By Any Other Name (25 page)

“I could bet that you were in love with Dru when you were teens too. You just didn’t know it or didn’t know there was a possibility, even. You say he feels like home to you? I say that’s a huge indicator. And besides, they love you and they—well, at least Thom has no misconceptions about love. Dru… I met his mom once and….” Kara cringed.

“Yeah… it’s like they’re not even real people. They wouldn’t even acknowledge my presence was I to meet them now, I’m sure.” Skye snorted.

“Jesus… sounds so damn cold, you know?” Kara said.

“Yeah,” was all she was getting from Skye.

“Hey, how about sleeping now? If you want to, you can come sleep in my bed or have Justine come here to sleep on the floor. Just don’t let her on the bed.”

“Okay, thanks.” Skye gave her a little smile and kissed her cheek.

She left the door open, and sure enough, Justine walked in just as Skye was getting in bed himself.

“You’ll be staying on the floor, dog. Just saying. No paws on the bed,” Skye told the dog as she sighed and lay down on the rug next to the bed. He wasn’t so sure she’d stay down during the rest of the night—or rather the rest of the morning.

Surprisingly, he only had one nightmare, and he was woken up by Justine’s cold nose against his hand.

“It’s okay, girl. I’m fine, thanks for the nudge. Go back to sleep,” he said, following his own advice as soon as the dog lay down again.

When he woke up, he found Kara sitting in the garden, reading a book with a steaming mug of coffee next to her hand on the table. “There’s some in the Thermos.” She smiled over her shoulder, and Skye went to take his meds and get his coffee after grunting some sort of “morning.”

They didn’t hear from Thom or Dru all day, which was not completely surprising but still hurt. He had expected Thom to do something—anything, really.

The days rolled by. When Kara had to go to work, he made sure Justine was doing okay, made dinner for Kara, went for walks with Justine (always at a time he knew neither Thom nor Dru would be jogging), read a lot… and felt empty again.

The numbness of being away from the men he loved was reaching into him and making him feel things he didn’t want to feel, like hopelessness.

The fourth day was just as the three before had been. It only differed because it was the last day Kara had before her move.

They were packing up her things, and Skye knew Kara was waiting for him to make a decision. He couldn’t. He had hoped that when she was leaving, he’d know. He had canceled his shrink’s appointments for the week, using helping Kara with the packing as an excuse. He could always call Tim or Al, but he didn’t want to go into details. The particulars of his situation seemed too much already without going through them again.

“Oh, shit. Can you… fuck,” Kara cussed in the kitchen.

“What is it?” Skye walked over to her, and she held a French press out to him.

“This is Thom’s. It’s like… a family heirloom thingy. Could you drop it off at their house?” Her expression was apologetic.

“Erm….” He really didn’t want to.

“Please, I have tons to do still, and I’ll get caught up if I go there… please?” She was nearly whining now.

“Okay… I’ll do it, but only because I’m your bitch now that you’re giving me a place to stay for a few days more,” Skye said grudgingly and took the coffee press from her.

Her lease was up at the end of the month, which was actually another week away, so he could stay there, make sure things were okay for the landlord to rent the cottage afterward.

Skye walked briskly toward the house, not wanting to waste time. He still wasn’t absolutely certain whether or not he’d go with Kara. If not, then he’d spend the time at the cottage. If he did, then the landlord would just have to make do with the cottage as they left it.

When he got to the house, he stopped at the stairs. Thom’s car wasn’t there, so he was still at work. Dru would be working, as it was daytime. To use his key or ring the bell? With things being like this, he chose the doorbell and pressed the button.

There was a sound of Dru jogging from the stairs to the door, and then the door opened.

“Oh,” was all the blond said.

“Kara sent me to bring you this. It’s Thom’s?” he asked, and Dru gestured for him to bring the press into the kitchen.

“Yeah.”

“She’s leaving tomorrow. Not sure if she told you?” Skye said, trying not to look at Dru, who looked mussed from running his fingers through his hair while working. It was endearing and hot at the same time, and Skye couldn’t afford to get sentimental about this.

“Yeah, she mentioned it,” Dru said as Skye put the press down on the counter.

“Okay, well…,” he said and turned to walk back to the door.

“What… I mean… will you go with her?” Dru seemed to have great difficulty getting the words out.

Skye got the feeling he wanted to say more, and it hit him that Dru most likely knew about the kiss. Skye’s first real kiss…. He felt both proud and ashamed. It should have been Dru, not Thom, for the first time. Now there would never be a second time.

“Yeah… maybe. Not sure… still have until she leaves to decide,” Skye said, looking out the nearest window.

