Charity's Warrior (27 page)

"Let's talk about you for a bit," I said. "Tell me about your new boyfriend."

Trisha smiled. It was a cute, wishful smile that brightened her eyes.

"Oh wow," I said, "you like this one. Bring on the details."

"He's great. We've known each other for a few months since I dated his cousin. We became friends, even when it didn't work out with the cousin we stayed friendly. He was dating someone, so it was nothing more than that, until he found out about his cousin and I, then he broke up with the girl and called me." Trisha made an odd expression. "I felt terrible, even turned him down at first, but I found out the girl was no good and here we are."

"Wait a minute," I snapped. "It's been a couple weeks, and you're just telling me now?"

She laughed at me. "I'm sorry," she said. "I wasn't sure where this thing with you and Justin was going, and I didn't want to rub some new relationship in your face. I didn't even know if it was going to be something to mention."

"Fair enough," I said, letting her off the hook. "So—how is he?" I wiggled my eyebrows.

Trisha laughed. "Normally I could tell you by now, but not this time."

"Really? You haven't?" I said, not shocked, just interested.

"Get this," Trisha said, "he wanted to date a few times first. We knew we got along from being friends first, and he thought we should start there, slowly take the friendship into something more."

"Aw, that's sweet," I said.

"It's been very nice, but it hasn't been easy, not for either of us," she said. "After a great date and some kissing begins, and then touching, trying to hold the flood gates closed is damn near impossible."

I laughed out loud. "I bet it is. So what's his name, what does he look like?" I ask, excited for her.

"Sam, his name is Sam, and he's beautiful. Picture a six foot-four Usher and you'd be pretty close," she said with a sparkle in her eye.

I winked at her. "That is yummy."

"Hey," she snapped jokingly, "you have your own hunk, leave mine alone. Apparently you are able to bring the strongest ones to their knees, so you probably shouldn't even look at my Sam."

"That's not even funny," I said while laughing hysterically.

Our lunch eventually came and we talked all the way through. My thoughts kept returning to Justin and the decisions that had to be made. They would have been easy decisions, but I had complicated things.

Part of me had fallen in love with Justin that first night at the Grill when he saved me. My desire for him, not just sexually, grew quickly, multiplying each time I see or speak to him until it was a yearning beyond my understanding or control.

The problem for me is JP. There is a relationship there, one stronger than I'd had with some people that I had actually met. There was no way to have both, and it was not fair to keep them just in case one of them failed.

I can't believe I've gotten myself into this, like some helpless cliché. This thing with JP was going to have to slow down and end. I want a real chance with Justin.

AFTER MY LUNCH WITH
Trisha, I had a lot to think about and no time to do it. Within twenty minutes I found a chat window from JP.

"U will get a delivery in the next 2 minutes. Take it to a stall in the ladies room and open it there,"
he'd sent.

His last delivery to me was still on my mind, so I won't deny how insanely curious I am right now. I know what I should be doing, turning him down and finding a way to end this, but I was not prepared. I had no words, no excuses, nothing to say that wouldn't hurt him, and I didn't want to do it that way.

I put my fingers on the keys, but nothing came out.

"Trust me,"
he sent.

The kid from the mail room suddenly appeared in front of my office, wrapping his knuckles lightly on the door frame. He handed me a FedEx envelope and sauntered out to finish his deliveries.

The curiosity was triple with it in my hand. It was small, more so than I expected, and that ate at me. I know what the right thing to do is; I'm just not sure how to get there.

"R u ok?"
he asked.

Until just then, I had forgotten about the webcam. The light was on, and he was watching my face. The ice was broken already, whether I was ready to do it or not, and maybe that was the best way. There was no chickening out now, no reason to lie.

"Not exactly,"
I sent.

"Can I help?"
he asked.

"I want 2 thank u for the gift, but I can't accept it,"
I typed.
"I need to slow things down."

He paused.

"I've been around enough to know that slow down means call it off. Did I do something?"
he asked.

I shook my head at the camera.
"No, u did everything right. I would never have gone as far as we did except that u were so good, and it's killing me now 4 the same reason. U did it right, I did it wrong."

"I'm not following,"
he sent.
"Are u really going 2 give me the "it's not u, it's me" speech?"

"I don't know how to say this without coming off like a dumb ass, so I'll just say it."
I took a breath before typing.
"I think I'm with some1 now, and doing what we do isn't right to either of u."

"U think ur with some1? I don't get it. Either u r or ur not."

"It's complicated,"
I sent.

