Can't Let You Go: A Wheeler Brothers Novel (26 page)

"Yeah. And I'm paying for it." I sit up and kiss her cheek. "Happy graduation." I yank the covers off me and get out of bed.

"Bryce, you're not—"

"Yeah, I am. If you don't let me pay, I'm not going."

She sighs. "You drive me crazy."

"I'm gonna go take a shower. I'm sweating from being in that bed and living in a sauna."

"It
is
kind of hot in here. I'll turn the heat down." She hops out of bed and runs out to the hall.

She's really excited about this trip. I haven't seen her this excited in a long time.

So I guess it's decided. Jen and I are going on vacation together. I keep trying to distance myself from her, but somehow we keep getting closer. At least we haven't kissed again. Or done more than that. We haven't done anything since Saturday night. But today we almost did. Before we fell asleep, I was so damn tempted. I want her so bad it's all I can think about. And being in bed with her just now made it worse.

But we can't do it. I told myself we'd never go there, that we'd never cross that line, but shit, I want to. I really freaking want to.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Jen

Bryce and I are going on vacation together! I've never been on a real vacation. I've barely left the state. When I was a kid, I went with Bryce's family to their cabin in Wisconsin, but other than that, I haven't left Illinois.

While Bryce is in the shower, I go in the kitchen and get a glass of water, then go over to the window and watch the snow fall. It's beautiful. Big, fluffy flakes falling from the sky.

When I hear the shower shut off, I return to the kitchen and refill my glass of water to give to Bryce. I bring it to the bedroom and see him standing there, a towel around his waist. I freeze, my eyes falling to his chest and abs. Heat builds inside me. Want. Need.

My mind has tortured me all week with dreams of Bryce and me together and now I want the real thing. I want to know what it'd feel like to be with him.

"Is that for me?" he asks, pointing to the glass.

"Yeah." I walk up to him. "Here."

"Thanks." He takes a drink, then sets the glass down on the nightstand. He smiles. "What?"

I realize I was staring at him, not moving. "Oh, um, nothing."

"Did you need something?"

Yeah, I need something. I need
him
, and what he's hiding under that towel.

"No, I don't need anything," I say, sounding breathless. "I'll just go, um, wait out in the living room." I start to leave but feel his hand curl around my wrist.

"Jen."

"What?" I turn around and see his eyes on mine. I feel the heat in them. The lust. The desire. It's the exact same way I'm feeling right now.

He doesn't answer me, so I repeat his words back to him. "Did you need something?"

His eyes are still locked on mine, his breathing heavy. Then his hand wraps around my waist and he yanks me toward him. And without question or hesitation, he kisses me, hard, determined. My hands are plastered across his muscled chest, my lips parting as he pulls me closer, letting me feel the length of him against my stomach. Our tongues tangle, our breathing fast and urgent. My hands lower to his towel, yanking it free and letting it fall to the ground.

"Jen." He breathes my name like a warning, like he wants me to stop. But I won't. We've come this far and we're not going back.

I take him in my hand, my fingers wrapping around his thickness. His chest rises and falls as he breathes long, heavy breaths. His hands cup my face, his mouth fused with mine as I stroke him.

Touching him, kissing him...I've never been this turned on in my life. I want to hurry up and get to what's next, but at the same time, I don't want to rush it because I'm afraid once we do this, Bryce will never do it again. He'll say it was a mistake, and insist we go back to being just friends.

Bryce's hands go to my waist, lifting up the sweatshirt I'm wearing. I raise my arms and he takes it off. I'm not wearing a bra and his eyes go to my chest. He grips my waist and his mouth lowers to my breast.

"Wait." I gently push him back. The only thing left covering me is a pair of red lace panties. Bryce watches as I slowly lower them down my legs. He's still breathing hard as his eyes sweep over my naked body.

"Shit," he whispers. "You're perfect. Beautiful." He holds my face again and kisses me, softer this time, as he backs me up toward the bed. He shoves the covers back and I lie down on the crisp cotton sheets.
 

