Chasing Dragonflies (12 page)

“Look I didn't say he couldn't see you, I was just trying to point out the fact that you're a bit fragile at the moment.”

“Fragile!!” she yelled interrupting him. “You think I am fragile? I spent six fuckin' years locked up out the back there eating crap. Sometimes I went days without eating anything! I lived in my own crap. Did you know I actually didn't have running water for the first two years I was out there? One time I was sick for weeks, I vomited all over myself,
all over
my clothes, and he wouldn't let me have clean ones. I had to live in my own filth. If I pissed Dad off, he would beat me. You think I am fragile? Really Xavier?” Xavier's face turned ashen and he cringed with every new revelation. She knew she was hurting him but she carried on anyway.

“Did you know I cried myself to sleep every night for the longest time? Do you know who I had to love me all that time? All I had was me, Xavier. I thought my fiancé was dead. For all I knew you were dead. Mum? You never came looking for meand I was right there,” she spun on her heel pointing toward the back of the yard where the shed still stood that had held her prisoner for so long.

“I had a life once, a happy full life. I was about to get married, or have you forgotten?” She ran her fingers through her hair, wrapping them in the strands and tugging on it. “Do you know he hacked my hair off once? I dared ask for some shampoo to wash my hair and he held me down while he hacked it too my scalp....to my scalp Xavier.” She screamed at him, the pain of the past all flooding back in a torrent of emotion that she had kept locked away for so long.

“Do you know by the time Asha found me, I was waiting to go? I was ready to die, to be done with the life I had, I did not want to be a part of it any more. I wished for death Xavier. I prayed the darkness would take over and I wouldn't have to feel anything anymore.”

He moved to her, bringing his arms out to hug her, but she pushed him away. She was too worked up to accept his comfort. She felt she could rip his face off.

“It hurt all of us Madd's we missed you so much, we all went through so much when we lost you,” he whispered as tears welled in his eyes.

She knew she was hurting him, that is why she had held back before now, always afraid of hurting someone else's feelings. Hearing a noise she looked up and noticed Patrick coming down the back steps into the yard. He knew more than most people did, they were becoming quite close, spending long nights talking about what she had been through the past years. In some ways it was easier to open up to someone she was not attached too. Just knowing he was there, helped calm her a little. She sucked in a deep breath and slowly released it before making eye-contact with Xavier.

“This is not about you Xave'. I love you and you know I do, but I need someone to love me.” She ran her hand down the side of her body. “Someone to touch me, to make me feel like a woman again.”

“I'm sorry bub,” Xavier whispered. His eyes saying everything he couldn't seem to find the words for.

“You just have to let me live Xave'. It's been too long that I haven't been allowed to live.”

Dex

Pulling into the drive he
had hoped Maddie wouldn't be home, he had not told her when he was coming. He had spent a long time mulling over the situation. He had even popped the lid on a bottle of whiskey last night. He had never smelt anything so damned good. Twirling it in hands he could almost taste it, the feelings, the relief he knew it would bring him was almost too much.

His saving grace had been the small photo of Shyla, he had kept in the kitchen cabinet all this time. That was his reason. She was why he couldn't drink. He had all but lost her to his alcohol abuse. Although he couldn't help but laugh at the term abuse, he was the one who felt abused by alcohol not the other way around. No he had to stay on the straight and narrow. For Shyla.

Now sitting in his truck at the front on Maddie's house, thinking of his near miss, he shook his head. How had this little blonde woman managed to twist his mind so much that he was even considering going back to the drink? No one since Issy had ever made him feel much of anything. In fact he couldn't think of one girl he had even wanted to see again, past the first encounter. This one it seemed, had started to crawl under his skin.

Striking a match and bringing it to the tip of his cigarette, he inhaled deeply. Feeling the nicotine drawing into his lungs. This was his only vice these days, he opened the door and jumped out of the truck, pressing the door closed, so as not to make any unnecessary noise. He reached into the open tray back and retrieved the seals. This was the last of the parts he had been waiting on. All going well, once he had these little suckers in, the engine would fire-up no problems. Then she would just need to get the tyres replaced and she would be back on the road. He knew how keen she was to get her wheels under her again.