"Isn't it always?"
he replies, a definite hint of understandable sarcasm.

I tried to explain,
"Something I thought was just going to b a passing thing, something from b4 u, seems 2 b growing into more. And if it does, it should b the only relationship I'm in."

There was nothing for a minute. Just me staring at the window.

Finally he replied again.
"So it's not definite, this other thing?"

"Not yet,"
I answered truthfully.
"Are u ok?"

"I'll b ok,"
he sent.
"I get it, better now then when both things are serious. I won't b going anywhere, though, so expect me to b checking in. It doesn't sound like a done deal 2 me, and I'm pretty good at making deals."

I smiled at the camera.
"Thank u, JP. What do u want me to do with this?"
I asked, holding the package up to the camera.
"Where should I send it to?"

"Keep it,"
he sent.
"It can't b returned. Plus, if this other guy screws it up, we can pick up right where we left off."

I laughed hard. That was typical
JP
.

"I'm going to get going,"
he sent.
"Gotta lick my wounds."

The guilt I felt at that is terrible.

"I'll check in with u soon, c if u came 2 ur senses,"
he teased.

"WARRIOR, HOW WAS YOUR
day?" Justin asked. There was a thick amount of happiness in his voice coming over the phone.

"Not bad. You sound like you had a very good one?" I asked.

He laughed lightly, and it was good to hear.

"Things are just working out," he said. "What are you doing tonight, did you have dinner yet? I really want to see you—I've wasted enough time trying to stay away."

"Not yet. I was just leaving work and deciding what to eat. I'm glad you called, though; I've been missing you all day. Do you have someplace in mind?" I asked.

"I'm still unwrapping myself from the office," he said. "I was thinking we could meet at the Grill?"

"I'll get us a table," I said, now sounding as happy as he does. Justin was right; things were working out for us today.

"Okay, great!" he said.

Then there was a long pause.

"Charity, I'll probably never be good with words when I'm trying to tell you how I feel," he said, "but I wanted you to know that I've never had to fight myself before, not with any other woman, and it's all I've been doing since meeting you. But I don't want to fight myself anymore."

"Then don't," I said as I feel the world spinning under my feet. "I'm ready to see where this goes without that."

His voice was low and soft as he said, "Me too. I'll see your beautiful face soon."

For a full minute I just sat there trying to convince myself that conversation had really happened. I even checked the history on my phone to make sure he actually did call. The man I was not supposed to fall in love with, and had any way, was telling me he felt the same. I am on a new planet, a whole new world, and anything was possible here.

I was signing off and packing my things to leave when Lena stepped into my office looking gorgeous as usual.

"I want to thank you," she said.

I looked at her, puzzled.

"I spoke to Justin earlier," she continued, "he's in the best place right now, more than I've seen him in since we were kids." She tilted her strong face to the right and smiled softly. "It's because of you."

My emotions are at a high, flushing my skin. "It's not all me," I replied. "You've been working on him—"

"It's all you," Lena interrupted. "I've been working on him for years and I've never gotten anywhere until now. It's because he found you."

Lena, who usually looked like an assassin you could hire to seduce a man and kill him in his bed, sometimes would show a softer, warmer side. Standing here in my office right now, I see her eyes well up with tears.

"So thank you for giving my friend a chance at a life," she said, then quickly turns and leaves my office before I could say anymore.

It was as devastating as it was beautiful. She would never let me, but my heart wanted to run out after her and wrap my arms around her. There was a better way to appreciate her—take care of Justin, show him how to love me.

I tossed my things into my bag and left, taking a taxi straight to the Grill.

TRISHA SMILED AS SOON
as she saw me, and motioned for me to sit at my usual table. She came right over to me. "Red Bull and vodka?" she asks.

"Actually, do you know what kind of wine Justin likes? He's meeting me in a bit," I replied. "I'd like to have something for him here."

She smiled brightly. "Shiraz. You want a bottle?"

I nodded and said, "Please."

"I'll be right back," she said through her twinkling eyes as she patted my back. She returned with the bottle a few minutes later, with two glasses, pouring mine for me.

"I'm noticing some extra bounce in your step," I said to her. "Did your date go well last night?"

Trisha looks at me with the satisfaction of a black widow that had mated and eaten its lover. "It was fantastic. He had set up a private, candlelit dinner on the dock behind his boat. Italian food and wine was delivered right to us. I don't even know how he arranged that. Soft music was coming from his boat, and it was all right at sunset. He'd even hired a waiter that tended to us and cleaned everything up as we left for a nighttime ride on the Hudson."