Capturing the Single Dad’s Heart (9 page)

‘Accepted,' he said with a smile.

‘You said double. What's the other bit?' she asked.

‘That's the proof I was telling you about. We're looking for a chief bridesmaid,' he said. ‘Know anyone who might be interested?'

It took a second for the penny to drop. ‘You're getting married?'

He grinned. ‘I asked Louisa at the weekend and she said yes. And you're our first choice as chief bridesmaid. Actually,' he confided, ‘we're hoping to make it a triple celebration, because we've been accepted for the IVF programme.'

‘Mikey, that's wonderful news.' Tears welled in her eyes as she realised that she hadn't quite taken everything away from her brother. He was going to get married to the woman he loved and who loved him in return, and with luck they were going to have a child together.

‘So,' he said softly, ‘I understand about turning your life round, being brave enough to risk loving someone and letting them love you. And if I don't let being unable to walk get in my way and stop me doing things, then you shouldn't let anything get in your way and stop you doing things, either.'

‘I'm not. I'm too busy at work to date.'

‘Busy? Sweetheart, what that means is you don't have to take any risks. Working hard and helping others means you're able to hide how vulnerable you are and bury your fears.'

Mikey was too perceptive for her comfort. Which went with the territory of being a political journalist, she supposed—he wasn't afraid to tackle difficult subjects and he didn't let people back away from the truth.

‘I'm not one of your interviewees, Mikey. You don't have to give me a hard time. Anyway, I brought you cookies. And they're still warm. Don't let them get cold while you keep yakking on.'

‘Hmm. But just think about this, Erin: if you carry on keeping people at a distance, Andrew keeps winning. Is that what you want?' he asked.

‘No, but we're not talking about me. We're talking about your wedding.' She lifted her mug of tea. ‘Congratulations, Mikey. I'm so pleased for you and Louisa. And if you need any help organising anything at all...'

‘You're my wing woman,' he said. ‘You always have been. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have gone back to finish my degree or had the confidence to apply for my job—or to start dating Louisa.'

‘I guess.' But if it hadn't been for her, he would've finished his degree two years earlier and had a completely different life. Why didn't he hate her for taking so much away from him?

‘Think about it. Talk to Nate. If he's worthy of you, he'll understand.'

‘Yeah.' She finished her tea and kissed him. ‘I have to go. The bake sale starts in an hour and a half and I need to set up the stall.' And she knew she was being a coward. Mikey had a point. Taking the risk of a relationship with someone wasn't something she wanted to do. Taking the risk that it would break down, that happiness would be snatched away and yet again she'd lose someone she loved. She couldn't face it. Better not to risk her heart. Better to keep herself busy at work and helping other people, so she didn't have time to think about what she might be missing.

‘Go get 'em, kiddo.' He punched her lightly on the shoulder. ‘Talk to the guy, and let me know how it goes.'

‘I will,' she said, having no intention of doing either. Nate was her friend. And she didn't want to risk losing that—or the chance to help Caitlin and make sure she didn't repeat Erin's mistakes.

CHAPTER SIX

A
T
 
THE
 
HOSPITAL
, Erin set up her bake stall in the atrium, where everyone visiting the hospital would be able to see it. Her colleagues on the spinal unit had contributed cakes or cookies, whether home-made or a glitzy one bought from a bakery, as had staff from other departments who knew her well. Volunteers from the Friends of the London Victoria had also brought in cakes and were helping her to man the stall.

‘Caitlin sent these. She made them last night,' Nate said, coming along to the stall with a plastic box filled with home-made brownies.

‘Awesome. I'm definitely buying one of these,' Erin said with a smile.

‘And my mother says to thank you.'

‘What for?'

‘Because Caitlin asked her if she could bake something, and she wanted to use one of Mum's recipes. Thanks to you, Caitlin's starting to open up to her as well.' He swallowed hard. ‘She actually called Mum “Gran” last night, for the first time in months. And she's started calling me “Dad” instead of avoiding the word.'

Erin felt a lump in her throat. ‘That's so good to hear.'

‘Yeah.' He rested a hand on her arm. ‘We owe you.'

Her skin tingled where he touched her, and she had to remind herself that it was inappropriate.

She was busy with the bake stall all afternoon and didn't really have the time to think about Nate, but the question went round and round in the back of her mind: was Mikey right, or would Nate run a mile if she told him the truth about her past? Telling him risked losing his friendship—and she'd lost enough in her life. But at the same time she knew she'd held so much back that their friendship was based on a lie—on who he thought she was, rather than who she really was. That wasn't healthy, either.

She was just packing up when he came over.

‘I've finished in Theatre and written up my notes, so I wondered if you need a hand with anything?' he asked.

‘I'm just returning the tables I borrowed from one of the meeting rooms. Don't you need to go and pick up Caitlin?'

‘She'll be fine with Mum for a while.'

‘Then if you've really got time, sure, you can give me a hand.'

