Brush of Shade (23 page)

“A dark pit of
it churning so violently that it makes me sick.”

“Olivia,” Aunt
Claire cried out, wiping the tears from my face. “For what was done to you and
your family, there will be justice. We’d never be able to get a flight out now.
But after Christmas, maybe we could go away for a few days.”

“Not a good
idea,” Shade interrupted. “Out there, we can’t guarantee your safety. At least
in the valley, Claire can call for help. Although I expect someone will be
assigned to our new warden straight away. As for Olivia, I’ll keep her safe.”

“Let us hope,
grandson, that
you never have to prove yourself worthy of
your oaths. Now then, Olivia, if you feel you could endure another joining with
me?” Sister Willow asked, holding out her hands. “Calming breaths, visualizing
a tranquil scene, remembering a happy memory are excellent techniques to try on
your own. After what I put you through, they’re insufficient. Allow me to
supplement with a mental soothing.”

“I’m finding it
difficult to accept anything at the moment. When I close my eyes, I see my
father’s mangled face, and I feel so utterly helpless. I don’t think I can shut
off my emotions.”

“Not shut off,
muffle,” Sister Willow corrected. “I can help.”

“Any time it
gets to be too much, we can share sorrow until you find shared joy,” Shade
offered.

I nodded and placed
my damp palms on top of Sister Willow’s. The last thing I wanted was to bare my
inadequacies to the scrutiny of someone as perceptive as her. Aside from more
pills, I didn’t know how to cope with let alone turn my emotions down to a
simmer after they’d boiled over and left a scorch mark deep into my psyche.

Sister Willow’s
touch deepened. I could sense her strong disgust when memories of my father’s
disfigured face snagged me up, yet again. “Sorry,” I said my voice thin and as
brittle as my hold over my emotions.

“You’ve no
reason to be. You relived a nightmarish event that resulted in a devastating
loss. A defining moment often takes on a power of its own. Such things don’t go
quietly. They travel with us through life, reflected back at us in our choices.
Sometimes they revisit us at our most vulnerable moments.” She squeezed my
hands. “I prefer to view this as an opportunity to remember that I am more than
just a survivor. I am courageous. Olivia, you are courageous.”

In her
compassionate gaze, I saw deep understanding by one who’d traveled a similar
path. Over the course of her life, what had been her defining moments that had
ultimately shaped the clan’s revered elder stateswoman, I wondered, and why on
earth would she put the valley’s future in my incapable hands? Raveled edges of
her white veil fanned out, forming a delicate lace trim. Mesmerized I spun away
from horrific moaning, never ending fear, and an unrelenting voice. A great
weight sloughed off my shoulders as I sank into her gentle waters. 

Clang!

Locks snapped.
Mental gates swung open, sucking me back into my private hell.

He thinks he is
so superior. Well not anymore. I’m way ahead of my friends and probably most of
his stupid friends. From now on, he’ll think twice before he uses my doll’s tea
set for target practice or calls me a plodder. This is going to be good.

With my grin
spreading from ear to ear, I dash across the back yard, lifting my knees high
to get limbered up. I duck beneath the sheets hanging on the line, breathing in
their clean, fresh scent and skip behind the shed. Just like I’d seen up at the
high school’s track practice, I get into a runner’s starting position. The wind
sweeps across the yard, knocking the petals off the rose bushes I’d helped mom
plant on mother’s day. He is going to regret that. Angry quivers make my knees
knock. He rips out of the field, his feet practically dancing on air. For a
moment I can’t move as I envy his lithe athleticism. My legs respond, springing
me forward. Even though it’s all part of the plan, I’m both frightened and
exhilarated at my unexpected burst of speed. I cut across his path, but he’s
faster than I expect and close enough for me to see his face change from
focused to terror. He veers, arms swinging to propel
himself
out of my path. I skid, my feet sliding out from beneath me in a rush of limbs.
I tumble, rolling across the hard-packed ground, choking on the dust stuck to
my tongue. Moving slowly by our standards, he somersaults across the yard
straight at the garage. He’s just trying to scare me for jumping out at him.
He’s going to stop. I know it. The window is right there. Stop! Feet first he
crashes through the glass and disappears. As fast as I can I limp to the
garage.
He rematerializes with his head hanging out like
he’s been stuffed and mounted. Blood drips from the corners of clouded eyes.
The air fills with my horrified screams.

 “Olivia,
open your eyes!” Sister Willow shouted, her tense voice slapping my cheek.
“Shade, help me.”

