Bullet (50 page)

“Pretty well, I think.  What time is it?”

“Around ten.  Guys want to leave at noon.  It’ll take us three hours to get to the next venue.”

I nodded and felt his lips on my neck.  “So I guess we have just a little time for a shower and breakfast.”

“I was kinda hoping you’d want to meet Clay this time.”

I giggled
and considered it.  “I haven’t brushed my teeth.  I’m thinking I need to stick with Jet for a while.  He doesn’t need to kiss me, right?  And I’m already easy to access…”

“My God, woman, I love the way your mind works.”  And I felt him grow hard right behind me, as though just my words had been all he’d needed to hear.  He kissed the back of my neck and touched my breast. 
I sucked in a deep breath, not having realized how desperate I had again grown for his touch.  But he paused and I realized he was sliding on a condom.  That made me feel better too, that he wasn’t like Ethan in that regard.  Ethan was sloppy with his sexual habits more often than not, and just worrying about it would impede any orgasm I might have built up to.

Clay then began nipping at my neck as he wormed his arm underneath my rib cage to touch my other breast.  His other hand he slid up my neck and then he stuck two of his fingers in my mouth.  As though it were the most natural thing in the world for me to do, I sucked on them. 
He let out a small groan and slid inside me, filling me up again, but then those fingers…oh, what he did with those wet fingers.  He was too good at manipulating my clitoris and in no time he had me moaning again, issuing all manner of filth from my once innocent mouth.  My mind was transported somewhere else, because it didn’t seem to be with me anymore.  And even after his fingers stopped rubbing me, my body continued to experience the pleasure his cock was giving me.  I wrapped my arms around the back of my head and thrust my fingers into his hair.  His lips were on my ear, his hands cupping both my breasts, now even easier to access.  And my orgasm continued.

As I came down, I had two thoughts in my mind.  The first was
I could get used to this.
  The other was
Holy shit—could I survive this?

I only knew one thing: 
I was willing to give it a try.

Chapter Thirty

CLAY AND I took a long shower together after, and I made sure I brushed my teeth with my finger so I wouldn’t feel weird about kissing him.  Then he ordered up some breakfast, and I didn’t realize it until the food was there that I was ravenous.

Before I left, he pressed me against the door and kissed me with one of his slow, pondering, thoughtful, toe-curling kisses.  Yeah, I could definitely get used to this.  It had been nice being held all night.  I felt special, truly special, and Ethan hadn’t mastered how to do that.  Clay, though…it seemed to be second nature for him.

He was still holding me when he asked, “So…do I have to be a secret boyfriend too?  Is that how this works?”

Whoa…that hit me in the gut.  First off…that he was already ready to take that step, to commit to me in a way like that, something that Ethan had always seemed hesitant to do…that thought almost winded me.  And then it made me realize that this man had a pretty sensitive side.  He needed my validation, needed to know I cared.  So I held him tightly and kissed him back and then said, “You’ll
only be secret for a while.  But by the time we get to the next stop, no secrets.  I just need to break the news to Ethan.”

He got a look on his face that was pure Jet.  “I can tell him for you.”

I smiled.  “Thanks, but…I need to do this.”

“I know.”  God…one last soul-wrenching kiss.  He was killing me.

I walked to my room, a spring in my step, and as I turned the corner down the hallway to walk into the elevator, I looked back.  He was still standing outside his door watching me.  I smiled and waved, then giggled and finished my trek to the elevator.

I was dying to change clothes.  I had my panties tucked in my pocket.  I didn’t so much mind wearing the rest of the clothes after showering, but just the idea of putting the panties back on grossed me out, especially after I’d been so wet the night before.

I was soaring so high when I stepped out of the elevator on the second floor to make my way to my room.  I pulled the key card out of my other pocket and swiped it in the reader.  The little light turned green, and I heard the familiar
click
that told me I could enter.

I don’t know why I’d expected the room to be empty.  Probably because that’s what I’d been used to.

But there was Ethan.  He was packing a bag.

And then I realized my hair was still damp.  I wondered how long he’d been there.

“You didn’t sleep here last night?”  Well, that made me feel a little better that he was unsure, but he wasn’t a dummy.  The beds were made, untouched, in pristine condition.  And I needed to talk to him anyway.  No better time than the present.

“Ethan…I need to tell you something.”  I waited for him to look back up at me.  “I’m breaking up with you…if that’s what you’d call it.”

I saw a flash light up his eyes…that glint, that chip he carried with him everywhere that he tried to hide.  “What do you mean
if that’s what I’d call it
?  What the fuck does that mean, Val?”

“That means that we’ve never been
official
, Ethan.  But make no mistake.  We’re over.”

His eyes narrowed and his voice got low…like the growl of a dog protecting a piece of meat.  “Why?”

“Because I’m tired of you treating me like shit.”

He blinked.  “No…it’s ‘cause you’re fucking somebody else.”

I took a deep breath and tried to keep the anger out of my voice.  “No…we were over
before
that.” 
Oh, holy fucking shit.
  I’d just admitted it by not denying it.  Well, so much for finesse.  Guess he was going to find out anyway.

He stomped over to me.  I flinched.  He was dangerous.  I could feel it.  I was blinking my eyes and cringing like I was expecting to be hit.  He stopped in front of me.  “What the fuck, Val?  I’m not going to hit you.”

“What are you gonna do?”

He grabbed me about the shoulders and looked in my eyes.  “I thought you loved me.”

I stared at him for a few moments.  “I thought you loved me too, but…”

“But
what
?”

“You’re the one who’s sleeping around, Ethan.  I tried to pretend like you weren’t, but you know it and I know it.  And I’m tired of you cheating on me.  And you can’t expect me to just stand around, happy to let it happen.”

