Broken Holidays: A Broken Series Novella (The Broken Series) (2 page)

“You need to apologize,” Tish said as I headed to the fridge to grab a beer. It was late — or early, depending on how you looked at it — and I knew I shouldn’t drink more, but I was already on edge. Now, I needed more alcohol.

“Me? What about you?” I asked, deflecting as I ignored the twinge in my gut that told me what I already knew. Lili didn’t deserve my anger. She never had. But I couldn’t afford to let her back in. It was too dangerous.

We’d become friends before I even realized what was happening. There was something about her that made her easy to talk to and it wasn’t until it was pointed out to me that I saw how close I’d let her get. I didn’t have feelings for her or anything — it had never been like that — but after what Adam did, I knew better than to trust anyone. I didn’t even trust myself. Betrayal doesn’t only come from a lover, friends can cut you.

It wasn’t worth the risk.

“What about me? I wasn’t the one laughing at her and talking shit.” Tish snapped me out of my thoughts and I shook my head. Easily popping the cap on the beer in my hand, I chugged several mouthfuls as I leaned against the counter.

“She’s fine. She’s stronger than you give her credit for,” I finally said once it became clear he was expecting a response.

“When are you gonna stop punishing her for what Lizzie and Adam did to you?”

I groaned and tilted my head back, finishing off the bottle with a few long pulls in an attempt to take the sting out of hearing their names aloud. “I’m not punishing her.”

“Right. You stormed around here, pouting and generally ignoring her presence for months, and then, when you finally warmed to her, you let someone’s stupid comment get into your head.” He leaned on the counter across from me, not angry, but I wasn’t sure if the concern in his expression was for her or me. “She was here for three months before you came home and she was getting comfortable, but I hadn’t seen her happy until you two started hanging out.”

“Don’t put that on me. Her happiness is not my responsibility.”

“No, it’s not. But you were happy, too. You were finally starting to smile again. Now, you’re back to the same brooding asshole you were before.”

“It’s better this way,” I said, pushing off the counter and heading to grab another beer. The suffocating feeling that came from discussing any of this was starting to claw its way up from the pit of my stomach.

“For who?”

Hearing the concern in his tone, I froze with my hand outstretched toward the door of the refrigerator. I closed my eyes, realizing that Tish, as always, saw more than I thought.

This wasn’t about Lili. Not really. This was about me.

“She doesn’t need to be mixed up in my bullshit, Tish, and you know it.” I didn’t look at him when I said it, but I dropped both my head and my arm, the all too familiar weight landing heavily against my shoulders as if it never left.

“Why do you always do that? You always think the worst. Ever since—” I snapped my head toward him and he stopped, taking a different approach. “You’ve always seen yourself as the problem. It isn’t healthy. You were healing, Zane. For the first time since you came home, you were actually healing. I want that for you. If being friends with someone is helping you both cope with your problems, how is it wrong?”

I scowled, but the expression wasn’t directed at Tish, more at myself. I tried to think through his words, make sense of what he was saying, but that same wall I always put up stopped the process cold. “After the way I’ve treated her, I doubt we could ever really be friends.”

“Only one way to find out.” He stepped forward and clapped me lightly on the shoulder. “Get some sleep. Hopefully she’ll give you a chance to apologize tomorrow. That’s where I’d start, if I were you.”

I gave a half-hearted chuckle. “Yeah. Thanks.”

I watched as he walked back down the hall, glancing at her closed door as he passed. He cared about her and I could tell that something had somehow bonded them. It was there when I’d first come home but it only seemed to grow the longer she was here. She was way too young for him and I’d never seen anything to make me think there was any sort of romantic connection, but he spoke about her, and to her, with a sense of family. He protected her. I hadn’t asked how they’d met or how she came to occupy the room that used to be Paige’s, but it was obvious he didn’t want her to leave.

When I’d first moved home, I’d come in and find them hanging out in the living room, laughing and talking. I knew she used to work at the shop when he first opened, so he trusted her enough to put his business on the line. Even in the last month or so when I’d been intentionally ignoring her, they’d still gotten closer.

I rubbed at my chest as I stared down the hallway, still feeling the burn from the alcohol. Realization straightened my spine as if I’d been shocked. I was jealous of their relationship, of their ability to trust one another. But I didn’t deserve trust. I was like a landmine and Lili saw that firsthand tonight. I would fuck up, explode, time and time again. It’s what I was good at. It’s all I was good at.

But, what if Tish was right?

Could we help each other just by being friends?

