Can't Let You Go: A Wheeler Brothers Novel (25 page)

"Okay, stop. Do you hear yourself?"

"What?"

"All you're doing is making excuses for her. You've been doing it since you were a kid and you need to stop. Your mom is a conniving, manipulative bitch. And she's not going to change."

"Don't call her that," Jen snaps. "And don't say those things about her. She does the best she can."

I sigh. "Jen, she's using you. She always has. Why can't you see that?"

She throws her hands up. "And why can't you see that you're just as smart as your brothers? Why do you act like you're not good enough? Why do you hide behind your tattoos?"

"So you're going to put this back on
me
? So you don't have to talk about your mom?"

"We never
finished
talking about you. Because you wouldn't let us. You shut down, like you always do when you don't want to talk about something. And I'm tired of it, Bryce. We're supposed to be best friends, so why can't we be honest with each other?"

"Because..." I shake my head. "I don't know. I guess because we're not honest with ourselves. What you said about me being afraid to try stuff I don't think I'll be good at? You were right. If I think I'll fail, I won't do it. So yeah, I admit I have things to work on, but so do you. You let your mom control you and it's only getting worse. When's it going to end, Jen? Are you just going to keep doing whatever she says? Buying her groceries and cigarettes? Giving her money whenever she asks?" I pause to let her answer, and when she doesn't I say, "It needs to end. I can't take seeing her continue to treat you this way."

"It's none of your business. She's
my
mom, not yours. And if I want to take care of her I can." Tears slide down her cheeks. "She needs me, Bryce."

"No, Jen." I reach for her hand but she tucks it under her arm. "She doesn't."

"I can't talk to you right now." She gets up and runs to the bedroom and slams the door.

Shit. How the hell did this happen? This morning, everything was perfect. I woke up with Jen in my bed, got that call from Mrs. Peterson, got an extra bonus from my dad, and was able to fix Jen's car. The day was going great and I was looking forward to spending the rest of it with Jen, watching movies, eating junk food, playing hockey. But now? She won't even talk to me.

Maybe I shouldn't have confronted her like that about her mom, but shit, I've held back long enough. For years, I've said nothing and watched as Rita controlled and manipulated Jen. This can't keep going on. Even if Jen moves, Rita will still be calling her up, demanding money. Jen needs to finally stand up to her and tell her no.

I knew Jen would get mad at me for saying those things, but she needed to hear it. Just like I needed to hear her tell me to push myself. To take risks. I hated hearing her say it. Telling me I lack confidence? God, that pissed me off, to the point that I couldn't even talk to her on the ride home. And then I had to go in the bedroom to calm down.
 

Those phone calls I made for work? They only took ten minutes, not an hour, like I told Jen. The rest of the time I spent thinking about what she said. And the truth is, she's right. I have no doubts about myself when it comes to construction. Like my dad said, I'm better at building things than any of my brothers. But I don't want to just be a construction worker for the rest of my life. I want to help run the business. I want to work
with
my brothers, not
for
them. But in order to do that, I need to step up and take on more responsibility. Be the lead on jobs. Follow up on referrals. Get new customers. Yeah, it scares the shit out of me to do those things but I still need to do them. I was nervous when I made those calls today but it ended up going fine. Better than fine. In fact, both ladies said they looked forward to working with me, so I'm confident we'll get the jobs.

I need to go talk to Jen, but first I have to give her some time alone. When she's upset, she needs her space. I'll give her a half hour and then I'll go in there.

Jen and I have had fights before, but we always talk it out and get past it. We can't stay mad at each other for very long. If we did, who would we talk to? Yeah, we have other friends, and I have my brothers, but when we really need someone to talk to, we go to each other.

Fifteen minutes later, I decide to go talk to her. I couldn't wait the full half hour. She was crying, and seeing her cry kills me. I have to be with her. Comfort her. Make her feel better.

"Jen?" I knock on the door. "I'm coming in."

