Capturing the Single Dad’s Heart (16 page)

Once his mother and Caitlin were settled, he drove over to Erin's flat. She answered the door immediately, and he could see the strain on her face. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and keep her close, but he knew he didn't have the right to do that. Not yet. So he simply said, ‘Hi. Thanks for letting me come over.'

‘Coffee?'

He shook his head. ‘I just need to talk to you.'

She ushered him into the living room, and to his relief she sat next to him on the sofa.

‘I think maybe we need to revisit the situation,' he said, ‘now I've talked to Caitlin and we understand each other. I was there when she called you, so I heard her end of the conversation—she told you you're important to both of us, and that's true.' He looked her straight in the eye. ‘She's given us her blessing. You know how I feel about you, Erin, and I think you feel the same about me—even if you're too scared to say the words.'

‘So you're not pulling your punches tonight, either, then?' she asked wryly.

‘Erin, it's obvious you're scared. And I think you ran away tonight, just like Cait did—because you're scared to take a risk.'

‘You think I'm a coward?'

‘I think you're the strongest woman I know,' he said. ‘But I also think you don't want to risk letting people close. It scares you. You're one of life's fixers—but you keep yourself busy and that helps you hide how vulnerable you are. From yourself, as well as from others.'

* * *

His words hit home, particularly as her brother had said the same thing. And Erin knew they were both right. She
was
scared of letting people close—scared that when they saw who she really was, she'd lose them. And she buried her fears and vulnerability beneath hard work, hiding from herself as well as others.

Could she take the risk with Nate?

As if he guessed what she was thinking, he said softly, ‘Don't use Caitlin as an excuse. You know how she feels about you. You know how I feel about you. And, just so we're clear on this, I'm not looking for a mother for my daughter—I'm looking for someone for
me.
There's only one woman who's everything I'm looking for, and that's you. I know you've made mistakes in your past. They're understandable and you've more than paid for them, over the years. So when are you going to trust yourself enough to move on and have a really serious relationship—a for ever relationship?'

‘But you can't want me. You don't know the full story,' she said.

‘Is that another excuse to keep your protective barriers round yourself?' he asked.

It stung. Partly because she knew he was right. ‘OK. You asked for this. What happened with Andrew...there were consequences.' She took a deep breath. ‘He didn't use contraception and I wasn't on the Pill.'

He stared at her as if he was doing the maths in his head. ‘So you have a child the same age as Caitlin?'

‘No. I would've done, except I had a miscarriage,' she said. ‘I'm sad that I never got to know my baby. But I'm also relieved that I didn't end up being a mum when I was too young to cope with it—and I still feel guilty about being relieved.'

‘Hey. First of all, Andrew raped you. He didn't even give you a chance to say no, let alone use protection.' He wrapped his arms round her. ‘Secondly, you were fifteen, so you would've been still only sixteen when the baby was born. Actually, you probably would've made a good job of being a mum, but your life would've been very different. You wouldn't have been able to train as a doctor, and I can say on your patients' behalf that that would've been a massive loss to medicine. And thirdly, it wasn't your fault that you had a miscarriage. It's one of those things that just happen. You don't have anything to feel guilty about. Anything at all.'

Could she let the guilt go, after all those years?

‘Did you have anyone to support you through it?' he asked. ‘You said your dad wasn't very good with emotional stuff and your mum's...well...'

‘Difficult.' She nodded. ‘I was in denial about being pregnant. And then, when I did face up to it, I didn't know what to do. Gill found me crying in the toilets at school and she made me talk to her mum. That's when I told Rachel about what Andrew did—and the consequences I wasn't expecting. She helped me come to terms with everything. And then, after the miscarriage, she pushed me into going back to school—a different school, one where people didn't know me and couldn't judge me, so I could re-sit my exams and get my life back together.'

‘I'm sorry you had to go through such a rough time,' he said. ‘I thought I had it hard but my family was always there for me.'

‘Mikey was there for me. As much as he could be.' She paused. ‘So now you know the rest of it.'

‘And it doesn't change my feelings for you in the slightest. Except that maybe I admire you even more. Your strength is amazing, Erin.'

‘It doesn't feel that way,' she said tiredly.

He kept his arms round her. ‘You're vulnerable but you've always had to be the strong one, the one who does the rescuing and sorts things out for other people.'

‘And you're right when you said I used that to hide things from myself,' she said.

‘Maybe,' he said, ‘it's time you were the rescuee instead of the rescuer.'

