Brutal (41 page)

Hours of thought processing later, the Captain walks in and sits next to me silently. The three fuck-a-teers are waiting here, too.

The only one up and moving is Rafe, he waits for Macy to come out, and repeats what she says.

Words like ‘surgery’, ‘brain hemorrhage’, ‘swelling’, ‘cracked ribs’, ‘perforated ear drum’, ‘fractured bones’, ‘blood loss’, are being tossed around, but the one that shattered me?

‘Medically induced coma’.

I don’t know how much time has passed, but I’m on another level. A level where I’m so fucking lost that I can’t find my way back. Macy comes over and sits next to me, and looks me in the eyes.

“Are you with me right now?” she asks, and I nod.

“She’s been placed in a coma so she can heal, Rogan,” she says quietly. “When she comes back, it will be because she’s ready. Nod if you understand me,” I nod again.

“Okay, good.” she says. “She’s a fighter, Rogan. She loves you, too, which is
why
she’ll come back. She’ll come back for
you.
”

She touches my shoulder and walks away, with Rafe following.

Wishing I could trade places with her, but knowing I can’t, I sit there and wait.

Several more hours pass and the Captain went home to talk to his wife, but says he’ll be back. Max, Tony, and Julian each left, but gave Rafe their numbers to call when she wakes up.

Rafe sits next to me, and I can tell he’s itching to talk. He doesn’t handle silence well.

“Macy says her vitals look good.”

“Yeah.”

“Said the swelling has gone down some, too.”

“Yeah.”

“She could still make it.”

“Yeah.”

“Why are you sitting here in mourning then?”

I turn to rip him apart, but find I lack the energy.

“I didn’t protect her,” I say. “Watching her get hurt and not being able to—“

“I think you should talk to Macy about that when she comes back out,” he says. “She told me what Venessa did, wearing him down.”

“What?”

“She let him,” he says. “Macy said she provoked him so he would focus on her, wearing him down.”

“God dammit,” I say. “That was a stupid thing to do! He could have fucking killed her!”

“He didn’t want to kill her.”

“Didn’t want to kill her, huh?” I ask. “Did you see her god damned face?”

“Listen, man,” he says. “Talking to Macy, and doing some thinking of my own, if there’s one thing about Venessa, it’s that she cares about others, especially you and Macy, more than she cares about herself. Do you know what she said to me in those texts?”

“How the fuck would I know that?” I grate, barely able to speak.

He pulls out his phone and hands it to me.

“Read it.”

“app back on when I have Macy safe. Keep him occupied 4 me. He’s your partner, but he’s my mate. He doesn’t need to see me like this. Have to do this alone. Won’t have him break his vow for me. Tell him I’m sorry”

“Why did you show me this?”

“Because I think you need a reminder of who we’re dealing with, here,” he says. “You might hate her methods and want to be the protector, but she can handle her shit. She loves you, so quit acting like she died in that basement, and be there when she wakes up.” He walks away, giving me time to think, so I do.

I met Venessa maybe two months ago, and in that time, she’s made me a better man. No, a better human being.

She has always taken the lead. Shaking my hand, touching me, kissing me, giving herself to me, telling me her secrets, letting me take her nightmares away, making me smile, telling me she loves me, and always putting me before her.

A man
always
wants his mate safe.

It’s not easy to swallow when your mate can literally take a grown man down in seconds, without help. She can kill just as easy as she can kiss. She flights as fiercely as she loves. She’s a very passionate woman, I’m such a lucky bastard.

My sole focus has always been upholding the law. She taught me that the law isn’t black and white, at least not here. It’s the gray in between. 

We don’t live in some fucking vanilla city, we live in a hostile environment.

Would I want a woman who’s afraid of her own shadow? Fuck no.

