Broken (9 page)

“Alex why are you looking at me that way?”
I ask then I see sitting beside Maggie who is asleep on the ER chair is CORRINE. I go after her with everything in me. I am about to rip this bitch a new asshole. I am done being nice. As I reach her I can tell she’s been crying she is red faced and wow she looks like almost remorseful. “Alexa I am sorry I went after him when he went after you, I wanted him to stay with me and he wanted you, he never wanted anything to do with me when you walked in I had literally just slid to the side to make it look that way but he told me NO I totally tricked him and when you opened the door looking like a crazy angry, then broken woman he was stunned. You ran he took 2 seconds to call me a FUCKING CUNT and then ran after you. I wanted to win but when I rounded that curve on the cliff I knew I was wrong and too late, he was in such a frenzy to get to you to explain he was going to fast he couldn’t control it.” Corrine sounded compassionate but I didn’t care. I reached out as if to console her and as she stepped into me I reared back with the weight of my whole body. And thank you gymnastics gods because due to my upper body strength and her not being on the defense I laid her ass out, I punched her so hard she flew backwards and slid on her scrawny ass ripping her dress across that ugly cheap white sterilized tile like a bowling ball flying down a just oiled lane on open night. I stalked towards her now cowering body and I leaned down in a quiet voice “If you ever come near me or Cameron again it will be the worst thing you could do, I will wrap your body in soaking wet animals skin and lay you out to dry do you understand me CARRINE. Do you know what the skin does when it dries?” I ask her, damn she’s scared all bug eyed and she should be “when is dries it gets tighter and when it gets tight it would squeeze your insides out the top like a tube of toothpaste. And then I would drop your ass in the glades where you would become a Sub for a hungry gator  you would do well to never forget it” I turn to leave and decide to treat her like the dead dog she is to me and I hall off and kick the bitch as hard as I can.” And if he doesn’t live it will be worse bitch I SWEAR TO YOU!”

“Can someone please tell me where my fucking man is please and what the fuck is going on with him” looking around my eyes fall on a lady at a desk. I go over tell her what I want. And of course I don’t need to tell her who I am in
Miami I am well known. And seeing how I fund a huge part of this hospital and all but own most of the land it sits on they get me what I want. I learn that Cam is in surgery still due to swelling on the brain and a broken femur.  Due to the information and the lack of food I find myself dizzy. “Alexa you mind telling me why Cam was at one of your freaking sex parties? He don’t deserve that shit and you said you loved him, why do that to him” I turn to the voice and stare Alex in the eyes, ready to bust Corrine in her mouth again for telling anyone where we were “I owe you nothing Alex not a damn thing, Cam understood and it wasn’t what you think, but the only person I owe anything, (great now I am screaming) EVERYTHING to is laying in a bed fighting for his life so fuck y….” And I remember free falling.

“
Uhh my dayum head is busting what the hell happened” I groan out while rubbing my head. “What the hell ya’ll why am I in a hospital bed, where is Cam?”  I look around the room where Alex stands beside Maggie and Valeria stands with Gus holding her around her waist while she softly cries into his shoulder. I am sure they see the confusion on my face and I start thinking something happened to Cam. I am about to freak out when the doctor walks in. “Miss Cruz can we talk for a bit in private? She ushers everyone out, but not before Val can come over and kiss me lightly on the head. “I love you so much meho soo much.” And she pulls the door to.

“Where is Cam and why am I in this bed?” I demand. “Miss Cruz first off Mr. Thompson is doing great, he made it out of surgery and is in the ICU but he is stable.” Before the doctor can continue I ask “When can I see him?” she huffs like she is pissed um hello bitch don’t be rude “Miss Cruz
  he is doing great but he has some complications, matters of the brain are very fragile, he had some swelling but it seems the surgery has stopped that, he is asleep and we are not sure how long it will be before he wakes up” I’m sure my eyes are about to bulge out of my head WTF did she just say. “SO he is what? in a coma??” I need this clarified. “Yes Ma’am at this time he is, but it looks good none the less, he is breathing on his own and all vitals are strong. He is simply allowing his body to heal at this point.” I am not sure if I want to cry because I am sad he isn’t waking up or if I want to cry because he is breathing on his own.  So I just sit and stare into space. A soft noise brings me back to reality and I realize the doctor has been talking to me “Do what? Sorry I kind of spaced out, I mean this is all so much last time I was in a hospital bed I lost my ba… I just …I felt the same way I do now not sure if I was happy or sad if I cried why that was? So please forgive me but can you please cut the bullshit and tell me why I am sitting in this bed in a shitty green ass less gown.”

