Broken Promises (Broken Series) (16 page)

It wasn’t that I was going to become someone different, I just suddenly wanted something more. I didn’t know what, but I knew it would come to me. In the meantime, I enjoyed the dance with Mallory. When the song ended, we separated and I went back to the table. Another fast-paced song fired up and the girls all opted to remain on the dance floor while Baker and Wolfe made their way back to where I sat.

“Sorry, man,” Baker yelled to me after he sipped his beer. “They put us up to it.”

“Yeah, it was Rainey and Gabby’s idea, Luke. They insisted,” Wolfe piped up. “We couldn’t say no.”

“You mean you couldn’t say no to your wife. What a sally you turned out to be.” Baker laughed. “Remind me to come to divorce court with you so I can watch as she takes half your stuff and then some. That way I’ll be able to tell how she does it so I don’t make the same mistake with Rainey.”

“Low blow, Baker. Especially coming from a man who’s been shut off,” Wolfe replied. “I hear Rainey hasn’t been giving it up since the first night she slept with you.”

I looked at Baker in surprise. He brushed it off.

“We realized we were going too fast and decided to slow it down,” he muttered. He swilled his beer and I saw his eyes flash.

“Yeah, slow down by stopping completely. I heard that,” Wolfe raised his bottle. I tapped mine against his just to irritate Baker and we laughed.

Half an hour later, the ladies rejoined our group and I noticed Mallory chose a seat between Gabby and Wolfe. She was avoiding me. I didn’t quite know what to make of it. We were over, shouldn’t she at least not want to be around me anymore? Shouldn’t she scream at me and demand I leave her friends?

But she acted so comfortable, as if my presence didn’t bother her at all. She didn’t try to make me jealous, either, which I figured would have been her number one priority. She should want to never see me again. It was so confusing.

Across the bar, Carrie caught my eye and waved me over. I excused myself from the group, where the conversation had turned to Rainey and Baker’s “relationship.” Definitely not a conversation I wanted to have.
Again.

I walked over to Carrie, who sat at the far end of the bar where the music was low enough to invite conversation.

“Hey Luke,” she greeted. She patted the barstool beside her and I sat.

“Hi, Carrie. How have you been?” I asked politely.

“Oh, the same. I just wanted to check in with you and make sure you’re doing okay. I know Joe meant a lot to you. I tried to talk to you at the funeral reception, but you acted like you didn’t hear me and then you drove off in a huff. I figured I would run into you eventually. Small town and all,” she laughed. It was obvious she’d had more than a few drinks.

“Yeah, I was a little upset,” I told her. She leaned toward me and put a hand on my thigh.

“You know, Luke, I miss you.
A lot
,” she squeezed. I gulped, certain I couldn’t go through this again. Breaking up with her had been hard enough the first time. I didn’t want to do it again. I almost laughed aloud when I realized I could have been thinking about Carrie or Mallory. That was my life—one big comic show. I pushed her hand away.

“No, Carrie, we aren’t doing this. Have a nice night,” I got up from the stool and walked away before she could reply. When I arrived back at our table, Mallory was nowhere to be found. Rainey and Gabby glared at me.

“What?” I asked.

“We saw you hitting on Carrie,” Gabby pouted. Were they insane? Carrie came on to me. And I pushed her away. I wasn’t about to get involved with anyone else. At least, not right now.

“Where’s Mallory?” I asked. It all suddenly clicked in my head.

“She took off,” Rainey said. “She said she was going to walk home.” Walk? It was after eleven at night and she lived several miles from the bar. I sighed.

I was never going to understand women.

My brain wasn’t functioning properly. It couldn’t be. At least, that’s what I told myself to reason why I had left a crowded bar and gone out into the night alone. It was a stupid, childish thing to do, but now that I’d done it, I sure as hell wasn’t turning around to watch Luke maneuver some other woman. Especially Carrie. It was bad enough I had been jealous enough, and drunk enough the first time she was brought to my attention to try to break them up.

Now that I had slept with Luke again, I didn’t even want to think about the dumb things I would do if I knew they were back together. It tore my heart to pieces. As I walked the sidewalk through town, I thought about the past I shared with Luke.