“Oh.”

What Skye wanted to say was, “Ask me to stay and I will,” but he didn’t. And he knew he wouldn’t get those words even if he asked for them. It wasn’t Dru’s style to ask for things.

“Yeah, so…,” Skye said, inching toward the door.

“Yeah.” Dru seemed to be unable to say anything or look at Skye.

And then Skye was close enough to the door to escape.

It hurt, it fucking hurt so much to leave Dru there like that, but he had to. And he knew he had to leave for good. They’d keep hurting each other if he was anywhere close to the couple. There was too much there, and they’d never be together, never be the threesome they clearly wanted to be. Skye’s insecurity was keeping them from giving in to the feeling, the love. He just wasn’t ready yet.

Skye hadn’t cried much, not after the tears had dried up after the first few months with the man. Nothing made him really cry, but now he was walking back to Kara’s cottage, feeling the tears rolling down his cheeks, and he wanted to scream.

When he got back, Kara didn’t ask anything. Justine wagged her tail in a cautious way before coming to lay her large head on Skye’s lap.

“Oh fuck,” he said suddenly, making Kara turn around.

“What?”

“I forgot to leave my key,” he said and sighed.

“Well, the moving truck will have to come here via the old route, because the bridge might not be able to handle it. So when we leave, we’ll go the other way, past their house. You can drop it off then.”

 “Okay.” It was then that he knew he had made his decision. He was going with her. No matter what happened, he’d figure things out.

Skye got off the couch he had sat on and went to pack some more of Kara’s belongings.

Thom

Thom
was home early again. Not because he didn’t have stuff to do at work, but because he was worried about Dru. His lover had been crumbling before Thom’s eyes in the past four days, and it scared him more than anything.

It was scary because Thom had no idea what to do. He had tried discussing it, but it hadn’t worked. Dru was withdrawing from him as he tried to deal with the sorrow of not being able to swallow his pride and ask Skye to come back to them.

In some ways, Thom knew why. After all, it would be tricky to stay in the same house now, after all that had happened in the past couple of weeks. There were feelings there, a lot of contradicting emotions that seemed too much for either of them to handle.

He had come clean to Dru about the kiss the following morning. It had been too big not to tell Dru, and they had no secrets like that. At first he had thought Dru was mad at him, but he wasn’t, not really, and then Thom understood that it wasn’t jealousy, it was envy. When they lay in bed that night, they talked quietly about the kiss, about what it meant to them and what it could mean for Skye. They came to the conclusion that Skye had freaked out and was fleeing, though Thom told Dru it hadn’t seemed like he was freaking out at first. They wondered if there had been flashbacks or something, or if Skye just wasn’t ready. Maybe they’d never know.

Thom blamed himself for driving Skye away, but Dru didn’t want to hear any of it. He told Thom that if Skye was going, he’d go no matter what had happened. Maybe Thom had given him the last push, but it was still Skye’s decision. On some level, Thom knew Dru was right, but he still berated himself quietly and hoped to God Dru never came to resent him for what he’d done.

The transformation in front of his eyes after it became obvious Skye wasn’t returning to the house scared him. Thom wanted his vibrant lover back. Luckily, Dru didn’t have much to do work-wise, because Thom had noticed that he didn’t really get much done. He stared at his computer screen every day, trying to figure things out but not getting anything out of his head—much like he was doing with the Skye situation.

Neither of them had gone to Skye’s room to see how many of his things were left. The most obvious sign had been there Saturday morning: his meds were gone from the countertop. Thom knew Skye had gone to Kara, knew that Kara was moving tomorrow, and knew that there was a strong possibility that Skye was going with her.

He resented himself for not being stronger, not making the two others see how they could be. He hated his own insecurity, which was trying to tell him he’d be left alone in the end. He hated Dru’s parents with vigor for making their son so cold and fragile at the same time, so proud that he couldn’t tell the man he loved to stay. He hated the man who had taken Skye away in the first place. Hate…. Thom had never hated anything as much as he had hated everything in the past few days.

When he opened the door, something felt off. Looking around, he saw Dru’s blond head at the other end of the room. He was sitting on the couch, staring out of the windows.

“Babe?” Thom asked, kicking his shoes off and getting rid of his jacket, briefcase, and keys.

No answer.

He walked into the living room and around the couch to look at Dru. The blond’s eyes were rimmed with red, staring without seeing anything, staring right through Thom.

A cold fist squeezed his heart as he knelt in front of the couch and took Dru’s hands in his own. “Dru, honey? What’s wrong?” he asked, trying to keep the terror from his voice.