Butterfly (6 page)

“The second letter I received was from the Georgia Department of Human Resources, and they said they have located your father in prison through a Doctor Johnson Forrester. He's a friend of your father. That's what I was in here discussing with my husband. Should I, or should I not tell you about the letter? I guess I'm being selfish by wanting to keep you all to myself. But I can't help it. I love you.”

“My dad? What did he say?”

Ma took her time answering but finally she said, “The letter said
that on behalf of your father's request, and a promise that he made to your father, Dr. Forrester, uh, he wants to talk to you about visiting your father.”

“Oh my God! Of course I want to see my dad! I can't believe this!”

“Then we'll call them tomorrow and arrange a meeting with you and this Dr. Forrester.”

“Thank you so much, Ma. I love you soooooo much!”

I kissed Ma on the cheek and gave her a big hug. Ma tried to playfully push me away, but I continued to kiss her all over her face. “Get back, girl; you gon' give me the heebie-jeebies!”

•   •   •

My first meeting with Dr. Forrester was just between him, Ma and me. He wanted to get a feel for me before he introduced me to his wife. He was a tall, handsome man. He had dark smooth skin, a clean-shaven face with a clean-shaven head to match. He wore a nice suit that fit him very well. Ma and I peeked through the curtain as he stepped out of his car.

“Well, he's a handsome something, isn't he?”

“Yes, ma'am!” I said with enthusiasm.

“My, oh my!”

“Ma?”

“Look at us in here salivating. I'm too old and you're too young.”

“Ma, he's married,” I joked.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

“Go answer the door, child.”

“Oh, okay!” I looked back at Ma one last time for moral support and then I opened the door. “Hi, Dr. Forrester, I'm Shante.”

“How are you, young lady?” Dr. Forrester shook my hand and then shook Ma's hand. “And how are you, ma'am?”

“I'm fine, son,” Ma said. “Have a seat, please.”

We sat in the living room and Dr. Forrester told me the story of being my father's cellmate. He told me how much my father loved and adored me and that he made a promise to my dad to find me when he was released from prison.

Ma was understandably concerned about Dr. Forrester's prison record, but he explained that he was unrightfully accused and was awaiting the dismissal of the charges held against him through an evidentiary hearing. He was totally open and honest with her and that made her believe him. At the end of the conversation, Dr. Forrester presented the question of visiting my father.

“Shante, your father would give anything to see you.”

“I want to see him, too.”

“We have arranged for me to take you to see him this Sunday, if you would like to go.”

“Oh my God! Are you serious?”

“Yes, if you want to go.”

“I can't wait!”

“Well, if it's okay with Mrs. Powell, I'll pick you up Sunday afternoon.”

“Ma?”

“Of course, baby.”

“I guess I'll be seeing you Sunday, Dr. Forrester,” I said with a huge grin on my face.

“You go on and do your homework and I'll walk the doctor to the door, child.”

I knew that meant that she wanted to talk privately with Dr. Forrester, so I got the hell out of there immediately.

“I thank you for stopping by, Doctor, but this child means an awful lot to me. I need to know that she's not going to be hurt in all of this. She's been through so much in her short lifetime.”

“I promise you, ma'am. Her father wants nothing but the best for her.”

“Then I'll take your word for it.”

“Have a good day, ma'am.”

“You too, son.”

•   •   •

I was nervous when we arrived at the prison. It was the first time I had seen my dad in almost ten years. When I first laid eyes on him, he looked different from what I remembered. His hair was a lot longer. He wore his hair bald when he was on the outside, but in prison, it was long and in a thick ponytail. He was also much more muscular, with tats on his neck and hands. He had a couple of scars from what I assumed to be prison battles. All that did not matter to me. I was just so happy to see him, I wanted to cry. I wanted to reach out and hug him. But I couldn't because he was behind those bars.

When I first walked in, I thought he did not remember who I was. He spoke to Dr. Forrester but did not say a word to me.

“Hey, Doc,” Dad said. “How's life out there?”

“Not much different from in here,” Dr. Forrester joked and handed the telephone to me. “I brought somebody to see you, man.”

“Hi,” I said.

“Oh wow, man! Look at you. You're taller than me. My little caterpillar is turning into a beautiful Butterfly,” Dad said. “Do you remember when I used to call you my butterfly?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“Do you remember anything else about me?”

“Of course.”

“What do you remember about me?” Dad chuckled.

“I remember one time when I was little, I had a dance recital and you were out of town. I asked you if you could come. Mommy said you were too far away to make it back in time. It was raining and thundering and I just knew you weren't going to make it. But after the recital, I saw you standing there with my flowers in your hands. I was so happy I didn't know what to do! Now! Do you remember that?”

My father may have been hard to the rest of the world, but he was like a marshmallow when it came to me. “Yeah.”

“And I remember that time when I was sick. I think I had the measles or something like that,” I said. “You remember that?”

“Yeah,” Dad said. “I remember that, too.”

“I remember when you had to wear sweaters, and T-shirts, and long pants, because you didn't want to catch the measles. I was sleeping on your lap for like five days.” I laughed. “Mommy kept telling you to put me down, but you wouldn't. You spoiled me!”

“How do you remember all that?” Dad said. “You were a baby!”

“'Cause you my daddy!”

“I'm sorry, Butterfly,” Dad said. It looked as if he wanted to cry, but I did not see any tears. I wanted to tell him so badly that it was okay for him to cry if that is what he wanted to do. “I should be out there protecting you, but instead, I'm in here locked up.”

