Champagne Toast (36 page)

“
Does she make you feel that way?  Like anything
’
s possible?
”
Her eyes are glossy, and I can
’
t tell if she
’
s sad, or nervous, or if all of it is just my imagination.

“
I don
’t know.” I shrug in a non-committal way.
“
I don
’
t know much these days.
”

“
Me neither
.” 
Kate laughs, shaking her head.  As if those simple words make total sense to her.

“
Tell me how you
’
re doing,
”
I persist.  Even though I know that I shouldn
’
t be leaving my date alone for this long, I can
’
t leave this hallway.
I can
’
t leave her.

“
I
’
m still at Molly
’
s, which shouldn
’
t surprise you,
”
she says, a small bite to her words.  I try not to look wounded from that statement, but I can
’
t.  And she sees it. 
This really has to be the most awkward moment of my life.

“
Kate
—”
I begin, but she interrupts.

“
Actually, um, I
do
have something coming up.  It
’
s not a big deal
or anything, just an art show,”
she says, digging through her camera bag, pulling out a bright blue piece of paper.  She walks towards me and places the flier in my hand.

“You’re showing your work?”
I ask with wide eyes.

“Yes,”
she says tentatively.

“
This is so cool, Swee
—”
I say, catching myself from using her old nickname, as I read the flier.  She looks disappointed.  I can
’
t read this woman to save my life.

“
Would you come?
”
she asks and I can hear hope in her voice.
I
’
m taken aback and suddenly I
’
m filled with an emotion I
’
ve never felt before.  Confusion mixed with happiness.  Skepticism mixed with pure joy.

“
I
’
ll try to make it,
”
I say, not sure what the right answer is.
But, once I see her reaction, I kno
w it was the wrong one.  “
I mean, um
—”

“
I get it,
”
Kate says, throwing
her camera bag on her shoulder.
“
Don
’
t worry a
bout it, Evan.  I just thought—”

“
I
’
ll be there,
”
I say quickly, not sure where the words come from.  I
’
m so afraid of never seeing her again.
I can feel her slipping away.  But, she smiles at my change of heart and nods her head in realization.  This seems to be just as hard for her as it is for me.

“
Great.  Well, I have to go, I need to start a shift at the bar in a couple of hours
,”
she says, a wide smile upon her gorgeous face.  She still manages to amaze me with that smile.
I
’
m mesmerized by it even after all this time apart.
God, I miss her and I miss that smile.  I miss her smiling at
me.

Kate takes a few steps toward me and kisses me gently on my cheek, placing her hand on my forearm.  I
’
m frozen, not knowing what to do.
She has me in a trance.

“
Good-bye, Ev,
”
she says with a wicked smile. 
Fuck.

“
Bye,
”
I manage to choke out the word and quickly clear my throat.  The seductive look on Kate
’
s face changes dramatically to sadness as she looks me dead in the eyes.

“
I never cheated on you.  You
need
to know that,
”
she says softly.
I
’
m left speechless as I watch her turn and walk down the long hallway.  When she reaches the door to the building, she turns, smiling when she sees I
’
m still watching her, in the daze that she created.  She waves before walking out the door.

Eventually, I snap out of it, realizing my girlfriend is waiting for me in the banquet room.  Wiping the sweat from my brow with the handkerchief from my tuxedo, I walk back into the reception.  It feels like I
’
ve been gone for hours.  Patrick and Chloe are dancing in the center of the dance floor.  Wedding guests are gathered around, watching the happy couple as they glide around the laminate.  Chelsea sees me coming and waves me over.  She looks sad.  She must be pissed that I
’
ve been gone for so long.

“
Hey there,
”
I say, wrapping my arm around her shoulder, pretending to watch Patrick and his bride.

“
Hey,
”
she says softly, her voice choked up a bit.  I had no idea wed
dings made her so emotional.  

***

As we drive to Chelsea
’
s apartment in total silence, I
’
m still not sure how to handle all of this.  Part of me wants to end things with her, but I
’
m too pissed at Kate to allow her to have so much control over my new relationship.  Who knows where things could go with Chelsea?  I think it just needs more time.  I want to make small talk but I
’
m too exhausted, so instead I turn on my CD player.  After a couple of songs, Chelsea turns it back off.

