Can't Let You Go: A Wheeler Brothers Novel (6 page)

She half-smiles as she snuggles up beside me and lays her head on my chest. "I don't know how you stay so warm all the time, even in winter."

It's true that I tend to run warmer than most people, but that's not the only reason I'm burning up right now. It's also because I'm with Jen. The attraction between us is so freaking strong that keeping it under control is a damn workout. Like right now, having her this close to me is torture. I want to kiss her and touch her in a way that goes far beyond friendship. But I force myself to hold back and just be her friend. Because that's what she needs right now after being manipulated once again by her mom.

I take the remote from her and she swats at me. "Hey, I was using that!"

"You haven't changed the channel since you picked it up. And we're not watching a documentary on turtles."

She laughs. "Is that what this is? I wasn't even paying attention."

Because her mind was on her mom. And probably also on me, trying to figure out what I'm doing here. I shouldn't be here, with her lying in my arms. I told myself I wouldn't do this again, but shit, Jen's like an addiction I can't break. When I'm apart from her, all I can think about is when I'll see her again. And when I'm with her, I go back to old habits, like having her lay on me on the couch.

I'll try again tomorrow. That's what I tell myself every time I break my rule to stay away from her. But then tomorrow comes and I'm back to wanting to see her again. It's a cycle I just can't seem to get out of.

"Here," I say. "We'll watch this."

"Monster truck racing? No way. Give me the remote." She sits up, reaching for it.

I hold it away from her, smiling. "Fine. We'll watch something else." I flip to ultimate fighting. "How about this?"

"Bryce." She holds her hand out for the remote.

"You know I'm just kidding." I flip through the channels, stopping when I see one of her favorite movies.

"Oh!" She smiles. "I love this one!"

"I know you do." I set the remote on the side table and scoot down a little, getting comfortable. Jen situates herself on my chest and adjusts the blanket over her legs.

The movie is a sappy romance, but Jen loves it. She loves all those romance movies, I think because they're so opposite of what she saw in real life growing up. Her mom has never been in love. She just has sex with guys, using it to trick them into giving her what she wants. If that's all Jen had seen growing up, she probably wouldn't even believe love exists. But she does, because she grew up around my parents, who loved each other more than anything.
 

A half hour into the movie, I feel Jen's head drop down and notice she's asleep.

"Jen," I whisper. She doesn't move. "Jen, you should get to bed."

She's sound asleep and doesn't hear me. I gently pick her up and carry her into her room and set her on the bed, tucking the blanket around her.

I lean down and kiss her forehead. "I love you," I say in a whisper so faint I could barely hear myself say it. I'm not sure why I did. Maybe because I want to tell her that so fucking bad. But I can't, at least not when she can hear me.

I quietly walk back to the living room, turn off the TV and leave, locking the door behind me with the key she gave me. We have keys to each other's apartment, as if we're boyfriend and girlfriend.

Our relationship is so screwed up. We're childhood friends, and yet sometimes we act like we're more than that, even when we're dating other people. I've always wondered what it would be like to actually date Jen, without worrying about all the shit I constantly worry about when it comes to her and me.
 

What would it be like to actually tell her how I feel? To take her out and be able to kiss her goodnight? Or invite her up to my place to finally relieve the sexual tension between us?

I can't let my head even go there because it's not going to happen.

CHAPTER SIX

Bryce

The next morning, Jen sends me a text telling me thanks for getting her to bed. She says she'll see me later but she won't. I'm not going over there tonight. Then again, I said that last night and look what happened. But I can't go over there. I need to stay here and finish this kitchen now that I no longer have a crew.

It's almost noon and I'm getting ready to caulk around the tile backsplash, but then decide I should get lunch before I start. I go out to my truck and drive to the street that has all the fast food places.

As I'm driving, my mind goes back to Rita and that parking ticket. I can't believe she's making Jen pay it. I've been pissed about that all morning. Jen shouldn't be paying it, and I'm going to make sure she doesn't.

