Broken Dreams (67 page)

He watched contently, a wild fire burning in his eyes. He always made me feel good about myself. Even if I didn’t have a perfect body, he made me feel like I did.

“Christ, love, you are so fucking hot. Come here…now,” he growled at me. I sauntered my way over. “Hurry up! Don’t make me come and get you.” Once I was within reach, he grabbed my arms and pulled me down on top of him. He kissed me with a ferocious desire. “I’m going to make you come…a lot.”

“Is that a threat, or a promise?” I asked, full of the devil.

“Both. You ready?”

I nodded and smirked. “Silly question, Mr. Daniels.”

He flipped me over and started kissing me around my ear. He trailed gentle kisses down my jawline, and nipped at my lips with a soft growl.

“I love what this mouth does to me. You have no idea how good that felt.” I blushed. “Don’t be embarrassed. It was amazing, and I hope you do that to me more.”

I had kept my oral sex offerings to a minimum. To be honest, the only experience that I had with it was with him. I never knew if I was doing it right, or if it was exactly how he wanted it. Before me, I’m sure he had a lot of experience in the receiving department.

He ran his tongue down my neck, kissing my collarbone as he made his way down to my nonexistent cleavage, which seemed to be getting smaller and smaller by the day. He grabbed one breast with one hand and dove into the other, wrapping his mouth around my nipple. He went to work, pulling, tugging, pinching, nipping, sucking, and licking. I was getting close, just from all of the intense attention on my chest. He ran his hand down my abdomen, reaching the most desired point. He slowly slid a couple fingers into my begging body.

“Bloody hell, you’re so wet. I need a taste.” He pulled his fingers out and gave them a lick. “Mmm…so sweet.” He quickly slid down to my lower half, and gave me the kind of tongue lashing that made me cry out in pleasure. I reached my peak in seconds. My entire body was rocked from it. He pulled himself up to my face.

“How was that?” I was still shaking.

“Oh god, Henry…amazing.” I couldn’t speak above a whisper. He smugly grinned at me, going back down again. He started kissing and nipping my inner thighs. Then he dragged his tongue back up to my soaked core. He groaned as he kissed me there. I was at his mercy. I had no control over my body, and my legs fell open for him. I was limp and already exhausted from his assault.

He massaged my little nub while he dipped his tongue in and out. I shattered again under his attention. I heard him groan again and let out a soft chuckle. I opened my eyes and he was up near my face again.

“How was that?” Did he have to ask? Could he not tell?

“I need you,” I moaned. I wanted him in me. I wanted to feel him in my deepest parts. I was aching for him.

“You want this?” He grabbed my hand and made me stroke him. He breathed out a moan as I slid my hand up and down his soft, silky skin. “Jesus Christ…,” he whispered.

I decided he needed more attention. I pushed him over onto the bed, and I went in for the kill. He let out a loud gasp. He could barely stand it. I hadn’t seen him that sexually undone in such a long time. He propped himself up on his elbows. His jaw was slacked open and his head was tilted back. Then he grabbed a hold of my head and made me stop.

“Keep it up, and it will be your loss.” He prowled forward as I leaned back. He settled himself between my thighs and began teasing me with his tip. I was desperate to have him in me. I tried pushing him in. He chuckled a little.

“How bad, love?” he asked with grit.

“Oh, god…so bad,” I moaned as I struggled to grab at him.

“Tell me how bad,” he growled.

“I want you to fuck my brains out.”

“That’s my girl. As you wish…” He thrust himself into me, and the sound that escaped his throat was pure ecstasy. He was pounding into me, hard and fast, just the way I needed it. His passion was pure and evident.

My body began to quake beneath him. I was so fucking close. I grabbed his hips and held him firmly in place. I cried out as my core grabbed onto him and held him tight. He bucked his hips into me a few more hard times, pushing us across the mat and slamming into the wall. He went silent and stiff when he emptied himself into me. He let out a significant groan, and then went limp on top of me.

There was nothing better than having his sexually fatigued body melt over me. After a few minutes of trying to calm his breathing down, he looked up at me and kissed me on the lips.

“Good?” he asked, with a prideful grin.

“Oh, my god. Good doesn’t even cover it. Not even close. I can’t even think of a word to describe it because you abso-fucking-lutely fucked my brains out.” He laughed and rolled off of me. Henry stood up from our newly christened “bed”, and headed toward the pile of our personal belongings. I knew what he was doing, and my heart sank.

