Charming the Firefighter (20 page)

Pops was right. Leo didn’t give up. Never had.

“I don’t want to lose her,” he heard himself say, and he realized he’d never meant anything more. “I don’t ever want to give her up.”

He wanted a future with Penelope. He even wanted to be a part of Drew’s life.

Pops grinned. “Then go get her.”

* * *

“L
EO
,” P
ENELOPE
SAID
,
and frowned at him. “What are you doing here?”

They had agreed just yesterday he would give her a few days, that he would wait for her to call him, yet here he was at her back door.

“Have you talked to Drew?” Leo asked, looking grim.

“I just got home and I don’t think he’s here,” she said, stepping aside and letting him in. Simply because he hadn’t upheld his part of their bargain was no reason for her to be rude. “Why? Did something happen at football practice?” she asked, her stomach falling.

Leo removed his hat and ran his hand through his hair. “We got into it a little bit and, long story short, I kicked him off the team.”

Penelope blinked. “Wow, that must be some long story.” Part of her was relieved Andrew was no longer playing such a dangerous sport, but part of her was sympathetic toward her son. “I—I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything to me. I wanted to tell you, in person, my side of things. He was openly disrespectful and disobedient and refused to do anything I asked. I can’t let one of my players act that way. I won’t. It disrupts practice and his bad attitude makes it harder on the rest of the team.”

Insulted on behalf of her son, she bristled and crossed to the refrigerator. Pulled out a package of chicken. “I’m sure Andrew didn’t mean to be disrespectful. Weren’t you the one who told me before he was a good kid?”

“He is a good kid, but he’s not perfect.”

Her head snapped back. “I never expected him to be.”

“Didn’t you?” Leo asked quietly.

“That’s a ridiculous and hurtful thing to say.” She slammed the chicken on the counter. She needed to get dinner ready for herself and her son, she didn’t have time to argue with Leo. Didn’t want to have to explain herself to him. “All I’ve ever wanted is for him to be healthy and happy.”

“You’ve devoted your life to keeping him healthy, to making him happy. Except no one can make someone else happy. Your job as his mother is to keep him safe and raise him to be a good person, but even then there are no guarantees. People, kids, all human beings, have free will, and right now Drew is using that free will to be resentful and selfish.” Leo leaned against the counter, looking tired and dusty from being at the practice field. “Look, I do think Drew is a good kid, but even good kids make mistakes.”

“Thank you,” she said drily. “For that expert parenting analysis.”

“I may not be a parent, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about Drew.”

She felt ashamed for being so snide, but he’d just kicked her son off the team. The very same team he’d persuaded her to let Andrew join. It felt like manipulation, and she was so tired of being manipulated. “I’m not sure why you came here,” she said, turning on the oven, then pulling out a bag of potatoes from a lower cupboard. “What were you hoping to accomplish? You’ve kicked Andrew off the team. Was there something else you needed? Permission from me to do so?”

“I came here because I wanted to tell you what happened and I thought, maybe, we could figure out a way to handle this. Together.”

She sighed. She felt pressured by his showing up after he told her he’d give her space. And she was taking the resultant anxiety out on him. He hadn’t even mentioned their relationship, so she needed to stop jumping to conclusions.

“I’m sorry. I guess I’m still upset about yesterday.” She scrubbed potatoes, then put them into the oven. “I’ll talk to Andrew. I’m sure he’s upset about being off the team, but you were right not to let him disrespect you.”

“I thought we could talk to him together.”

She frowned. “Why? You mean, as his coach?”

“No. As his mother’s...boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?”
She laughed. “I’m not sure we’re at that stage yet.” Wasn’t sure she wanted to be at that stage. Besides, she was too old to have a boyfriend, wasn’t she?

“I care about you and we slept together,” Leo said, sounding calm enough, but his eyes flashed. “We spend time together and neither of us is seeing anyone else. Sounds to me like we’re together. And being together means we’re a team. My parents were a team when it came to raising me and my siblings and that’s what I want for us.”

