Chasing the Stars (19 page)

But not for long.

With a groan, Nathan took both of my hands in his own, our fingers intertwining, his eyes closing only a moment before mine.

Then the tone of our kiss changed. Nathan’s mouth on mine became harder, more demanding. Heat began to spread throughout my body. My heartbeat quickened. Nathan’s lips moved on mine, coaxing my mouth open. His hands began to move slowly up and down my body, from my hips, over my waist, onto my breasts, along my shoulders, down my arms, all the while blazing a trail as they journeyed. My hands were doing some tentative exploring of their own. All this touching and contact after so many years alone was overtaking my ability to think straight. All I could do was feel, and this felt good, with the certain knowledge that Nathan could make me feel even better.

Moments turned into minutes of kissing and touching. Nathan peeled off my shirt before I even realized what he was doing. I didn’t want it anyway. I wanted to feel his bare chest against my naked skin. Now I was burning up, hotter than when I’d been in the Mazon engine core. Nathan was still kissing me, his lips making their way down – from my earlobe to my throat before he nibbled at the crook of my neck. An involuntary moan escaped from my parted lips. Nathan’s hands were still caressing wherever they landed and his touch against my bare skin almost hurt. He raised his head to kiss my lips again, his tongue darting into my open mouth. It was almost unbearably pleasurable. I wanted more. More of his kisses, his touch, his body.

Wait! What was I doing?

‘Nathan, wait. Stop,’ I gasped, pulling my mouth away from his.

Reluctantly, Nathan stopped kissing me. We were both panting like we’d been submerged under water for too long.

‘What’s the matter?’ he whispered.

‘Nathan, I . . . this is too fast. I want to but we’re moving at light speed.’ Were my words as jumbled out loud as they were in my head?

Nathan nodded and smiled ruefully.

This was madness! What was I
thinking
? I wasn’t thinking, that was the trouble. I was just letting my emotions run away with me – something that had never,
ever
happened before. What was happening to me?

‘You’ll have to give me a moment to calm down, particularly one part of my anatomy,’ said Nathan.

Huh? I glanced down his body and blushed.

‘Aw, she’s embarrassed!’ Nathan teased.

‘How could you tell?’ I asked, surprised.

‘You don’t have much of a poker face, Vee,’ he said.

No. I didn’t. I looked at Nathan, scared to death by what I was feeling.

‘I’m sorry I stopped us but—’

‘Shush! You don’t have to apologize,’ said Nathan, before brushing his lips against mine once again. ‘My regions may take some convincing of that, but it’s OK. Really.’

‘No, it’s not. I want you, Nathan. I want to do this with you, I really do,’ I said, eager for him to understand.

‘Olivia, give me a break. You’re killing me here,’ groaned Nathan.

‘Not helping?’

‘Not even a little bit.’

All the kissing and touching we’d just done in the middle of this star chart had been mind-blowing. Good phrase that. Mind-blowing. I’d seen it used in a number of the films I’d watched but I’d never truly
felt
it until now. I still don’t know why I’d stopped Nathan from making love to me, having sex with me – whatever. God, we’d got close enough and I’d wanted so much more of him. All of him, in fact. So what was I waiting for? The Mazon could catch up with us and blast us to smithereens at any moment. A stray meteor could hit the ship and knock out the life support systems. Hell, I could eat some chilli and choke!

‘Vee, stop looking at me like that,’ he said.

‘Like what?’

‘Like you want to finish what we started.’

‘I do.’

‘I’m getting mixed signals here,’ said Nathan.

I sighed. ‘I’m sorry. It’s just . . . you confuse me.’

‘Back ’atcha!’

‘Should we change the subject?’

‘That would help – but after you’ve put your shirt back on!’

Mortified, I scrambled to grab my shirt from the floor.

‘Hold on. What’s that?’ Nathan indicated the necklace I always wore. It was a platinum chain with the letter V set in an oval on the pendant at the end of it and with a bolt of lightning running from the top to the bottom of the oval.