I became upset and anger coursed through my veins. As he turned back around, he had a bottle to his lips. He took a long pull as he walked back toward me. My eyes burned with angry tears. I rolled over so I couldn’t see him. We just had the most amazing session of lovemaking, and he was ruining it by getting shitfaced. He sat down beside me, and pulled the covers up over his lower half.

“Elaina…”

“Don’t,” I bit at him.

“I’m sorry. I promise you I will stop. I just need time.”

“Whatever, Henry,” I mumbled, and he sighed. I heard him swallow again. Fucking asshole. I was so pissed that I could have decked him.

“Love…”

“Just leave it!” I snipped at him. He got up out of bed, and I listened to him dress.

“I’m going to go explore the building,” he muttered as he walked out the door with the bottle in his hand.

“Thanks for ruining it, asshole,” I grumbled. I knew he wouldn’t hear me, but I felt the need to say it anyway.

Once again, we had only connected through sex.

Chapter 45

enry walked out of the room, cursing himself. With heavy feet, he trudged down to the cafeteria. Nick was in there playing his guitar so he decided to settle down and kick back, instead of aimlessly wandering throughout the building, trying to rid his mind of the situation his relationship was in. He knew he had fucked it all up, and he wanted to drown himself in the bottle of whiskey that he was holding.

Once Nick realized that he had an audience of one, he stopped playing. “Don’t stop on account of me. I was enjoying it.” Henry tipped back the bottle.

Nick looked past him to the door. “Where’s Elaina?” he asked with mild curiosity.

“Resting. She’s pissed at me.”

“Why now?” Henry held up the bottle, and Nick acknowledged the game of charades.

“How’s Claire feeling?”

“She is exhausted and worried and, frankly, I am, too. She’s worried something is going to happen to the baby.” Nick set down his guitar and scrubbed his face. He leaned up to the table, supporting his weight with his elbows.

“Well, with a place to rest for a while, I’m sure she will start feeling better.”

“That’s what I keep telling her. She is just… I don’t know.” His voice trailed off. Henry could hear the worry in it.

“I understand. Just have to take it one day at a time.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Henry settled back into his chair and drank some more, propping his gore-covered boots up on another chair. He held up the bottle to Nick. He looked up, and stared at it for a minute.

Then Nick grabbed the bottle and took a long pull. The two men sat, silently sharing the bottle for a while, until Thomas wandered in. He had found a couple decks of cards in the teacher’s desk that was in his room. They all played a few games, and sipped from the whiskey bottle as the night began to settle in.

Henry, Nick, and Thomas were wrecked by the time Elaina and Claire walked into the cafeteria.

***

Someone knocked. “Hold on!” I madly tried to dress. All I needed was Thomas or Nick to see me naked.

“It’s just me!” Claire shouted from the hall. I ended up just grabbing a blanket and wrapping it around myself as I headed for the door.

“Hey…,” I said, standing in the doorway.

“Hey. Can I come in?” I opened the door all the way for her.

“How are you feeling?” She didn’t look any better.

“Okay, I guess. The usual. Hungry and bitchy. I thought I would come and see if you wanted to venture out to the cafeteria with me.”

“Yeah, sure. I just need to get dressed. I can’t go in my nice clothes.” I posed, and she smirked at me.

“Had some hot sex, did we?” She wiggled her eyebrows at me.

“Yeah,” I said, uneventfully. She furrowed her perfect ginger brows at me. I had always told her how amazing Henry was, and how he could bring me over the edge with such finesse, but she must have thought otherwise this time. So I added, “It was amazing, like usual. He really focused on me, getting me there a few times like he always does.” Was that too much information? She smirked and nodded with approval. Maybe not.

Then I sighed. I saw the “here it comes” look on her face. “Right afterward, he jumped up and grabbed a bottle, sucking it down. It made me so fucking angry, it hurt.”

“Oh,” was all she could muster.

“Yeah. It was like he let go, then hopped up, grabbed the bottle, and sat back down with me, like I was just going to cuddle up with him and Jack…or whatever the fuck he’s drinking.” Claire turned around as I dressed. “He said he’ll quit. I have half a mind to dump every last bit of it.”

“You should,” she muttered.

“I don’t know if I can. He needs it. He would be sick without it. I have dumped some when he hasn’t been looking before, but he keeps finding more.”

“He has to detox at some point, hon.”

“He does, for sure. I’ll have to think about it.”

