Captive Wife, The (21 page)

But there was to be none of that. Also at table was a Captain Lambert who commands a man-o'-war the
Alligator
, anchored in Port Jackson. I did not know what part he wd play but I thought that he was there for a reason.

Mrs Deas Thomson played the piano for a short while after we had completed our meal. After that she invited the ladies to retire. The port and the cigars were brought out.

Straight away the Guv said now we will get down to business Mr Guard. I nodded my head not wanting to seem too eager. Now that I was among these powerful men in this handsome room I found myself ready for action as if I was one of them.

Now I want to hear the story for myself said the Guv.

And so I had to tell it all again which was hard. The Guv closed his head and kept nodding. All present listened with great attention seeming to be excited by what I had to say. I think Anglim might have got his nose put out of joint because nobody paid much heed when it came his turn. Morris had not come because he was due to put to sea in the morning. Earlier in the day he had said I have done what I can for you Guard and now it is up to you.

When I had finished the Guv and Lambert of the
Alligator
exchanged looks I could not read.

Thank you Captain the Guv said. I see it is a dreadful situation and we must certainly do something to remedy matters. I will set down a time 2 days hence for the Executive Council of New South Wales to meet. We will decide what must be done.

22 August

Much was at stake today. As promised the special meeting was called together. At the head of it was the Guv and then Lieutenant-Colonel Snodgrass who is the Colonial Secretary. Deas Thomson was there of course and a man I had not met before by the name of Riddell who was listed as Colonial Treasurer. Riddell is a quiet cove although a good mate of Deas Thomson. I hear they hunt together in the countryside round Parramatta way.

It is hard to remember all that took place. Deas Thomson had helped me to write my statement and it was read out. It did not sound like me but it was my story that I had told so many times. About the murder of 12 of my seamen and what had happened to Betty, the way the inhuman savages had seized and stripped her and split her head with their tomahawk and the children taken away before my eyes. And how we believed the savages had eaten our friends.

I said that Captain Anglim and I were willing to help His Excellency should he send any military force. My statement finished with a plea to the Colonial Government to help me.

When Deas Thomson read it aloud I remember the hush in the air. You could hear nothing but a sigh here and there. And then I signed my name again. A copy was written out for me as a record of what had taken place.

I should say that there was no sign of Anglim and I heard he had cleared out the same morning so whatever I said on his behalf turned out to be of no account.

There were many questions asked as if I were in a courtroom as I have been before but this time I was spoken to with respect.

Why did the Maoris set upon you? Governor Bourke asked.

I had to think about that for a moment. They came to plunder us sir. They wanted to eat those of us they could kill.

But says the man Riddell I thought the Maoris only ate their enemies.

Well I said that is more or less the case.

Had you done something to upset them?

I did nothing I can think on I said. Speaking for myself.

Did any of the crew do something to upset them?

Not in my presence I said.

You did not hear of anything they might have done.

At this the Guv and Deas Thomson began to look uneasy as if Riddell had gone too far.

What wd it take to get your wife and children back? said Deas Thomson cutting across all this.

I think the nine men who are left at Moturoa could be got easily enough sir if a ship of war was to go there and a few soldiers landed.

Could they be got without a ransom?

I didn't like this turn of questioning. They could be got without ransom if there was soldiers I said. Not without.

The Guv said it is not a good practice to pay ransoms. What about your wife.

My wife is some 40 mile south of Moturoa I said.

But said Riddell who I am coming to think on as something of a nark, if a ransom was paid how much do you think they wd want?

Well I said I think the men could be got for a canister of powder, some fish-hooks, a few trifling articles of that nature. More wd be needed for the woman and children.

Tell me said Snodgrass who had not had much to say for himself but had been following closely, do you have any other strategies in mind? He has cool grey eyes and a bristling white moustache.

We have 3 chiefs to return I said for I had been thinking about this. I think that if we kept them on board until the prisoners was returned we wd get them without a ransom.

So we wd need someone to negotiate with 'em?

Yes sir I said I think that we wd.

How are your skills at speaking Maori, Guard.

I follow a little I said but I don't know that they are good enough to negotiate.

The man should not have to negotiate for his family said Snodgrass. We will find some interpreters to go on this expedition.

By now I was getting the hang of the proceedings. This was more than I thought wd happen for they were talking as if they wd send a man-o'-war. I will not rest I said if a force is not sent down to punish the Maoris. There has been many murders your honours but nothing done to avenge them. They will all go on as before if nothing is done.