A team? She wasn’t on anyone’s team. She was on her own. She’d always been on her own. “I appreciate the sentiment and the offer, but I’m not comfortable turning to anyone for help or relying on anyone for it.”

“You and your ex didn’t help each other when Drew was sick?”

He sounded shocked, but then, he had a very close family, a completely different experience from what she’d had growing up. And he’d never been the parent of a sick child. “We were both focused on keeping things as normal as possible, but I focused more on Andrew and his health while my ex worked.”

She’d taken control of the situation, and her ex had let her.

“You don’t have to do this alone,” Leo said. “I’m here and I want to be by your side. All you have to do is reach for me.”

Penelope’s eyes stung, but she blinked the tears away. “I appreciate the offer. However, I’m used to standing on my own two feet. I’ve got things covered and I can handle raising my son just fine on my own.”

His expression darkened. “You don’t want me in your life.”

“I didn’t say that.” Honestly, she didn’t know what she wanted. She had no idea how to fix things with Andrew, how to fix him. How to make things between her and Leo better. Or if she even should. Her life was spiraling out of control, away from the well-ordered existence she preferred, and she had no idea how to stop it except to go back to the way things were.

If she didn’t, she’d get caught up in the vortex and she was terrified of that free fall.

Leo closed the distance between them and took her arms, turned her to face him. “Penelope, I’m here. Right here. I’m not going anywhere. I want us to have a future together. I want to be a part of your life. A part of Drew’s life.”

She gaped at him, her stomach falling. “It’s too much, too soon.”

“It’s not if it’s right, and you and I are right.”

He seemed so sincere, so earnest. But how could he be? They’d known each other only a month or so. They couldn’t possibly commit to each other at this stage.

She broke free of his hold and crossed to the French doors. “Things are so out of control right now, my
life
is out of control. I can’t even think about tomorrow, let alone make a commitment to you after such a short period of time. I have to focus on getting my life in order, in helping Andrew deal with the idea of me dating.”

Leo frowned. “Your son needs to step up and deal with that on his own. He’s two years shy of adulthood. It’s time he stopped acting like a kid, blaming you for every little thing that doesn’t go his way.”

“He’s a child. He’s
my
child.” She shook her head. “You couldn’t possibly understand.”

“Why not? Because I don’t have kids? Because I’ve never been through anything like what you and Drew went through with his illness? You wear that like a badge of honor, a way to keep yourself above the rest of us mere mortals.”

She gasped, felt her face lose color. “That’s a horrible thing to say.”

“It’s the truth. You hold yourself above other parents who haven’t been through it. What happened to you all was horrible, but you can’t keep using it as an excuse to not fully live. You need to take chances.”

“I need to take things slow. Things between you and I are moving too fast, can’t you see that? I like a slow and steady pace.”

He gripped her hands. “Slow and steady will get you there eventually, but wouldn’t you rather take a risk? Jump off the cliff? You need to expand, to explore your other options and step out of your comfort zone.”

Her mouth thinned and she tugged her hands free. “Why? Because that’s what you do? I like being in my comfort zone. I like my pace. If you truly accepted me for who I am, you’d understand that and you wouldn’t pressure me to change.”

He looked stricken. “That’s not what I’m doing.”

“It is. You don’t understand my fears. If you did, you wouldn’t keep pushing me. I need to go slow, to be cautious, but you keep asking for more than I’m ready to give. I already failed at my marriage, and I’m not in a hurry to repeat that mistake.”

“We are not a mistake.”

Exhausted, emotionally and physically, she leaned against the door frame. “We’re not exactly a good bet, either. There’s too much between us,” she said gently, though it felt as if her world were ripping apart. “We’re too different. Yes, in the short term those differences don’t matter. We can fool ourselves into thinking we can get past them, but if we tried to make this work between us long-term? It would be a disaster. I’m sorry you can’t see that and I’m sorry you expected more from me than I can give, but I think it’s best we don’t see each other anymore.”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

T
HERE
WAS
A
buzzing in Leo’s ears, loud and insistent. But it couldn’t drown out Penelope’s words. How she looked at him with compassion, but not the slightest bit of regret or remorse, despite her words.