“Christ.  I’ve tried to include you in on it.”

The breath escaped my lungs
, and it took me a few seconds to form the words.  “Don’t you get it, Ethan?  I don’t want to share you.  I never agreed to an open relationship.”

He just stared at me for a little bit.  “You never said we had to be exclusive either.”

“What the…?  Are you serious?  Ethan, I gave you my fucking virginity.  My
virginity.
  I saved that
for you.
  For
you.
  Why would you even expect me to be happy sharing you with every girl out there?  That’s just…narcissistic, thinking the world fucking revolves around
you
.  Well, guess what?  It
doesn’t
.  And we’re done.”

He pulled me close and kissed me
, and I was surprised at my lack of response for the man that, deep down (I knew), I still loved.  But I had been able to shut it off, tuck it in a box and file it on a shelf somewhere deep in my heart.  And so I was able to not respond, to not feel hot and bothered, to not need to put my arms around him and hold him close.  None of those things.  I was able to stop myself.

In fact, I placed my hands on his chest and managed to push him away.  He looked at me, unbelieving.  “I said
we’re
done
, Ethan.  You get that?”

Oh, God.
  He looked crushed.  But he took the hint.  He let go of me and nodded his head.  He walked back to his suitcase, his shoulders just a little droopy, and started to pull the zipper to close it.  I let out a breath, feeling guilty as hell, even though I knew I shouldn’t.  He’d done this to himself.  I didn’t expect him to say another word, but he surprised me again.  “So…who’s the guy?  Anyone I know?”

He should have been able to figure it out…not the guy, necessarily, but the idea that I wouldn’t just start indiscriminately fucking around just because that’s what he’d consider doing…
had
done, multiple times in the past, probably more than I knew.  “Why?  You don’t really care, do you?”

He pulled his suitcase off the bed and held it next to his side.  “Actually, I do.”

Oh.  Yeah, I knew why.  He wanted to make sure I wasn’t with Brad.  “It’s not anyone from Fully Automatic, okay?”  Apparently, Ethan had forgotten that Brad had put the kibosh on any hanky panky to keep the band solid.  Ethan and I were the idiots who’d ruined his plan, but Brad was an aboveboard kind of guy.

He grunted, and just from the way he was acting, I knew he suspected he might know who it was.  But he’d find out soon enough.  Part of me—the sympathetic part—wanted to say
sorry
, but the responsibility was with Ethan.  If he hadn’t pushed and pushed and pushed me away, I never would have considered Clayton, no matter how big a flirt he was.  Ethan didn’t say a single word as he lifted the suitcase and walked out the door.

And I was so angry with myself that his action actually made me cry.

But I got it together and got packed for the next trip.  I’d learned from our summer tours the year before that it didn’t pay to actually unpack.  If you lived out of your luggage, it was easier to not forget things and simpler to get ready for the next stop.  So I gathered up what few things I
did
have out and placed them in my luggage.  Then I walked out the door, believing this would be the last room I ever shared with Ethan.

All three bands had parked together in parking lot.  We’d all had trailers to tote our
instruments and equipment in, so we had to park farther away than most guests.  I got near the van and stood aside while Brad adjusted things in the very back to make room for all the suitcases.  It would all fit; I knew that from experience, but it sometimes took a little maneuvering, and Brad—as usual—was the expert.

I felt uncomfortable.  Ethan was leaning against the side of the van smoking a cigarette, looking sour. 
I glanced over at the Last Five Seconds van.  It was a lot like Brad’s, only it was newer and in better condition.  I was pretty sure theirs had air conditioning unlike ours, but I wasn’t going to complain.  Ours got us where we needed to go.

But I was looking over there, because I wanted to see Clayton again.  Once I’d gotten my emotional shit together, I couldn’t stop thinking about him.  He had my loins all in a tizzy, and I couldn’t wait to be alone with him again.  I saw him and felt my heart start pumping harder.  Yeah…this guy did it for me.  I could tell he was avoiding looking at me, and I knew why.  He didn’t know if I’d already broken the news to Ethan
, and he didn’t want to draw attention to us.  But I think he could feel my eyes on him, because then he looked over at me.  I smiled…and then I winked at him.  He raised his eyebrows at me, so I gave him a thumbs up.  That’s when he smiled back and he started walking over.

Oh, please, no
.  I was imagining another very public display of affection like Ethan had done the other day, a kind of territorial marking thing, and I was going to be pissed.  But Clayton instead gave me a pleasant surprise.  He just came over and talked so quietly that no one—not even Ethan, just feet away and probably curious as hell—would hear what he said.  “So…everything’s cool?”  I smiled again and just nodded.  “See you tonight after the show?”

“Oh, hell, yeah.”

He chuckled and walked back to his band.  All I could think of was that big goddamned cock stuffed into the front of his jeans…and how happy it was gonna make me later.

* * *

“What the hell
is
that?”

“It’s called a
cock ring
.”  I started giggling at the purple device with a ring that I assumed would fit over his penis.  “Well, more specifically, a
vibrating
cock ring.”

“What does it do?”

His grin was sly.  “Don’t you wanna find out?”  Yeah, actually, I did.  But then he said, “Unless, of course, you’re wanting to spend time with Clay tonight.”

The whole Jet/ Clay thing was getting a little silly, but I was starting to feel like it was important to him…like maybe he had a
huge
sensitive side I had no idea about it, and by asking for Jet all the time, I was deflating his ego and making him feel unloved.  So I said, “I leave it entirely up to you.  I think I’m pretty partial to them both.”

He kissed me then with unrestrained passion.  My God, the heat coming off of him made me feel like summer was already in full bloom.  It was just a matter of seconds before his lips were on my neck
, and he was pulling my shirt over my head.