Checking It Twice (3 page)

Sweet Jesus
. He wanted that too. The desire to feel the hot, wet silkiness of her mouth and pussy wrapped around his cock thrummed through his blood. He was on the edge, his resistance holding on by a microfilament. If it snapped and he buried himself inside Jana like he longed to do, the inevitable fallout would be impossible to repair.

He couldn’t do that to her.

As if she’d intuited the battle going on inside him, Jana ran her fingertips through his hair, the gentle rake of her nails on his scalp making him shiver in sensory overload. In between her delicious, exploring kisses, she fed him reassurances that he desperately wanted to believe but ultimately knew he couldn’t.

“Don’t think. Just make love to me.” Her fingers laced with his and skated his hand along her thigh. Without consciously realizing what he was doing, he caressed her velvety skin. She leaned into his touch, her feathery sigh brushing his cheek. Shifting slightly on his lap, she coaxed their joined fingers farther inland, until the soft fur trimming her skirt tickled his knuckles. He knew where she was leading him. Knew he should stop her. But damn if he possessed enough willpower.

She slipped his hand beneath her skirt, giving him only a brief, tantalizing graze of his palm over the thin, silky strip of her pubic hair before guiding his fingers lower. His breath hissed between his teeth as he encountered the slick moisture coating her labia. She rubbed against his hand, glazing his skin with her juices. A tremble coursed through her. “Do you feel how much I want you?”

A tremor shaking him, he glossed his fingers over her wetness. The mental image of her soaking his cock with her liquid, musky essence while she rode him flashed through his mind. His dick responded with a hot surge behind his fly. Jana fumbled with his zipper.

His cock in her hands? There’d be no hope for him.

Moving faster than he would have thought his lust-fogged state would enable, he grabbed her wrists and pinned them to the small of her back. The position jammed her tighter against him, settling her a little too close for comfort on the ridge of his straining erection. The blaze of excitement in the depths of her eyes threatened to annihilate his thinly reined control.

“I’m not fucking you.” He didn’t know who he was trying to convince more—her or him.

“But I need you.” Her bottom lip quivered. “So badly.”

He could feel the heat radiating from her, blending with his own blistering temperature. The pleading desperation in her words knifed through his gut. Ripped him inside out.

He couldn’t make love to her, but he also couldn’t leave her like this.

Heart thudding, he pressed his forehead to hers and dragged in a shaky breath. The drugging perfume of her arousal played havoc with his equilibrium. “I’m going to take care of you, but you have to swear to keep your hands where they are.”

“Why?”

“Just promise me. If you move them, I’ll stop.”

She gnawed her lip. “Maybe you better tie them, to be on the safe side.”

His cock twitched. The idea of pleasuring her while she was trussed up on his lap skyrocketed his internal temperature by a thousand degrees. He’d be damn lucky if he didn’t spontaneously combust before getting her off. He swallowed, his mouth more arid than the Sahara. Tearing his focus from Jana’s face, he swept the room, looking for something to bind her with. His attention fell on the discarded ribbon from her gift.

Following the path of his gaze, Jana peered over her shoulder. He wouldn’t have thought it possible, but her nipples pebbled even more behind the scanty covering of her halter. Licking her lips, she scooted to her feet and crossed to the ribbon, snatching it at one end. The previously innocent strip of fabric assumed a whole new wicked persona as she twirled it in her grip. She returned to his lap, lowering herself square on his erection with a provocative swizzle of her hips, reminding him without words that she didn’t require the use of her hands in order to make him break out in a cold sweat.

He took the ribbon from her, a half growl, half groan falling from him when she nibbled his jaw. “You’re not behaving.”

“I know. I’m a naughty elf, remember? Maybe you
should
have spanked me with your big candy cane.”

His cock wasn’t the only part of him that rose to the challenge of her playful taunt. A primal carnality swept through him, prodding him to give voice to the dark, dirty fantasies swirling in his mind. “Guess I’ll have to settle instead for burying my fingers in your hot little pussy.”

Her breath quickened.

