Chasing Destiny (19 page)

Oh fuck, my head was pounding. I must’ve drank a lot.

“I see you’re awake.”

My eyes followed the voice. An attractive woman was standing at the other end of the couch, near my feet. She was wearing a tank top and shorts and her hair was brushed back into a ponytail. Her appearance was a stark contrast to the apartment. Maybe she didn’t live here either?

“Yeah,” I said. My mouth tasted like death. “Is this your place?”

“Yeah. Can I get you some water? You look like you might need some.”

She was right; I did need some water. My throat was dry, but looking at the cleanliness of the place, I couldn’t chance drinking out of one of her glasses. “I’m okay.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Hey, can you tell me where I’m at so I can call someone to come get me?”

She placed her hands on her hips. “You don’t remember where you’re at?”

“I’m sorry. I was really drunk.” I had no idea if I had slept with this woman or not, but I was only wearing my boxers. “Do you know where my clothes are?”

“Over there.” She pointed to a chair with my clothes wadded into a pile.

“Thanks,” I replied, standing. I walked over and began yanking them on. “So, um…about last night—”

“We didn’t sleep together, if that is what you’re wondering. I mean, you did wake up on the couch.” Smirking, she walked over to the dog and began petting him. His looks were starting to grow on me. Like he was so ugly he was cute.

“Right…” I slipped my foot into my boot. “Well, thanks for letting me crash on your couch.”

“I really hope you can work it out with Kristin. You sound like you really love her.”

“What? I mean, I do.” I cleared my throat. “What exactly did I tell you?” I had no idea why I cared. It wasn’t like I’d ever see this woman again.

“You didn’t really tell me anything. We met outside and decided to come back here. You sat down on the couch and began mumbling things about a girl named Kristin, then you passed out. I’ve been around long enough to know when a man is mumbling about a girl, yet he’s come home with another woman, something needs to be worked out.”

I nodded. “Again, thanks for letting me crash on the couch.” I opened the front door and realized I only had to walk one apartment over. Thank God, because my mouth was fucking dry. And I needed a toothbrush.

After showering and brushing my teeth, I dressed and decided I had to get myself out of this funk. I couldn’t live my life drunk, only sobering up to work with clients at the gym. I also needed to pass my classes. Showing up half drunk or hungover wasn’t going to cut it.

I tossed my clothes into my bag and left the apartment after throwing down some twenties for Benny and Tyson to cover all the food and beer I had consumed over the last week. I didn’t feel like facing Kristin, I was still a little drunk and felt like she deserved for me to be sober when we talked again, so I decided to go hang out with Hayes. He might be domesticated now, but he was still my best friend.

Once I parked my truck, I marched up the sidewalk and rang the doorbell. A moment later, Mackenzie answered. “Hey, Carson.”

“Hey. Is Hayes around?”

“Yeah,” she replied. “He’s in the backyard with Harley. Come on in.” She stepped out of the way and I entered the house. “I was just making us some lunch. Want something?”

“That would be great. Thanks.”

“Of course.” She pulled a face. “It’s only sandwiches and chips, though.”

I laughed. “That sounds good, actually.”

She nodded and I made my way through the house and out the backdoor. Hayes was pushing Harley in a swing across the lawn. “Hey.”

“What’s up?” he replied.

“Nothing. Sorry I didn’t call first…” He knew Kristin and I had broken up, but I hoped he wouldn’t ask questions. “I just didn’t feel like going home.”

“It’s fine.” He was silent for a moment as he pushed Harley a little higher. “Wanna tell me why you didn’t tell me Kurt was seeing my little sister?”

Fuck! “Huh?” I played dumb.

“Yeah, dipshit. He slept with more girls while we were in high school than any other person. My sister deserves better than that!”

I could tell he was pissed, but I still felt the need to point out the obvious. “I think that was you.”

“What?”

“You were the one who slept with every girl in high school.”

“Fuck you,” he replied. “Seriously, why didn’t you tell me?”

I sighed and sat down in a lawn chair. “Kurt told me a few weeks ago and I had told him then that you and Luke wouldn’t be happy about it. But it wasn’t my business, so I didn’t say anything. I did confront Lacey before your wedding though, and she begged me not to say anything to you because it was your day and she didn’t want to ruin it. I told her she deserved better.”

