Burning Barriers (Barriers Series Book 3) (22 page)

A stray tear falls down my cheek, and I quickly wipe it away. I remind myself that I need to keep heading forward. If and when I ever to return to Breckenridge, I can only hope that Jake understands why I left. I know he’ll talk to Ellen, and she’ll explain it to him the best she can. I never expected to stay too long when I went back home, but I also never expected to fall in love with Jake even more than I ever had before.

As if right on cue, the lyrics from James Blunt’s “Goodbye My Lover” seep through the speakers in my car, and it’s all I need to feel the welling of tears again. Quickly hitting the
Forward
button on my phone, I move on to another playlist that doesn’t make me want to cry or put this car in reverse. Nickelback’s “S.E.X.” comes up quickly, and I check the screen on the phone again to double check what I’m listening to. The corners of my lips curl up at the playlist name, ‘Derby Date Night Songs’.

I continue driving toward the sun, thinking about how much my life has changed in a short amount of time. Well, maybe
not
short amount of time. All these years have passed since I’ve returned home, and they’ve all been a learning curve for me. I always compared every guy I slept with to Jake. I will most likely still do that. But perhaps, after all of this, I won’t use men like I did in the past. The past is the past, and my future is still up in the air. I wonder if
anything
will be the same again. Sam has Josh, and the C-Naughtie house won’t be complete anymore. No more Derby Date Night, no more mornings around the kitchen planning girls’ nights out, and the thing that I’ll miss the most… the sassy banter between Sam and me.

She and I will always be thicker than blood. We’ve spent the last month supporting each other and opening up about how we’ve handled the recovery process after Stone’s attack. Once I finally explained my history with Jake, I think she understood me more than I ever could. I never knew why I didn’t talk about him to my roommates. It was almost as though talking about him would have made staying away that much harder, like the minute his name passed over my lips, I’d return to Breckenridge for him.

It’s funny how life plays tricks on you.

I pull into the driveway of an old Victorian house not too far from where Sam’s wine bar is located in downtown North Andover, Massachusetts. I double-check the GPS and the address on my phone that Sam texted me last night. Shrugging my shoulders and grabbing my purse from the passenger seat, I open the car door and slowly stretch my legs as I get out of my Beetle. I push my sunglasses to the top of my head as my Chucks make the trek up the stone walkway to the front wraparound porch.

I pull my hair back and up into a messy ponytail before stepping up the stairs to the front door. I catch a glimpse of my appearance in the glass storm door and shake my head. The number of days behind the wheel of my car has not been pretty. Last night, I stopped at the same hotel I found on my drive out to Breckenridge. The same desk clerk, whom I saw weeks ago, was working again. He recognized me instantly, and I learned he isn’t as creepy as I thought.

It was late by the time I pulled into the hotel, and I hadn’t grabbed anything to eat yet. It was a dead Wednesday night at the hotel, and after some small chitchat, Nolan, the clerk, ordered a pizza and threw in a movie on the lobby television for us to watch. We clicked and the old me would have probably tried to jump his bones, but I didn’t feel any of that with him. It was as though being with Jake again allowed me to finally see what true love means and forced me to put my old ways behind me.

As the night progressed, the movie was over, and there was nothing left of the pizza. I knew it was time for me to finally say goodnight. It felt good to hang out with someone who didn’t know anything about my past and wouldn’t judge my future. Nolan
stood and grabbed the pizza box and empty plates from the table and walked over to the front desk and dropped them into a trash bin out of sight.

While he did that, I turned off the television and walked over to stand beside him and stared into his big brown eyes again like the first time we met. This time the air had changed, and those eyes that I originally thought screamed
come fuck me
had turned into something deeper. There was a pain behind them I didn’t see before because I never took the time to look. I was too quick to judge him then, but now that we’d finally spent some time together and talked, I felt comfort in his presence. A calming peace I never thought could have existed before.

We parted ways this morning, and as we shook hands and wished each other well, we actually promised to keep in touch. I think something about the two of us together actually allows us to be who we really are, and it’s good to always have someone else in your life. You never know when that person might be the light to your darkness. It’s not every day you find someone who shares the same sick sense of humor as you. When you find a fellow sick goofball, you don’t let them go. After days of driving away from Jake, I needed a
light
. Even if I knew I’d be seeing my girls soon, I needed something.
He
was that something at the right time, as I was for him.

Now, as I stand here waiting at the front door of this house, I wonder what life will have in store for me. I ring the doorbell again and suddenly hear loud footsteps from inside the house. I hear someone inside shout something, and my eyes narrow as I recognize the voice. The glass storm door swings open just as I take a step back, preventing it from hitting me. Standing here before this familiar face, I try to put all the pieces together.

“Hey, Lucy, what’s the matter? Cat got your tongue? I haven’t seen that look since I first met you,” Josh says as he moves to the side at the same time I hear her screaming voice coming from somewhere in the house.