How big a force are we confronting asked Snodgrass. I saw he is a man of much thought and I was warming up to him.

In all there are perhaps 100 natives at Moturoa. The 2 tribes of Ati Awa and Ngati Ruanui could not raise above 300 men in the whole and perhaps 200 muskets. I reckon I said that if a ship of war was to go down and threaten to destroy their huts they wd give up the prisoners. Their pa could easily be destroyed by fire.

That is what you are suggesting Guard, asked Riddell sharpish.

As a last resort I said. Look I said I have been trading with the New Zealanders since 1823 and have lived a great deal amongst them. It is my opinion that if once they received a check they wd never attack a white person again.

When it was all said and done the Guv spoke. It was like he was giving a verdict. I will take concerted measures with Captain Lambert he said and the
Alligator
wd go to New Zealand to demand the return of the captives. He wd see if Lieutenant Roddick a resident of Sydney could accompany him but others could be called upon. Lieutenant Gunton and 25 rank and file of the 50th wd sail with the ship. A 2nd ship the schooner
Isabella
wd carry 2 officers and 40 rank and file under Captain Lambert's command.

I could not believe how fast all this was happening. Not much more than a week ago I was aboard the
Joseph Weller
passing Taranaki in a storm and near hopeless enough to walk off the boat. Now I was about to return with troops and 2 war ships. I am more cheerful in myself.

23 August

Charlotte and her children came back last night looking as if nothing had happened. She sent the children straight to bed.

When the house was quiet she came and stood at the kitchen door her hands on her hips. There is some say you is a hero Jacky she said.

Well there is some who should mind their own business I replied.

How is it that you escaped, and she did not?

They had her and I could not get her back.

But what if you had stayed?

I wd have been killed. And that is no way to get help for your wife.

What if they have killed her?

Well then they have killed her and there is nothing I can do about it. But I do not think her dead. That is why the Governor is sending 2 ships.

What if they have done that other thing I spoke to you of?

They wd not do that.

Wd they not?

It wd not be her fault I said and that is that.

Charlotte gave me a smouldering look I knew of old. What is it that attracts women to trouble.

Get yourself to bed I said.

Will you come with me Jacky?

I will think on it I said. And I am still thinking on it.

26 August

It is as I feared. Riddell is a trouble maker.

Edward Deas Thomson called me into his office looking very worried.

I feel I must show you this Guard he said. I need your opinion.

Riddell it seemed had been twitching away ever since the hearing. He had written to the Governor that a ship stationed regularly in New Zealand waters might make the natives take
some notice. But a ship appearing and then going away might only make things worse. He went on to say that by the sound of it the Maoris had had losses as great as the Europeans. They could hardly be blamed for attacking us.

That is untrue I said. We don't know how many Maoris was killed and we did nothing but protect ourselves.

I am afraid that's not all said Deas Thomson looking glum. He calls your character into question. It seems Mr Riddell has only just learnt that you were a convict.

Ah so that is it. I pushed away the papers I had been studying so that they spilt across the floor. Forget all of this I said. When it comes down to it a man will always be haunted by his past.

And that you have been cruel to natives on occasion.

Cruel I cried out fiercely. I have been like a father to them. I have done nothing more except keep discipline aboard my ships and at my whaling stations.

It was as if it were all about to be taken away from me. Do you believe all this I said. Do you not see through it. First the man says all the natives will rise up against the Europeans. Well that is a matter of opinion but he has not been to New Zealand and like I said sir I have been there on and off since 1823.

Deas Thomson said in a patient voice, he wd like you to consider again the question of a ransom.

Well I am a poor man now and I do not have ransoms to give every time some native takes it into his head to make off with my wife. And as for my character well — I had run out of words to defend myself.

It's all right Guard said Deas Thomson looking at me as if by now I was a good mate of his. Don't take on about it. Riddell is a good fellow. We all think very well of him but we do not always agree. I had to be sure of your views.

I am an honest trader I said and I confess I was still somewhat sullen. There are many who will vouch for me. Including Mister Campbell though I have lost 2 ships to the sea.

He was anxious to soothe me. The men of the Royal Navy
are readying themselves to sail. The 50th have received their orders. The 2nd platoon will travel under the command of Captain Johnstone on board the
Isabella
. We have a drummer and a surgeon. The expedition will lack for nothing.

And what of an interpreter?

Ah yes. An interpreter. Have you come across a Mr Battersby?