He swallows, gazing down at me, looking unsure, like he's fighting an internal battle inside his head. He's trying to hold back, trying not to do this, because he knows it'll change things. But he needs to risk it. We both do. Because what if we really are meant to be together? What if our friendship has been leading up to this all along? We at least need to find out.

He gets into bed, lying beside me, and puts his leg between mine, gently spreading them apart as his hand goes right where I want it. He groans when he feels how wet I am. His mouth covers my breast, his tongue flicking my nipple. I close my eyes and breathe, trying to soak up all the details of this moment so I'll remember it. It's even more intense than the other night when Bryce did this to me, because now I feel him against me, his skin, his body, all of it.

His hand continues to pleasure me, sending me higher and higher until I hit the peak, my body trembling, my hands gripping the sheet. I feel Bryce kissing my neck, then I feel the weight of his body over mine, and his hot, thick erection between my legs.

I open my eyes and see him above me. He looks torn. "Tell me no."

"I can't."

His eyes lock on mine. "Just tell me no and I'll stop."

"I don't want you to stop. I want you to keep going."

I feel the tip of him enter me, but then he stops and shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath. "If we do this we can't...we can't go back."

"This doesn't have to change anything." I say that, but I know it will. We both do.

"It changes everything," he whispers.

I feel him slide in me a little more. And then he takes another breath and pushes all the way in.

"Fuck," he groans, like he can't believe how good this feels. He's right. This feels amazing, like I knew it would.

He pulls out, then sinks into me again, filling every part of me. His mouth finds mine as his hips rock back and forth, in slow, deep thrusts. I knew sex with Bryce would be good, but not this good. His every movement stimulates a response, bringing me closer to the release that I crave, and yet I want to slow down. I want this to last. I don't want it to end. But it's about to. I can feel it. I feel him growing harder, thicker, his hips moving faster.

"Jen," he whispers by my ear.

My hands wrap around his shoulders and I rock my hips into him, then do it again, telling him I'm right there with him. He thrusts harder, faster, until we both come at nearly the same time. Then he holds himself over me, his head dropped, both of us gasping for breath.

Moments later, he lifts his head to mine and kisses me.

Then he looks at me and softly says, "I love you."

Tears well up in my eyes because he's never said that to me. But does he mean as a friend? Or more than that?

His hand goes to the side of my face, his thumb brushing over my cheek. "You knew that, right? That I love you?"

I nod. "I love you too."

He drops his head again and takes a breath.

"Bryce. Talk to me."

He slowly raises his eyes back to mine. "I don't know where we go from here."

"I don't either. But do we have to decide that right now?"

He shakes his head. "No." He pauses a moment, then lowers his lips to my forehead and gives me a kiss. He slowly pulls out of me and I realize we didn't use a condom. But I'm on the pill and I trust Bryce. He'd tell me if he had something.

He lies on his back, slipping his arm under me as I turn on my side and hug his chest. I feel him kiss my head as he pulls the covers over us.

We remain like that for at least twenty minutes, maybe a half hour, the room silent. I don't know what he's thinking about, but my thoughts are focused on what we just did, and what it means, and what we do next. Maybe it's too soon to worry about that. Maybe this won't go anywhere. Maybe it was just a one-time thing, just to satisfy our curiosity. To me, it was more than that, but I don't know what Bryce is thinking. Maybe it was just sex to him.

"What if we just tried this?" he asks, as if he knew I was waiting for him to say something.

I look up at him. "Tried what?"

"Tried...going out. Being together. As more than friends."

It's the words I've been wanting to hear for years but I don't know if he means it. For so long, he's made it clear that's not what he wants, but now he suddenly does?

"I don't understand. I thought you didn't want that."

"I never said I didn't want it. I just wasn't willing to risk our friendship. I don't want you to ever be out of my life."

And yet he's willing to let me move away. Or did he change his mind about that?

"So when you say you want to try this, what do you mean? Like go on a few dates or what?"

"I don't know. Why don't we just take it day by day for now? We have all week together. That'll be a good test to see how, or if, it changes our friendship."

"And we get to like...do things during this test, right?"

He smiles. "You mean do things like we just did?"