I whip my truck around and go back the other way, heading towards Rita's house. She lives in an older part of town in a single level house with two bedrooms. The inside is okay but the outside is run-down and needs to be painted. I'm surprised Rita hasn't had sex with a painter in order to get her house painted for free. But maybe she's waiting until the weather warms up.

I park in her driveway and go up to her door and ring the bell several times. She's probably still in bed. Since she doesn't have a job, her lazy ass sleeps until noon. She doesn't come to the door so I knock louder, over and over until I finally hear her yelling, "Hold your damn horses! I'm coming!"

She opens the door wearing a short leopard print robe and black high heels, a cigarette in her hand. Her eyeliner is smeared and one of her fake eyelashes is falling off. She leaves all that shit on when she sleeps in case one of her male visitors decides to drop in for a visit.
 

"Oh. It's you." She turns and walks away, puffing on her cigarette. "What do
you
want?"

"I want to talk to you." I go inside and shut the door.

She turns back around and smiles at me with her bright red, lipstick-covered lips. "Are you sure you don't want more than that? I know my little girl doesn't give you what you need." She parts her robe so I can see her red lace bra.

I glance away. "Shit, are you serious? Cover yourself up."

"Bryce, honey." She slinks over to me. "I know we've had our differences, but it's time we get past all that. I think it's time we made up." She runs her tongue over her lips, making me almost gag. "I have years of experience. I know how to please a man." She puts her hand on my chest.

I shove it off me and back away. "I'm here to talk about Jen, not to have sex with you." I shake my head. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"You'll give in eventually," she says, taking a puff of her cigarette. "Men are weak. If they want it bad enough, they'll do anything to get it." She smiles. "And I could use some handyman services." She eyes me up and down. "Plus, you're something to look at. Tall, dark, and handsome. I'd like a piece of that."

"You're disgusting." I walk away from her into the living room.

"Don't talk to me that way," she hisses. "I put up with you all those years when you were just a snot-nosed kid. You show me some respect."

"Respect you?" I laugh. "Yeah, I guarantee that'll never happen. Now back to the reason I'm here. Jen isn't paying that fucking parking ticket. It's not her responsibility. It's yours, and you're going to pay it."

She sets her hands on her hips. "It's none of your damn business who pays for it." She shrugs. "Besides, she offered."

"She only offered because you—" I stop, because Jen wouldn't want her mom knowing she told me about the cop. Jen didn't even want to tell me that, but she did, so I need to keep it a secret.

"Because why?" Rita asks. "What did she tell you?"

"Nothing. It doesn't matter. What matters is that Jen doesn't have $200 lying around to pay for your damn ticket."

"Sure she does. She works. I don't."

"She works three jobs AND goes to school. She's exhausted. Meanwhile, you sit around here all day doing nothing. Don't you even give a shit that your daughter's working herself to death? All to pay your bills?"

"My daughter loves me." Rita snuffs her cigarette out in the ashtray and sits down on the couch. "That's why she does it."

"She does it because you manipulate her into doing it. And I'm fucking tired of it. I'm not letting you do it anymore."

"You're not LETTING me?" She laughs. "No one tells me what to do, especially some snot-nosed kid." She plucks a cigarette from her bra and picks up the lighter from the table.

"I'm not a kid. And I'm not joking around, Rita. I'm serious. You're done conning Jen into paying your bills. This ends now." I storm to the door. "I'll be dropping that ticket off here tomorrow so you better hurry up and get yourself a job to pay for it."

As I open the door I hear her say, "I'll tell her about that girl."

I whip back around, letting the door shut behind me. "What girl?"

She smiles, holding her cigarette in the air. "The one you fucked the night after graduation."

Shit. I was hoping she'd forgotten about that, but I should've known better. Rita probably keeps a damn file on all the things she can blackmail people with.

It happened the night after Jen and I graduated. The night after we kissed for the first and last time. That kiss messed me up. Turned my head upside down. It just confirmed how much I love Jen. After that, I knew I was in trouble. If I let myself get any closer to her, I'd never let her go.
 