Safety.
Tenderness.
Belonging.
I was awash in emotions that eased my crushing
grief. The wild drumming of my heart slowed. A light breeze swept around my
head gently tapping my cheeks. My eyes popped open. I blinked and swiped the
tears away with the palm of my hand, wondering why I was crying. “What was
that?” I whispered shakily.

“A memory, not yours.
Don’t look for it. Allow it to fade,”
Sister Willow replied, sounding every bit as shaken as I.

“No, I need to
remember.”

“Olivia, listen
to me. The memory was mine; it is my wound. You’ve got enough of your own,
child.”

 
“Yours?”
I asked
,
staring slightly
dazed into unsettled,
peridot
green eyes. Her lips
thinned, accentuating deeply etched lines from decades of difficult mental
connections. Before my eyes, she seemed to sag as the color drained from her
face. Tremors made the sofa squeak.  

“Grandmother!”
Shade snatched up her tea cup, folding his
large hands about the delicate china. “I’ve warmed this for you.
Sip.”

I passed my
blanket to Shade. Our eyes met for a moment, and then I was the one gripping
his hand for a change while he waited for his grandmother’s strength to return.

“Now don’t look
so alarmed, you three. I’ll not make that mistake again.
Serves
me right.
I’ve gotten careless over the years. Someone in my position
ought to have sense enough to mind their own thoughts,” Shade’s grandmother
said at long last in a strained voice that lacked her earlier vigor. “Shade was
right. Olivia can connect with memories. As she relived the breaking of her
windshield, my thoughts kept returning to a childhood memory that occasionally
troubles my sleep even after all these years. Its details were so crisp. I
could’ve sworn it was actually happening. I lost myself in the memory.” She
wiped the back of her hand across her damp eyes and let out a shuddering
breath.

Shade touched
her cheek. “I am with you.”

Scrunched eyes
blinked slowly until choppy seas had calmed.
“Thank you,
grandson.”

“Shared sorrow,”
he said gently, offering his hands.

She shook her
head. “No, this one is mine to bear. It keeps me humble. Let’s just say I’m
burdened with a terrible lesson from an impetuous act and leave it at that.”

I drew in a deep
breath that I held in my mouth, pushing my cheeks out. Slowly it trickled out
of my pursed lips while I stared at the picture of my parents. Dad had always
told me I was special, but I’d thought he was just being a dad. “Are you saying
that I viewed your memory as it unfolded in your mind? That time with Shade
wasn’t a fluke?” I asked Sister Willow.

“When Claire
knocked over Shade’s water glass, the sound opened the memory, giving you
access. Don’t look stricken. It’s only regrettable in that this is happening
while you’re still adjusting. You should be proud.”

“I’ll have to
get back to you on that.”

She laughed, but
it sounded sad. “I suppose I can understand why you’d think that way. How do
you feel?”

“Steadier. Like
my sinking raft survived the stormy night. Still lost and battered, but I’ve
got my second wind,” I said my voice shuddering ever so slightly. “Will I ever
get through a day free of emotional quicksand?”

Sister Willow
shot my aunt a look that said
,
you should’ve brought
her to us. “With more sessions we can help you find the shore and a path
through to the other side of grief and anger. You’ve dark circles under your eyes.
You should rest. Without my disruptive influence, you’ll do fine.”

Aunt Claire
squeezed my hand. “I want you to take one of your sleeping pills to take the
edge off.”

“Sleep?
Everything is too fresh. It’ll be like it was when I
first came around in the hospital. I can’t, not again. With the pills the
images churn in my head, and I haven’t the power to awaken,” I said, my legs
tensing as though I could outrun any of this. She grimaced, knowing full well
the extent of my nightmares.

Sister Willow
patted my hand. “The ferocity of your nightmares is intertwined with your
emotional state. Progress in one area will reap beneficial results in the
other. Give it time and give us time to find answers.”

“Tell you what.
You stretch out on the sofa and watch television while I take my grandmother
home. I’ll come back, and we’ll kill time watching movies until it’s time to go
to the bonfire.
Deal?”
Shade offered.

“Isn’t your
family expecting you?” I asked, not wanting him to miss out just because of my insecurities.
I was struck by a horrible thought. What if Trent was wrong and Shade had a
girlfriend? I hadn’t asked. I’d been too busy thinking of him as my Shade.
Stupid high school girl, of course a great guy like him had someone in his
life, someone a whole lot older and way more together than me.

