Chase of a Lifetime (23 page)

When he bent down to reach for the bottle, the
screaming grew more intense. He saw a shadow and heard the wheels of a squeaky
shopping cart. The screaming baby was in that cart. They were coming straight
toward him and there was no way to escape. He moved forward, without looking
up. He grabbed the bottle of laxative so fast it fell out of his hands. It slid
across the floor and landed in front of a large pair of scuffed cowboy boots. The
baby continued to cry and Jim went down to his knees. At the exact moment Jim
reached for the laxative, a large pair of hands grabbed it before he did.

Before Jim looked up, a deep voice said,
“You should be careful with these things. I hear laxatives can be addictive.”

When Jim glanced up, he was still on one
knee, holding the shelf for support. His jaw dropped and he gulped. Len
Mayfield was smiling down at him, waving the bottle of laxative with a very
strange name back and forth.

Jim stood up fast and smoothed out his
jeans. “Ah well, Len. It’s for my dad.” He cleared his throat and glanced at
the screaming baby in the shopping cart. An older woman passed by, frowned at
the baby, and gave them both dirty looks.

Len smiled and said, “You look good. It’s
been a while. You changed your hair.”

Jim shrugged. His chest caved in when he
glanced at Len’s lips; he was wearing the cowboy hat he’d once given to Jim
after they’d made love in his pickup truck. “You look good, too. How have you
been?” He was afraid that if he smiled, he wouldn’t be able to stop. He forced
himself to remain calm and cool…even if he couldn’t control his racing heart.

Len laughed and gestured to the baby. “Been
pretty busy, as you can see. This is my grandson, Culum Mayfield.”

It was impossible to resist the questions
running through his mind, so Jim smiled and glanced down at the baby. “This is
Cain’s baby?”

Len nodded.

“He’s adorable,” Jim said. “I’m sure you’re
thrilled to have time to spend with him.” He assumed Cain and his new wife
still lived in northern California and Cain had come home for Memorial Day
weekend. He leaned forward for a closer look at Culum. “Hey, it’s nice to meet
you, Culum.”

Len laughed and reached into the cart to
pick the baby up. He didn’t stop crying. “Don’t worry about that. I have plenty
of time with him. I adopted him. I have full custody and I’m raising him, not
Cain.”

Jim flung him a look. “
You
have
custody?”

Len tried patting Culum on the back and it
didn’t work. He continued to scream, with a pierce so loud Jim was worried the
manager might throw them out. “Things didn’t work out with Cain and his
girlfriend. They tried living together while she was pregnant and, well, you
know how it is. They decided to put the baby up for adoption and I guess you
could say I freaked out a little. I flew to
California
and I told them I wanted to adopt
the baby and that no grandson of mine would be raised by total strangers as
long as I was alive.”

Jim reached for the baby. He took him from
Len’s arms and turned him around. The moment he held Culum to his chest, he
stopped crying and stared at Jim’s hair.
 
“So you and Mrs. Mayfield are raising another child.” This was something
he never would have imagined. Len’s wife must have stopped seeing the tennis
instructor.

“Not exactly,” Len said. “Janice and I are
divorced. After we signed the papers, she moved to Hawaii with her tennis
instructor and now she’s teaching kick boxing and selling scented flameless
candles.”

“Kick boxing and flameless candles?”

“Don’t ask,” Len said, then rolled his eyes.
“It was an amicable divorce, we’re still friends, and she’s happy. That’s all
that matters now.” He frowned and rubbed his jaw. “We were unhappy for so long
I almost forgot how to be happy.”

Jim patted
Culum’s
back and said, “I never forgot what you once told me: happiness is the chase of
a lifetime.”

Len looked into his eyes for a moment. “Damn.
You actually remember that?”

Jim tilted his head and took in the baby
scent from Culum’s soft blond head. “I remember everything.”

Len seemed to grow uncomfortable. He changed
the subject fast. “How are you doing?”