‘Oh, that’s my pendant. It used to be Dad’s. He was wearing it when he died. Dad always said he’d give it to me for my eighteenth birthday.’ I would gladly have waited for it if Dad had been around to give it to me personally. I sighed. ‘It’s all I have left of him now.’ I looked at Nathan, surprised at his solemn expression. ‘What’s the matter?’

‘What was your dad’s name again?’

‘Daniel Sindall. Why?’

‘I don’t know that name.’

‘Why should you?’

Nathan pointed to my pendant. ‘Because that’s the secret symbol of the Callistan Resistance working against the Authority.’

I shook my head. One of us was confused. ‘No, it’s not. Dad designed it himself, he told me so.’

‘Vee, that’s the symbol of the Resistance. And only those in the Resistance know it.’ Nathan stretched out his arm towards me then turned his forearm so his hand was palm up. There, tattooed on his upper forearm, was the same symbol as formed my pendant. I reached out, my fingers stroking over his tattoo in bewilderment.

‘I don’t understand,’ I whispered.

‘Did your mum know about your necklace?’

‘I don’t know,’ I replied. ‘I always assumed she did. I thought the V stood for Vida, my mum’s name and for me – Vee. Was my dad a member of the Resistance then?’

‘It seems likely if he gave you that.’ Nathan pointed to my pendant.

‘But Dad wasn’t a drone.’

‘Not everyone in the Resistance is. There are Elites who understand that what happens to drones is wrong and work in secret to do something about it,’ said Nathan.

I took hold of my pendant to look at it again. I’d loved it because Dad had promised it to me and I thought it looked striking but that was about the extent of it. Once again, my ignorance shamed me.

‘Vee?’

‘Hhmm?’ I asked, still studying my pendant.

‘Could you put your shirt back on please?’ Nathan said softly.

My head whipped up to look at him.

‘I’m not made of stone . . .’ he said drily.

Picking it up, I pulled it over my head. Cheeks flaming, I suddenly found the floor fascinating.

‘She’s embarrassed again,’ teased Nathan.

‘Shut up!’

Nathan sat on the ground, holding out his hand for me to do the same. I sat next to him, cross-legged, still holding his hand.

‘Want me to hold you?’ asked Nathan softly.

Swallowing hard, I nodded.

Nathan lay down, holding out his arm to me. I lay down, my head on his shoulder, and his arm immediately wrapped around me. We lay in silence for long comfortable moments, surrounded by stars. My heart rate was slowly returning to normal – as normal as it ever got around Nathan. This was seriously nuts! What was I doing kissing a stranger? But that was the trouble, he wasn’t a stranger. Not even close. In such a short space of time, he had me thinking things I’d never contemplated before, acting in ways I didn’t recognize. Quite honestly, it scared the hell out of me.

‘Where is this galaxy?’ Nathan pointed to the vast cluster of stars directly above our heads.

‘All of these are in the Tau quadrant,’ I said. ‘If we travelled at max speed and made use of the seven charted wormhole jumps along the way, it would take around twenty years to get there.’

‘I like the look of it,’ said Nathan.

‘From this angle, all the star systems in the Tau quadrant look good,’ I said. ‘They probably don’t look so compelling once you get up close and personal.’

‘Well, at this moment, we’re at the centre of that quadrant and masters of all we survey,’ smiled Nathan.

‘Maybe that’s what God does, sits in the middle of the universe and watches?’

‘You believe in God?’ Nathan asked.

‘On good days – and bad days,’ I replied.

I reached out a hand, displacing a spiral galaxy when all I really wanted was to hold it closer. I was chasing the stars. Once the galaxy had resumed its original position, I placed my hand beneath it. The illusion of holding a multitude of stars and myriad worlds in the palm of my hand seemed nothing less than miraculous. My hand dropped to my side.

‘It’s a shame it’s not real,’ I sighed.

‘It’s real enough. Every moment is real enough.’

True. This was so lovely, just being with Nathan like this. To have a little corner of the universe which was ours and ours alone. Nathan’s hand stroked up and down my arm. He suddenly chortled.

‘What’s so funny?’ I asked.

‘I was just thinking about how life is strange,’ said Nathan. ‘A while ago on Barros 5, I was sure I was going to die. Now I’m lying here, holding you and watching galaxies full of stars.’