So as I sit here, thinking of her beautiful face, and her crooked smile, and that sexy walk she does, I fucking know she has no choice but to pull through. Me and this woman were made for each other. She’ll wake up, I’ll tell her I fucking need her to breathe, and to tell me what we’re doing next. I won’t ever try to change her, I just want to be there to hold her up when she needs it, and hold her back if she ever goes too far. We have each other’s backs, always. We’d kill for each other, and even if people say it, the difference is we’d actually do it.

Some might think her extreme. I think she’s god damn perfect.

And I’d kill anyone who tried to take her from me again. My biggest regret was not killing the man who put her here.

I
’m in the hospital. Again. I hear voices and monitors, but they feel miles away. I also remember how I ended up here, too. Gary. I killed Gary. Evaluating my situation, I ask myself if I feel bad. The answer is no.

I’ll probably never understand why he fixated on me, and I remind myself it doesn’t really matter.

While I was drifting (I guess that’s what it was) I made peace with my past. Internally, I went to a place I’ve never been before, and I don’t think has a name. I spoke to my parents, both together and privately, and it’s given me a peace that I didn’t know I was missing. That conversation is between them and I, though.

I will tell you that it was Maddy told me that helped me most.

She reminded me that I’m fragile.

Yes, even I admit it now.

I am fragile, but if I’ve proven anything, it’s that I won’t break easily.

I was able to tell each of them that I love and miss them, and that I think of them every day. I told them that I was okay and that Rogan had my back.

With every thought and feeling I give to them, I also think of him.

The man I gave my broken heart to. The man that truly healed me. The man who loves me back, cracks and all.

He’s the one who fixes me when I break, the only one who ever could.

He’s the one I fight my way back for. I’m not ready to give up.

I want to get back to my heart, my partner, my mate.

So I decide to do what I do best. Fucking fight.

I hurt. I know I do, I just can’t do much about it. My nose itches, and I need to pee, but I can’t open my eyes.

I hear him, though.

He’s humming to me. I feel him holding my hand. Have we ever held hands before? I don’t think we have, but it feels good. I suppose there are a lot of things we haven’t done yet, but I plan to do them all, because I’m done hiding.

His voice is beautiful, and I use it as a beacon to fight through these layers of fog.

I try to grip his hand but I don’t think I do. I try again.

Not letting frustration get the best of me I try to open my eyes. Fail.

Wiggle my toes. Zilch.

Fuck.

Nothing works!

Focus, listen to his voice. What song is he humming? Do I know it?

Wait, I feel his hand in my hair.

I want to sink my hands into his beard and never let go.

Open your eyes!

I reach for Kharma, needing a burst of bad ass, but she’s still on vacation. Still letting me fly solo? Okay fine, I get it.

I can do this.

He stopped humming, and I feel myself starting to sink back. Shit! Sing something, say something! Don’t let me go, please…

“Macy says there’s a good chance you can hear me, so I want you to know that you can come back whenever you’re ready. There’s no rush, take care of shit, then open those beautiful eyes when you’re ready. I’m not leaving.”

His voice calms me. His is the only voice that ever will. He keeps humming and talking, making it easier for me to find him. He’s close, but so far. I hear the door open and someone walk in, but I don’t know who.

“How’s our girl?” So it’s the Captain, then.

“Still healing,” he says. “Vitals are strong, and Macy says it just a matter of time. She says this is normal, it’s only been three days.”

“Mind if I talk to her?”

He must have nodded and moved because I feel a different hand holding mine now, the Captain’s hand. I’d know it anywhere.

“Hey, baby girl,” he says. “It’s me. I wanted to tell you that I’m not angry, and I don’t want you feeling guilty. Truth is, I lost my son a long time ago. When you came to stay with us, he was already in bad shape, but even then, he loved you beyond reason. He was sick, Venessa. Diane and I tried everything, but he wouldn’t have it. Then we lost you, too. We let you go without a fight, because he was unpredictable and it was a matter of time before he crossed a line with you, and I think you knew it, too. I’m proud of you, Venessa. Since you were seventeen, you’ve dealt with shit no kid should have to deal with, and you need to know we won’t lose you again. You need us like we need you. Rogan here, well, he’s a different guy now. He actually talks. He hasn’t left your side, you know. Come back, and put the boy out of his misery okay? I love you, baby girl, and I’ll be seeing you soon.”