So the next night, I ended up having sex with a girl, thinking it would get my mind off Jen. It didn't. I just ended up feeling guilty about it. Technically, I wasn't dating Jen but still, I'd kissed her the night before, and then had sex with some other girl less than twenty-four hours later.

The girl was just someone my brother, Jake, knew. He was friends with her older sister. Earlier in the week, we were all hanging out at a party the girls had at their apartment and Tanya, the younger sister, and I started making out. She was 21 and worked at a bar. The night after graduation, she texted me from the bar she worked at and asked me to meet her in the back parking lot on her break. And when I did, she got in my truck, climbed on top of me, undid my pants, and fucked me right there in the parking lot. I should've told her no. After kissing Jen, I wasn't ready to be with another girl. Not that soon. But I did it anyway, and while it was going on, Rita walked by.

What are the odds, right? Out of all the bars in Chicago, Rita shows up at that one and just happens to walk by when I'm fucking some girl in my truck? It was dark out, but Rita knows my truck, so when she saw it she knew it was me. She waited until Tanya got out of the truck, then came over to me and winked and said, "It'll be our little secret." Then she sauntered back to the bar.

Despite what she said, I was scared shitless Rita was going to tell Jen. If Jen found out I'd been with a girl so soon after we kissed, she'd be devastated. She'd think our kiss meant nothing to me, when in fact it meant everything. It would hurt Jen so bad. Even now, she'd be hurt, which is why I don't want Rita telling her about it.

"Why would you do that?" I ask.

"Because you can't keep your nose out of my business." She steps right in front of me and blows her cigarette smoke in my face. "Jen's a good girl. She loves her mama. And nothing you say or do is ever going to change that."

"She just needs to see you for who you are. And I'm going to make sure she does."

Rita frowns. "Poor Jen. It's going to break her little heart when she finds out the boy she loves was fucking some other girl just one night after giving her the kiss she couldn't stop talking about."

"She told you?" I'm shocked because Jen never tells her mom stuff like that.

"I heard her talking in her room to one of her girlfriends." She switches to a high pitched voice and waves her cigarette in the air. "It was perfect. Magical. The best kiss I've ever had." She laughs. "Stupid girl. Hopefully that was just her youth messing with her head. Either that or those damn romance movies she watches, making her believe all that shit about love and happily ever afters. That girl's always been living in the clouds. She needs to get her head back to reality."

So Jen was telling her friends about our kiss. And her mom just said Jen loves me. Did Jen tell her that? Or did Rita overhear Jen telling her friends that?

"Don't tell her," I say. "It was almost four years ago. She doesn't need to know. Telling her would just hurt her."

"This isn't about
her
. It's about you. You don't want me telling her because you want her to still see you as the guy who doesn't do anything wrong. But you're no different than any other guy. Act like you love the girl, then go fuck someone else behind her back."

"That's not what I did," I spit out. "That night at the bar was a mistake.

She smirks. "That's what they all say." She kicks her heels off and saunters back to the living room. "I think it's time she found out. My little girl is all grown up now. She can handle the heartache over knowing what you did. It'll be good for her. Toughen her up. Maybe she'll finally realize life's not some romance movie. Men cheat. Always have, always will."

"I didn't cheat on her," I say through gritted teeth. "We weren't even dating."

"She wanted to marry you." Rita sits down on the couch and sets her cigarette in the ashtray. "I heard her tell her friend that. One kiss, and in her mind, she thought you were hers. I thought I taught her better than that, but I guess not."

Jen wanted to marry me? I don't know if I believe Rita. She lies all the time so for all I know she's only saying it to trick me into doing whatever it is she wants me to do. Or to get me to react a certain way. She has a motive for everything.

She picks up some trinket she had sitting on the table next to the couch. A gold ladybug figurine with a red jeweled back. She holds it up. "This is what you get when you stop trying to love a man and just give him what he wants."

"And why the hell would you want that? It's ugly as shit."

She sets the ladybug down. "It's fourteen carat gold and the back is rubies. Worth $300."

"Then go sell it and use the money to pay your damn parking ticket." I check my phone for the time. "I have to go."