There he went again...caring.

He managed to slip through the side gate and into the garage without being noticed and set to work, humming quietly to himself. The song that had been playing on the radio on the drive over, still running on repeat in his head. Stupid song, he didn't even like it, but it was catchy. He was broken out of his thoughts by his phone ringing. Reaching into his pocket, he saw Melody's name come up. He groaned. What could she possibly want now?

Bringing the phone to his ear he
answered, “
Yeah?”

“Hi Daddy it's me Shyla,” came the sweetest voice he had ever heard.

“Well hello beautiful.”

“Mummy said I could ring you and tell you I went to play today.”

“Did you now?”

“Yep and I have a new friend, his name is...his name is...what is my new friend's name Mummy?” he heard a shuffling on the other end, then she came back. “Regan, Mummy said his name is Regan.”

“That's awesome sweetheart,” his heart warmed, he so loved hearing his precious daughter so happy, she had not had an easy time of things in her short life.

“When are you coming to visit Daddy?”

“You know I am very busy sweetie pie. But I will come soon I promise.” Shyla giggled on the other end of the line. “What's so funny?”

“You can't eat me Daddy,” she laughed

“Bet you'd be yummy if I did,” he laughed at her innocence. “Especially with whipped cream on top.”

“You're funny Daddy.”

“Okay, I promise to come and see you okay sweetheart?”

“Yep, I love you Daddy.”

“Love you too, baby. Bye.”

He hung up the phone and tucked it back into his pocket, she really did make his heart sing, his precious little girl. He was just about to poke his head back under the bonnet of the car when he heard footsteps. Looking up and over the car, he saw Maddie walking toward him. A tiny little red sun dress on. She looked stunning, as she walked toward him with the light from the opening of the garage behind him, her blonde hair hanging loose around her shoulders, she reminded him of an angel. For a brief moment he had to question his own sanity at what he was about to do. He knew he could have her, he knew she wanted him. That wasn't the problem though. He could have his way with any girl. If he had his way with this girl, he was not sure he would be able to walk away when it was all over.

“Hey,” she called out, giving him a sad smile. He had to wonder why, he had not even said anything to her yet.

“Hey Maddie, how are you?”

“I heard you....I wasn't listening in, but I heard you,” she waved her hands around, gesturing toward his head. She tended to use her hands a lot when she spoke.

“Yeah I have been here a little while,” he replied, confused.

“No I mean, just now,” she brought her hand to her ear, holding out her thumb and little finger, indicating a phone symbol.

“Oh you heard me talking to my daughter?”

The colour suddenly drained from her already pale face and she brought her open palm to her chest, holding it over her heart. His eyes followed it there. Her dress was low cut. Her chest heaved slightly as she huffed out a laugh.

“Oh thank goodness, I thought maybe you had a girlfriend. I heard you tell her you love her and that you would see her soon. I thought for a horrible minute there that I had totally embarrassed myself.”

Dex let out a laugh too, he could see where she might have got that impression by his phone call. He shook his head. “Well I would have been a bit of a low-life, if I did have a girlfriend and I let you, wouldn't I?”

Maddie shrugged and nodded at the same time, it almost looked like she was having a little seizure and he stifled a laugh. He really hated what he was about to do and wished there was another way. She moved in close to him, so close he was tempted just to reach out and grab her, pull her gorgeous little body to his. His fingers ached to touch her. He could barely recall ever wanting— needing to touch another human so much. It had been months since he had been with a woman, maybe he just needed to go out and pick himself up a nice girl for the evening. One he could walk away from in the morning. One that was not broken and precious, that he might want to keep.

“I'm really sorry about Xavier yesterday, he gets all over-protective of me, likes to do the whole big brother thing, I suppose,” she said letting out a long sigh.

“It's okay, he's right you know. It's probably a bad idea—us,” he waved his hands between the two of them.

Maddie's eyes went wide in disbelief and he felt like a total asshole.