It was my sixteenth birthday. Long after the surprise party Dad and Luke threw for me, I lay on my bed exhausted while Luke thumbed through my loot.

“Do you know how much money you got? There has to be at least five hundred dollars here,” he said with a sigh. While money had never been a problem for Dad, we weren’t exactly rich, either. I had my own savings account with two grand in it that no one, not even Luke knew about. I planned on using the money when I moved to Boston.

My plan, for as long as I could remember, had been to escape the lame small town life in order to get a better education, better job, and ultimately, better life than Casper could offer me. I included Luke in my plan to move, since he insisted on putting off college until I graduated high school so we could go together. I hadn’t asked him to do that—he simply wanted to be with me.

“Yeah, people are generous,” I brushed off his obsession with money. That was part of the reason I didn’t tell him about my stash. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him; he would just want to use it for something local, like buying a car or investing in our future. And while those weren’t bad ideas, my money was my escape fund. It was my way out.

“Generous? Hell, I wish I knew so many generous people,” he muttered. Luke had grown up on the poorer side of life. His deadbeat father had done little to support him and his mother, and then when she passed away, Luke had been more or less on his own. He had worked nearly full-time all through high school while maintaining a decent enough grade point average to be considered for several colleges. But he’d pushed college off. For me.

“Luke, we should talk about college,” I said from my spot on my bed. I sat up and crossed my legs indian-style. He turned to look at me and sat in the ratty old chair at my desk.

“What’s up?” He asked.

“I want to go to college in Boston,” I explained. He didn’t even blink.

“Then that’s where we’ll go,” he answered. He moved over to the bed and took my hands in his. “I want to be where you are, Mallory. Always.”

I fought the memory as it flooded my mind. I had been so sure we could survive anything at that point. We were so in love. But his mind had changed. He had chosen to stay while I had gone. If I had known then about my father’s cancer, I would have stayed, though. Or, at least, that’s what I told myself. But Luke had known and chosen not to tell me. He’d let me go instead of keeping his promise to always be where I was.

“Mallory! Wait up,” a deep voice called from somewhere behind me. I half-turned toward the voice, but I knew it was Luke before I saw him. I stared at him for a moment before I decided to cross the street. I was leaving in the morning. The more distance between us, both physically and emotionally, the better. I jogged through the crosswalk and begin my ascent up the big hill in town toward one of the stoplights. I heard his shoes behind me against the pavement and I willed him away. Just as I passed the local book shop and café, he caught up with me.

“What the hell, Mal?” He said as he stood in front of me to block my path. I stopped and stared at him. “Why did you leave?”

“Seriously, you have to ask?” I replied. I rolled my eyes and made to move around him. Was he really that dense?

“Mallory, please –”

“No, Luke, I’m not doing this. I can’t watch you move one while I’m still stuck in a place where I am pretty sure I’m in love with you. And all the while, you get to go back to the bachelor life and hit on Carrie or any other woman. I can’t do it,” I whispered. His eyes widened at my words, but he didn’t say anything. I stepped closer to him. “I want you to want to be where I am.”

I quoted his words from so long ago and wondered if he would even remember. I doubted it. Men were dense. I tried to step around him again and he let me. He didn’t speak, but he followed me up the hill. I assumed it was for some sort of protection, but when Rainey appeared at the corner in her minivan, I jumped in the front seat and told her to drive. She didn’t question me.

Luke stared after us; I watched him in the side-view mirror. He didn’t move the entire time I watched him. He looked frozen in place. My heart constricted uncontrollably and I fought back tears. It was probably the last time I would see him I tried not to think about him.

I only had a few drinks, but I knew better than to get behind the wheel. Rainey, on the other hand, hadn’t had a single drink all night.

“What’s with you, Rainey?” I asked to distract myself from thoughts of Luke.

“Nothing. Why?” She sounded nervous. I didn’t want to push it. She would tell me when she was ready, just like Gabby had suggested. It hurt that she had confessed her secret to Gabby before me, but I push the pain away, much as I had done with all the other pain in my life.

“Never mind,” I muttered. I was leaving in the morning. It was probably better I didn’t know what was going on with her any way. I stared out the window as she drove me home. The town passed with silent quickness and then we were on the back road that led to my house.

