Catherine Price (21 page)

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A

AA meeting, drunk, 117

Action Park, 58–59

Adventure of the Beagle, the Musical, 168–170

Africa, 82, 163–164, 209–210

airplane, stranded on runway, 186–187

Alaska, 87–89

Algalita Marine Research Foundation, 101

aliens, 198–199

Amsterdam, 188–189

amusement park(s), dangerous, 58–59

Angel, Criss, 196

animatronic Jesus, 123–125

ants, driver, 163–164

arbitrary lines, 226–227

Argentina, 102–104, 123–125, 168–170

Arizona, 67–68, 224–225, 226–227

ascent tampon(s), 81

Asia, 3–4, 10–11, 14–17, 18–19, 30–33, 49–51, 65–66, 85–86, 113–114, 139, 150–151, 178–179, 205–206, 211–212, 223–224

asshole(s)

being one, 139

Satan’s, 215

asteroids, giant, 213–214

Atacama Desert, 148–149

Australia, 84, 161–162, 171

Austria, 13, 105, 155–156

azaleas, 114

Azerbaijan, 152

B

bad ideas, 29

Baldwin, Michael, 134–136

Banana, the Big, 161–162

barbeque, mangled goat, 28

Barcelona, 39–41

BART, 45–46

bat-shit crazy, people who are, 20–22, 47–48, 95

bathtub(s) filled with beer, 12–13

Beast, the, 76–77

Bec des Rosses, 75

bedroom, your boss’s, 29

beer, bathtub filled with, 12–13

Beijing Museum of Tap Water, 10–11

Beijing, 10–11, 16, 134

bell tower(s), top of, 234–236

Bhutan, 114

Big Brother, 129

Bikram yoga, 230–231

birth canal, spotted hyena 209–210

black holes, as vacation destinations, 118

Black Rock City, 217–219

Blarney Stone, 132–133

Bodrum, Turkey, 120

body farms, xiv, 115–116

bog snorkeling, 202–203

Bolivia, 165–167

Borehole, Kola Superdeep, xiv, 109–110

Boston, 24

Brussels, 172–173

Bryson, Bill, 191

Buenos Aires, 102–104, 123–125

Buhler, Brendan, 200–201

bullfighting, 34–36

Burning Man, 217–219, 220

burps, really loud, 111–112

Burundi, 192–193

bus rides, uncomfortable, 52–53

Buzkashi, 27–28

C

Cairo, 128–129, 140–141

caldera(s), 118, 190–191

California, 6, 20–22, 45–46, 60–61, 94–95, 100, 157, 176–177

camel, bladder of, 71

Camino del Muerte, 165–167

Canada, 98–99, 190

Cancun, 213

capitalist “screw you”(s), 50

Carry Nation, 47–48

Cayman, Jack, 182–183

Chacabuco, Chile, 148–149

chainsaws, as arms, 182–183

Cheese Rolling Competition, Gloucester, 37–38

Chicago, 66, 137–138

Chicxulub, 213

Chile, 148–149

China, 10–11, 14–17, 23, 31, 66, 84, 114, 120, 145, 150–151, 178–179

Chodovar, 12–13

Chou, Emperor, 23

cicada brood, Great Eastern, 55–57

Circus Maximus, 194–195

Cleveland, Grover, 78–79

clitoris, doubling as pseudo-penis, 209

coal mines, Chinese, 178–179

cocaine, 9, 103

college campus, four months after you graduate, 204

Colorado, 1, 226–227

Columbia, California, 176–177

composting sewage 60–61

cows, 184

Congo, Democratic Republic of, 84

Connaught Circle, 3

Consumer Electronics Show, 201

Cooper’s Hill, England, 37–38

Corbet’s Couloir, 74–75

Cork, Ireland, 132–133

corpses, rotting, 115–116

Couloir, Corbet’s, 74–75

crap, giant room filled with human, 60–61

cream cheese, 13

Croatia, 234–236

crocodile, human-eating, 192–193

Cusco, Peru, 171

Czech Republic, 12–13

D

Dante, 23

Darwin, Charles, 168–170

dB drag racing, 111–112

Death, Road of, 165–167

deepest hole, the, 109–110

Deformed Man End Place(s), 10–11

dementors, 215

Demilitarized Zone, 49–51

deodorant, 84

Department of Motor Vehicles, the, 215–216

devil babies, 225

dicks, gathering place for, 137–138

Dildo Days, Historic, 156

Dildo Museum, 156

dinosaurs, extinction of, 213

Disappointment Keeper(s), 54

Disaster City, 207–208

Disney, Euro, 5–6

DMV, 215–216

DMZ, 49–51

dog(s)

cute photograph(s) of, 227

launching into orbit, 109

dong toast, celebratory, 81

Dongguan, China, 150–151

drag racing, dB, 111–112

dropping balls, 69–71

drug war(s), 67–68, 96–97

E

eau de BART, 45–46

Egypt, 128–129, 140–141

elephant seal(s), 157–158

England, 37–38, 54, 142–143

Euro Disney, 5–6

Europe, 5–6, 8–9, 12–13, 34–35, 37–38, 39–41, 132–133, 142–143, 153–154, 155–156, 172–173, 174–175, 188–189, 194–195, 202–203