“I don’t need a
babysitter. Go enjoy
yourself
,” I said, working hard
to keep my voice even.

He squinted
suspiciously at me. “I’ve been keeping my schedule clear since you got back.”

“Great, now I
really feel guilty.” That couldn’t be further from the truth. I could barely
keep the silly grin from showing on my face.

“If it’ll make
you feel any better, just think of me as extended family. After all, the
Pepperdines
are part of the clan.”

Ouch, that hurt
more than I expected.

Sister Willow
caught me up in a warm hug. “Now that you know about us, there is no reason for
you to bottle everything up. Ask Shade for help or come by to see me.”

Her genuineness
hit me hard. I had to sip my hot chocolate to wash down the lump in my throat
before I could answer. “Thank you. I’ll do that.” Except for the part about
asking Shade, like that wouldn’t be mortifying. As soon as they left, I
switched on the television and began flipping through the channels. It occurred
to me as I paused on a talk show, that this was how the day had started off. I
hoped that what was left of the day would be
stress
free. Given that the Cassidy’s and possibly some purist would be attending the
bonfire, I didn’t hold out much hope for a pleasant time.

“Impressive.
I’ve never seen a bonfire that could signal planes,” I said, squinting at the
towering flames. “You should’ve told me to bring my sunglasses.”

“Stand closer,
maybe you’ll get a tan,” Shade suggested.

“Actually, I was
wondering how you can stand it this close. You’re always warm, why is that?”

“Our body
temperature registers just a degree or so above yours. It’s only when we
vibrate that we can get hot.”

“Like when you
warm a cup of tea?”

“Or give a
massage. It has its advantages,” he said, grinning crookedly. “Like the saying
goes, too much of a good thing can be dangerous. We have to monitor ourselves.
Additional heat isn’t always a good idea. Can you imagine how suspicious it
would look if I melted a pile of snow while just passing the time with a
human?”

“Let me feel bad
for you the next time I have to scrape ice off a windshield.”

“That does come
in handy. Still,
vibing
has a serious side. Shifting
too fast or too high through the vibration levels can result in a loss of control.
One second, everything is fine and the next there’s no stopping.”

“I got the
impression that it was unusual for Sister Willow to vibe at the age of nine. So
when does the ability usually manifest?”  

“Puberty, as if
that isn’t a difficult time already. Some kids have a harder time with the
additional rules than others. The clans’ zero tolerance policy for abuse of
gift in public is brutally carried out. Any infraction results in a sort of
house arrest until control can be demonstrated.”

“Check out the
teens here tonight. They’re required to wear a ring on their right hand
designating the frequency level they’ve achieved. The progression through the
levels starting at the lowest end is: pearl, jade, turquoise, sapphire, and
finally, garnet. Generally, you can expect to get through turquoise by the time
you’re a sophomore or junior. From there about half achieve sapphire. After
that, roughly seven percent successfully reach full garnet status.”

“So what does it
mean when you wear diamond,” I asked not even having to look at his hand when
he took off his glove. In my mind, I could see the thick, masculine gold band
engraved with glyphs I don’t recognize that surround the large, oval diamond.

“It means,” he
said, gripping my chin, “that I’m more than equal to my oath, my warden.”

My chin quivered
hard enough to rattle my teeth. When I winced, his hand dropped away.

“Pearl,” he
said, explaining his behavior. “Jade involves precision drills and basic
joinings
.” Next, he held out his left hand and said, “Count
out the seconds.”

“One thousand one.”
Long fingers easily go from immobile to
a blur.

“Turquoise.”

“One thousand two.”
The blur smoothly transitions to an
indistinguishable tan streak.

“Upper sapphire range.”

“One thousand three.”
All I can see is his blue jacket. My
jaw dropped open when he extended his handless arm over the snow. “It’s
invisible,” I gasped. “How is this possible?”

“It has to do
with the properties of our bodies and the dynamic forces of particles. I can chameleon
a simple background which is standard stuff for a garnet. At the upper range is
the ability to appear invisible.
One last demonstration.
Hold out your hand.”

I comply and am
pleased that it’s steady.

His forehead
crinkled. “Are you in shock or something?”

 “Have I
been that bad that you automatically assume I’m going to have hysterics?”

“Actually,
you’ve been a real trooper.”

Yep, that’s me
alright, the little engine that could. It wasn’t the best compliment, but at
this point I’d take it. “When will you get it through your thick skull that I
trust you?”

“No pressure
then,” he said. “Humor me. For my peace of mind, take a deep breath of air into
your lungs. It’s so you don’t faint not for screaming purposes, okay?”