I know a fellow who was in the Bay of Islands some time ago. He ran a grog shop there.

He has offered his services said Deas Thomson and he seems to know what is what tho' I have no way of being certain. I've seen him in conversation with the Maori chiefs when Captain Anglim brought them ashore and they seemed to understand each other well enough.

It troubled me to hear this news. Thomas Battersby is a man as seems open in his ways on 1st acquaintance but his is a bland face with things to hide. I think he likes an easy life. I had met him once on a return journey from the Bay of Islands when the
Harriet
put in there to deliver goods. Battersby was entertaining Fred Maning an Irishman trading in the area (who has taken up with a Maori wife) and a stout fellow from the old country called Edward Markham. They were all swapping tall tales. Markham in particular has a very high opinion of his self and claims he is of the nobility. He has made himself popular with Busby and the missionaries, but also has Maori women. He is the kind of man who will make trouble for his self and perhaps for others too for he turns his face 2 ways at once. There is rumour that Markham might have had something to do with the disappearance of that scoundrel Stewart, helped him get away when he was on the run, after Te Rauparaha's massacre at Akaroa, from aboard the ship
Elizabeth
. I've heard he and Maning have had a falling out now. Over land. Always the same. Land or women. I wd not trust the word of any of them and Battersby least of all who will do aught for money. When I last saw Battersby with them he was hanging on their every word and chuckling to himself. I decided it better to say none of this to Deas Thomson and thought to myself who
needs an interpreter when we have guns and troops.

Everything will be in order within the week. You sail on August 30.

Thank you I said. Thank you very much sir.

I took to the town that night knowing all was set to sail. I went to the Blue Lion tavern and the Cat and Fiddle and the Currency Lass for good measure and wherever I went my drinks were bought by those I met whether they knew me or not. It seemed like every man and his dog wanted to be my friend. We'll make short work of those savages I promised.

Then I took myself back to Cambridge Street and gave Charlotte what she was after. She had waited long enough. I'll set your sail I said. I grabbed 2 handfuls of her hair and held her head to the pillow so I could get a good look at her while I gave it to her. Then she jumped me like the Furies and tore my face and neck with her claws telling me to give it her more. And every night until the ships set off. We gave each other no mercy at all.

There'll be no tears over this I said.

Poor Betty Guard, all she suffered in that pa. Well, you have heard what people say. I don't tell them any different. What would they think? It is true, I am a woman wronged. No doubt about that. But who wronged me?

Life was better at the pa than you might think, Adie. The worst thing about Te Namu is the sandflies, which is what te namu means. There was food and shelter, we were neither hungry nor cold, the children — Louisa with me and John at Orangituapeka — were well fed and playful.

Now that I was Oaoiti's wife, I became part of the tribe, a special woman with her own house. On the morning after our night in the forest, Oaoiti and I had walked into Te Namu together, and though we were not touching each other, all eyes were on us, and both of us stood up straighter. I knew that this was what they had been expecting. That Oaoiti had told them I would be his. They could not have known if I would take to this with happiness. But I looked at him in the way a white woman does when she is with the man of her affections and smiled and gazed
at him. I wanted them to know that I belonged to him now.

Yes, I was happy in my perch at Te Namu. Perhaps it was like being at the Acropolis; I wish you could have seen it and told me. The brilliant land and sea stretched before and behind me. The coastline was harsher than down south, the beaches black rather than golden, but full of rock pools to explore. In winter, the brightest star that shines in the sky is called Takarua, a woman who brings winter. The Taranaki people said it must be so, for I had come, and my skin was cold in colour. On very cold nights Takarua shines more brightly to warn of ice coming. You are Hine-takarua, they said when we woke to the ground stiff, the grass crimped tight with frost, Winter Woman.

At other times they called me Peti, as my friends at the whaling stations had done.

If there was one thing that made me unhappy it was that my son did not live with me, and that when I saw him, he and I still seemed apart. There were times when I wanted to shake him. Once or twice I thought he needed his father to put him in order. Jacky would not have stood for the way he behaved.

Perhaps you are wondering if I had forgotten my other husband.

The answer is yes and no. When I thought of him, he remained exactly the same. I did not care for him more or less. I loved him, I suppose, but what had once seemed like love now dimmed alongside the love I felt for Oaoiti. This was different, not something I took for granted. Remember, Adie, that I had been given to Jacky by my family when I was a young girl. I had been proud he wanted me but I had never had this sensation of falling, each time he came near me. And when I was not with Oaoiti, when I was waiting for him to come to me, my flesh felt stripped as if I was not whole.