I thought back to the few weeks leading up to my most recent tattoo. We’d hung out quite a bit, mostly at Silver Moon, where she worked. I’d wait for her shift to end and we’d head home together. She was really ballsy and seemed to have no fear, despite her small size. I sighed. Except tonight. She was definitely afraid tonight. The tremble in her arms and the look in her eyes…I’d only seen her panic that way a few times, but just remembering it was enough to make me wish I could take back the things I said.

Sighing, I headed to my room. I needed a shower, but it would have to wait until morning. I’d start with an apology and hopefully, we could find our way back to friendship.

When
I finally dragged my ass out of bed the next day, it felt like I’d barely slept. I’d tossed and turned, anxious and worked up. Normally, this was how I felt if I hadn’t been out in a while and I needed to get off, but despite Lili’s efforts, I’d had success with Delayne the night before.

Stepping into the hallway, I noticed the door to the bathroom was closed. I could hear Lili moving around in there and I grinned, taking up a spot against the wall directly across from the door. Maybe I couldn’t take back what I’d said last night, but I could start the conversation over and hope for a better result.

“Jesus,” she gasped when she opened the door.

“What a compliment. But no, just me,” I said, giving her a wide smile. She returned it half-heartedly, not meeting my eyes as she turned toward her room. “Lili.” She paused but didn’t face me. “I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

She looked over her shoulder at me, her features tight. “For what?”

“For all of it,” I sighed, knowing it wasn’t enough. “For the way I’ve been acting toward you. For snapping at you last night. You didn’t deserve any of it.” Her eyes were wide with shock. Apologies weren’t something I handed out often. In fact, I couldn’t remember a time I’d ever said I was sorry to her. “I want us to be friends again. Do you think we can do that?”

She looked at the hand I held out to her for a moment and then back up to my face, her expression now completely unreadable. “If we’re really going to be friends again, I need you to promise me something.”

“What?” I asked hesitantly, lowering my hand.

“Promise me you won’t fuck anyone I work with again.” She said it so seriously, and with such determination, that I couldn’t help my grin. “I mean it. I’m tired of having to change my schedule because you’ve run off some poor, unsuspecting girl with your sexploits.”

There was no holding back a laugh at that. “Sexploits?”

“I’m serious, Zane. Think about it. Do you want me to seduce Jackson the next time he’s over and make your life uncomfortable?” Her words stopped my laughter as I scowled. It would complicate the fuck out of my life if she slept with Jackson. “You can bang anyone else you want, as long as they don’t work with me.”

I saw her point. “Fair enough. I promise. Friends?” I asked, holding my hand out to her again. This time, she shook it.

“Friends,” she smiled, dropping my hand. She made a face. “And as your friend, I have to tell you, you seriously need to shower. You smell like alcohol and ass.”

I laughed and shook my head, starting toward the bathroom. “Thanks, buddy. I appreciate the honesty.”

I watched her walk back to her room, her head held a little higher. She’d seemed so down when I’d seen her around the bar the last few weeks. Had that really been about me? Was making up with her really all I had to do to make her happy again? I had the urge to look over to where I could feel Tish’s eyes on me but I refused. I didn’t want to acknowledge the grin that set up residence on my face as I thought about Lili being happy, or that he’d caught me staring after her. He’d blow it up into something it wasn’t. We were friends, which is what I wanted. The last thing I ever wanted was to be in a relationship again. Relationships were toxic and dragged both people involved down. I wanted Lili to be happy.

Shutting myself in the bathroom, I noticed that I felt a little lighter, too. I didn’t deserve Lili’s forgiveness, but she’d given it anyway. We were friends. Hopefully, I’d be able to at least put a delayed timer on the explosive parts of my personality and keep her out of the line of fire in the future. I’d just have to tread lightly while I figured this out.

The second Zane walked into the Silver Moon, I knew that he regretted his promise to me. I laughed at his kicked puppy expression as he ordered a drink from one of the two new bartenders. He wasn’t even trying to flirt, but I could tell it was killing him.

Tory and Casey were right up his alley. Best friends since childhood, they were practically twins. They were both tall, one blonde, one a redhead, and their Silver Moon uniform tank tops had been strategically cut to show off their disproportionately large breasts.

The crowd two days before Christmas shocked me. I hadn’t expected so many people in such a rundown bar. I knew this wasn’t an ideal place. Located in a bad neighborhood off an alley, most nights we had to call the cops at least once. But, the regulars tipped well and I managed to stay busy. Of course, with the new additions, I was vastly overshadowed. Even my regulars were too busy drooling over them.