We continued to chat about Henry’s drinking, while we headed out the door to go to the cafeteria. “I can tell you one thing. Nick is sick of it, as well. I’ve had to talk him out of kicking his ass on more than a few occasions. He said he sees what it’s doing to you and how much it upsets you. Plus it stresses him out, a lot. He feels like he has to do the work for two.” I hung my head. She wrapped her arm around my shoulders. “You’ll get through this, and you will get him through this. I know it.”

“I hope so. I can’t take much more of this insanity.” We made it to the door of the cafeteria, only to have my anger hit the boiling point in a snap. My fists clenched at my sides, and I’m quite sure that I had steam coming out of my ears.

Henry and Nick were drunk as hell. It looked like Thomas was, as well. They were laughing and carrying on like they were at a local hang out. Nick was trying to teach Henry how to play the guitar. Thomas was just sitting there, laughing so hard that he was in tears.

“Oh, dear Lord,” whispered Claire. She was far too motherfucking polite. I was going to put all the bullshit to rest once and for all.

“Henry!” I yelled. They all whipped around, nearly falling out of their chairs. I was going to eat him alive. I stormed in, and he stood up…barely. All three of them chuckled as he stumbled over the chair. I didn’t find him funny in the least.

“Hey, love…,” he slurred, then grinned at me like a drunken fool. I hauled off and slapped him across the face. He stumbled back, tripping over that same chair, and then his eyes went dark and hollow as he stood up. His fists and jaw were clenched.

“What the fuck was that for?!” he barked out.

“You are drunk! And so are they! What are we going to do if we get invaded in the middle of the night?! I expected it from you, Henry! But you,” I pointed at Nick, “and you?!” I pointed at Thomas. I couldn’t believe they allowed him to drink. He was far too young to indulge.

“I jus’ had a few sips,” Thomas said as he pushed the bottle toward the middle of the table. A few sips, my ass. His eyelids were drooping.

“Do not touch another bottle, Thomas! You are too young!” Then I refocused my fury on Henry. “Are you shitting me right now?! Are you fucking for real?!”

“We were just loosening up some. We’ve been stressed, and it’s safe here, love.” He needed to just agree and move on. His examples of why they were drinking surely weren’t good enough reasons to jeopardize our safety.

“Loosening up?! Safe here?! You are fucking joking, right?!” I was furious. I was seeing red…blinded with rage. If I hadn’t already slapped him across the face, I would have decked him. Then I saw his face shift into a blank look.

“Elaina, can we do this in private?” he asked in a low voice.

“No!” I yelled in his face. “They know all about your issues so maybe they should hear this, as well!” He turned away and hung his head. He was humiliated.

“Elaina…please. I am asking for you to do this in private. You can scream and rage and punch the shit out of me if you wish. Just in private.” He swallowed hard.

“I do believe I said no, or is the booze effecting your hearing, as well?” He swallowed hard again, and his teeth clenched.

“Please…stop yelling at me.” His voice had gone monotone.

“No! I can’t fucking believe this! You need to stop this shit right now!”

When he turned and faced me again, his eyes were scary. “I told you, I fucking will!” he barked. I had officially poked his last nerve.

“When?! After your liver explodes?!”

“I will stop when I’m ready!” he shouted back at me.

“And when will that be? Huh? When?” I poked my finger in his chest.

“I don’t fucking know! Just leave me alone about it. I need to work it out in my head.”

“How can you even have any sort of clarity when you are boozed up all the goddamn time?!”

“I’ve gotten you this far, haven’t I?”

“With help!”

“So fucking what!” He threw his arms in the air. “You expect me to carry everyone on my bloody back, and still power through it all?” He was beginning to sober up from the adrenaline rush alone.

“No…”

“Then what, Elaina? What? Tell me!” He stood in front of me with his hands on his hips. Everyone in the room was watching us, and I felt every flicker of their eyes as they looked back and forth between the two trains that were colliding right in front of them. Then I had a spark of brilliance.

“If you don’t stop…we are done.” I crossed my arms, and turned away from him like the immature teen that I emulated with such preciseness that it was scary. I could feel his eyes boring through me.

“Excuse me, please, Claire,” Henry mumbled. He stepped around her and stormed off.

“Elaina…that was a little harsh,” said Nick.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Was it, though?” I snapped. “I do believe you’re tired of it, as well! Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to drag his sorry, drunk ass from somewhere so he could puke or pass out? Enough is enough! I will guarantee you that he is chugging another bottle right now! He doesn’t care about himself at all…or me. He only cares about when he’s going to get his next drink!”

“Are you even hearing yourself?” Nick shook his head.