“I’m not going
to scream or faint,” I replied, determined to remain calm despite his skeptical
expression. Curious, I watched the space where his hand should be as his arm
bent towards me. A hot, weighty sensation lacking any definable shape
encapsulated my hand triggering a pins-and-needles sensation that ran up my
arm.

I forgot that
I’m supposed to count. Air hissed out of my clenched teeth. Crap! We’re both
handless. I opened my mouth to speak, but my thoughts lagged behind, no doubt
looking for that solid shore.

“Diamond,” Shade
said, his watchful eyes fixed upon my face. “Hey, breathe for me. Do you need
to sit? Whatever you do, don’t scream. It’ll draw a crowd. I’ll get chewed out
by irate mothers, and then the council elders will have a go at me. Are you
okay?”

“Wow! Diamond is
way cooler than garnet.” A slight stain of red flushed his cheeks. Needles
jabbed. I grimaced. Our hands reappeared. Immediately he began rubbing where it
had tingled the most. Ice sheets sunk into crystal seas, leaving behind narrow,
white bands around his irises. “Are you alright? I mean does it hurt you? Are
there any long term effects on your body?”

“Human
physiology isn’t made to withstand an intense vibe state for long. For your own
good, I notched the vibe down. Only if I had no other option would I risk vibe
fading your body. Along with being quite painful, the experience would render a
pure blood human unconscious or worse.”

“I appreciate
your discretion. But you avoided my questions. Does it hurt you?”

“If I push my
limits, there is discomfort, so I adhere to a strict workout regime.
Vibing
consumes a ton of calories. During training, I was
in a constant ravenous state. My poor mom kept grabbing casseroles out of the
refrigerator. They barely had time to warm in her hands.”

“And because
life is so fair, you didn’t gain a single pound, right?”

“Sorry,” he
said, smiling sheepishly. “Keeping weight on can be a burden.”

“Don’t even try
to convince me. I have to hit the gym just for breathing near a dessert.” It
occurred to me that I was staring at his ring. How many did he say made garnet?
Not many, and yet, he’d chosen to push himself further. In an awed tone I said,
“I can’t imagine what it took to reach diamond.”

He shifted his
feet. “Some of us are just over achievers. Actually, it’s not all about speed.
Nuances in control must also be demonstrated to advance to the next sub level
or stone. The score takes both aspects into consideration. For the upper
ranges, the evaluators are extremely critical. They have to be. At that speed,
a mistake can be deadly.”

“Well, I’m
impressed. You’ve a right to be proud.” Fascinated by my strange corner of the
world I asked, since he seemed willing to explain, “How far can you run before
tiring?”

“That depends on
the conditions. After a fast run like yesterday when I ran with you from the
Cassidy’s ranch, a mere two miles, I wasn’t even winded. Elevation changes
require staying in shape. Try it while vibe faded and you’re popping power bars
like they’re candy.”

“Now you’re
being modest. When I was ill on the pass, I thought I was delirious. You went
to garnet, or did you go diamond and I was too out of it to notice?”

“It was an
emergency, and I had snow cover. We aren’t supposed to vibe run—which is what
we call it when we run like that—outside of the valley or by humans. How about
you wait over by the table under the trees? I’ll get us some munchies?”

“No
way you
heard my stomach grumbling over the crackling of the
fire.”

“I’ve got
exceptional hearing.”

“Naturally.”

He smiled and tweaked
my nose.
“Hot chocolate extra marshmallows coming up.”

The table Shade
had picked out kept me comfortably on the periphery of the festivities while
providing an excellent view of ordinary families having some holiday fun. Trust
him to consider that I hadn’t fully adjusted from the series of shocks that
kept knocking me over. Too bad it was because of that stupid oath, I thought
sourly, when he stopped to speak with a beautiful blond with straight, golden
hair down to her thighs. I sighed wistfully like this was my first crush and
crammed an errant strand of my drab, beige blond hair into my hat.

“Surveying your
kingdom?” A voice, nearly identical to Shade’s thick drawl, said from behind
me.

A boot thumped
onto the bench.
So much for ignoring him in hopes that he’d
go away.
I swung around and had to crane my neck back to return Shadow’s
hostile glare. Now that I knew Shade better, I noticed right off the subtle
differences in the twins’ faces. The harsher angles in Shade’s face gave him
a
don’t
mess with me air
that I suspected went
well with his diamond status. His lips were slightly fuller and his eyes not
quite as wide set upon his face. Lean and more than capable of being hard, the
effect was softened by his warm, easy smile. Like usual, Shadow’s mouth was
scowling. I had no reason to expect a smile in the near or distant future.