“You knew about this when you made me make that promise, didn’t you?” Zane asked as he stepped up to my side of the bar. He stared at the girls with a pained expression and tipped back his beer.

“Yeah, I did,” I laughed.

“You’re cruel. You know that?”

“Yeah, I do,” I said and he shook his head at me with a chuckle. Roger huffed and slammed down a case of bottles behind me, clearly annoyed with my socializing. I didn’t care much.

Zane shook his head as he wandered off to his corner. I moved to help Roger restock while the girls handled their line.

“I won’t say it again. I’ll ban him,” Roger warned, still slamming things around. “Should’ve done it a long time ago. He’s just like his daddy. Always causing trouble.”

“I heard you the first time,” I said, rolling my eyes at his dramatics.

“Hey, is that guy your boyfriend?” Tory, the blonde, asked when Roger took the empty box back toward the stockroom. I didn’t need to look, but I followed her gaze anyway, spotting Zane sitting at one of the booths in the back — as far from their area as he could get. I almost laughed.

“Nope. He’s my roommate, though,” I said, leaning in conspiratorially like she had.

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously.”

“Have you ever seen him naked?”

I laughed, surprised, though I probably shouldn’t have been. “Not intentionally, but yes.” Walking in on Zane, bare ass up while he was passed out on the bathroom floor hadn’t been the worst view I’d ever seen.

“Is the rest of him as gorgeous as that face?” Casey asked, her voice loud as she looked over her shoulder toward where Tory and I were talking.

I laughed. “I’m sure he doesn’t get any complaints.”

“Less chatting, more pouring,” Roger snapped as he came in from the back. Tory rushed back to her place at the bar and I rolled my eyes. “You know better. I don’t pay you to socialize.”

“You barely
pay me
, as it is,” I replied, heading back toward the bar. He stopped me, his fingers wrapping around my upper arm as he yanked me backward. “Let go!”

“Your pissy little tough girl act is getting old,” he snapped, releasing his grip once I was close enough that he didn’t have to yell.

I’d spent most of last night chastising myself for being afraid when there was no need. Fear is healthy, I knew that, but unwarranted fear is detrimental. I had nothing to be afraid of when it came to Roger. Even if he did want to step up to me, he sure as fuck wouldn’t do it in the middle of his bar. And I was tired of him treating me like he would. I took a step closer to him, lifting my chin as I straightened my spine. “If you
ever
lay a finger on me again, you’ll learn firsthand just how much of my
tough girl
is an act,” I said, my voice low and measured.

“You think you can threaten me and keep your job?”

I didn’t give him a chance to continue. “I don’t want the job. I quit.” I turned, bending over to grab my hoodie and bag from under the bar. I saw Zane as he approached. His expression told me he’d seen Roger grab me and knew there was a problem.

“I’ll hold your last check until you return your uniform,” Roger griped, making my spine stiffen. The thought of having to coming back here, even just to give him the shirt, irritated me. I met Zane’s eyes, wondering if I had the courage to be more like him. He didn’t care what people thought and seemed to enjoy his life the way it was now.

Taking a page from him, I dropped my bag and my hoodie at my feet, and pulled the tank top over my head. Cheering came from the men around me as I lifted my arm, throwing the shirt at a stunned Roger. I bent and snatched my hoodie off the floor, pulling it on and zipping it over my bra. “Mail the check.”

I turned, proud that I had taken control of the situation. Ducking under the bar, I almost ran directly into Zane as he came around to meet me.

“You okay?” he asked, the concern evident in every inch of his face. I smiled.

“I’m great. And Merry Christmas, they’re free game now,” I said, nodding my head back toward Tory and Casey.

Zane glanced back and I started for the door, still grinning. Yes, I’d lost my only source of income, but I’d be okay. I had a little money stuck back and Tish wouldn’t let me drown. It still felt weird to have someone so concerned for me, but it was nice.

As I stepped out into the alley, I took a deep breath. The relative quiet of the street sounded even softer than normal after the volume inside the bar.

“You sure know how to make an exit.” Zane’s voice sounded in my ear as his hand held the door, catching it before it fully closed.

“Yeah, I like to make an impression,” I said, shrugging. I looked him over while he pulled on his jacket. “You’re not staying?”

“Nah, I’m sure we can find somewhere better to hang out than this dump,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets as he nodded toward the end of the alley. “If you’re up for it.”

I laughed. “I’m not wearing a shirt.”