Jim told him a fast version of his life in
LA, and then said, “And now I’m back visiting my parents in their new loft.” He
heard a whimper from Culum and started to bounce him gently. He’d done this
with Clinger when he’d first brought him home and it had worked. The baby
seemed to respond and he started to gurgle. “How’s Cain doing?”

“Cain is Cain,” Len said, lifting his hands
in surrender. “He’s still working on his graduate degree, he’s still dating ten
different women at the same time, and he’s still having the time of his life.”
His tone went lower and he shrugged. “We’re still patching things up, though.
He’s still not thrilled about what happened with us. And he still blames me for
the divorce, even though his mother hasn’t been this happy in years.”

“I’m sure he’ll come around,” Jim said.

Len glanced at the quiet baby in Jim’s arms.
“Would you do me a favor?”

“Sure.”

“He hasn’t been this quiet since we left the
house,” Len said. “Would you come to the counter with me to check out and hold
him while I pay? He seems to like you.”

After they checked out…Len paid for Jim’s
laxative and the other items and smiled…Jim followed Len to the truck with
Culum in his arms. Len put the bags in the back seat and then took the baby
from Jim. When his hand brushed against Jim’s, it felt as if a million shocks
went off inside Jim’s body. He was too embarrassed to look Len in the eye and looked
down at his shoes instead.

When the baby was safely strapped into his
seat, Len gave him a pacifier and winked at Jim. “They say this is bad, which
is why I didn’t bring it into the store with me. But if it calms him down I
don’t see any harm in it. It’s not like he’s going to walk into the fifth grade
sucking on one of those things. Why stress the poor kid out?”

Jim knew nothing about babies. It made sense
to him. “I agree.”

It was an unusually breezy day for that time
of year. They remained outside, with the back door open, talking about the
trials of being a single parent. Len told Jim that he still worked at the same
place and he’d hired a full time live-in nanny to care for Culum. He also made
a point of saying he spent all his free time with Culum. He didn’t come right
out and say this it aloud, but it sounded as if he wanted to try and reverse
some of the mistakes he’d made with Cain.

When they reached that awkward moment of
silence Jim had been dreading, Jim wasn’t sure he could move his legs. It was
time to leave. He knew this and he wasn’t sure how to do it. No man would ever
compare to Len Mayfield; no man would ever make him feel this complete, this
safe, and this and glad to be alive. He wanted to tell him this. He wanted to
throw his arms around Len and never let him go again. But he was afraid Len
didn’t feel the same way about him.

Len glanced at his watch and said, “I guess
I should let you go now.”

Jim looked into his eyes. He smiled and
fought back the tears. “It was good seeing you, Len. I’m glad things worked out
for you.” He patted Culum’s head and laughed. “I’m glad you decided to adopt
Culum, too. I would have done the same thing.”

“Would you?”

Jim smiled. “Of course I would have.”

They shook hands and Jim turned to leave. As
he moved forward, he fought the urge to glance back. He wanted to know if Len
was watching him. He didn’t hear the back door close. He didn’t hear Len get
into the truck and start the engine. Against all he knew that was right and
sensible, he turned. He saw Len standing there, in the same place where he’d
left him. He felt a sting in his eye and the tears began to roll down his face.
He spread his arms out as wide as he could and said, “I’m so sorry. I haven’t
stopped thinking about you since the day I last saw you. You’re the last face I
see at night when I close my eyes. You’re the first face I see in the morning
before I open my eyes. I know I should leave. I know you don’t want to hear
this. But I have to say something.”

Len reached out with both arms. “Come here.
Don’t go like this. It would kill me.”

Jim jogged back to the truck. He fell into
Len’s arms. He started to sob; his entire body trembled. Len held him and
rubbed the back of his head. Passersby stopped and stared at the two good
looking men locked in this unusual embrace in a drugstore parking lot and Len
didn’t seem to care in the least.

