Broken Trust (5 page)

“Much better.” She answered stiffly
as she sat across the room in another stuffed chair.

“Did Mom wrap your ribcage?”

She nodded, cradling one arm
against her injured side.

“You trimmed your hair. At the
funeral, it looked longer.”

She blinked, seeming surprised that
he’d noticed. “Yes, I got the split ends trimmed.”

“It looks good.” He resisted the
urge to sit beside her and caress the bruise on her forehead. Seeing her again
and not being able to touch her was pure torture, but he no longer had a right.
He’d hurt her so much. And he didn’t want to hurt her anymore.

She hesitated. “We need to talk,
Mac.”

His insides churned. He didn’t want
to face her questions until he knew for sure what had happened that night in
Afghanistan. Yet, he couldn’t help wondering why she’d come here. What did she
want from him? He glanced at his parents, who pretended not to be listening. He
knew better. They could hear every word. “After supper, we’ll have some time to
speak in private.”

With her usual efficiency, Inez
placed a crockery bowl of butter and strawberry preserves next to a basket of
warm biscuits. She clasped a hot pad, then lifted the Dutch oven from the fire
before setting it on more hot pads in the middle of the oak table. “Mac, you
stay right there and keep that leg propped up. I’ll bring you some food.”

Relieved he wouldn’t have to jar
his aching leg again, Mac watched as Dad dolloped savory stew into four bowls.
As he passed his wife, Hank grinned and planted a kiss on Inez’s cheek and she
playfully swatted at him. Watching them together, Mac realized his parents had
the kind of marriage he’d always wanted. Helping each other, loving and
considerate. Putting each other first.

But Mac hadn’t put Toni first. At
the age of twenty-eight, he’d thought Toni was the right girl for him, but
their relationship hadn’t worked out. A year earlier, he’d been unwilling to
compromise. Too caught up in the excitement of war and special operations that
took him far from home.

Since their breakup, Mac’s
priorities had changed. He wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore and needed time
to sort it all out.

Toni brought him a bowl of stew. As
he accepted it, his fingers brushed against hers and she stepped back fast.

He couldn’t blame her. She didn’t
want him anymore. Not after he’d pushed her away.

“Mac, will you bless the food?” Dad
asked as he took his seat at the table.

Mac tensed, unable to comply with
his father’s request. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t
come. A heavy foreboding settled over him, clogging his throat. He couldn’t
pray to God anymore. Not after He’d abandoned Mac and his men during their
darkest hour.

Moments ticked by and he glanced at
Toni, conscious of her watching him quietly, her blue eyes filled with surprise
and disappointment. He looked away, glad she couldn’t see inside his anguished
heart. She’d find nothing there but black, ugly anger.

Chapter Five

“I’ll say the blessing.” Inez
folded her hands and bowed her head. In a firm voice, she thanked the Lord for
their bounty and for saving Mac and Toni’s life.

Afterward, they began to eat, but
Mac had little appetite. Mom spread creamed butter and jam on two biscuits and
poured a cool glass of water for him. Toni’s gaze followed every movement of
his mother doting on him and he squirmed with embarrassment.

“I can do it myself, Mom,” he told
Inez.

His mother leaned over and gave him
a gentle hug. “You know I love waiting on you, son. Besides, the doctor said
you need to rest your leg. You overdid today.”

“Here, take one.” Dad tossed Mac
his bottle of prescription pain killers. “And don’t tell me you don’t need it.
I can see the way that leg’s bothering you. Doc said you’d heal better without
pain.”

Mac gave in to wisdom and accepted
the pills. He popped one into his mouth and swallowed it with a gulp of water.

Something about the out-of-doors
made a person ravenous and everyone but Mac wolfed down their food. He forced
himself to eat enough so the pain pill wouldn’t upset his stomach.

Inez smiled at Toni. “It’s so good
to see you again. We’ve missed having all you young people around to liven up
the place.”

“I’ve missed you, too.”

“Is this a social call, or did you
have a special purpose for your visit?” Dad asked.

“Hank, don’t be rude,” Inez
scolded. “It’s none of our business.”

“It’s okay,” Toni responded. “I do
have a special reason for coming. I need to speak with Mac.”

Her gaze rested on him. He looked
away, longing to confide in her and free his heart from this heavy load
weighing him down.

