Chances Aren't (20 page)

He keeps going as he says, "Where the hell am I supposed to breathe?"

"Just turn your head."

"Okay, how's this?"

"Better. Okay, so you think you've got the hang of it."

"Yeah. What else do I need to know?"

"As I said before, just listen to her moans and how her body responds and you can adjust the pressure accordingly. Oh and if you want to get really advanced lean down and take one of her nipples into your mouth but keep doing everything else."

"That sounds really tough."

"It's not. Here try it. The girl has to turn sorta to one side then you put your head on the mattress and find the breast and you're all set. I mean, don't really find my nipple but give it a try."

I turn my body to one side as Young Ben places his head down near my chest and does his simulated thrusting while rubbing with his hand. I say, "Great, yeah, you're getting the hang of it. Good."

"Holy fuck!" I hear a voice say loudly.

Young Ben jumps off of me and tumbles to the floor and when I flip over, I see Alan standing there wearing a horrified expression I'm sure I'll never forget.

Alan looks first at me and then at Ben on the floor then back to me and his eyes bug out even more. "What the fuck? What the fuck?"

"Alan, hey there," I say. "How've you been?"

Alan doesn't respond, instead he takes a few steps backward until he runs out of room and hits the wall. He looks at each of us over again, and returning to me asks, "Ben?" He looks at the other me on the floor. "Ben?"

Young Ben gets to his feet. "Um, this is my, um—"

"I'm his…" I begin, but I've got nothing else after that.

"He's my twin brother," Ben says nodding confidently.

"Oh, okay," Alan says. "And you are having some sort of sex with each other or—"

"No, I mean, he was just showing me how to, um, you know."

"My brother taught me how to hit a baseball, but, okay yeah…" Alan says unconvinced. "I've known you a couple years and you never told me you had a twin brother."

"He's new."

I cover my mouth to suppress a chuckle, then look to young Ben before returning to see Alan now holding his head.

"What he means is, I'm his." I get up from the bed and stand next to Ben. "Oh, screw it. I'm him."

"What?" Alan asks.

Pointing to Ben, I try to explain, "I'm him. I'm Ben, but I'm from twenty five years in the future. I've come back in time to, let's say… to
fix
some issues."

"He's telling the truth," Ben adds.

"You, you... just traveled back in time." Alan asks, confused.

"Yeah."

"How exactly?"

"Um, it's a long story, but I saved this guy's wife and daughter from a car crash where he died. He's some sort of angel and granted me one wish and—"

"Your wish was to come back and live in this shit hole?" Alan whirls his hand motioning around the room gape mouthed and waiting for a reply.

"No... I came back to make sure I didn't screw it up with Laura. But I didn’t know
he
…" Grimacing, I nod my head twice in Ben's direction. "…was going to be here."

"Hey, screw you."

"No offense."

Moving closer to us, Alan narrows his eyes, "Um, so you came back here to hook up with the ice cream chick?"

"Pretty much." I nod, shrugging my shoulders.

He takes another step toward us. "Wow you guys look exactly—"

"He's got the same birth mark and other
stuff
," Ben says

"We can show you," I say lifting my shirt up a bit.

"No, that's okay." Alan lifts his hands up defensively.

"Oh and he knows stuff about when I was younger, that, uh..." Nodding wide eyed, Ben switches gears. "Yeah, he's not bullshitting, he's telling the truth."

Alan moves to the bed and takes a seat. "So, you were supposed to see the ice cream chick last night how—"

"Her name is Laura," Ben interrupts, frowning.

Alan says, "Laura, yeah so how'd that go?"

I break into a wide smile. "It went great, I gave her two orgasms… two."

Quietly Ben admits, "I tried, but evidently I didn't give her any."

"Wait, which one of you is the real Ben?" Alan's eyes dart between the two of us."

"I am," Ben says as I point his way.

Pointing to me with one hand, Alan rubs his chin with the other. "You gave her two orgasms."

"Uh-huh."

He shifts his gaze to young Ben. "And you also had sex with her?"

"Yeah."

"At the same time?"

"No, no, that would be weird," I say cringing.

"Yeah, that would be weird," Ben agrees.

Nodding, Alan looks at both of us like we're out of our fucking minds. "Yeah,
that
would be weird. I'm almost scared to ask this, but did, uh, Laura know about you two and that you both, um, you know, both has sex with her?"

"No, um, no she doesn't," I reply.

"So you had sex with her without her consent."

Ben and I share a confused look, then I think for a moment and shrug. "Um, well, technically I guess you could maybe characterize it in that fashion, but, uh—"

"You raped her."

"I did not."

"You just said you did."

"I said technically, but…" I turn to Ben. "Ben, you're in that law class right now. Did I rape her?"

"It's business law."

"Yeah."

"It's not a criminal law course."

I give him a tired sigh. "But in your opinion."

"I don’t know." Ben raises his hands in the air in defeat. "You took the class too."

"Like twenty five years ago."

Holding my head high, I return to Alan. "Look, I don't think any court would convict me of rape. She consented with him and I'm him so…"

"Really?" Alan widens his eyes. "Why don't we call her up and ask her what she thinks?"

I stammer, "Uh, we don't need to do that, no, that, uh, she doesn't um…"

"I rest my case."

Noticing the poster, Alan says, "And you took my poster, what the hell." He gets off the bed and unpins it from the wall.

"He did that," Ben says.

"Oh, yeah that, I'm going to need to buy you a new one because…" I cringe.