It was fine until they both reached for the same table at the same time and their fingers touched. Erin felt that same prickle of awareness as when their hands had touched over the scones; but this time, instead of avoiding eye contact, she looked him straight in the eye. Nate's pupils were dilated to the point where his eyes looked almost black.

Oh, help. It looked as if this attraction she felt towards him was mutual, then. What were they going to do about it? Because this situation was impossible.

His face was serious. ‘Erin.' He reached out and cupped her cheek in his palm, then brushed his thumb over her lower lip.

She felt hot all over and her skin tingled where he touched her.

‘Nate. We're right in the middle of the hospital,' she whispered.

‘And anyone could see us. I know.' He moved his hand away. ‘Erin, I think we need to talk.'

She knew he was right. ‘But not here.' It was too public.

‘Where? When?' His voice was urgent.

‘You said Caitlin would be all right with your mum for a while.' She took a deep breath. Maybe she needed to be brave about this, as Mikey had suggested. Do it now. Tell him the truth. And if he walked away—well, it just proved that she'd been stupid to let him matter to her. ‘My place, right now?'

He nodded. ‘I'll drive you.'

‘No, we need to go separately. We don't want people to start gossiping about us,' she said quickly.

‘I guess you're right,' he said.

‘I'll text you the address on my way to the Tube™,' she said.

‘OK. I'll, um, see you soon, then.'

His eyes were full of longing—the same longing that she felt. But, once he knew the truth about her, would he look at her in a different way?

There was only one way to find out. And it scared the hell out of her. But he'd find out in the end, so she knew it would be better to tell him now. Before either of them got hurt.

Though she had a nasty feeling it was already too late for that.

* * *

Nate walked back to his car to wait for Erin to text him her address so he could put the postcode into his satnav, feeling as nervous and excited as a teenager on his first date—which he knew was crazy. They weren't actually dating. They might not ever date. After all, what did he have to offer her apart from a very complicated life?

But the kind of pull he felt towards her was rare, and the way she'd just reacted to him made him think that it might be the same for her. Between them, could they find some kind of compromise?

He really hoped so. Because, the more he got to know Erin, the more he liked her. She was serious when she needed to be, and yet she had a sense of fun and an infectious smile. She was sweet and kind and funny. She was straight-talking and not afraid to face things head-on. And physically he was more aware of her than he had been of anyone since he'd split up from Stephanie ten years before. He wanted her more than he could ever remember wanting anyone.

* * *

Erin realised that she was actually shaking with a mixture of nerves and excitement as she got on the Tube™. She wanted this so much—and yet if she thought about it she knew it made no sense at all. Where could their relationship possibly go from here? Nate came as a package, and his relationship with his daughter was still so new and so fragile that he couldn't afford to take his focus away from it. Plus they worked together at the hospital, so if things went wrong between them—given her track record, she amended, that was more likely to be ‘when' than ‘if'—it could be awkward between them in the department.

So, even if he felt that same pull of attraction, they were just going to have to pretend that it didn't exist. Because this couldn't happen. Once she'd told him the truth about her past, he would realise for himself that she wasn't a good bet and he'd back away. Though, at the same time, part of her didn't want to tell him the truth because she didn't want to risk losing his friendship.

Yet she knew that the longer she left it to tell him, the closer she got to him, the harder it would be to find the words. So she needed to be brave. Tell him.
Now.

Her flat was reasonably tidy, but she whizzed the Hoover round while the kettle boiled—more to stop herself from thinking than because her flat needed cleaning.

And then the doorbell rang.

Nate.

Erin felt almost sick with nerves, and her heart was beating so hard as she walked to the front door that she was sure people in the street outside could hear it. She took a deep breath, and gave Nate her best and brightest smile. ‘Perfect timing. The kettle's just boiled—tea or coffee?'

‘Whatever you're having.'

‘Coffee,' she said. It would take longer to make and it might buy her enough time to slow her pulse rate and get her common sense back. ‘Come and sit down. I won't be long.' She ushered him in to the living room, intending to be all bright and breezy and chirpy—but then he stopped in the doorway and dipped his head to kiss her.

When he lifted his head again, she was shaking.

‘Nate, I...' She didn't have a clue what to say. That kiss had just blown her mind.

‘Me, too,' he whispered. ‘I wasn't expecting this and I know it's unfair of me to do this because I come with complications.'

So did she. And, if this thing between them was to stand even the slightest chance of growing into something good, she needed to be honest with him right from the start. ‘Coffee,' she said, and fled to the kitchen.

When she returned with two mugs, he was browsing the photographs on her mantelpiece.

‘I take it this is your brother?' he asked, gesturing to the picture of her with Mikey. They were sitting in her father's garden, laughing together, and Mikey's wheelchair was very obvious.

‘Yes,' she said quietly. She handed him one of the mugs and took a deep breath. ‘I told you that Mikey's in a wheelchair. What I didn't tell you was that it's my fault he's in a wheelchair. So I guess I owe you an explanation.'