“
Oh, sorry,
”
I say,
“
not in the mood for music?
”
 

“
Was that her?
”
she asks with an edge to her voice, one I
’
ve never heard before.

“
Who?
”
I pretend to concentrate on the road.  But, in my gut I know exactly who she
’
s talking about.  No wonder the rest of the night was so awkward.

“
The girl you were talking to after your speech, the photographer.  I saw you with her.  Is she the one?
”

“
Chels, what are you talking about?
” I ask, playing dumb.  I’m not ready to deal with this.  I’m so overwhelmed as it is.
The tension in the air is
thick.  She takes a huge breath
and exhales, sounding irritated.

“
Come on, Evan.  Stop it,
”
she snaps.

“
Stop what?  What
’
s going on?
”
I ask, turning to her quickly before looking back at the road.

“
I
’
m not an idiot.  We
’
ve been together for months and I
’
ve hit enough roadblocks with you to know that someone broke your heart.  And after watching you standing in the hallway, I just know it
’
s her.  Am I right?
”

“
Chels
—”
I reach out to touch her arm and she pulls away.

“
Enough, Evan.  Just tell me,
”
she says.
I can feel her glare piercing my skin.

“
Yes,
”
I say softly, my back muscles growing tense.

“
Did you know she
’
d be there?
”
she asks.

“
Chels, I
—”

“
Did.You.Know.Evan?
”
  She enunciates every word as she glowers at me.  She
’
s pissed and I realize there
’
s no way I
’
m getting out of this.  Chelsea and I are done.

“
Yeah, I knew.
”

“
Is that why you brought me there?  To throw me in her face?  Make her think you moved on when you obviously haven
’
t?
”

I shake my head emphatical
ly.
“
No, not at all.  I wouldn
’
t do that to you, Chelsea.  I
’
m trying,
trying
to move on.  I
really
like you
.”
I turn to look at her briefly, but she just rolls her eyes and looks out the window.  Another minute of silence.

“
Well, that really sucks because I
love
you,
”
she says, emotion taking over her voice. 

I take a deep breath, digesting what she
’
s just said before she continues,
“
I fell in love with you months ago, but all this time I
’
ve held back, hoping you
’
d say it first.  But, I knew.  I
’
ve always known you didn
’
t feel the same as I do.  And now I know why.  It
’
s because of her.
”

I look at her, wishing there was something I could say to make this moment less awful for her.  But, it
’
s never easy getting your heart smashed.
I should know.  I
’
ve been there.  She just continues to stare out the window.
I see a tear rolling down her pale cheek.  I feel like such an asshole.

“
Say something,
”
she says as more tears form in her icy blue eyes.  But, she still won
’
t look at me.

“
What do you want me to say, Chels?
”

“
Don
’
t call me that
.” 
She turns and glares at me, her nostrils flaring, her anger taking over her sadness.
God, this conversation is starting to feel familiar.

“
I
’
m sorry, really I am.
I never wanted to hurt you.
”

“
Why did you even date me, Evan?  Why did you waste my time?
”

“
Because you sparked something in me, something that I hadn
’
t felt in so long.  I was hoping I
’
d fall for you.  I
want
to love you,
”
I say, touching her cheek with the pads of my fingers.  This time, she doesn
’
t push me away. 

“
But
,
you don
’
t,
”
Chelsea says, her voice cracking.

I shake my head no.

“
Because you still love her?
”
she presses.

“
I don
’
t know,
”
I say, focusing on the road.  I don
’
t know how to answer that question, even for myself.

“
Stop trying to spare my feelings.  Be honest, for God
’
s sake.
”

“
I don
’
t know if I
’
ll ever be able to love anyone the way I loved Kate
.” 
It
’
s the simple truth.  No sense in hiding anything anymore.

“
So, she has a name,
”
Chelsea says, looking away and wiping the tears from her cheeks. 

“
Yes,
”
I reply as I pull the car in front of Chelsea
’
s building.  She gets out quickly and I follow, not wanting to end things like this.