Inez tossed an uncertain look in
Hank’s direction. “After supper, we’ll give you two sometime alone.”

“Thank you,” Toni said.

“How’s your grandmother feeling
after her last stroke?” Inez asked.

Toni glanced at Mac, her cheeks
flushed, her eyes wary. “She’s doing as well as can be expected, but she needs
a lot of rest.”

“You give her my love, won’t you?
Eric’s death can’t be easy on your sister, either. Our prayers are with you and
your family.”

“Thanks, I’ll tell them.” Toni
reached out and squeezed Inez’s hand.

Mac watched his mother with mixed
emotions. Dear Mom. If anyone knew the pain of losing a child, she did. They’d
buried Mac’s older sister after a drunk driver hit and killed her eight years
earlier. Mac was all they had left. Gratitude filled him when he thought of his
parent’s many sacrifices on his behalf, yet they expected nothing in return. It
reminded him of the Savior’s selfless sacrifice for all mankind.

Mac leaned his head back against
the worn chair. He longed to accept the Atonement, but he didn’t deserve it.
Not anymore. And he didn’t know how to be the kind of man Toni wanted and
deserved.

A stilted silence descended on the
room and he set his bowl aside as he stared into the fire. Thirty minutes
later, Toni helped Mom wash the dishes while Dad rummaged around in a trunk for
more bedding.

“You can sleep in the women’s bunk
room with Inez,” Hank told Toni. “Usually we have a full house of guests.
Tomorrow morning, we have six people coming in from Oregon. They’re hoping to
film some Desert Bighorn sheep.”

“Wherever you put me will be fine,”
Toni replied as Dad dropped a pillow into Mac’s lap. She glanced between the
two men.

“I sleep in the recliner lately, so
I can prop up my leg,” Mac explained.

Dad took Inez’s arm and steered her
toward the outside door. “We’re gonna sit out on the deck for awhile and enjoy
the starlight. You two can join us when you’re ready.”

“I wish you wouldn’t go out there,”
Toni said, her eyes wide.

“Stop worrying. That man’s long
gone by now. Besides, we’ll have Grunt with us.”

The dog followed them outside. When
they were alone, Mac indicated the rocker sitting before the fireplace. “Why
don’t you sit down?”

Toni stood watching him, her eyes
filled with expectancy and concern. He didn’t know what to say. Before their
breakup, they’d talked for hours about anything and everything. So comfortable
around each other. Like they’d been good friends forever. Now, it seemed they
were more like complete strangers.

“Can I get you something?” she
asked.

He didn’t want her pity. His leg
still screamed with pain and he raised the footrest slowly, gritting his teeth.
Hopefully, she didn’t notice. He hated showing her any weakness.

“No.” He shook his head. “How about
you? Can I get you anything?”

An impish smile curved her lips,
charming and contagious. He smiled back.

So much for small talk.

“Mac, I didn’t plan on staying the
night. I’m sorry to be a bother.”

He grunted. “Forget it. I’m just
glad you’re safe.”

Her gaze scanned the numerous
framed photographs resting on the mantel. Pictures of him and Eric. He’d
removed the photos of Toni because they were too painful, reminding him of what
he’d lost. He kept them inside his trunk, digging them out whenever he felt
frustrated or lonely.

He’d been looking at them a lot
recently.

“Is this the baby deer you raised?”
She pointed at a picture of a fawn with a speckled rump standing in front of
the cabin.

He lifted his eyebrows. “Yeah, Mom
found the photo in the bottom of her trunk. Since I returned from Afghanistan,
she’s been feeling nostalgic and dug out some old pictures.”

Their gazes locked and they both
laughed nervously.

She stepped away from the mantel.
Her brow crinkled and he couldn’t take his eyes off her. He liked the way her
mouth curved and her cheek dimpled when she smiled.

“I’ve missed you,” he confided.

She looked startled, then tilted
her head in challenge and her bottom lip quivered. “I’ll bet you barely
remember anything about me, Mike MacKenzie.”

“Try me.”

“Okay, what’s my favorite ice
cream?”

He didn’t hesitate. “Vanilla, with
peanut butter and strawberry jam on top.”

“What’s my favorite rock band?”