When Jim finally calmed down, Len lifted Jim’s
chin and wiped the tears away from his eyes. Then he kissed him on the lips and
said, “I never knew it was possible to miss anyone as much as I’ve missed you.
There were times it hurt so much I never thought I’d feel right again.”

Being with Len didn’t feel wrong anymore.
Nothing had ever felt so right. He put his arms around Len and said, “I love
you.”

“I love you, too.”

They kissed one more time and Jim took a
step back. They ignored a couple of pimple-faced teenage boys passing by,
honking, and making lewd gay comments about them. Jim smiled and said, “What do
we do about it? You live in
Texas
and I live in LA?”

“I just sold my house.”

“I know,” Jim said. “I drove by earlier. I
thought maybe I’d see you outside or something.”

Len smiled, as if he was glad Jim had driven
by his house. “We don’t have a place to live yet. I’ve been looking at condos
and apartments in Dallas, but I haven’t made any decisions yet, but I really
have to decide something very soon.”

Jim didn’t want to be pushy. He was afraid
he’d scare Len away. “Can we talk about this? You once said you could be
transferred to LA. I bought a house and there’s plenty of room.”

Len glanced at Culum in the back seat. He’d
fallen to sleep and the pacifier was hanging from his lips. “Is there room for
two of us?”

“As long as you don’t mind living with a big
Labrador-poodle mix named Clinger, there’s plenty of room.”

Len’s expression grew serious. “This is big,
you know. I have a child now. This is life-changing stuff we’re talking about.
And we’re standing in the middle of a drugstore parking lot discussing it after
not even seeing each other for a year. Some might consider that peculiar.”

“Okay,” Jim said. “You’re right. We’ll get
together and discuss it more tonight. We’ll discuss it for the next year if you
want to. I just want to know there’s hope for us.”

“I’d like that,” Len said. “I’ll pick you up
at seven tonight.”

Then Jim gave him the address to his
parent’s new loft. He told Len to come up and knock on the door, not to wait
outside. He said he didn’t want to sneak around this time and he wanted his
parents to know what he was doing. Len hesitated at first, but Jim insisted and
Len finally agreed with him. Jim figured that if his parents wouldn’t accept
Len in his life, that wouldn’t stop him from being with Len. He was tired of
caring about what other people thought. The age difference meant nothing. All
that mattered was for them to be together.

He kissed Len good-bye one last time and
walked toward the Corvette. He glanced back twice and smiled. While Len waited
for him to get into the car and start the engine, he thought about how he would
break this news to his mother and father. He knew they wouldn’t be happy at
first, but he was hoping they would see what a wonderful thing this was for him
in time. Jim couldn’t help it if he’d fallen in love with an older man. And now
the man was free to do and be whoever he wanted to be.
 
As far as Jim knew, there were no rules when
it came to falling in love. And there was no viable way to fall out of love
once it happened.

He backed out and turned the wheel. He drove
forward and stopped next to Len’s truck. Len was inside, ready to back out. Jim
lowered the window and said, “I’ll see you at seven. I love you.”

“Love you, too,” Len said.

He glanced into Len’s eyes one more time and
smiled, and then he pulled away, remembering he’d forgotten to remove his
father’s laxative and the other items out of Len’s shopping bag. He’d have to
call Len and remind him to bring the laxative with him that night so his father
wouldn’t have problems the next morning.

When he pulled out of the parking lot, he
saw Len in the rearview mirror. Len honked the horn and turned in the other
direction. A feeling of fullness passed through Jim’s body as he shifted into a
higher gear. He thought about the small room next to the master bedroom in his
house in the Hollywood Hills. It would be perfect for a nursery. There was a
huge back yard where Culum could play, with enough room to eventually put in a
swimming pool. His mind raced with thoughts of what was ahead of them. A new
life, a new beginning, and the freedom to live their lives as they pleased
without having to hide anymore. Jim knew that without Len he would spend the
rest of his life chasing the kind of happiness he wasn’t sure existed. But with
Len, he knew he had found happiness. And the chase had been worth it.