That tiny cue to her arousal and excitement lit a hazardous spark to the depraved voyeuristic cravings he struggled so fiercely to keep caged. A visual feast waited for him between Jana’s legs, and he shook with the need to explore that wonderland. “Is your clit nice and juicy for me, Jana?”

She whimpered and wiggled on his lap.

Show me, baby. Show me how fucking wet you are. How ready that slick pussy is for my cock.
The tormenting words remained imprisoned inside his head. There was no way in hell he could free them. If he did and Jana accommodated the request…there’d be no muting the demanding perversions that shackled him.

Anchoring her wrists with one hand, he wound the ribbon in place and knotted it firmly. He tugged the fabric lightly, ensuring it wouldn’t budge. Tracing the curvature of her spine with his other hand, he dipped his hungry gaze to her beckoning cleavage. One little tug on that bow and the bounty of her breasts would be unwrapped and available for his feasting. Much as he salivated at the prospect, he held firm to the reminder that a naked Jana would result in her impaled on his cock in minus zero seconds flat. Right now, that miniscule scrap of satin was the life preserver keeping his control from capsizing.

Control? What the hell was that? He’d lost what little he’d clung to the second he walked through Jana’s door.

And now look at you. Tying up women like the goddamn pervert you are.
The phantom recrimination in his head was all too familiar, right down to its haunting similarity to his father’s voice. Kevin’s stomach clenched, sour acid burning his esophagus. It wasn’t until Jana’s lips soothed over his cheek that he realized he was crushing the furred trim of her skirt within his fist. He relaxed his grip, wishing he could so easily tame the tension seizing him.

“Everything okay?”

He couldn’t bring himself to meet Jana’s gaze. If she glimpsed even a fragment of the tainted past buried inside him…

“Kevin?” An extra layer of concern laced her tone. “Please talk to me.”

Cupping the back of her head, he kissed her softly, bringing her back to the sensual haze from moments ago. Yes, it was a tactic designed to distract her, but it worked. His hand disappeared beneath her skirt, seeking the titillating heat at her core. Two of his fingers eased inside her channel while another sought her clit. A moan fell from her as he rolled the slippery pearl under the pad of his thumb. Encouraged by her response, he poured all of his concentration into her pleasure. He was deprived the sight of her silky flesh, but he could feel every wet inch of her—and it was just as devastating to his sanity. Particularly when she arched her back, her inner muscles hugging his digits tight as she undulated in tempo with his pistoning fingers. His cock throbbed, jealous at not being on the receiving end of her erotic dance.

A mesmerizing image of her rocking her way to climax on his shaft implanted itself in his brain. Hot, ready to explode, she’d grind into his thrusts, bathing his cock and balls with her juices.

The vivid fantasy pulling him under, he lowered his head and sucked Jana’s nipple into his mouth, halter top and all. She gasped, the tiny muscles in her pussy fluttering. Reaching behind her, he gripped her bound wrists, the dark, primitive streak from earlier roaring back with a vengeance. His teeth and tongue plying her satin-covered nipple, he fucked her hard and deep with his fingers, claiming her the only way he would allow himself.

“
Oh God
. I’m g-going to c-come.” No sooner did she gasp the words and she bucked in his grasp, her broken cry ringing in his ears while her strong contractions milked his fingers and her slick little clit beat beneath his thumb. With no warning, his cock pulsed before unloading on him—in his fucking pants. Unable to do anything more than shudder and groan, he held Jana tight while she rode out her orgasm.

Once the last of the quakes shook through her and she collapsed with a blissful sigh, he untied the ribbon and rubbed the circulation into her wrists before gently settling her on the couch. “I’ll be right back.”

She gave a sleepy, contented nod and snuggled into the cushion. He trekked to her guest bathroom and snatched several tissues from the dispenser. After taking care of the mess he’d made of his pants, he flicked on the faucet to the coldest setting and splashed his face. Water dripping down his neck and saturating his collar, he fisted the edge of the basin and stared sightlessly at the wet porcelain.

You had to touch what isn’t yours, didn’t you? You make me sick.
The hateful, damning words from his past pummeled him, making him flinch. They weren’t in regards to Jana, but their appropriateness for his current transgression wasn’t lost on him.