‘The rescuee?'

‘Because what I'm going to ask you now needs a lot of strength,' he said. ‘A lot of trust. You saw your parents' marriage break down—and the little you've told me makes me think that some other relationships didn't work out for them. You saw your brother's girlfriend walk away when she found out he'd be in a wheelchair. You were let down in the worst possible way by the boyfriend you thought loved you. It's understandable that you don't have a lot of trust in relationships.'

‘I don't,' she admitted.

‘And not being able to trust is why you've dated but it's never been really serious since,' Nate said.

She frowned. ‘I thought you were a spinal surgeon, not a psychologist?'

‘I am. And I'm not going to let you push me away, Erin—whether it's with a sharp remark like that or whether you walk out on me. I'm not leaving. I love you for who you are. You make my world a better place, and I want you there in the centre of my world, where you belong.'

‘What does that have to do with being a rescuee?' she asked.

‘What I'm asking you is hard. I'm asking you to trust that our relationship is going to make it—that it's going to be different from everything you were used to in the past. Having that kind of trust is hard to do on your own; but you don't have to be on your own any more. You've got me. And Cait. And—even though you haven't met her yet—my mum's lovely and she'll adore you.'

The way Erin's own mother didn't.

‘I want to rescue you from all that loneliness and doubt, Erin. I want you to marry me. And I'm asking you to marry me because I love you and I want you to be my wife. I want you to be the centre of my family—but most of all I want you for
you
.' He took her left hand and kissed her ring finger. ‘Sorry. I've timed this all wrong. I haven't got a ring to offer you, or...'

‘You don't need a ring,' she said. ‘Because what you're offering me is more precious than any jewellery can ever be. I love you, too, Nate. It scares me because I've never got it right in the past, and I don't want it to go wrong this time. With Caitlin, too, there's more at stake and it won't just be me who gets hurt if it goes wrong.'

‘It's not going to go wrong,' Nate said. ‘I believe in you. I believe in us.'

She swallowed hard. ‘I do, too. And you're right—I was running away from you because I was scared I'd mess this up, the way I've messed everything up in the past. But now you've made me think about it, I realise that this time it's different. I'm not the only one trying to make things work; you're right there by my side, working with me. So I don't need excuses or barriers any more. Because I'm not alone.'

‘So will you marry me, Erin?'

She leaned forward and kissed him. ‘Yes.'

EPILOGUE

Six months later

‘OK?' M
IKEY
 
ASKED
,
looking up at Erin and clearly seeing the nervousness in her eyes.

She took a deep breath. ‘Yes.' And then she smiled. ‘Yes. I really
am
OK, Mikey.'

‘It doesn't matter that Mum decided not to come. It's probably better, actually, because you can enjoy your wedding without worrying what she's going to say to you,' Mikey said. ‘And it's her problem, not yours.'

She nodded. ‘Nate's mum kind of showed me that.' Sara was warm and loving, and had immediately made Erin feel as if she was part of the Townsend family. It was the first time in so many years that Erin had felt that she really belonged in a family, and the memory still brought tears to her eyes.

‘Don't cry,' Mikey said hastily. ‘Your make-up will run, and then Lou will kill me.'

Erin smiled. ‘No, she won't. My sister-in-law loves you to bits. And so do I. That's why I asked you to walk me down the aisle.'

Mikey squeezed her hand. ‘And I'm so glad that you did. I'm really proud of you, you know.'

‘Thank you.' Being with Nate and Caitlin had taught her finally to accept praise gracefully. ‘I'm proud of you, too.' She took a deep breath. ‘Right. I'm ready to walk down that aisle and plight my troth.'

‘That's my sister. Awesome as always.' He smiled back at her. ‘You look beautiful.'

‘Thank you.'

‘And Nate's one of the good guys. Better still, he's good enough for you and he really makes you happy.'

She grinned. ‘Yeah. He is and he does.'

‘Then let's go get 'em, kiddo.'

The usher opened the door to the Victorian glasshouse. They'd deliberately widened the aisle to give enough room for Mikey's wheelchair, and in front of them were rows of white wooden chairs with padded seats, with posies tied to the end chair in alternate rows and tubs of standard cream roses trained into a ball at the top of their perfectly straight stems. Light streamed through the three glass sides of the building, and the whole place felt filled with happiness.

Everyone turned round to look at Erin and Mikey as they made their way down the aisle.