I smile back. "Yeah. Those things."

His hand skims over my breast and he kisses me. "Those things will definitely be happening."

I kiss him back. "Like right now?"

"Now is good." He smiles as he lifts me up on top of him. "Now is
really
freaking good."

I take him in my hand and guide him inside me and we do it again. So much for only doing it once. Why did I even think that was possible? We've just unleashed the desire we've been holding back for years. And now we can finally express it. We may not leave this bed all week.

In fact, by eight that night, we're still in bed.

"You ready to get your ass kicked?" I ask, taking a piece of licorice from the bag.

We're about to begin our hockey rematch. Bryce brought his game console into the bedroom and hooked it up to the TV so we could play in bed.

"You're not gonna beat me." He hands me the controller.

"You wanna bet?" I set the controller down and fluff my pillow, stuffing it behind my back.

"For real?"

"Yeah." I bite off a piece of licorice.

"What are we betting?"

"If I win, which I will, you have to supply me with Oreos until the end of the semester. The name brand, not the generic."

"I would've bought you them anyway, but whatever. So what do I get if
I
win?"

"You won't win."

"What's with the attitude? You're being awfully cocky for someone who lost last night."

I shrug. "Just being honest. But I'll play along. So what do you want?"

He thinks a moment. "If I win, you have to quit one of your jobs."

"Bryce, I can't do that. I need those jobs."

"Three is too many. I never see you."

"Then how will I pay my bills?"

"I'll pay whatever you can't. But I'm not paying your mom's bills."

"You're not paying mine either."

"That's the deal. Agree to it or we're not playing."

"I'm going to win so it doesn't matter. So yes, if you win, I'll quit one of my jobs."

He shoves his pillow behind his back. "We play until one of us gets three wins in a row. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

"Need anything before we start? Food? Drinks?"

"No. I'm good."

We had dinner an hour ago, after having sex in the shower. God, that was great. I'd never done that before. I don't have much experience when it comes to sex. I did it with my last boyfriend, but not very often, and whenever we did it, I kept thinking about Bryce. I even felt guilty, like I'd cheated on Bryce, which is completely stupid since we'd never even dated, but still. My heart was with Bryce, not Zach.

The only other guy I did it with was a guy I dated freshman year. It was when Bryce was ignoring me after our graduation kiss. I'd always hoped I'd lose my virginity to Bryce, but when he avoided me after that kiss, I assumed nothing would ever happen between us. So I lost my virginity to Mike, my first college boyfriend. He was two years older than me and really nice, but so boring, especially in the bedroom. The sex was so bad that I wondered why anyone would even do it. But then I talked to some of my friends and they assured me it isn't always that bad, and can be amazing with the right person.

Bryce is that person. Now I know what my friends were talking about. Sex with Bryce is so great that I keep wanting more. We've already done it four times, the most I've ever done it in a day.

The bed moves as Bryce gets up to get his game controller. He left it on the dresser. He's naked except for a pair of tight boxer briefs and my eyes follow him as he gets back into bed.

"You shouldn't look at me that way," he says.

"What way?"

"Assaulting me with your eyes." He smiles. "I feel like a piece of meat."

I laugh. "Then maybe you should put some clothes on."

His brows rise. "Do you want me to put clothes on?"

My eyes go to his chest and the ink swirling over his muscles. "No."

"I didn't think so." He chuckles as he starts the game.

"Wait! I don't have my licorice." I shove a piece in my mouth while working the controller with my other hand. That short interruption lets Bryce score a goal.

"Looks like you'll be quitting your job," he says as he scores again.

He ends up winning the game. I win the next one, but then he wins the next two. If he wins again, he wins the bet. It's time to play dirty. Before he starts the next game, I slip my t-shirt off.

He watches me, as I knew he would. "What are you doing?"

"I was getting too warm." I smile as I reach under the covers and take my panties off. I hold them in front of Bryce. "Might as well take these off too." I toss them on the floor, then get out from under the covers, exposing myself to him, and grab my controller. "Okay. I'm ready." I feel his eyes on me. I knew this would work. "Hurry up. Let's go."