She was sorry?

Shit.

“You mean more than you’re willing to give,” he said.

She frowned at him. “I don’t understand.”

No, and that was a big part of the problem. “You said you were sorry I expected more from you than you could give, but really it’s what you’re willing to give. And that’s not much, is it?” he asked quietly.

She flinched, dropped her gaze.

Good. She’d damn well better flinch. Christ, he’d raced over here after dropping off Pops to tell her how he felt about her, to tell her he wanted to commit to her, to being in her life, and what did she do? Tossed his words right back at him without batting an eye.

She was the first woman he’d cared enough about to declare himself to. But he hadn’t, he realized. He hadn’t told her what was in his heart. Maybe he had pushed her too hard, too fast. But he couldn’t keep his feelings hidden any longer.

“I love you,” he told her, practically spitting the words out. Not exactly the romantic declaration most women dreamed of, he assumed. He cleared his throat. Tried again. “Penelope, I’m in love with you, and I want us to be together. Don’t push me out of your life because it might be difficult. We can get through this. Together.”

He held his breath, and for a moment, he thought he had her, that she would leap into his arms.

Instead, she shook her head sadly, covered her mouth with a trembling hand. “Leo, I...I can’t,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

So was he. More than she would ever know.

His throat tight, he shoved his hands into his pockets. “I guess you were right. I guess we are too different. You want life to add up, to be neat and tidy. Life doesn’t work that way. I would have thought you, more than anyone, would have realized that by now.”

Then he did the hardest thing he’d ever done in his entire life. He walked away from the woman he loved. For the first time in his life, he gave up.

* * *

“D
UDE
,” L
UKE
SAID
to Andrew the next day before the first bell. “What the hell happened to you last night?”

Andrew jerked guiltily. “What do you mean?”

Luke frowned. “At practice. What the hell’s going on?”

Practice. Right. Andrew breathed a sigh of relief. For a moment, he’d thought Luke was talking about what had happened between him and Gracie. Not that he could know anything about it. That was between him and Gracie, and he doubted she’d tell anyone they’d had sex.

He sure as hell wasn’t about to.

Andrew shrugged and shut his locker. “I’d just...had enough of Coach’s bullshit.”

“Are you really off the team?”

“I guess so.”

“That’s harsh.”

Andrew noticed Luke didn’t offer to quit in an act of solidarity. Then again, if their positions had been reversed, Andrew wouldn’t have quit the team, either.

“Is it true?” Kennedy asked as she and Jess joined them. “Did you really get kicked off the team?”

“It’s true,” Luke said before Andrew could answer.

“I’m sorry.” Kennedy gave Andrew a hug. “That sucks. I didn’t think Coach Montesano was that unfair.”

“That’s only because he’s so hot,” Jess said, sidling up next to Andrew. “I mean, no one wants to think he’s an ass. That’s like thinking Channing Tatum severs the heads of kittens or something.”

Kennedy rolled her eyes. “Eww. Graphic, much?”

Jess shrugged. “What? I’m just saying...”

“Well, don’t worry about it,” Kennedy told Andrew. “I’m sure if you apologize, Coach will let you back on the team.”

“Maybe.” He wasn’t interested in playing for Leo, though. Not anymore. And he really didn’t want to listen to the girls go on about how hot they thought Leo was. Not when he knew what Coach had been doing with his mom.

It was so freaking disgusting. It wasn’t right. She shouldn’t be going out with Leo or anyone. She was the one who’d wanted the divorce, and Andrew had assumed it was so she could be single, since she’d gotten married sort of young. She couldn’t change the rules on him now, couldn’t decide she wanted to be one of those moms who went out all the time, hooking up with guys like she was still in her twenties.

Like one of those reality-show housewives.

A buzzer went off, three quick times, warning the students they had five minutes to get to their classes before first bell. “I have to go,” Jess said. She and Luke both had homerooms on the third floor. “See you later?”

He nodded. He shut his locker and Kennedy, holding her books against her chest, smiled at him.