She doesn't respond so I open the door. She's in bed, under the covers. She put one of my sweatshirts on. She used to do that back in high school when her mom was stressing her out or when she was nervous about a test. She said my sweatshirt helped her relax. So she'd take one when she'd come over to my house, then bring it back a week later and get another one. She'd never take a clean one. Only one that I'd worn. When I asked her why, she said it was because the ones I'd worn smelled like me and made her feel like I was near her. So when the scent wore off, she'd give it back and get a different one. It was one of those things that told me she loved me. That we were more than friends.

"Are you okay?" I lie on the bed next to her but don't get under the covers.

"Yeah." She turns to me, still looking sad.

"I'm sorry." I brush the hair off her forehead. "I didn't mean to—"

"Don't apologize. I want you to be honest with me, and you were. I know you don't like my mom, and sometimes I don't like her either. But she's still my mom and I care about her and what happens to her."

"I know you do. But it needs to work both ways. She has to care about you too and...well, sometimes I'm not so sure that she does."

She looks at me, her eyes tearing up. "You don't think my mom cares about me?"

Truthfully? My answer is no, but I don't think I should tell Jen that. Even if I did, she wouldn't believe me. She needs to figure that out for herself.

"I just want you to see her for who she is. Jen, you know she cons people. She does it all the time. She even does it to
you
. She showed up at your work pretending to be drunk, then made up that story about some guy hitting her. All so that you'd think she needs you. So you wouldn't leave."

"I'm worried about leaving her. If I move away, who will take care of her?"

"I'll still be here. If she needs something, she knows she can call me."

"But you hate her. You're not going to help her."

"If she actually needs help, and she's not faking it, then I promise I'll help her."

"You will?" She sniffles.

"Yes." But I wouldn't be doing it for Rita. I'd be doing it for Jen.

She sniffles again. "That makes me feel better."

"Good. So you want to do something fun now? Maybe watch a movie?"

"Okay. But can we watch in here? I'm all warm and cozy in your bed. I don't want to get up."

"You really like my bed, don't you?" I smile.

"It's so much better than mine. I'm going to be sad when they finally fix my heat and I have to go home."

I'm going to be sad too. I like having her here.

I find the remote and hand it to her. "Pick whatever you want."

She yanks the covers back. "Get in with me." I start to get in but then she says, "Wait. Change out of your jeans. Jeans are scratchy. No good for snuggling. Get sweatpants."

I laugh. "We're snuggling?"

"Yes. I've decided that's a better term than sprawling. So from now on, I don't sprawl. I snuggle."

Snuggling is for couples and we're not a couple, but I go along with it anyway.
 

While she finds a movie, I change into a pair of basketball shorts, knowing I'll be burning up with Jen on me and the heat cranked up.

"This is so much better than my typical Monday," she says. "Normally I'd be at class right now and then I'd have to go to work."

I'm now lying in bed beside Jen, keeping enough distance so that we're not touching.

"I don't have a typical Monday," I say. "Each one is different depending on the job. That's why I like construction. You're always doing something different. I could never sit at a desk all day."

"I'm not sure if I can either."

I chuckle. "And yet you're planning to get an office job."

"I'm sure I'll be fine once I'm in the job." She's still searching for a movie.

"Jen, would you just pick one?"

"I can't decide. What are you in the mood for? Comedy or drama?"

"We've had enough drama today. Let's go for comedy."

"How about Ghostbusters?" She highlights it on the screen.

"That's a Halloween movie. And it's old. Why don't we watch something more recent?"

"You said I could pick. And you know I like old movies better than new ones."

"Then I guess we'll watch Ghostbusters." I put my arm behind my head, propping it up to better see the TV. It's a 40-inch flat-screen I bought a few months ago with one of my bonus checks.

Jen gets the movie started, and when the theme song starts, she sits up and dances to the music, her arms flying in the air while she sings to the lyrics. She'd never do that in front of some other guy. She wouldn't even do this in front of my brothers. She'd be too embarrassed. But she doesn't get embarrassed doing stuff like this around me. We've been friends for too long. We've seen each other at our best and worst, and been together through both good times and bad.

