Calming the Rush of Panic (10 page)

Mindfulness is a way to help you cope with your panicky feelings. Day-to-day chores are an ideal time for bringing mindfulness into your routine at home, at work, at a social gathering at someone’s house, or wherever some dirty dishes are piling up. Try this next practice while you wash the dishes, that much-dreaded activity that follows a hard-earned meal.

1. While standing at the sink, close your eyes and take three to five mindful breaths. With each breath, pause and fully experience your inhale and exhale. When you tune in to your breath—its rhythm, pace, sensation, and sound—you drop into the full experience of being present, being here. Now, open your eyes and continue.
   
2. Turn on the water at the temperature that you desire. While the water is running, keep your fingers in the stream. If you are conscientious about not wasting water, then fill a glass or bowl with water and soak your fingers in it. Notice what you’re feeling in the water. How does the water feel against your skin? What sensations come up? Ask yourself, where does the water come from, beyond the faucet? A mountain, a river, an aqueduct? Consider what a miracle it is to have this free-flowing water at your easy disposal. Take a moment to be grateful for this water.
   
3. Grab the sponge and add some dish soap. Pay attention to every small detail—the color of the sponge, the smell of the soap, the feel of the bubbles on your hands.
   
4. Pick up an item to wash and consider where it’s been, who used it, and what was eaten or drunk from it. Consider the history or story behind each item—a cup that was a gift from an old friend, dishes from your first marriage, or your child’s favorite spoon.
   
5. Remember to check in often with your breathing and to reconnect with the unfurling present moment.
   
6. A common challenge that may arise is when difficult emotions start to surface. We all have a natural tendency to push away what feels bad. Take this mindful moment to acknowledge any feelings percolating inside you, and resist the urge to push them away. Allow yourself to simply experience the emotions and let them be there with you. Take note of any subtle fluctuations in the feelings that come into your heart. During times of shame or embarrassment, notice how even these awkward feelings shift—one moment they are intense; the next, barely detectable. Here today, gone tomorrow.
   
7. Return to the breath as often as you want or need to.
   
8. As you finish rinsing the dishes and setting them to dry on the rack, or as some dishes head for the dishwasher, pause and be conscious of every movement, every feeling, and everything about this activity and its relationship to you.
   

For most people, the goal in washing dishes is to get them clean and to be done with it, in order to move on to something else, something more pressing and demanding of their attention. When you bring mindfulness into your daily chores, you experience washing the dishes merely for the sake of washing dishes, without a goal or destination in mind. Mindfully washing the dishes opens you to the experience of fully appreciating and participating in the act and being more aware of the small wonders in life that bring order and calm into your life. During your mindful practice, you are also opening yourself to the awareness that all emotions eventually pass and are never a permanent state of being. Doing routine chores with mindfulness helps train you to bring mindfulness into your approach to strong emotions, such as embarrassment and shame, when they arise. A deeper awareness of these strong feelings will help restore feelings of ease and peacefulness.

A Good Day’s Work

When panic strikes you on the job, it’s a challenge to get through your day and to stay focused on your tasks at hand. You may feel as though you have no worth, value, or use. Similarly, you may feel inadequate, deficient, or incompetent. You may feel very alone and isolated when you do not see others expressing these same feelings. But you are not alone. Many people face these same challenging emotions behind closed office doors or as they travel to and from work, suffering in private.

The following mindful breathing practice is for restoring self-kindness and compassion and allowing yourself to befriend your emotions instead of criticizing and judging. There’s no time like the present to begin.

1. Find a comfortable place to sit or stand. This is a good time to turn off any devices that may distract you during your practice—cell phone, computer, music, and so on.
   
2. Focus on your breathing and let yourself be present. Each breath is an opportunity to be in the here and now.
   
3. Take this pause to examine and investigate what you’re feeling. What emotions are stirring? If you are feeling inadequate and undeserving, admit this now. Whatever feelings of not being good enough or ineptitude come to the surface, let them emerge. Allow your emotions to come to the surface and let them be. Let any feelings of panic arise, and then let them take their own path.
   
4. You may begin to notice that feelings come and go in terms of cycles. All feelings pass, and with your growing awareness of this comes the knowledge that all aspects of life are constantly passing and impermanent, like the stars in the night, like the sun and the moon, like the changing of the tides. There is a secret, hidden comfort in this knowledge of impermanence. Impermanence teaches us to go with the flow of life rather than resisting it.
   
5. Remember to revisit your breath, returning to the moment of now.
   
6. Your next step is the practice of self-compassion. Begin by setting your intention for each breath. On each inhale, you may say aloud or to yourself,
   I am holding myself with kindheartedness and tenderness.
   On each exhale,
   I am releasing my self-criticism and self-judgment.
   Try this for three to five breaths. Feel free to revise these intentions to reflect what you feel you need and desire from this practice.
   
7. Notice what you’re feeling after this practice. Be tender with yourself and move gently.
   

Self-kindness may not come easily, particularly during times of panic, which is why we recommend that you make this part of your daily practice of mindfulness. Give yourself the gift of self-compassion and understanding every day.

Transform Your Anger

When something or someone pushes your panic button, you may frequently feel anger. You might carry anger around with you without even being aware that it’s there, until it lashes out unpredictably at some moment of contact with another person. You might be face to face, talking on the phone, texting, or e-mailing, when suddenly in a moment of panic, you feel extremely annoyed, infuriated, or offended. These angry emotions get in the way of your ability to communicate effectively and can create a cycle of more inflamed exchanges.