At the end, Nate was waiting for her, along with Caitlin. They'd given her the choice of being Erin's bridesmaid or Nate's ‘best daughter' instead of a best man, and Caitlin had loved the unconventionality of the idea. Especially as Erin had told her that she still got to have the pretty dress and could choose the colour.

And where else could they have got married but at Kew, where they'd first started to fall in love with each other and to make a family with Caitlin?

* * *

When Caitlin nudged him, Nate turned round. Erin looked amazing, wearing a simple cream knee-length shift dress; but she'd teamed it with high-heeled turquoise shoes, which matched Caitlin's dress and Nate's tie. She carried a simple bouquet of cream roses in one hand and held Mikey's hand tightly with the other. She wasn't wearing a veil, but she'd left her hair loose, just held back from her face by a silver wire headband decorated with tiny roses, very similar to the one his daughter was wearing, too.

When she caught his eye, her face lit up with a smile that made his heart do a somersault.

And then she was standing beside him, ready to make a promise to him in front of their family and friends.

‘I love you,' he mouthed.

‘I love you, too,' she mouthed back.

Once the vows were made and Nate had got to do his favourite bit of the ceremony—kissing the new bride—they signed the register, posed for photographs and headed to the Orangery for the wedding breakfast. The eighteenth-century building was incredibly pretty, with its high ceilings, tall arched windows, and black-and-white-tiled floor. One end was set up for the formal wedding breakfast, with circular tables covered in white cloths and with cream rose centrepieces; the other end was ready for the evening reception, with a small stage for the jazz trio Nate had booked flanked by massive ferns.

‘I can't wait to dance with my bride,' Nate said with a grin. ‘No more sneaking about in the trees in the park, with one earphone each, pretending that we're in a nightclub or what have you—tonight it's real music and a real dance-floor.'

‘With trees,' she pointed out, laughing. ‘We can't escape the trees. But I can't wait to dance with my new husband, either.'

After the meal, the speeches started.

Mikey tapped his glass with a knife. ‘For obvious reasons, I won't be standing,' he said, ‘but I'm very proud to make the speech at my sister's wedding. Thank you, everyone, for coming. My sister's a gorgeous bride, and I'm delighted to welcome Nate and Caitlin into our family. I'd like you all to raise your glasses to the bride and groom—to Erin and Nate.'

Everyone echoed the toast, and then Nate stood up. ‘I'd like to thank Mikey and Lou for helping us so much with the wedding, my mum, Sara, for being generally wonderful, and Rachel and her family for coming all the way from Dundee to be with us today. Thank you all for coming to share our special day. But then, I knew we'd have a lot of people wanting to share it with us, because Erin's a very special woman and she's made a real difference to so many lives. And I'm really, really proud to call her my wife. I'd like you to raise your glasses to Erin—to my wonderful bride.'

‘To Erin,' everyone chorused.

‘And finally I'd like to thank my best daughter, Caitlin,' Nate said with a smile. ‘Who I believe might have something to say.'

Caitlin stood up. ‘Dad and Erin decided to have a best daughter instead of a best man. Long speeches can be a bit boring and my jokes are terrible, so I'm going to keep this short. All you need to know is that my dad and Erin love each other to bits, and I'm really glad they're married because they make each other really happy. And they make me happy, too,' she added. ‘So please raise your glasses to my new stepmum and my dad, Erin and Nate.'

And finally it was Erin's turn to make a speech. ‘I never thought I'd find the love of my life, and I definitely didn't think it would be Nate—especially when we started by having a fight over a garden,' she said with a grin. ‘But we kind of worked it out—and a garden's what brought us together as a couple and as a family with Cait, so we just had to get married here. Thank you everyone for coming and sharing our special day, and I'd like you to raise a toast to my new husband and my new daughter, Nate and Caitlin.'

After the speeches, they cut the cake. And then, at last, there was the bit Nate had been waiting for.

When the jazz trio started playing a soft instrumental piece, he said to Erin, ‘This is our cue,' and drew her to her feet. ‘Finally I get to dance with my bride.'

As they walked into the middle of the dance floor, the pianist started to play ‘Make You Feel My Love'.

‘Our song,' he said softly. ‘And I mean every word of it and more. I'd go to the stars, and back, for you.'

‘Just as I would for you,' she said. ‘I love you, Mr Townsend.'

‘I love you, too, Dr Townsend,' he said.

And then, as they swayed together to the music, he kissed her.

* * * * *