“Shit yeah, she does.”

“How’d you find out?” I asked, genuinely curious.

He shook his head. “My dad. Apparently, he came to the house and picked her up for a date.”

“That’s—”

“Shocking? Yeah.” He looked over my shoulder and smiled.

“I have food,” Mackenzie announced.

I turned to see her setting sandwiches and chips on the patio table. “I’m starving.”

“Me, too. I swear I didn’t eat enough for breakfast,” Hayes grumbled as he stopped the swing and lifted Harley into his arms.

We walked over to the table and sat down. “Thanks for the grub, Mackenzie,” I glanced toward the pitcher in the center, “and the tea. I haven’t had any in like a week.”

“What is it with you two and sweet tea?” She shook her head.

My phone began ringing from inside my jeans. I pulled it out, but didn’t recognize the number. I answered it anyway and that was the moment my whole world stopped.

Kristin

Over the last week, I had come to accept the fact that I was pregnant and I would probably be a single mom. Carson hadn’t so much as texted me, but I hadn’t texted him either. In fact, I had grown angry. The way he had yelled at me and then just walked out pissed me off the more I thought about it. It also showed me just how immature he was. We were in a relationship and he just stormed out without any other correspondence.

Okay, so I was trying to mask my hurt with anger—finding every little flaw about him and turning it into something bigger. The truth was I actually understood him. I mean, we were only twenty and if the roles were reversed in some way, I’d probably have freaked out and left as well. It was the silence I couldn’t really wrap my head around.

“I think I’m going to stay here with you tonight,” Holly remarked from her place on my couch. I had come home after spending a couple nights at her place. I didn’t want to be an inconvenience to her and Gingrich. They needed alone time. And so did I.

“I’m fine. I promise,” I replied as I snipped a dead leaf off a plant.

She peered over her magazine. “I know you are. I just want to stay here with my best friend. That’s all.”

“Whatever. I’ve been staying here all by myself for a while now. You don’t have to babysit me or feel guilty for leaving me alone.”

“I don’t feel guilty,” she replied. “I love you and want to spend time with you. Besides, it’s a perfect night. Darkness went out with some buddies.”

“You know, I still think his…fashion sense is a little weird and the name Darkness is really stupid, but I like him. A lot.” I smiled in her direction. “I think y’all are perfect for each other.” I won’t lie and say it didn’t hurt to say that. I was in a lot of pain knowing my relationship was over, but I loved seeing Holly happy.

“I think we are too.” She tossed the magazine on the table and stood up. “Are you craving anything? I’m starving.”

“I’m not really hungry.” I wasn’t craving much. My stomach had been queasy and the thought of anything besides brownies made me nauseated. I wasn’t sure if it was the pregnancy or depression—probably both.

“You have to eat.”

“Make or order whatever you want and I’ll have a couple bites,” I acquiesced so she would stop worrying.

“Okay. I’ll order pizza.”

Oh fuck no!

I wanted to throw up just thinking about the smell, but smiled instead. She walked to the dining room table where my laptop was sitting open and began ordering. I went to the chair and flopped down, wrapping myself in the throw blanket. I had no idea why I felt so cold, given the temperature, but I did.

“You okay?” Holly asked as she sat back down on the couch.

“Yeah. You get the pizza ordered?”

“Yep.” She picked up the remote from the table. “Wanna see if
I Love Lucy
is on that one channel that shows all the older stuff?”

I nodded.
I Love Lucy
was one of my favorite shows. Lucy cracked me up every time.

Holly turned the TV on and searched through the channels. “Yes, it’s on.”

I settled deeper into the chair and snuggled the blanket. It felt comforting and I needed all the comfort I could get, although I was trying my best not to let it show.

Holly laughed at something Lucy was doing on the TV and I closed my eyes. I felt so tired. The pamphlet the doctor gave me told me it was normal though, so I gave into the feeling and let sleep pull me under.

“Kristin, Kristin!”

I jolted and opened my eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“You were thrashing around. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I muttered, rubbing my eyes. “It was just a bad dream.” I couldn’t exactly remember it, but I knew it had something to do with Carson.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t really remember it.” I smiled, then stood up. “I’m fine, though. I promise. Just really thirsty.”