“You have had a hard time and y'know, maybe if the time....”

“Are you saying you don't like me?”

“No I'm not saying that...” a shot of guilt coursed through him. “I do Madd, I like you.”

“Then what? Xavier marches in here, all macho and now you want to cool things?”

“It's not like that Maddie.”

“Then what? What's it like?” she folded her arms across her chest, forcing his eyes to look where he was trying to avoid, the top of her bare breast sat just above her low cut top. He licked his bottom lip, thinking about how he would like to run his tongue across those breasts.

No, he had to concentrate, begrudgingly he lifted his eyes back her hers, anger and sadness mixed in those green depths.

“What it's like, is that you have been through hell these past years and I get that. I get that you want to get on and live your life. But I don't feel like I am the man you should be doing that with.”

Maddie blew out a long puff of air, “Why do you think you get to decide what I need?” her voice rose and he recoiled. “I am so sick of everyone thinking they get to make life choices for me, because apparently I am not capable.”

Dex ran his hands through his hair before bringing them back down roughly at his sides and raising his own voice. “Maybe it's not just all about you Maddie...”

She took a step back and he knew he had to carry on. “Maybe I don't want to be in a relationship with you? Did you think of that? Maybe I have my own issues and I don't have time to deal with your issues as well.”

“But...I...” she stammered, he never gave her a chance to go on.

“I don't have time for this Maddie, I don't want to be with you okay?”

Her face paled, he felt like the biggest asshole ever and he wanted to take her in his arms, but he knew it was better for her not be involved with him. He was trouble, his life was troubled. How could he let this beautiful, fragile little woman into his life when she was trying to find her way and he was so damned lost? He had lost his way a long time ago.

He didn't know what he expected, how he expected her to react, but she just stood there staring at him, as if he had just spoken to her in Japanese. It was awkward, had she not understood what he had just said to her?

“So ah... I should be just about finished up here and you won't have to see me again,” he offered.

Still nothing, just a blank stare. “Maddie?”

She looked up at him, her sad eyes meeting his. “I don't know what to say,” she whispered.

“I'm sor...” he went to apologise, but stopped. He was sorry, he was so very sorry, he did not want to hurt her. “It's just better this way,” he said turning away from her stare. He knew it was better, it could never work, he was better off alone and she would soon move on and find someone who could look after her.

He didn't turn back around for the longest time, worried she might still be standing there, looking at him with her pretty green eyes. Showing him how much hurt he had caused her. It was over before it had begun, it was not like they were together. Yes, they had danced around each other since they had met, they had even shared a brief kiss. There was a clear attraction from the beginning, she was so easy to talk to. Maybe, just maybe, if it weren't for her having been a prisoner for the past six years he wouldn't feel he had to protect her from himself. Most of the girls he spent time with he didn't give two hoots about, he did not care how they felt. Maddie he did, he felt too much. That was the problem.

Maddie

“
Well I guess that's that
then.” Maddie huffed throwing papers down on the table.

“What's what?” Patrick asked, snatching the papers up, looking at them, then at Maddie raising his eyebrows. “This is the bill for your car?” He asked her with a look of confusion.

“How observant of you,” she sneered.

“Does this mean no more Dex coming around?”

“No need to look so damned happy about it,” she snapped. She knew Patrick was not Dex's number one fan.

Patrick made a poor attempt at hiding his smile. “What happened?

Maddie puffed out her chest and pulled herself up to her full height, mimicking a man's voice she said, “Big brother happened.”

“Is that what he said?” Patrick laughed, giving up on trying to hide his amusement.

“No, that's not what he said. No, I got the whole, it's not you it's me speech.”

“Ouch,” Patrick winced.

“Yeah,’ I know right, but of course it comes after my asshole of a brother gave him a hard time.”

“He is a bit like that, he gave me a bit of a flogging once too.”

“Who Xavier?”

“Yeah, Ash and I had a fight at the club, I was drunk and admittedly I was being a bit of a dick. Xavier came storming out, carrying on about talking to his girl like that and started hitting me.”