The small ranch was in need of some repairs, but now that it was for sale, I wouldn’t have to worry about it. The buyer would have to see to those repairs and I would have to mourn the loss of my childhood home.
Alone.
Always alone. Dad had made sure I could stand the loneliness, though—he’d sent me to Boston without a second thought. He didn’t want me to rely on him or Luke, or anyone. And I didn’t. I was perfectly fine alone. Or so I told myself. But the people in my life kept leaving, which meant I had to accept the loneliness.

Even though I was the one leaving Luke, he didn’t make much of an effort to convince me to stay. But that wasn’t what I wanted. Not really. I wanted him to be willing to make sacrifices for me, the way I’d sacrificed my city-life to come home for my dad. That was love. But I knew it was impossible. Rainey pulled into my driveway and I got out.

“Thanks for the ride, Rain,” I said. I was about to close the door when she stopped me.

“Mallory? I know I need to tell you, but I don’t know how,” she whispered. I sat back in the minivan and grabbed her hand.

“You don’t have to tell me anything, Rainey. I know you’re going through some stuff, and although I don’t know what it is, I want you to know that I will always be here for you. You’re my best friend,” I said. She wrapped her arms around me and we hugged. She had a hard time letting go, as did I.

“I’m going to be in Boston on Tuesday, for, umm, a business meeting. Can you do lunch?” She asked. She wasn’t telling me the truth, but I let it slide.

“Of course. I would be happy to,” I assured her. “Call me when you’re in the city and we’ll meet up.”

She smiled happily and I wondered if she would finally tell me what the hell was going on with her at our lunch. I doubted it.

The following morning, I was all ready to go. Gabby came by around seven to see me off. Irene was at the house already, since she had moved in. They both cried when we said our goodbyes. I hugged them both fiercely as the small town and these amazing people tugged on my heart. I wanted to stay. It wasn’t a revelation, but rather a knowledge deep in my soul that I was meant to be here.

But I wasn’t going to stay and watch Luke date other women. So even though I knew I should unpack all my things, I would get into my car and drive away from the life that
could
have been mine. The life I should have lived, in another, more innocent life.

Rainey didn’t show up, but I hadn’t expected her to—we’d said our goodbye last night. And I would see her in just a few days in Boston. Baker and Wolfe pulled into the drive just as I was about to get in my car. I smiled when I saw them. I noticed Gabby seemed irritated to see Wolfe, but she didn’t protest. These men had become my friends in the short time I’d been home.

“You didn’t think we were going to let you leave without a proper goodbye, did you?” Baker asked. He slammed the door of his truck and wrapped me in a bear hug, lifting me off the ground. I laughed as he twirled me around. It reminded me of my first night home at The Landing. I felt the tears well up again, but I managed to tamp them down.

“I’m going to miss you,” I said into his ear. I squeezed his neck and he put me down.

“You wouldn’t have to miss me, you know, if you stayed. I could annoy you all the time, then,” he promised.

“Oh,
that
would be something,” I murmured. He was right, though—I didn’t have to miss any of them. I could stay right where I was. But I wouldn’t back down. I would not make sacrifices for Luke if he wasn’t at least willing to sacrifice something for me. I knew it was childish, but I needed to know he would put forth the effort.

“Have a safe trip,” Wolfe said. He hugged me loosely and I put my arms around his waist. I gulped down my tears and managed to pull away from him without bursting into tears. I smiled up at him then turned to the group.

“Thanks, guys. Time to get on the road,” I said. Luke didn’t show up. I hadn’t expected him to and yet when I pulled out of the driveway, I felt like he should have. I growled at myself. I needed to stop this ridiculous attachment to him. I hit a button on my iPod and my favorite Pistol Annies song blasted through the speakers.

I screamed the lyrics along with the song as I let the tears flow.

Mallory was gone for three full days before I lost it. I drove out to The Landing at noon and spent six hours there, drinking my pain away. When Baker and Wolfe showed up after work to try to get me to go home, I tried to fight them. Lucky for me, I wasn’t able to do more than just stagger around the bar.