“Okay.”

I went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass from the cabinet. I felt hot all of a sudden and my head was hurting. After flicking the faucet on, I filled the glass and downed it. My mouth still felt dry and my throat was beginning to hurt, so I drank some more. I couldn’t seem to get enough water.

What the hell is wrong with me?

After opening the other cabinet, I rifled around for some Tylenol, knowing I couldn’t take anything containing aspirin. I finally found a bottle near the back.

Shit, the child lock was hard to open and I was just about to let out a string of curses and slam the bottle on the counter when the lid finally opened. I poured two into my hands then tossed them into my mouth, followed by more water.

Fuck, I don’t feel good.

I placed my hands on the counter, then my head. I needed to close my eyes for a second and collect myself. I’d be fine after a couple minutes of rest…I hoped.

“You are so not okay,” Holly said sternly.

I opened my eyes and turned my head. She was standing beside me with her arms crossed, a concerned expression marring her face.

“I just need a second. My head hurts a little.”

“Are you sure that’s all it is?”

“Holly,” I remarked, a little too loudly, “I said I’m fine. Leave it be.” I breezed past her and sat back down in the chair. I appreciated and loved that she was worried about me, but I didn’t need a second mother. I had a great one…who still didn’t know she was going to be a grandma.

Holly plopped down on the couch a moment later and sighed. “I’m sorry, Kristin.”

Tears welled in my eyes then dripped down my cheeks. “No, I’m sorry. I’m just an emotional mess right now. And my head hurts. And Carson left me.” A loud sob broke out of my chest and the tears began pouring. “And you’re the only person I have left. I feel like such a freaking loser.”

She got up from the couch and kneeled beside the chair, taking me into her arms. “I’m going to pretend that last comment wasn’t as rude as it actually was because I know you’re hurting.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, dashing away my tears. “I didn’t mean I was a loser because you’re my friend. I’m a loser on my own.”

“No you are not!” She tightened her arms around me and I lay my head on her shoulder. “You are an amazing woman and you are going to be an even more wonderful mother. I know it.”

“I don’t know if I can do this,” I admitted. I had accepted the fact, but I was terrified I’d screw up and my child would hate me.

“I know you can. Besides, this kid will have me as an aunt. That right there means everything will turn out great.”

I laughed as a knock sounded at the door. “Pizza’s here.” I smiled and lifted my head. “Thank you. I love you, Holl.”

“Love you, too.” She let go of me then went to the door.

I wrapped myself in the blanket again, staring out the window. A moment later, I heard the door shut and the smell of the pizza hit my nose. My stomach roiled and acid made its way up.

Scrambling, I tossed the blanket to the floor and shot down the hallway. A few seconds later, I was in my bathroom with my head over the toilet. I hadn’t eaten much, but that didn’t seem to matter. My face was sweating and my already pounding head was thumping even harder.

A wet cloth found its way to the back of my neck and I knew Holly had followed me. I couldn’t tell her how grateful I was because I kept throwing up. It wouldn’t stop.

After what seemed like an eternity, I was certain I was done. My hands pushed my hair out of my face and Holly re-wet the cloth. I took it from her hands and rubbed it over my face. I felt disgusting.

“I think I need a shower,” I muttered.

“Are you sure you’re done? Need me to get you anything?”

I shook my head. “Just a shower would be great. Oh, and maybe you could eat some pizza and toss the leftovers into the dumpster outside before I get out?”

“Yeah. That would probably be smart. I’m sorry the smell made you sick.”

Lifting a shoulder, I said, “It’s okay.”

As soon as she left the room and shut the door, I began stripping out of my sweat-soaked clothes. I turned the water on and climbed inside, letting the ice cold water chill my skin. It stung, but it felt nice.

I couldn’t explain how drained I felt. My muscles ached and my eyes were heavy. I was sure it was because the vomiting had taken so much out of me. I contemplated just lying down in the tub and taking a nap while the water rushed over me. It sounded like a great idea.

Lazily, I shampooed my hair and rinsed before I slathered it with conditioner. My arms felt like I had just lifted one hundred pound weights, but by some miracle, I was able to put some body wash on my loofah.