“Where is she? I’m coming!” I hear her say before I see her turn the corner and rush toward me. Sam storms me, and all of a sudden, I’m in her bear hug as my eyes look around the house. When I finally see the C-Naughtie picture hanging on the wall of all of us together last year, it finally dawns on me.

“You bought a house?!” I exclaim. “You bought a house and didn’t tell me!”

Sam’s laughter rumbles through my chest before she pulls away. She keeps her hands resting on my shoulders as she stares into my eyes with a large smile on her face. “Yes, now before you go freaking out on me, tell me. Did you bring that hot piece of firefighter cowboy with you?”

“I’m right here, Sam,” Josh drawls out.

Sam waves her hand, dismissing his comment. “I said ‘firefighter cowboy’. The last time I checked, you were a cop. Just because I’m engaged to you doesn’t mean I can’t check out the menu.” Josh moves away from the door to stand next to Sam. His tall frame overshadows hers. He slides one arm across her stomach pulling her into his side. I watch as he whispers something into Sam’s ear, and her face instantly turns a deep shade of red. He pulls away and turns to face me with a mischievous grin on his face. “So, where is this cowboy?” she asks.

Staring down at the floor at my Chucks, I answer, “I… I… I left him back in Breckenridge.”

“What do you mean you ‘left him back in Breckenridge’?”

“You called and said you needed me to come back home, so I came home.”

“Luce, I didn’t mean come home right then. Shit, you left him just like that after the fire and Laurel’s death? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back alone? I could have told you the news over the phone.”

“Sam, it’s fine. I needed to leave anyway. I need to get my life back in order around here. I couldn’t stay out there forever.”

“Are you freakin’ kidding me with that shit?” Sam bursts out.

Josh slowly backs up toward the long hallway. “I’m just going to be in the garage working on the Chevy.”

“What happened to the Chevy?” I ask.

“I might have dinged it a bit one day last week. And by ding, I mean took off the driver’s side mirror,” Sam replies.

“Sam, you didn’t? He loves that car.”

“Yeah, well, he loves me more and stop trying to change the subject. Why did you really leave him? I know you can’t love someone that much and think life back here without him is the best option.”

I silently stare at her until she realizes that’s exactly what I was thinking.

“Aww, Luce, don’t do it. Don’t make the same mistake I did. All those months you told me not to push Josh away, and I never listened. One day you’ll regret it. If he’s the one who truly makes you happy, no amount of getting ‘life back in order around here’ is going to fix those feelings you left behind with him. Love is love. It finds us once if we’re lucky. You found it twice with the same guy. What does that tell you? It tells you to pick up that damn phone and call him right now. You beg him to forgive you for your momentary lapse of all common sense. That’s what it tells you.”

“But… what if it’s too late?”

“Well, there’s only one way to find out that answer. Isn’t there?”

Five Months Later–Christmas Eve

Her old dusty hat sits on the hook by the front door to the house with the cowboy boots placed right below them. A warm feeling runs through my body as I pull my eyes away from everything that is the epitome of Lucy. It’s hard to do since she is basically everywhere I look. Everything reminds me of her, and it makes me realize how much she impacts my life on a daily basis.

As I continue twisting the corks out of wine bottles in the kitchen, the aromas from the hot spiced cider filter in with the fresh evergreen from the Christmas tree in the living room. Platters of finger foods are laid out just to the right on the buffet. Soft music plays over the speakers as I set the wine bottles onto the counter to breathe. I snatch a piece of smoked maple cheddar cheese and pepperoni from the platter and quickly stuff my mouth to fill the nervous void that is overtaking my stomach at the moment.

Family and friends are all expected to stop by later this evening for a holiday party. Little do they know what to expect once they arrive. I’ve never seen the house as decorated as it is this year. The white lights twinkle amongst all the colorful, shiny ornaments scattered on the evergreen tree. Red and gold ribbons twist and weave their way around the branches. The mantle above the lit fireplace is lined with pinecones from the woods out back, red berry garland, and a few new pictures that have recently been added. A fresh coating of white on the mountains and backyard is the perfect backdrop for the season. The house finally feels like it used to at Christmas when I was growing up, and I have her to thank for it.

Unexpectedly, a stuffed dog toy flies across the room, followed by Summit rushing behind it. Soft humming to the Christmas carols being played gets louder by the second as she nears. I hear the clicking of her heels against the hardwood floor before her image comes into view, and I’m breathless.

When she walked into the house earlier all covered in dust and dirt from helping train some of the kids with the horses at the ranch, she was just as beautiful, but not like this. Her blonde hair is curled in a messy updo with stray tendrils hanging down her neck, and her long black satin dress rustles as she walks closer to me. The tips of her hot pink platform heels sneak out every so often to tease me. I’ll be sure to tell her later that those will not be coming off while I pin her to the bed. Those heels had better leave a mark on my ass; otherwise, we’ll be continuing all night long until they do.