He frowned. ‘You don't owe me anything.'

‘I think I do—before things between us...' She swallowed hard. ‘Well.' Too late to go back, now. She just had to hope that he wouldn't hate her the way her mother did or think that she'd be a bad influence on Caitlin. ‘I should probably have told you this before. And, once I've told you the truth about me, I'll understand if you want me to stay out of your life.'

His frown deepened. ‘But I do want you in my life, Erin. That's the whole point of us talking now.'

‘You need to know the truth about me, first. You know I said my parents split up when I was a couple of years older than Caitlin?' At his nod, she continued, ‘When Dad left us, I went off the rails pretty badly and I got in with a rough crowd. I might have found my own way back out of it again—but then my mum started seeing this guy. Mikey and I called him “Creepy Leonard.”' Even thinking about the man made her feel sick.

‘Why was he creepy?' Nate asked.

‘I always felt that he was watching me. And it wasn't just teenage awkwardness or paranoia. The way he looked at me...' She shivered. ‘Let's just say I discovered that he thought that dating the mother meant that he had the same rights over the daughter.'

Nate looked truly shocked, his eyes widening in horror. ‘You mean he...?'

‘He
tried
,' she said grimly. ‘When he touched me inappropriately, I told him to take his disgusting hands off me or I'd scream the place down. Then I kicked him hard enough in the shins to make him let me go.' For a second, she gritted her teeth. Remembering the older man's lecherous behaviour still made her angry. ‘He called me a tease, and I told him I was nothing of the kind. I also told him that my boyfriend would beat him up if he ever laid another hand on me.' Considering what had actually happened with Andrew, that was so ironic. But at the time she'd thought that her boyfriend would protect her from all harm. It hadn't occurred to her that Andrew was where the real danger lay.

‘Did you tell your mum what he did?'

She nodded. ‘But Leonard had got there before me. He'd convinced her that I was trying to stir up trouble so they would split up—and she didn't believe me when I told her what really happened.'

Nate looked as if he couldn't take it in. ‘That—that's
appalling
, Erin. Why would she believe the word of a guy she obviously didn't know very well rather than her own daughter?'

‘Remember, her life had just fallen apart,' Erin said. On her counsellor's advice she'd tried so, so hard to see it from her mother's point of view; she'd gone over it again and again, trying to work out what her mother had been thinking. ‘Her husband of twenty years had just left her for someone else. She felt ugly and useless and old and betrayed, and then this guy flattered her and made her feel good about herself again. Of course she was going to listen to him.'

‘Even though he'd just tried to touch her fifteen-year-old daughter very inappropriately?'

‘I blamed Mum for Dad leaving us,' Erin said, ‘so we weren't getting on very well. She thought I was trying to spoil things for her—that I was trying to get my revenge on her for Dad leaving, by breaking up her relationship with her new man. From a distance of fourteen years, I can understand why she thought that.'

‘It's still appalling. You were a child. Why on earth didn't she listen to you and put you first?' Then he looked at her in horror. ‘Oh, my God. Erin. You don't think Steph's new husband...?'

‘Tried to touch Caitlin inappropriately?' she asked, guessing what was worrying him. ‘No. I think he just wants Steph to himself and doesn't want to share her attention with her daughter. Caitlin's opened up to me about some things, and I think she would've told me if there was any more to it than that—which isn't saying you're a bad father,' she added swiftly, ‘just that it's a lot easier to tell something difficult like that to someone who isn't your parent.'

‘That sounds like personal experience talking.'

‘It is.' She blew out a breath. ‘My best friend Gill's mum, Rachel—I told her what Creepy Leonard had done, and she said I needed a lock on my bedroom door to keep me safe. She got her husband to fit it for me that same evening. Mum was really angry when she found out. She said I was attention-seeking and trying to cause trouble for Leonard because I was jealous.'

‘You were pretty much understating it when you said your relationship with your mother was tricky,' Nate said, still looking shocked.

‘Just a bit,' she admitted. ‘Anyway, the lock worked, because it kept Creepy Leonard out. But things got even worse between me and Mum after that, and I started spending more and more time with the crowd who accepted me for who I was—even though they weren't good for me and deep down I think I knew that.' She closed her eyes for a moment. ‘Nate, I mean it when I said I went off the rails. It was really bad. I started skipping school and hanging out with them instead, and going to parties that were way too old for me. Let me spell it out for you—I was running around with a crowd who drank and smoked and did soft drugs.'

‘Did you do what they did?' he asked.

‘Not the smoking or the drugs. But I did start drinking vodka when I wasn't old enough, just so I fitted in with them,' she admitted. ‘I was fifteen, but I looked old enough to be eighteen, so I got away with it. And one of my new friends got me some fake ID for when we went clubbing. Let's just say we went to the kind of places where they didn't check the ID that closely.'