Evil, Axis of, 82

existential crisis, feeling of, 197

F

fan hours, Las Vegas porn convention, xiv, 200–201

fart, acronyms that rhyme with, 45

feces, rotting, 60–61

fiberglass thing(s), large, 161–162

Filkins, Dexter, 28

firearm neophytes, 94–95

foam parties, 9

forensic anthropology, 115–116

Four Corners, 226–227

France, 5–6

freezer burn, 41

Fremont, California, 22

Frenchmen, irascible, 192–193

Fucking, Austria, 155–156

G

Ganghwa Island, South Korea, 30

Garbage City, 140–141

Garbage Patch, Great Pacific, 100–101

garlic keeper(s), 54

germaphobes’ nightmare(s), 132–133, 180–181, 230–231

gladiator(s), crazy, 159–160

glandular fever, 133

Gloucester Cheese, 37–38

goat(s), dead, headless, 27–28

Gore, Al, 214

Grandma Rock, 18–19

Grandpa Rock, 18–19

Great Man-Drowning, 153–154

Great Molasses Flood, 24

gropers’ night, 211–212

Grote Mandrenke, 153–154

Guanajuato, Traveling Mummies of, 232–233

gulag(s), 205–206

Gum Wall, 180–181

gumsicle(s), 181

Gustave, 192–193

H

hamburgler orgasm(s), 81

Harry Potter, 215

Hatchetation, 47–48

Hawaii, 139

Hell

at Buenos Aires Airport customs office, 102

dermatologic version of, 176

Eighth Circle of, 23

Michigan, 25–26

in space, 118

in the form of the department of motor vehicles, 215

Hilton, James, 113

Himalayas, 113

historical food containers, museum(s) of, 54

human flesh, 23, 115–116

hyena(s), 209–210

hygiene, questionable, 65–66

hygienic radish(es), 33

I

Ibiza, 8–9

idiotic activities, 37–38, 58–59, 74–75, 76–77, 111–112, 146–147, 176–177, 202–203

Il, Kim Jong, 50, 205–206

Illinois, 66, 137–138

imekura, 212

Inca Trail, 171

India, 3, 223

Inland Empire, California, 60–61

innertubes, pink, 86

insects,

horny, 55–57

sociopathic, 55

Io, xiv, 118–119

Ireland, 132–133

Israel, 84

Italy, 159–160, 194–195

J

jackalope(s), 42–44

Jackson Hole, 74–75

Jacobs, A. J., 23

James Fenimore Cooper Burger King, 78

Japan, 65–66, 85–86, 211–212

Jeanneke Pis, 173

Jesus, speaking with, 47–48

Joint Security Area, 49–51

Juarez, Ciudad, 96–97

Jupiter’s Worst Moon, Io, xiv, 118–119

K

Kahn, Jennifer, 220

Kansas, 47

Karostas Cietums, 105–106

Kenai Peninsula, 87–89

Khewra Salt Mines Mosque, 144–145

killing pigs, a bad idea, 140–141

Kingman Reef, 62–64

Koh Samui, 18–19

Kola Superdeep Borehole, xiv, 109–110

Korea, North, 49–51, 205–206

Korea, South, 30–33, 49–51

Kristof, Nick, 82–83, 84

L

Lake Tanganyika, shores of, 192–193

Las Vegas porn convention, xiv, 200–201

Latvia, 105–106

lead poisoning, 122

Lebanon, 84

Line Islands, 62–64

Little A’Le’Inn, 198–199

Llanwrtyd Wells, Wales, 202–203

loser, definition of, 204

Luxor hotel, 197

M

Machu Picchu, 171

maggots, 115–116, 185

magma, 109, 190

Maine, 72–73

mall(s), crappy, 150–151

Man-Drowning, Great, 153–154

Manneken Pis, 172–173

Maoist china, 31

Margonelli, Lisa, 152

Mauna Kea, 139

maxi-pads, with your father in the room, 14–17

Medicine Lodge, Kansas, 47

Medinat Al-Fayoum, 128–129

Mexico City, 134–136

Mexico, 67–68, 96–97, 134–136, 190, 213–214, 232–233

Michigan, 25–26, 222

Mohorovicic Discontinuity, 109–110

Molasses Flood, Great 24

monk, masquerading as, 30–33

Montana, 1

Moore, Charles, 100–101

Mount Everest, 139

Mount Washington, Top of, 107–108

mummies, 149, 232–233

Mystery House, Winchester, 20–22

N

naked

backside(s), 16

hippies, 217–219

people, 23, 65–66, 130–131, 217–219

protestors, 35–36

sushi, 65–66

nantaimori, 66

nasty anal fruit salad, 80

Nation, Carry, 47–48

Nepal, 139

Nero, 194–195

Netherlands, 188–189

Nevada, 196–199, 217–219, 220

apology for including the entire state, 196

New Delhi, 3

New Hampshire, 107–108

New Jersey, 58–59, 78–79

New Mexico, 226–227

New Year’s Eve, 69–71

New York City, 45, 48, 66, 69–71, 76–77, 130–131, 188, 197, 215

New York State, 90–91

Nicorette, last piece of, 187