I truly believe my father tried to be the best father he could. But he was who he was, and no matter how hard he tried, he could not separate parenthood from the street, even when I was little. He was always apologetic for his lifestyle. That got on my nerves then, and it still got on my nerves.

“Why are you talking like that?” I asked.

“Because,” Dad said. “I'm letting you down.”

“You're not letting me down!” I said. “You can't change what you've done, Daddy. All you can do is pay for what you did.”

“I can't believe you even want to see me.”

“Why wouldn't I want to see you?“

My father lowered his head and waited before he responded to my question, even though he did not answer the question I asked. “Are you going to come back and see me?”

“Yeah, why wouldn't I?” I asked. “You're my father.”

“You promise?”

“Wait a minute! I promise on one condition,” I said. “I'll come back if you behave yourself while you're in here and get paroled so you can be my daddy like you're supposed to.”

“Oh, so you're giving orders now?” Dad turned to Dr. Forrester and cracked one of his lame jokes. “She's trying to blackmail me, man.”

“Right! I sure am.”

“In that case, I guess we got a deal.”

“You better keep your promise, too, Daddy!”

“I always keep my promises.”

“Well, we better be going, Shante,” Dr. Forrester said.

“Okay.”

Time had flown by and I was not ready to leave my dad just yet. I probably could have stayed a month and I still would not have been ready to leave. I stood up and waved good-bye. “Bye! I love you, Daddy.”

My father stared at me but did not respond. That was the second time that had happened and it was pissing me off. “Did you hear me? I said I love you, Daddy.”

“I'm sorry, baby,” Dad said, “I love you, too. I love you so much.”

“All right, Stone,” Dr. Forrester said, “Keep your head up, bro.”

“Doc,” Dad said, “Can I talk to you privately?”

“What y'all talking about?” I asked jokingly. Ma had taught me that when grown-ups wanted to talk in private, they were probably going to talk about me.

“You!” Dad said while pointing at me.

“It better be good,” I said. “I'll wait for you out here, Dr. Forrester.”

“Okay.”

I walked out to the exit room and waited for Dr. Forrester. I am not going to lie; I started to cry like a little baby. I missed my daddy! By the time Dr. Forrester came out, I had wiped my tears away and he never even knew I had been crying. However, that lasting image of my dad being locked up and behind bars stayed in my mind.

The private conversation between my dad and Dr. Forrester was a very important one. My dad asked Dr. Forrester to take me into his home until he was released from prison. Ironically, Stanley made an impromptu visit to Ma to try and convince her to come out West with him. Our decisions were quick and final. Ma was moving out West with Stanley, and I was moving to Gwinnett County with the Forresters.

My next interview, so to speak, with the Forresters, included the Missus herself, Mrs. Alicia Forrester. Dr. Forrester and I met her at an elegant restaurant in Midtown. She was beautiful. I mean absolutely gorgeous. It took her a minute to warm up to me, but when she did I knew that pending the result of Dr. Forrester's evidentiary hearing, I would be having yet another family. The hearing proved that the State did not have enough evidence to prosecute his case, so it was dismissed.

My first night in the Forresters' house was unbelievable! They were having this party in celebration of Dr. Forrester's murder charge dismissal. I stayed in my room until the party was over and then I helped Ms. Alicia clean up.

Shortly after that, two of Ms. Alicia's sisters came to town and told her some sad news. Her father had died and she had to go to Ohio for the funeral. While the Forresters were gone, I stayed
with Keisha. Mr. Forrester, Dr. Forrester's dad, had just moved in with the family as well, but I guess he needed a babysitter, too, so he stayed with Dr. Forrester's brother, Michael. I called him Uncle Mike.

They were gone for only a few days, but when they returned, I could tell that things were different. It was a positive difference, but things were different all the same. The Forresters seemed to be looser and carefree, even Mr. Forrester had a friendlier disposition, and that made me feel more comfortable about the living situation.

Excluding the Powells, all of the people I lived with were unemployed and were only foster parents for the checks. As a matter of fact, foster parenting was their jobs. Ms. Alicia seemed like she genuinely cared about me, and my welfare. She was not looking for a check. She was not looking for a pat on the back. She was just trying to help me.

W
hen it was nearing the end of the summer, Ms. Alicia registered me in school. She was very thorough and wanted all of my background information. While adding me to their health insurance, she showed me my birth certificate and I noticed the name listed as my mother was not my actual mother's name. At the age of seventeen, I found out the woman I loved, and knew, as my mother was not my mother at all. And there was some woman out there who had abandoned me. In my mind, I finally had someone to blame for all of the negative shit that had happened to me in my life.

The following weekend Ms. Alicia invited some of her friends over to meet me. She called them the “office girls.” I went from having no aunts whatsoever, to having a clan of aunties in a matter of minutes. She was so excited when she introduced me.

“Hey girls, I want you to meet the new addition to our family. Her name is Shante.” Ms. Alicia pointed to the “office girls.” “Shante, meet your new stable of aunties.”

“Hi, Shante, I'm your Auntie Cynthia. You'll be seeing a lot of me.”

“Good to meet you, Auntie Cynthia.”

Auntie Cynthia was short, with a ponytail and she dressed very conservatively.

“Me too, I'm Auntie Pam. You look familiar, girl.”

“You look familiar, too, Auntie Pam.”

Auntie Pam had a youthful athletic body. She was dark-skinned with a tight-ass, short hairstyle. She dressed like she was young.

“I'm Auntie Wanda, and I don't like children! I used to be Dr. Forrester's patient, but he stopped seeing me because I'm just too damn crazy!”