Chasing the Stars (42 page)

‘Why did you do it?’ I asked at last.

My brother stood behind the nano-field of his detention cell looking out at me, his expression unreadable. Ever since I’d changed his self-preservation algorithm so that it would follow the three robotic laws as adopted by the Authority, he’d changed. Now he only spoke when spoken to, and every time he looked at me I’d swear there was regret in his eyes. I’d failed him and he was punishing me for it.

‘Aidan, why did you lie to me about Nathan?’

‘I don’t understand the question.’

‘Why did you get Erica to take Nathan’s pendant? Why did you want to convince me that Nathan was being unfaithful? Answer me, damn it.’

‘I don’t understand your questions.’

‘Why did you try to kill Nathan? He didn’t have a weapon aimed at you. He couldn’t harm you.’

‘He was a danger to you.’

‘How, for God’s sake? Nathan would never harm me.’

‘He was a danger to you. He was making you unhappy,’ said Aidan.

‘He was making me unhappy because of you and your lies.’

Aidan didn’t reply.

I shook my head, trying to put my scattershot thoughts in some semblance of order. ‘Nathan says you were jealous of him. Is that true?’

Aidan’s eyes briefly narrowed. At last, an emotional response.

‘Is that it, Aidan? Were you jealous?’

Aidan made his unhurried way to the bed in his cell and sat down. He raised his head to look me in the eye and said, ‘I don’t understand the question.’

Who the hell was that at my door? I tapped my bedside table to check the time. One twenty in the morning. If it was Anjuli trying to cheer me up again then she was about to get the door closed in her face. I’d already told her that I didn’t want company. I didn’t know how to make my meaning any clearer. I’d had more than enough of Erica’s apologies and Anjuli’s attempts to ‘take my mind off things’ and Mum’s sympathetic looks over the last twenty-four hours to last me a lifetime. I opened my door, ready to take someone’s head off.

Vee.

Damn it! Another punch to the stomach. Every time I saw her it was like being hit. Hard. Every time I entered the bridge knowing she’d be there, I had to steel myself not to react. But who was I trying to fool? If myself, then I was failing.

You may still affect me, Vee, but it’s purely a reflex action now. I’ll get over you, I swear I will, I thought as I glared at her. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to speak first. These were my quarters. And quite frankly, she was the last person I expected or wanted to see.

‘May I come in?’ she asked at last.

I stepped aside to let her enter. Vee moved into the middle of my room. I leaned against the door, my arms folded over my bare chest.

We stood there in silence, watching each other. I still wasn’t going to speak first. It wasn’t me being childish, I just didn’t trust myself.

‘I needed to see you,’ said Vee softly. Her voice was honey laced with thorns. ‘I know this can never be enough, but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for doubting you.’

I didn’t move. I didn’t speak.

‘I still don’t know why Aidan set us up like that. He won’t speak to me,’ Vee continued.

I’d already given her my opinion as to why he’d done it. I wasn’t about to go over old ground. What was the point? When you drilled right down to it, Vee had chosen to believe her brother over me.

‘Can you ever forgive me?’ asked Vee.

‘For what?’ I asked. ‘For not trusting me? For believing the lies your brother told you over the truth I gave you? For standing by when he tried to kill me?’

‘I didn’t,’ Vee denied. ‘I told him to let you go.’

‘But there was a moment when you were going to let him do it. Admit it.’

Unshed tears filled Vee’s eyes. She tried to blink them away, quickly wiping her fingers over her eyes as if I wouldn’t notice.

I wanted her to cry.

I wanted her to be unable to sleep and to have to endure a fraction of the hurt I was feeling. At that moment her tears made me despise her even more.

‘I know I have no right to ask, but please forgive me?’ Vee asked.

I straightened up, my arms falling to my sides. I walked over to Vee, moving slowly, giving her a chance to flee. If she had any sense she’d leave, but she stayed put though her expression spoke volumes.

I was scaring her.

Good.

I stood before her, looking down at her face. So many thoughts and feelings were swirling through me at that moment, none of them good.

‘Nathan, please . . .’

‘Please what?’ I asked. Was that really my voice, so bitingly cold, so unrelentingly hard?

‘Tell me what I need to do to make things right between us,’ Vee whispered.

‘What’re you prepared to do?’ I asked.

‘Anything it takes. I promise,’ said Vee. ‘I’ll do whatever it takes to get us back to the way we were.’

Her hand moved up to cup my face. I pulled away. Vee’s hand fell to her side.

‘Prove it,’ I demanded.

‘How?’

‘Take off your clothes.’

A stillness swept over Vee as she looked at me. ‘Why?’

‘Because I asked you to,’ I replied evenly. ‘You did say you’d do anything it takes to make things right.’

Vee and I regarded each other, something ugly in the room with us. Vee raised her chin. ‘I’m not about to let you hurt me, Nathan.’

‘That isn’t my intention.’

‘What is your intention then?’

I shrugged. ‘I’m horny. I thought we could spend some time in bed or against a wall or on the floor – I don’t really care. And then you can leave.’

‘You don’t get to treat me like a whore, Nathan,’ Vee said furiously.

‘Why not? You were quick enough to believe that I was one,’ I pointed out bitterly. ‘Why was that, Vee? If I wasn’t a drone, would you have been as eager to think the worst of me? I don’t think so.’