“Perfectly clear. The excuses need to stop, and he needs to step up to the damn plate and be the fucking man that he is supposed to be!” I stomped my pissed off ass over to the pantry, and began a frenzied search for something that was meal quality. Claire followed behind me.

“Elaina…maybe you shouldn’t have humiliated him like that. He can’t help it. He’s sick. You know that. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.” Great, I was starting to feel bad. “Yes, what they did was wrong. I’m not saying otherwise. Maybe you should go to him and apologize. You know you don’t want to leave him. He needs reassurance. What he doesn’t need is to be completely cut down and degraded in front of all of us.”

I couldn’t help but think,
What have I done?

“Maybe I do. I just can’t take his drinking anymore. I can’t stand by and watch him kill himself.” I stopped for a second, and the sight of him holding a gun to his head in the barn ran through my mind. That was one of the worst things that I have ever experienced, seeing him so broken that he was going to shoot himself. It was possible that he would go through with it at some point, I was almost expecting it. My hands shook as I put them over my face when I visualized him pulling the trigger. “Oh god, Claire. What did I do to him?”

“You hurt him with your words, much like he was hurt by those assholes. Look at all that has happened to him. And who knows what else happened to him that he hasn’t told you yet. Or can’t bear to tell you because he may be too ashamed to admit it. They were monsters, and did inhumane things to a boy. Who knows? He could have been sexually abused, as well. Screaming at him and humiliating him like you just did is not the answer to getting him to sober up.”

I looked over at my brother, and he had his head down on the table. I was so fucking wrong, and Claire was so fucking right. I needed to apologize to him before he did something stupid. I took off and sprinted to our room.

***

Henry stormed out of the cafeteria, jogging down to his and Elaina’s room, cursing at himself the entire way. His hands were shaking, his anger was at the surface, and he needed to get it out. When he made it back to their room, he grabbed the first thing he saw and chucked it at the wall. “Fuck me!”

He grabbed an unopened bottle of scotch, and sat down. The whole situation was completely overwhelming him. Never could he imagine Elaina would humiliate him like that. He knew that he needed to quit his drinking. He was just looking for the right time, but he never thought Elaina would throw it all out on the table like she did. He was so ashamed of himself, and chugged about a third of the bottle. The insults starting flying around in his head.

Cock-up. Useless. Loser. Unlovable. Freak. Unwanted. Weak. Throw away.

All the insults that Gunther, Kellan, Drew, and Roger used to throw at him on a consistent basis for years. Then they would beat the hurtful words into him with their fists.

Tears formed in his eyes. He chugged more of the scotch. There was nothing more that he wanted in that moment but to forget his lifetime of humiliation. He drank half the bottle before the sobbing hit him hard.

He just couldn’t even grasp why Elaina would humiliate him like that in front of the others. He lived his life being humiliated by the program. He never imagined the love of his life would do exactly the same thing.

The threatening to leave tore through him, opening that black void in his chest again. He felt like he was filleted like a fish. It was so raw. He almost fell to his knees and pleaded with her right there, but he couldn’t further humiliate himself. He already felt he was two feet tall as it was.

Henry sat there sobbing, a half empty bottle of scotch sitting directly between his legs. His face was in his hands, and his fingers were grasping chucks of his out-of-control hair.

Then the door opened with such haste that it slammed up against the wall.

***

“Henry…” When I saw him sitting hunched over in the chair, it killed me.

“Just leave me the fuck alone. That’s what you want, anyway!” He was sobbing. What the hell had I done to him?

“Henry…I’m so sorry.” I sat down in front of him.

“Just go. You want to go, anyway. Now is as good a time as any. Just get it over with.”

“Henry…please forgive me. I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that in front of everyone. This is all on me. I should have respected your wishes and talked to you about it in private.” My voice cracked. Hearing him sob broke me. “Watching you do this to yourself is killing me. I need you by me, but you won’t be if you continue down this path.”

“I told you I will stop.” He still hadn’t looked up at me.

“You’ve told me a thousand times that you will stop, but you haven’t.” He had quieted down, but then he looked up at me. His face… I could see all the pain, all the hurt, all the abuse right in that moment.

“You fucking humiliated me, Elaina. Absolutely fucking humiliated me. My entire life has been one humiliating experience after another. Between the beatings, the insults, this bloody sickness…” I tried to touch him, but he dodged me. He rested his hand over his chest. “You have gutted me. In a thousand lifetimes, I never thought that you would have done that to me.” He looked back down, avoiding my eyes.