The worst was when my mom died. Jen never left my side. We watched a lot of movies back then because I didn't feel like talking. And one day, she did what she's doing right now. Some song came on during the movie and she got up and started dancing, and not good dancing, but ridiculous dancing. She did it to make me laugh because I wasn't laughing much back then. Her trick worked, and even though I was still sad about my mom, it felt good to laugh, even for just a couple minutes.

"Hey." I pull on her arm. "Enough dancing. I can't see the movie."

She laughs and falls back on the bed. "I thought you liked my dancing."

"To real music, yeah. But your dancing to movie theme songs could use some work."

"You're mean." She smiles.

"You told me to be honest. So don't even ask me about your singing."

She huffs and hits my shoulder. "Okay, just for that, I'm not snuggling with you." She turns her back to me.

"Then I'll snuggle with
you
." I turn on my side and capture her in my arms as she tries to scoot away. And that's when I notice she's not wearing pants. Shit.

My sweatshirt is so big on her it covers her ass, but her legs are bare, and I feel them, smooth and soft, tangling with mine, as her ass presses into my crotch. I swear she's trying to kill me. My heart's beating out of my chest as I try to control the intense urge to finally cross that line. To take her, right here, right now, and finally give in to what we both so desperately want. And need. Fuck. I need this so bad. I need to be with her. I love her, and I need to be with her, to make love to her, even if it's just once.

But I somehow force myself to not give in to my urges and instead, hold her against me, my arm wrapped around her middle. We end up staying that way, not even watching the TV, and eventually fall asleep.

We wake up a couple hours later to a loud commercial. I reach over for the remote and turn the TV off.

"How long were we asleep?" Jen asks, rolling onto her back.

"A little over two hours."

"Wow. I don't think I've ever slept that long during the day. I must've been tired."

"It's still snowing out," I say, looking out the window at the white flakes being whipped around in the wind. It's not even five and the sky is dark like night time.

"I can't believe it's snowing this much in the middle of March."

"It'll be gone in a week. The snow never lasts this time of year."

"Stupid Chicago weather. I should move someplace warm. What do you think of Florida?"

"Never been there." I'm getting that anxious feeling I get whenever she talks about moving.

"I've never been there either, but do you think I'd like it?"

"Probably. It's warm and sunny, but on the downside, they get hurricanes."

"And we get tornados. And blizzards. And ice storms."

"Then I guess it doesn't matter. Anywhere you go you'll have shitty weather."

"We should take a trip there."

"Where?"

"To Florida. We should go there and check it out. We could go for a few days. It'd be like a mini vacation."

 
Jen and I going on vacation? It sounds like another couple activity, and yet I'm totally up for it. I want more time with her.

"All right. Let's do it. When do you want to go?"

She sits up. "Are you serious? You'd really go?"

"Sure. I could use a vacation."

"How about in April? We could go for a three-day weekend. Or we could go in May, right after I graduate. I don't know what it'll cost but I have a little money saved and I'll see if I can pick up some extra shifts at work."

"Jen, don't worry about it. I'll pay for it." I make way more money than her, especially when you add in my bonuses.

"I'm not letting you pay for me. It's going to be expensive."

"I have the money. Just let me do this. It'll be my graduation gift. It'll save me from having to go to the mall and pick something out."

She smiles. "But you love the mall."

"Yeah, about as much as I love Oreos dipped in peanut butter." I chuckle.

"Hey!" She swats at me. "That's one of the best food combinations ever. You don't know what you're missing. Anyway, going back to the trip, I'm paying my own way but we need to figure out where to go. Miami? Orlando? Fort Lauderdale? Where do you think we should go?"

"Depends on if you want beach time or amusement parks."

"That's a tough call. We both love amusement parks, but I've never seen the ocean so I feel like we have to go to the beach."

"We'll do both. We'll fly into Orlando, go to an amusement park, and the next day we'll drive to the beach."

She jumps a little. "Oh my God, I can't wait! Are we really doing this?"