The damnable part was he was a pro at keeping his hands to himself. Looking but not touching. It was the core of his existence. Of his identity. It sustained his needs and fed his fantasies. Except when it came to Jana. With her, he wanted so much more.

Panic and remorse vised his chest in an unforgiving hold, odd companions to the remaining dregs of lust fogging his head. All this time he’d pledged to keep Jana off limits. To not feed her hope for a future with him. But he’d fucked everything to hell.

White-knuckling the sink, he surrendered to the shame crashing over him. The overhead light flickered. Thinking it was Jana, he quickly straightened and turned off the faucet before glancing toward the doorway. It was empty. He checked the light fixture and noticed one of the bulbs had burnt out. Exhaling, he hit the wall switch and returned to the living room. Jana remained curled on the couch, her dusky lashes closed and soft snores confirming that she was asleep. He watched her for an endless moment, a cacophony of emotions twisting his insides.

The swelling of his cock mocked him. It didn’t matter that he’d recently come. Or that his raging desire to sink deep inside her couldn’t be acted upon. If he stayed here a second longer, he’d commit another disastrous mistake by making love to her.

Hands unsteady, he unfolded the blanket stashed near Jana’s feet and gently tucked it around her before crossing to the front entrance and letting himself out. The briskness of the winter night didn’t cut through the feverish heat roasting his skin. He ducked into the Navigator and fumbled to release the top few buttons on his shirt. Clicking his seat belt in place, he shifted into reverse and floored it out of her driveway. Without consciously making the decision, he turned left at the end of her block and headed toward the freeway. He desperately needed to burn this residual hunger for Jana out of his system, and Club Arabesque was his best option to get the job done.

One of the secrets he kept from Jana was his chosen kink—voyeurism. He was pretty sure she wouldn’t be freaked out by it, but it was a part of his life he preferred not to talk about, mostly because his need to watch others have sex was linked to his twisted, dirtied past. And that was something he didn’t particularly want to get into with anyone. Not even Jana.

Especially not Jana. Because if she knew the things he’d done…

Renewed shame and self-disgust roiled in his belly. Determinedly blocking out the taunting memories attempting to barge into his brain, he pulled into the club’s lot. He shut off the engine and climbed from the SUV. After hitting the alarm button on his remote, he pocketed his keys and made his way to the renovated church that now acted as an infamous underground sex club. Arabesque offered precisely the visual raunch-fest his inner voyeur feasted on. It was the perfect diversion to prevent him from doing something as boneheaded as driving back to Jana’s and rocking her motherfucking nonexistent panties off again.

Inside the club, the throbbing, erotic beat of techno music pulsed around and through him as he made his way toward the stairway leading to the main play area. He gripped the rail and assessed the club members milling on the lower level, scoping the action. The staccato click of approaching high heels drew his scrutiny to a couple walking up the stairs toward him. He’d seen them here before. They were heavy into the exhibitionist scene and were a favorite amongst the voyeurs because of the couple’s sexiness and raw, uninhibited love of public fucking. Despite the fact they offered the kind of kink he craved, he never sought them out. The guy reminded him too much of Nick.

Even as he stared at the dark-haired stranger, a conflicting host of emotions swamped him, adding several more knots to his stomach. He missed Nick. More than he cared to admit. It’d been nearly five years to the day that he’d walked away from Nick and Heather and what had once been the closest he’d ever come to coexisting in a relationship. It’d been an unconventional one. A disaster in the making. But that hadn’t stopped him from pursuing it to the bitter end. Just one more nail hammered into the coffin of his past.

The couple paused to kiss, awarding him a brief glimpse of their dueling tongues. A breathless moan fluttered from the woman as her partner caressed her breasts through the clingy fabric of her black mini dress. Her gaze flicked to Kevin, the sultry invitation in her eyes unmistakable. An odd sense of déjà vu crashed into him. He’d seen that same expression countless times adorning Jana’s face—both in reality and in his fantasies. It was practically identical to the one she’d worn earlier when she’d been straddling his lap.