For me, their
eyes were their most telling feature. Rather than coming off as cold and
distant, Shade’s crystal blue with their predominance of white rays cut
smoothly to the heart of my troubles. Compassion to spare mixed with a
fierceness of devotion projected from compelling depths that masked the motives
of a fascinating man. In contrast, Shadow’s warmer turquoise coloring—more
green than blue under the hazy, late afternoon sky—appeared judgmental with
underlying anger. The garnet stone brought up questions involving sibling
issues. To be fair, I barely knew Shadow. At the moment, his disagreeable
nature had me reconsidering this outing. I hoped Shade would hurry up and tear
himself away from the blond, snow queen clinging to his arm.

For the harmony
of the valley and in the spirit of the holidays, I pasted a bright smile on my
face and said cheerfully, “Happy holidays to you too, Shadow. I’m sure you’ve
family and friends that enjoy your company. Don’t let me keep you.”

“Think you’re so
smart. I’ve got news for you, I see through your helpless, innocent façade.
You’re nothing more than a silly, empty-headed girl amused at an older guy
falling over himself at your every heart-wrenching whimper. Please! Can you be
any more transparent?”

“At least I’m
not a nasty piece of work that gets off on terrorizing someone in mourning.”
His lips drew back into a snarl. I reached for my crutch intending to find
better company, but he snatched it up.

“Girl, you give
the dictionary a whole new entry under nasty. So what was the drama of the day,
this time? You had poor Shade rolling in sometime after four a.m. still all
worked up. Then he was at your place most of the day, leaving me to explain his
absence to the festival committee. Give the poor guy a day off will you; it’s
the holidays,” he said venomously.

“Shade is free
to do whatever he wants. He’s a grown man, way past needing to check in to get
his brother’s approval.”

“He’s your freaking
slave! Did you have to sweep in here and ruin his life? Being warden wasn’t
going to be enough attention? That’s right, he told me about the oaths. Shade
was your brother’s friend, for crying out loud.”

 “Speaking
of friends, you were my brother’s friend, too. Although, what he ever saw in
you, I’ll never know. How do you think Danny would feel, knowing you got off on
being cruel to his little sister? I suggest you leave before Shade gets back.
I’d hate to spoil his image of his brother or start an argument between you two
before the holiday, so you can dump that on me, too.”

“Is that how you
got to Shade, by throwing Danny into his face and dropping buckets of tears?
Don’t try those tricks on me. I’ve got your number. You’re not going to twist
me into knots. Mention Danny to me again and I’ll make it my purpose to make
your days miserable.”

I thrust my
quivering hands into my pockets, and matched his hard tone. “I’ll mention Danny
whenever I want. You’ve got two choices. Close your ears or stay away from me.
Do us both a favor, find a hobby.”

He stretched
across the table until I could see the darker blue rim around the edge of his
irises being overrun by a thick layer of white. “The way I see it, you’ve got
two choices. Give my brother back his life, or I’ll get your claws out of him
if I have to yank them out by any means necessary. In fact, why don’t you do
the valley a favor and go back east until you grow up. From where I stand, no
warden would be an improvement over a spoiled brat who’s going to get my
brother killed,” he said, tossing my crutch onto the table so that it skidded
and tumbled onto the bench with a clunk. Without another word he strode off
towards the buffet tables.

Disappearing
limbs and I’m, oh cool, let’s
see
more. But a heated
conversation with a jerk and I’m an emotional wreck. So Shadow didn’t like me.
That was his loss. So why was I blinking away stupid tears? If he was watching,
expecting a scene, he’d be disappointed. I wasn’t going to indulge in another
pity party. This bonfire was supposed to be fun. I jabbed my crutch into the
snow and headed for the warmth of the fire.

I smiled at the
group huddled by the fire, chatting and roasting marshmallows. They shifted
over, so I slid into the vacant space. “It looks like it’s going to be a
beautiful evening,” I said. The conversation died. Several people turned
abruptly and walked away; the rest stared at their shoes then sort of peeled
off in pairs until I was left by myself. What the heck? I looked around,
uncertain what to do. Eye-stinging smoke billowed into my face, making me
cough. Flames fanned and licked crackling twigs near my feet.
Beloved, yeah right.
This was going to be a long, unpleasant
night.