedroom; all I want to do is fall asleep in the comfort of his arms. I can’t wait to tell CeeCee. By now, she’s probably planning the wedding; what with her second sight and all, she’ll already know the date, the location, and what kind of dress I’ll be wearing.