‘You being a drone had nothing to do with it. It wasn’t you. Don’t you see that? It was me. My doubts, my insecurities, my naivety. Me. I couldn’t quite bring myself to believe that you felt the same way about me as I felt about you.’ Vee’s words cascaded like a waterfall. ‘I couldn’t bring myself to believe anyone outside my family could truly love me. Look at me. I’ve been nowhere. I’ve done nothing. I’ve been the only human inside this metal coffin for three years. Why would you want to be with me? That’s what I kept asking myself. Whereas you and Anjuli, you’d been through so much together, shared so much. I could believe in you and her as a couple far more easily than I could believe in you and me. That was my mistake. I messed up.’

I hardly heard her. All I could see before me was someone who was supposed to love me the most, but who had been prepared to stand by and watch me die.

‘D’you need help taking your clothes off?’ I asked evenly.

Vee closed her eyes briefly. When she opened them again, they shone with unshed tears.

‘I won’t have sex with you, Nate, not like this.’

‘So much for doing anything to make it right,’ I said with contempt. ‘Turns out that promise was as empty as all the others you made at our joining ceremony.’

‘I do want your forgiveness, Nathan, but not at any price,’ said Vee. Slow tears ran down her cheeks. ‘I guess I was wrong about that.’

I turned my back on her. ‘You need to leave. Now.’ I closed my eyes, fighting to regain control of myself.

Moments later my door opened and then closed. I was alone.

I left my quarters, ready to start my shift on the bridge. Anjuli was outside my room, obviously waiting for me.

‘Yes, Anjuli?’ I asked wearily.

After my conversation with Nathan, I’d spent the rest of the night staring up into the dark of my room. I had to face the truth. Any love Nathan had felt for me was well and truly dead. And I had no one to blame but myself. I hadn’t once shown that I had faith in him. I hadn’t trusted him because I hadn’t trusted myself. I couldn’t quite believe that I’d fallen for anyone as quickly as I fell for him and the fact that he felt the same way seemed too good to be true. So it was easy for Aidan to convince me that it wasn’t.

Nathan said that Aidan had acted out of jealousy.

That made two of us.

A sibling trait obviously.

I should’ve held onto what Nathan and I had with all my might. If I’d had more experience or sense or confidence, I would never have let anyone get between us. But I’d let self-doubts and suspicions drive us apart.

And I’d lost him.

‘Vee, are you all right?’ Anjuli frowned at me.

‘What is it, Anjuli?’

‘Well, I . . . I don’t want to tell tales and I know you’re going through a lot right now but I just wanted to clear something up,’ said Anjuli reluctantly.

‘I’m listening.’

‘Aidan was the one who suggested that I should monitor the Mazon comms. He said my initiative would impress you.’

What?

‘Aidan put you up to it?’ I frowned. ‘Why didn’t you say something before?’

‘Because it was my mistake,’ Anjuli replied unhappily. ‘I should’ve cleared it with you or Commander Linedecker first but I was desperate to make a good impression. And if I then turned round and said that Aidan suggested it, it would’ve looked like I was just trying to pin the blame on your brother.’

‘I see,’ I replied.

‘And one other thing,’ Anjuli began. ‘Your brother was the one who suggested that I persuade Nathan to talk to you about letting me back on the bridge. Aidan said I should speak to Nathan about it every chance I got.’

I briefly closed my eyes. Just when I thought I couldn’t feel any worse . . . Aidan had been ahead of me every step of the way.

‘Thanks for letting me know,’ I said.

Anjuli nodded before she turned round to head back to the engine room.

‘Anjuli, you’re needed on the bridge,’ I called after her.

She spun round, her eyes hopeful. ‘Really?’

‘Yes, really. You’re assigned to the bridge until further notice.’

‘Oh thank you, Vee. I won’t let you down again, I promise.’

Though I was also heading that way, Anjuli didn’t bother waiting for me. She practically ran to get there. I followed her onto the bridge, too heartsick to dredge up a smile.

Nathan was already at the navigation panel sitting in Aidan’s usual place. The commander, Sam and Hedda were at the various stations around the bridge. Anjuli sat down next to Nathan, who was concentrating on the screen before him. I forced myself not to look at him. I had a job to do and I needed to get on with it. I’d do my grieving in private.

We were less than an hour away from the wormhole that would take us out of Mazon space. I needed to concentrate on getting us through that.

Anjuli and Nathan spoke quietly between themselves. To my left, the commander, Hedda and Sam did the same. I read the reports from the medical bay to get an update on the progress of those who’d been made ill in the mess hall poisoning and those who had been injured by my brother. Then I had to steel myself to read the report on those who’d recently died – Max and Dooli, Maria and Darren. Their funerals had been scheduled to take place once we were through the wormhole, after which their bodies would be jettisoned. Closing my eyes, I rubbed my fingers slowly over my forehead.

So much destruction.

Space wasn’t the place for those who didn’t like adventure, but all of us on board had seen far too much of death. And there was more than one way to die. The death of hopes and dreams and desires was perhaps more cruel because you had to live every single day with the pain of their loss. In spite of myself, I glanced at Nathan. He was watching me. Embarrassed, I looked away.

Anjuli whispered something to him and he nodded. I turned my attention back to the ship’s reports.

‘Vee, we have trouble,’ Nathan said.

My head snapped up. ‘What?’

‘There are two Mazon battle cruisers between us and the wormhole,’ Nathan replied. ‘They obviously couldn’t pinpoint our exact position as we travelled but they must’ve guessed our destination and got there ahead of us.’

I sat back in my chair. The Mazon were ahead of us and there was no ion storm to hide in this time. We had come this far, only to fail.