“The Eagles. I also know you love
reading travel books and eating Italian food.”

Her mouth dropped open, then she
became very quiet, her eyes trained on the floor. “I’ll bet I remember just as
much about you.”

“For instance?”

“You’re an Eagle Scout and you love
animals. All kinds. And when you were just a boy, you found an orphaned
mountain lion cub and hid it in your mother’s laundry basket so you could heal
its injured leg. When your mom found it there, it scared years off her life.
She didn’t care that you wanted to practice being a doctor. She made you take
it to the Fish and Game office.”

He threw back his head and laughed.
“Touché. Do you think there’s anything we don’t know about each other?”

“Not much. And yet, there’s so much
I still don’t understand. Eric claimed that was what made love so special.”

He caught the edge of sadness in
her tone. Mentioning Eric reminded Mac that his best friend was gone and
wouldn’t be coming home. All of a sudden, they both became very quiet, lost in
their own thoughts.

Mac’s heart felt heavy with words
he longed to say. If only he could get her out of his heart, he’d be the
happiest man on earth.

She frowned. “Why don’t we talk
about something else?”

“Okay. How’s Cara?” he asked,
thinking of Eric and Toni’s fourteen year-old sister.

Toni pursed her lips. “As
rebellious as ever. Every time we talk, we end up fighting. She hasn’t been the
same since Mom and Dad died. I had such hopes of us being a close family again.
Once we got married, I thought—”

She turned away, seeming
embarrassed that she’d confided so much to him. She stared at the small desk
sitting nearby. A clutter of papers littered the top. Earlier, Mac had been
working on the bills while Mom prepared supper. When they’d heard the gunshots,
he and Dad had taken off to see what was amiss on their mountain. Later
tonight, he’d finish up the accounts and take the bills into Clarkston with him
tomorrow morning to mail them at the post office. But first, he’d notify the
sheriff of Toni’s attack.

Bending at the waist, Toni peered
at a picture resting on the desk. Dad had taken it of Mac and Eric when they’d
first enlisted in the U.S. Marine Corps six years earlier. Dressed in full
military uniform, their expressions looked happy, young and determined.

Naive to the tragedy awaiting them.

Toni’s gaze turned wistful and she
reached out to run her bandaged fingertips over the glass before stepping back
to the fireplace.

Memories swamped Mac of when he and
Eric had joined the corps. They’d both thrived on the excitement and drama.
While Mac excelled as a medic, Eric had advanced in intelligence work. Being in
the special forces was a dream come true for both of them. Neither of them
believed one of them would actually get killed.

“So, what did you want to talk
about?” His throat felt raw, like sandpaper.

She scuffed the toe of her slipper
against the homemade rag rug covering the floorboards. A view of her slim
ankles drew his attention before he lifted his gaze to her delicate face. As
she sat, he caught her scent. Something floral and sweet. A soft wisp of hair
hung over her eyes and she brushed it back. A myriad of angry scratches
glistened with some kind of ointment Mom had rubbed on them. They didn’t seem
to bother Toni as she crossed her ankles like a regal lady. Only her blue eyes
betrayed her nervousness.

Ah, what a beauty. The way she
tilted her head reminded Mac of the picture he still kept in his locker on
base. He loved that photo.

“I received a letter from Eric
yesterday in the mail. That’s why I came to see you.” Her gaze locked with his.

“I see. It upset you because
he’s…?” He couldn’t say the word. He still couldn’t believe Eric was gone.

“Yes, but the postmark on the
envelope shows he mailed it the day of your last mission.”

Mac shrugged. “That’s not unusual.
It often takes five weeks to receive a letter from Afghanistan. The military
combines U.S. mail service with military airlift. It all depends on when a
plane comes by for the marines to send and receive mail.”

“But this letter isn’t the norm,
Mac. I think you’d better read it.” She reached for her purse and pulled some
folded pages out, then handed them to him.

Mac’s hand shook as he accepted the
letter. He stared without seeing the words, his chest tight. He didn’t want to
read this. Didn’t want to remember. He wiped his brow and blinked several
times, forcing himself to concentrate.

“Are you okay?” Toni leaned
forward.

“Yeah.” He answered too gruffly.

He focused on the first word, then
the next. The cabin became unnaturally hot and quiet.