“Walk me to homeroom?” she asked, tipping her head and giving him a view of the long line of her neck.

“Sure.”

“Freak alert,” Kennedy said under her breath, glancing at something behind Andrew.

He turned. And met Gracie’s eyes. She smiled. “Hi, Andrew.” Still smiling, she turned to Kennedy. “Hi.”

Kennedy’s grin was this side of mean. “Hey, Gracie. Great skirt.” She said it with such falseness, Andrew was sure Gracie wasn’t fooled for a minute.

“Thank you,” Gracie said, obviously not bothered in the least that Kennedy was being all
Mean Girls
on her. “Do you want to meet for lunch?” she asked Andrew.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Kennedy’s shocked expression and the way she curled her lip at Gracie. “Uh...” He shifted. Cleared his throat. “I’m eating with Luke and Kennedy. Sorry.”

Gracie looked confused, but her smile didn’t dim. “Oh, okay, well, I could sit with you guys—”

“I don’t think you’d have much fun at our table,” Kennedy said, all fake sympathy. “We’re not really into the same things. Plus, there’s no room. Sorry.”

Gracie kept her eyes on him as if waiting for him to stick up for her, or tell her that they’d make room or even offer to sit somewhere else so they could eat together. His throat felt tight, and his palms were sweating. “Yeah, uh...sorry.”

“What about after school?” Gracie asked, her gaze steady, though her smile was long gone. “We could walk home together.”

“Why would you want to do that?” Kennedy asked, linking her arm with his and pressing close to his side. “I hadn’t realized you two even knew each other.” She wrinkled her nose. “I mean, enough to actually speak to each other. And nobody walks when they can drive. But then, I guess walking is better than taking the bus.”

Gracie raised her chin. “I take the bus.”

“Oops.” Kennedy smirked. “My bad.”

“Actually, I have...things...to do after school,” Andrew said. He looked at Kennedy. “Uh...Gracie and I live next to each other so I’ve been doing a lot of work around her house,” he lied. “For her family and stuff. Yard work and some painting. Things like that.” He held Gracie’s gaze. “Is that what you want to talk to me about? Doing more work?”

Please,
he begged her silently.
Please go along with this.

She looked at him as if he was a piece of dog shit on her shoe. “Yes,” she said, her cheeks red but her gaze steady and condemning. “Actually, I just wanted to let you know there’s no reason for you to come over anymore.”

“Guess there’s no more work for you,” Kennedy said. “Now that you’re off the football team, that means we can spend more time together.”

With one last disappointed look at him, Gracie turned and walked away.

“She is such a freak,” Kennedy said in a loud whisper guaranteed to make Gracie hear her.

She didn’t stumble, didn’t look back, just kept going.

* * *

P
ENELOPE
COULDN
’
T
DENY
IT
. She missed Leo.

It had been five days since he walked out of her house—and out of her life. Five days since she’d sent him away.

I’m in love with you.

She couldn’t get his words out of her head. He hadn’t meant it. He couldn’t have. They hadn’t known each other long enough, didn’t know each other well enough, to be in love. It was ridiculous and irresponsible to believe in that sort of connection. There was no such thing as love at first sight or even love after a few weeks. No, love—true, lasting love—took time to grow.

She moved the laundry from the washer to the dryer. She was behind, had taken it upon herself to bring Andrew’s dirty clothes down to the laundry room since he hadn’t cleaned his room in over a week.

It was a mindless task, one guaranteed to give her too much time to think. To mull. To brood.

And to wonder if she’d made a huge mistake in letting Leo go.

But she couldn’t trust that his feelings were real. Couldn’t trust that her own feelings were real. How could they be? There were steps that needed to be taken in a relationship. You couldn’t...skip over them because you were in a hurry. Jumping into things, into any situation, without careful forethought was a recipe for disaster.

But her own marriage had failed, even though she’d taken those steps, had done everything right, her inner voice reminded her.