The Cap kisses my cheek, and I feel something in my chest break open. He forgives me. He loves me. God, I needed that.

The door opens and closes, and then I hear another voice talking to Rogan. It’s her, my best friend.

“Hey, Venessa,” she says, twirling my hair. “I was thinking about something on the way here this morning. Do you know that we’ve been there for every major event in each other’s lives? Who can say that? We taught each other how to do our hair, wear make-up, and drive a car… But what I remember is all the things you taught me. You and I have been inseparable since we were kids. You’re the only person I go to about anything. I’ve always wanted to be tough like you, fearless like you, selfless like you. I think that you might even want to be like me a little bit, too. That’s what makes us so great together. We balance each other out. You know who else balances you out? This guy sitting next to me, right now. He’s like the male version of me, but with a beard and a shitty disposition. What I’m trying to say is, I love you for who you are, and I wanted to thank you for saving me. I knew you would, too. This wasn’t the first rescue you’ve staged for me, and I’ll never forget it. I’ve got rounds, but I’ll be back to torture you in a few. Ciao.”

She whispers in my ear, “I owe you everything,” then leaves the room.

The Doctor comes in, talks to Rogue, and I do my best to listen, but I tune him out. I focus on opening my eyes instead. Minutes later, I hear him say, “Make it quick,” when another body makes it to my bedside.

“Baby.” Tony, then.

“Baby her again, and I’ll bounce your ass out,” he says, with less gruff than usual.

“Yeah, yeah,” says Tony, “Venessa, you need to wake up alright? If you wanted a vacation, you should have just said so. I’ll take you anywhere you want to go. Someplace warm, where you’ll only wear a string bikini, serving me drinks, sounds good.”

“God dammit,” he growls. “You want me to kill you. Is that it?”

“I’m keeping my options open,” says Tony. “She could wake up and not remember you, and fall madly in lust with me. I’m prepared for that eventuality, are you?” He’s baiting him, and for some reason this is fucking hilarious to me. I think he’s realized who has my heart, but can’t resist yanking his dick, so to speak. For better or for worse, probably worse, Anthony Gallo will always be my friend.

“Get the fuck out,” he says.

“She won’t like you talking to me this way. She’s very protective, if you haven’t noticed,” says Tony. “But I’ll leave, only because I need to go pick out a barely there suit for her.”

He growls, then I hear the door open and close again. Rogan repositions himself next to me, taking my hand again.

“You need to wake up and tell me again why you’re friends with that fucker,” he says. “You don’t expect me to like him do you? Ain’t gonna happen. I think he gets his nails done. I ain’t down with that shit.”

“I know I said to take your time, but I lied,” he says quietly. “I’m needing you pretty bad here.”

I hear him sigh and, as much as I want to open my eyes up, I just can’t. I want to comfort him, but I can’t speak. This is fucking maddening.

“How’s the lady of the hour doing?” Rafe says, walking in and owning the room.

“She’s trying to come back, I can feel it.”

“She’s the baddest female I know,” says Rafe. “It’s just a matter of time. You hungry?”

“No.”

“You want to go clean up?” asks Rafe. “I’ll sit with her.”

“No.”

“Let me rephrase it, then,” says Rafe. “Get the fuck gone, I want to talk to her.”

“Make it quick,” he growls. “I promised her I wouldn’t leave.”

“Go,” he says. “I won’t take long.”

Hearing Rogue leave, I’m finding myself eager to hear what Rafe has to say. This is a guy who I’ve noticed talks shit more than anything else. I feel myself getting closer to snapping out of this damn funk, and even though I’m squirming on the inside, on the outside nothing’s happening.