On one of my visits to Waimate, I was given two beautiful cloaks, woven by Oaoiti's sisters — a korowai and a parawai. The korowai was for every day, for it was perfectly waterproof, woven from pale flax fibre and decorated with black hand-rolled cords.
But the parawai is woven of the finest, silky snow-white muka; it was the same as giving a ball gown to a young girl here in Sydney. These gifts were given because I was their brother's new wife.

He has never had a wife he likes as well as you, they said.

I felt a fire of jealousy burning inside me then, for I had not thought about his other wives. It occurred to me that on those days and nights when I waited for him, he was with one of them and his children. I knew I should have understood this all along and that it would do me no good to mention it. That I was his favourite wife must be enough, and I vowed to make him happier than the others.

I had a hole drilled through my ear, which was not painful, and from it now hung a greenstone pendant. See, look where the hole is. You may touch it if you wish, Adie.

No? Well, no matter. I took the pendant off when I came home because my family thinks it makes me look like a savage. Besides, it was a gift from Oaoiti.

I was overtaken with languor by day and sleeplessness by night. Special morsels were fed to me at meal times, and I began to put on weight. My skin developed an oily sheen, so that when I bathed, my skin reminded me of Mr Spyer's bolts of satin.

There was always someone to look after Louisa. She shared the breasts of other women. I realised that, in my stupor of the first days, she would have died had she not had a variety of wet nurses. When Louisa was feverish, they gave her medicines and poultices made from leaves and bark. After a month or so, she had begun to look stronger, though it troubled me that she coughed at nights. Another trunk was washed ashore from the wreck of the
Harriet
. Happily, it contained Louisa's clothes. After they had dried out, I was able to dress her much as I would at home, protecting her from the cold. Winds blew off the white mountain rearing its head above us, piercing the clouds on dull days, dazzling us like crystal at a dinner table on days when the sun shone.

In the trunk I found also a pair of pantaloons, a shirt and a
little cap of John's. Oaoti now took me to see him every week or so, and on my next visit, I took the clothes with me. Mapiki viewed them with care and then rejected them. They were too small, he said. I had to agree that John had well outgrown them, though I knew that was not the reason he was not allowed to wear them.

At least wear the cap, I said with a laugh, as if it was a game.

But John tore the hat off his head and threw it at my feet.

And then I slapped him on his bare leg. This was something that had been coming for some time. He let out a shout of indignation and began to cry.

Mapiki looked at me as if I was a murderess. I left the room hurriedly. Mapiki followed me out and saw Oaoiti waiting for me.

Take her away, Mapiki said, and speaking rapidly.

I saw that Oaoiti was angry with me too. You can go back with Waiariari, he said. I am busy here tonight.

No, I said, beginning to cry. Come with me please.

But Waiariari, another chief at this pa, appeared and I had no choice but to accompany him. He was a man with a thin face and heavy eyebrows. I thought he had also wanted me for a wife, only Oaoiti had claimed me first. I saw him watching me and scowling; perhaps it was just that I was white. I thought of running to Oaoiti's sisters, but pride held me back. I did not want them to know that I was in disgrace.

Waiariari accompanied me in total silence, at great speed.

I waited at Te Namu for three days, before Oaoiti came back. They seemed like the longest days of my life. People looked at me, at first with pity, and then indifference, as if I was no longer of importance.

On the third night, he entered the whare and slipped beside me on our bed of ferns. I clenched my arms around him in a fierce embrace. He held me as tightly, and nothing more was said of our quarrel. But I knew now that John no longer belonged to me and that if I was to be happy, I must try to put aside thoughts
of him as my son. I remembered my grandmother again, and how she had lost children, and managed to survive. I told myself that at least both my children were alive, and that I should be grateful, but there were moments when it seemed as if John had slipped into darkness like Granny's children.

For most of the time, I believed I was learning to accept things as they were. I knew that Jacky had left Moturoa, and that some of the
Harriet
's crew were still there, but I didn't know who they were. They are white men, I was told, with shrugs, as if they all looked alike. Ruiha had heard that Jacky planned to return with a ransom. But months passed and there was no sign of him. He could have been dead, perhaps drowned in that leaky whaleboat he had put to sea. As the days passed, the life I had had before seemed less and less real. I found myself wondering what I had seen in it. Watching whales die is no sport for a young housewife. There is no good way to kill a whale. And the men who kill them are not great company. They curse because the work sours them, and most of them drink themselves to sleep, although I could not have said that of Jacky. It was around this time I began to have a nightmare that keeps coming back, of the mother whale circling the spot where her calf was taken.