She was so confused. It had taken all her willpower not to call Leo to ask him for another chance. He wanted too much from her, though. More than she could give. So she would move on with her life. Get back to living it the way she had been, focusing on Andrew and her career.

Spending her nights alone while her son stayed closed up in his room, spending weekends doing housework and wondering if she was always going to be alone.

She sighed and picked up a pair of Andrew’s dirty jeans, automatically checked his pockets and pulled out a small foil wrapper.

An empty condom wrapper.

She frowned at it, her mind refusing to compute what was right in front of her. Her son had an empty condom wrapper in his pocket. Empty. Not put there in the hopes of being used some magical day, but already used and discarded.

She went cold all over. The room spun. Her son was having sex. Had had sex. Or, at least, it appeared so.

Breathing deeply to fight off a wave of dizziness, she leaned against the washing machine. It was okay. She could handle this. She’d talk to him, stay calm and cool, and keep the lines of communication between them open. She could do this, would handle it. On her own.

She wished Leo were here. Not because she needed him to take over or handle this for her, but because he would have her back. Because she wouldn’t be alone.

Resolute, she marched up the stairs, and entered the kitchen to find Andrew drinking milk straight from the carton. She didn’t say a word. She had bigger issues to discuss with him. “Andrew, please sit down. I need to talk to you.”

He lowered the container, glared at her. Yes, that was her life this past week, him stomping around the house, sullen and miserable because he’d been kicked off the football team, because she had dared to go out with a man. “About what?”

“I guess you’ll find out when you sit down.”

“Can’t it wait? I have homework.”

Irritation spiked at this brooding man-child. She was seriously sick and tired of his attitude. “Sit. Down.”

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, put the milk in the fridge, then slumped onto a seat.

“I found this—” she held up the used condom wrapper “—in your pocket.”

His face went white, but then he gave an irritable shrug. “So?”

She raised her eyebrows. “So, I hadn’t realized you were dating someone, and yet you’re having sex.” She sat across from him, kept her tone nonthreatening and nonjudgmental. “I just...I want to make sure you’re being careful.”

“I don’t need another safe-sex talk,” he said, standing. “Especially from you.”

“You’re not going to get one,” she said, fighting to remain calm. It wasn’t easy when she was so very tired of his attitude. “Do you have feelings for this girl?”

“For who?”

Her irritation grew. “The girl you’re having sex with.”

“I’m not having sex with anyone. It was one time, okay? And you had no right snooping around in my room!”

“I wasn’t snooping. I picked up your dirty clothes. It’s not like I went through your dresser drawers. Listen, let’s not argue. I simply want you to know how important it is to always use protection and treat women with respect. If you don’t care for this girl, you shouldn’t be sleeping with her.”

He sneered, set his hands on his hips. “Why not? You slept with Coach. You telling me you care about him?”

“Yes,” she said slowly, realizing it was truer than she’d wanted to admit. “I do care about Leo. Very much.”

And she’d pushed him away.

“Great. So now what? You’re going to marry him and I’ll be stuck with you two until I graduate.”

It felt as if time slowed. Penelope stared at her son, and in that moment, with him glaring at her, his bad attitude and complete and total lack of respect out in the open for all to see, she suddenly had it with him. It didn’t matter if he liked her or wanted to be with her. It didn’t even matter if she lost him, because the way he was now, she didn’t want to be with him.

“I’m tired of you blaming me for everything,” she said slowly, softly. “The divorce. Having expectations of you about your grades, your behavior. I’m tired of being the scapegoat for your problems.”

He snorted. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you and your horrible behavior and attitude. I’m not putting up with it anymore. I’ve spent so long trying to make it up to you that your father and I got divorced. Well, guess what? That wasn’t all my fault. Your father wasn’t happy, either. Maybe we handled it badly, not letting you know we were having problems, but we were trying to protect you, and honestly, I had thought we could work things out. Until the day your father told me he wanted a divorce. I couldn’t stay married to him when we were both miserable. So maybe that was selfish of me, but I deserve to be happy.”

“You could have stayed together,” Andrew accused. “I went from being sick to moving. I didn’t have a say in any of it.”