“That’s only a problem if you take your jacket off,” he said, grinning at me in the way that brought out his adorable dimple. He hadn’t smiled at me that way in a while; it felt like the final barrier was finally broken and our friendship could get back on track.

“Fair enough.” I shrugged and rubbed my hands together to warm them as I moved toward the street. “Did you have some place in mind?”

“Well, I know you’re not a fan of clubs, but there are a few bars down on the Strip that are fun.”

“Let’s do it,” I said, flagging down a cab.

I
fought hard to keep any and all discomfort I felt from the fact that I was shirtless off my face as we entered. Plastering on a confident smile, I took a seat at the bar next to Zane. I could do this. As long as I kept telling myself that, I’d be fine.

Zane ordered two beers from a bartender that seemed to know him by name and we moved over to a table near the back corner.

“Why do you always sit in the corner?” I asked as I hopped up into the tall chair. He tilted his head at my observation.

“I guess I didn’t realize I did.” He shrugged. “But it does offer a good view of the entire field, which is important.”

I took a drink from the bottle, watching him as his eyes scanned the room. “Why do I feel like I should be taking notes?” I laughed.

He grinned. “Maybe you should. You’d be learning from the best.”

“So modest,” I said, shaking my head. “Do you really think you can teach me something I don’t already know?”

“Oh, I’m sure of it.”

“Okay then, let’s see what you’ve got,” I challenged, crossing my arms as I glanced around the crowd. It seemed insane that so many people were out two nights before Christmas.

“The guy in the gray jacket at the far end of the bar,” Zane said. My eyes shifted that direction. From this distance, nothing about him stood out. Dark hair, average build — he seemed to almost blend and disappear into the sea of bodies around him. His eyes met mine briefly before moving on, never staying still long. “Eye contact. That’s what you’re looking for. Good start. The ones that show immediate interest and come straight over to you when you meet their eye are trouble waiting to happen. That’s usually desperation. They probably have a significant other they are looking to make jealous and that can lead to fights. I’ve been there a few times. Not pretty.”

I ignored the ache in my chest at the mental images his words brought with them, along with the thought of how many women he’d gone through to learn this. Listening to Zane retell the stories of his sordid ways wasn’t something I was sure I could handle. But what if this was the only way to stay close to him?

“The ones who take note of you but keep moving, like he did, are usually in for exactly what you want. They want one night, no strings,” he continued, completely oblivious to my inner turmoil.

“So, if I don’t want one that’s paying attention, how do I get him to talk to me?” I asked honestly. The theory didn’t make much sense to me, but maybe I didn’t really want it to.

“You get his attention. Subtly. And then wait. He’ll either come to you or give you a signal to come to him.”

“And then?” I asked, watching as Zane made eye contact with a blonde across the room.

His gaze slipped back to mine. “And then you talk to him. Flirt. Make it known that you are willing to give what he’s looking for. But only if you’re actually going to follow through. Most of the time, women, even the ones I sleep with, say they can handle a one night stand, but truth be told, most aren’t wired that way. You want to tie all of these emotions into the physical act of fucking. You start planning futures and wanting to build relationships—”

“Don’t lump me in like that. You don’t know the first thing about what I want in my life,” I interrupted, regardless of whether he was finished speaking or not. Though, I wasn’t as angry as I probably should’ve been. The blonde holding Zane’s attention crossed her legs and spun on the stool to face the rest of the bar.

“Enjoy it. You only live once. But be careful.” He turned back to face me then, his expression serious. “I mean it. Be careful when going back to someone’s house or hotel room. Keep yourself safe.”

“I can take care of myself,” I huffed, hating that he felt the need to lecture me about personal safety. “And did you seriously just YOLO?”

“Yes, I did. Have fun with it. Take what you want and walk away happy,” he said, giving me a wink before grabbing his beer and heading off toward the blonde.

I watched him for a moment, trying to be discreet, as he stood close and chatted with her. I knew how to use my body to get what I wanted from men, whether it be money, a ride, or even food. I’d done it enough times in the past just to survive. It was a necessary job back then, but using it now for personal pleasure was something I wasn’t sure I was ready to wrap my head around. Instead, I pulled out my phone and scrolled through to Tony’s number.

Me: You busy?

After sending the text, I sat back in my chair, my eyes once again falling on Zane and the blonde. He’d taken her spot on the stool and she was perched with her ass against him on the edge, his hands holding her as he whispered in her ear. She laughed and though I couldn’t hear the sound over the din of the bar, it tore at me all the same. I needed to get out of here. When my phone screen lit with the response from Tony, I felt the familiar relief at his words.

Tony: I’m all yours.