‘A few days ago, I wondered if I’d make it home to Earth or die of loneliness first,’ I admitted out loud for the first time. ‘Then there was that moment in the engine core of the Mazon ship when I nearly lost my balance. I really thought my last moments had come.’

Life was indeed strange.

Nathan kissed my forehead. ‘We were obviously destined to meet and be together like this, as dictated by the universe.’

A moment’s stunned silence, then I burst out laughing. ‘Wow, but you talk some impressive nonsense!’

I expected Nathan to laugh too but after a moment’s silence, he said, ‘The first time I saw you . . . well, it was as if I’d been waiting for you my whole life. Damn, that sounds cheesy but it happens to be true. Didn’t you feel it too?’

It wasn’t the kind of thing I was ready to admit. ‘Nathan, I . . .’

Nathan drew his arm out from beneath me and rolled on his side to directly face me. ‘It’s OK, Vee. I don’t mind that I’m ahead of you in the way I feel. I’ll just wait for you to catch up, that’s all.’

‘I love the way you’re convinced I will,’ I smiled.

‘You wouldn’t be lying here with me otherwise.’

He had a point. One thing I needed to clear up though. ‘All that stuff you said about having dinner with my imaginary sister, you meant me?’

Nathan gave me a pitying look. ‘Of course I meant you. Vee, I really like you. I mean I
really
like you. My friends have been teasing me about it since we met, it was so blindingly obvious.’

Not to me. ‘Next time just say, “Vee, I like you. Would you like to have dinner alone with me sometime?” Keep it simple!’

‘I’ll remember that,’ said Nathan. ‘So you and me, d’you like the idea?’

My teeth worried at one side of my bottom lip as I tried to find the right words.

‘I’m moving too fast again, aren’t I?’ said Nathan, beginning to draw away from me.

I placed a placating hand on his bare chest. ‘I was at the other end of all that kissing that just went on – remember?’ I reminded him. ‘Of course I like you, more than like you. And it’s not that I don’t want to be with you.’ Uncertainty crept unbidden into my voice. ‘It’s just . . . I’m not sure. I’ve been away from other people for so long, I’m not sure if what I feel for you is genuine or just gratitude and propinquity.’

‘What does that mean – propinquity?’

‘Proximity. Nearness.’

‘Oh,’ Nathan nodded. ‘I understand.’

I knew he would.

‘Scared?’ he asked softly.

‘Terrified actually,’ I confessed.

Then Nathan surprised me by saying, ‘Me too.’

Maybe I shouldn’t have admitted to being scared. Did Vee think less of me because of it? A glimpse at her expression calmed my anxieties. Her wide-eyed stare spoke of astonishment but nothing else. She was so cute when she looked at me like that, like she thought I had all the answers, when the truth was I had none. And the moment I asked her what propinquity meant, I regretted it. I’d spent the last few Sol years on Callisto with no access to books, films or music except that deemed ‘appropriate’ by the Authority. I didn’t want Vee to think me ignorant but she’d told me what the word meant without being the least bit condescending.

‘You’re scared too?’ asked Vee. ‘Really?’

I nodded. Vee’s sigh of relief made me smile.

She exhaled softly. ‘It’s just . . . my head is telling me one thing whilst my gut is telling me another.’

‘What’s your head telling you?’

‘That what I’m feeling is just a rush of hormones to my brain, mixed with gratitude and three years of loneliness, shaken and then vigorously stirred. Bit of a lethal combination that.’ Vee admitted sheepishly.

‘And what’s your gut saying?’

‘That this is real. That I should tell my brain to shut up and just trust my feelings,’ said Vee. ‘Though of course the feeling in my gut could just be from the chicken joluf I had for my dinner this evening.’

I smiled. ‘Something tells me you’re a pragmatist.’

‘Not so as you’d notice at the moment,’ Vee said, shaking her head slowly. ‘I still can’t believe I’m lying here like this. This is crazy. In fact—’

Another kiss halted anything else she was about to say. I didn’t want her to have any doubts about us. Even out here in space, there was no room for doubts if we were going to make this work. She was an excellent kisser. Natural talent! When eventually we both came up for air, Vee was giving me a very strange look.