"What the hell is this?" Alan kneels down and peers through the hole in the wall to his side of the room. He stands up and turns to find Ben making a face and pointing at me.

"I can explain… Ben wasn't going to let me sleep with Laura or anything so I thought I would watch."

"You watched?"

"So now we can add third degree sexual assault to your rap sheet."

"Geez, lighten up. I went through a lot to get here. It's not easy traveling through time. It's, it's well it was sort of easy, but regardless I've been through a lot in the last twenty five years— a wife who really doesn't like me, a job I fucking hate with every fiber of my being. Bills like you wouldn't believe and if I'm lucky, I get to have sex like once a month. That's if all the planets are aligned and… Do you know what that's like?" I stare at them dumfounded.

"That sounds pretty amazing. I haven't gotten laid since Christmas." Alan scoffs.

"Before Laura it was a year for me," Ben says.

"I know you're a loser," I reply.

"Blow me, ass." Ben shoots me a hateful look.

"Look, guys, I didn't come here to argue. I came here to set my life on a new course, you know, Ben's life here."

"So, what time are we getting together with Laura tonight?" Ben asks me.

"Dude, you are coming to The Turtle with me tonight? Don't dick out on me," Alan says.

"I'm sure Laura will want to go with us."

I give him a hesitant, smile. "Um, well I haven't been able to confirm the time quite yet."

Ben holds his head high and says sarcastically, "I thought she couldn't wait to see you, I mean, me again. You rocked her world, I think that’s how you put it, right?"

"I did, I did, but I haven't exactly spoken to her yet. I have left a few messages though. Just waiting on a call back."

"Okay, great, that's great," Ben grumbles.

I scoff. "How the hell do you guys survive without texting and cell phones? In two thousand thirteen I could just call her and she would actually answer."

"What the hell is a cell phone?" Alan asks.

"It's a portable phone that works anywhere." I pick my iPhone off the table and hand it to him.

"Oh, wow, cool." Alan pushes buttons on the phone and looks shocked when the screen lights up.

"So, if she calls we'll ask her to go. If not, it's her loss," Ben says.

Moving to Ben, I look him in the eye. "You cannot go to The Turtle tonight. If you go, you'll meet Emily and you won't be able to resist her. She's beautiful and funny and sweet and she has like the perfect ass. Trust me, it will be the biggest mistake you ever make."

"Beautiful?"

"Yeah."

"Sweet?"

"Uh-huh."

"And with a great ass?"

I sigh. "Yep."

"Oh, that sounds horrible. Alan did you hear that? We can’t go to Fells Point, because I meet a beautiful girl with a great ass."

"What?" Alan says while still studying the phone. "Can I call someone?"

"No, it only works in the future."

"Oh…" Frowning, he tosses it on the bed. "What are we talking about?"

"He's telling me I shouldn't go to The Turtle tonight because I meet this hot girl with a great ass."

"I'm a big fan of great asses and I can't think of a better reason to go," Alan says smiling.

"Neither can I!" Ben looks at me wearing a smug expression. "Any other nuggets of advice from the future you want to share?"

"I'm serious you cannot go."

Alan turns to Ben. "Dude, you really become a dick in the future."

"Hey, I'm right here," I say.

After looking away thinking, Alan says, "I wouldn't do anything he says, because you see how he acts, maybe if you do the opposite of what he says you won't end up like him."

"That's what I'm trying to get him to do, you moron," I say.

"Huh?" Alan's eyes glaze over.

"The opposite." Moving to Ben, I plead, "Look, I went to Fells Point on July fourth nineteen eighty eight and it set in motion a course of events that, yes, at times were good, but overall were a disaster. How often do you get a second chance in life?"

Ben shrugs. "I don't know."

"Never. I'm serious, it doesn't happen. Help me take advantage of this second chance. I've seen the future if you go tonight and I'm convinced she'll be better off and so will you if you don't. Trust me."

"All right. All right. Then set it up with Laura. I thought you were sure she was crazy about me."

"I was… I am. She's just sorta involved with someone else."

"She has a boyfriend?" Ben's jaw falls open. "Why the hell didn’t she tell me?"

"They broke up, but she's having second thoughts."

Ben gives me a sarcastic look. "And what... your magical sex techniques didn't help make up her mind?"

"They didn't hurt. If we were relying only on your lame performance we wouldn't even have a chance and now we do."

"Whatever." Ben sighs. "Just call her, since you’re so good with women. But after that I'm taking over. No more spying on us or locking me in a closet and being my stunt cock. Hopefully once you get us together, your angel friend will come here and take you right back to wherever the hell you're supposed to be."

"That's exactly what I want too." I give him a big smile, then rush out to the hall to make the call.

Calling from the hall phone, I speak to Barbara again and she seems nice enough, but claims to have no idea where her sister is. She does tell me she's expected home soon and that she'll have her call me.

I return to the room and leave the door open in order to hear the phone if it rings. I tell Alan and Ben that Laura should be calling soon. Alan picks up take out for all of us and by the time we finish dinner, it's after 7:00 p.m. and still there is no call from Laura.

"Do you know where she lives?" I ask Ben.

"In Greenbelt."

"That's only ten minutes from here. Let's go to her house. You have the address?"

He shrugs. "No, I don't."

"It's got to be in her file at work, right? Do you know where they keep the files?"

"Yeah," he shoots me a hesitant look. "It's in the manager's office. She's always back there and I'm not getting fired over something stupid like this."

"Oh, you won't get fired." I sigh, rolling my eyes.