I had not forgotten the death of my brother, and somehow this was mixed up in the confusion of these ugly dreams, as was the image of John. So it was make-believe that I had given him up, because he and his uncle were haunting me. One especially cold morning, I didn't want to get out of bed. I lay gazing up at the roof of the whare and all I wanted was to weep. Silent weeping is an affliction of mine. Oaoiti came in and, seeing me like this, asked what was troubling me. Was it something he had done, or had I been treated unkindly?

Go away, I said, but he crouched in the corner of the room, wrapped in a blanket against the cold, and said that I must tell him. I knew he didn't want to hear any more about John. And to be fair, he had done his best.

I have been thinking of my brother David, I said at last.

I saw him stiffen, as if this was something he would rather not discuss. But he had laid himself open to my complaints.

You killed him, I said.

He was killed in the fighting, Oaoiti said, after a silence.

He was not your enemy. He was nobody's enemy.

I think your brother was an enemy to himself, he said at last.

Well, that's true, I said, he didn't fit in with the world, and it's interesting that you saw that, even though you didn't know him. But that was not a reason to kill him.

It's a pity he was there. He wouldn't have survived, said Oaoiti finally.

So that's all it is? Just where you happen to be. I was never meant to be here either.

He became agitated then. This is where you belong, he said. When I did not answer him, he said, with finality, this is the life you have now.

And then he said, I cannot bring him back, Peti.

I had stopped praying that we would be rescued. Even had I wanted to be, I did not believe God would listen to me. Besides, the God I learnt about when I was a girl was different from those of the Maoris. From the beginning of my time at Te Namu, I learnt that one turned always to the ancestor gods. I liked the story of how the world began better than that of Adam and Eve, and her being one of his ribs, and the serpent in the garden, with the brothers killing each other. I think Jacky saw me as his rib, a part of himself that he took for granted, except for when Charley was around me, and then he saw the serpent. I don't suppose he thought that, but I see now that men often don't notice their wives until there is another man around. Perhaps there is a certain smell that one or other of them brings to the chase that warns the mate of danger. Do you think that's possible? No, I can see you don't know. I thought I was a good wife to Jacky, but if he noticed he never said so.

I will never know who all the Maori gods are. Not unless I
was to go back. That wouldn't be easy of course, and who knows whether they would have me.

Adie's scandalised voice cuts across mine. I had forgotten she was there. You would go back?

Why, I thought you were asleep.

But you were talking to me anyway.

Don't mind me. You've put up with me long enough. I have to think of what I'll do next.

You wouldn't really go back to the Maoris? Adie is insistent and fearful.

Why, if they would have me, I think I might.

That's heathen talk.

I laughed then, not kindly or with much amusement. I think you've heard more than enough.

You were saying — that you had become like your captors?

Yes, that's true.

And your rescuers your enemies?

That is just how it was.

When did I begin to understand this? Well, it was the morning when I looked out the window of my house and saw a man-o'-war standing off the coast. This was in September, and it was a busy time at the pa for the planting of kumara had begun a month earlier. The men dug the ground over, while the women prepared the tilled earth in rows of hillocks. Now I was part of the tribe I was expected to join in this work. The constant bending and toiling was back-breaking but I felt myself grow stronger each day. The soil between my hands made me think of Papa, the earth, and that I was part of her, fertile and full of life. Soon I was as fast as the other women, and they offered praise. The weather turned warmer in fits and spells, though some days were nicer than others. This morning I'm telling you about was showery and cool, the beginning of a stretch of bad weather that would come between me and rescue for some weeks to come. Not that I knew then what was planned.

There were people milling round, wondering whether to go to the gardens or not, what the weather would bring. I'm surprised I was the first to see the ship.

For a few minutes I looked out, not quite believing my eyes, as a squall of rain gusted across the horizon. But then I saw what I later learnt was the
Alligator
, and a minute or so later another one hove into view. Two ships. Had they sent the whole navy after me?

I called out, my voice filled with fright. They are coming after us, I shouted. We'll all be killed.

That was my first thought. All of us.

All of us in danger.

The enemy is coming.

So that is how I had come to think of my husband.