The next time your panic and anger flare up, practice R.A.I.N. as described below. It’s a helpful tool for restoring a sense of calm and assisting in difficult conversations when your anger might get in the way of resolution.

1. Start with the breath. Tune in to your breathing and notice what is going on for you right now. You may be breathing shallowly and feeling constraint in your mind and body. Or your breathing may be very rapid and irregular. Take this moment to experience some long, full, slow, deep belly breaths. Pay attention to how air fills your lungs, chest, and stomach on each inhale. Notice how your body deflates on each exhale. Try at least three to five belly breaths.
   
2. Take this next mindful moment to recognize what is happening. The panic and anger are there, and you acknowledge that this is so.
   
3. Allow the feelings to emerge. What feelings around your anger come up? Are you stressed, exasperated, tired, or enraged? Acknowledge whatever feelings are there, without attaching any judgment to them. The feelings are neither positive nor negative, welcome nor unwelcome, wanted nor unwanted.
   
4. As an experiment, practice beginner’s mind (see the Foundation chapter) by imagining, if you can, that you are feeling panic and anger for the first time—that these things are completely new to you. Try to experience being curious about these new emotions. With beginner’s mind, you are letting go of your old script for what you know is happening and taking steps toward cultivating a spirit of curiosity about your panicky feelings. Notice what emotions come up while your beginner’s-mind cap is on. You might think:
   I’m feeling a strange resistance and strong emotional current pulsating in my mind and body. I’m experiencing a flush in my face, and a myriad of fleeting feelings are tumbling out of me. How interesting. Hmm…so this is what anger feels like.
   
5. Take another slow, deep belly breath, inhaling and exhaling.
   
6. Investigate and delve into how your panic and anger feel in your body. Resist any urge to turn away from your feelings as you might have done in the past. Does your anger make you feel hot inside and out? When you’re angry and panicky, do you make a fist or tighten some other part of your body? Do you become more easily agitated and feel less understood? Be mindful of how your emotions affect your mind and body.
   
7. The final step in this exercise is non-identifying. This is the time when you make a conscious effort to not identify with your feelings. They are just feelings, after all, and they do not define who you are as a person. This means basically not taking your feelings personally. These emotions are not about you; they’re just feelings that rise and set like the sun and the moon, or like a tornado that stops in for a visit and then leaves again. The feelings come and go. And soon enough, all feelings eventually pass.
   

Before your anger takes hold of your next conversation, try this mindful practice. You will carry this awareness into your next exchange. The ability to restore your sense of calm using this practice will be a useful communication skill and help you find resolution in every interaction.

Free Yourself from Feeling Out of Control

A great many people who suffer with panic attacks experience feeling as though they are losing control and going crazy. Some people describe feeling a disconnect from reality that scares and confuses them. You may feel completely helpless, as though there is nothing you can do and no one can help you. You literally believe that a threat is present, likely, or imminent. It’s a frightening experience that is not soon forgotten. In fact, the fear alone that it may happen again is enough to start the cycle of panic and insecurity. If you’re feeling scared or insecure about a reoccurrence right now, you are not alone and there is help.

There’s no predicting when your next panic attack will occur. It might happen while you’re out running errands, interacting with strangers at the market or post office. Being in public may feel like the worst-case scenario for a panic attack, but it is also your cue to listen to your mind and body. This next practice uses mindful inquiry. It will help you investigate what is driving or fueling your panicky emotions in order that you might become freer from them. Practice these skills during an episode of panic on an occasion when you’re out and about.

1. Before you begin, ask yourself whether this is a good time to explore your feelings. Do you feel safe at this time? If you do feel safe, proceed with the next step. If you do not feel safe, then it is okay to wait and attempt this practice at a more convenient time, perhaps when you’ve returned to the privacy of your home.
   
2. Wherever you are—running around town, meeting up with a friend, standing in line, or walking down the aisle of a market—your practice begins as soon as you tune in to and stay with your breathing. You carry your breath everywhere, and it is your focal point for maintaining your connection to the present wherever you go. Be mindful of your breathing, in and out, noticing the sensations of warmth and coolness, the rise and fall, the in and out of each breath.
   
3. Take this moment to recognize any and all feelings that are with you now. If you feel out of control, then just acknowledge it as a feeling, without attaching details or stories behind it. If you feel an uncontrollable fear that you’re going insane, then recognize this feeling without striving to critique or analyze the feeling. Give yourself permission to just identify the emotions that are coming up and let them be. You may be telling yourself:
   I feel as if something horrible is about to happen. I feel as though I’ve lost touch with reality. I feel as though I can’t trust anyone. Maybe I can’t even trust myself.
   Other unrelated feelings and thoughts may come to mind, like
   I’m hungry. I hope that he calls soon. I wonder where I left my to-do list.
   Make space in this moment to simply let these feelings emerge, and try to stay with the feelings and thoughts. Simply notice what’s here, without attaching yourself or clinging to any one thought or feeling.
   
4. You may experience a strong impulse to resist or fight against these painful and terrifying emotions, as may be your habit. We all have a natural tendency to strive toward what feels good. For this exercise, you are practicing nonstriving: not trying, or not attempting to change your feelings or shift them in a different direction. Just let the feelings be what they are. The less energy you spend trying to resist or alter your panicky emotions, the lesser the hold your panic can have on you.
   
5. Remember to be aware of your breathing and to connect again with the here and now.
   

With practice, you will come to learn what is driving your feelings and to let them run their natural course. Strong emotions can be fierce and unrelenting for a time, but eventually they fade and you move on.

Work Through Painful Emotions