Seems I sit forever while she reads over my chart, when finally her beady little eyes look over her half moon glasses she says “Alexa Cruz when you passed out we first thought it was from the chaos. We just wanted to get you laid down and when you had trouble coming to we ran some blood work and got some fluids pumping in you. After seeing the results I have here I want to first let you know. You have to eat better and make sure to intake enough fluids daily. I am not sure what happened last night that had you so dehydrated (I do! Drinking and then crying for hours on end) but you have to work harder and take better care of yourself. You are young and in fabulous shape but our bodies require a certain level of nutrition and fluids. And being pregnant Miss Cruz it’s crucial you do these things.”  HOLY FUCKIN MEXICAN JUMPIN BEAN OF AMERICA WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE JUST SAY!!!!!!!!! “HUH” way to go Lexi you sound real smart right now and I am sure I look it to with my fly trap hanging open. “I am… pregnant? Your sure?” it comes out all jumbled together but she gets it. “Yes Ma’am test say you are of course I need to do an ultra sound to know how far but yes. Is Mr. Thompson the father?” all I can do is shake my head, how in the world did this happen? OH OOOOO wait I know how… first day on the grass we weren’t safe and we didn’t care. “OMG doctor I have been drinking I didn’t know what if I hurt the baby? What if I have damaged it? How can I fix that? I swear I didn’t know.” Valeria and Maggie must have been close because they hear me screaming and they all but bust the door down to get to me. Before I know what’s going on Valeria has scooted under me holding me close shhhing me and stroking my hair like she did when I was younger. “Shhh meho its ok whatever it is its ok we are here for you shhhh” Valeria is my only comfort, what if I harmed my baby without ever knowing it. “ Well only way to tell is check, I will be right back” and  when she returns nurse in tow as well as a machine on a roller I get a weird look from Maggie and Valeria both. They are dazed I can tell they are confused. “OK Mags, Val you both can close your mouth for GODS SAKE they have to check and make sure my BABY is ok.” And with that the room burst into OMG’s cries and squeals. “Holy Moly Batman Lexi for reals? Like seriously your preggers? WOOOOW, o wowwww can I PAHLEEZZZ go tell Alex he needs some good news.” Before I could open my mouth she was out the door.

45 minutes later I am allowed up with a sonogram picture in hand. I am almost 4 months along and everything looked fine. They were surprised I hadn’t felt sick, which I mean I had but I had chucked it up to a hangover since I partied all the time, I just hang my head as I walk over to the room where I am told Cam is. We aren’t allowed in but 2 at a time for 15 minutes every few hours. But they make an exception for the big funder.

He looks so peaceful just laying there with the steady beep of the heart monitor. Nothing is out of place except the cast on one leg and the wrap around his head. He has 1 small spot held together by 2-3 stitches on his check which will likely cause a dimple if I ever get to see his smile again. “I AM SO SORRY. I should have never left you like that and to think this is what I caused. You Cam are everything to me you have to wake up. I can do this alone but I don’t want to I just can’t imagine it. Not to mention we have a surprise, one you may not even want. No I won’t say that. Family is everything to you I know you would. I am having our baby Cam, I can find out the sex in a few weeks and I hope you’re awake by then. I don’t want you to miss this.” Holding my stomach I can’t help but let the tears fall, just when I am getting my life back something so stupid starts taking it all away again “Please wake up I love you and I need you more than air”

It’s worse than the walk of shame when I leave the hospital. They were all staring at
 me like I was a polka dotted hippo on crack. I didn’t say a word just made my way to the car wiping tears. “Maggie please make arrangements at work for Georgina to handle things for a few days I need to tend to a few things and also the information we learned here today doesn’t go beyond here for now. Gus take me home I need to shower and my things, we have to be back here in 3 hours for regular visitation hours.”

Knowing Cam was out of the woods minus the coma it was easier to stay calm. I don’t have an option anyways no matter what I will be careful and I will do right by my baby. Dressed in a simple summer
Capri cat suit I pull my now washed hair into a high ponytail and put on a few chunky pieces of jewelry. Actually looking now I can see the small little bump on my belly. I would have chucked it up to not working out properly sense Cam moved in. I have to look the part I have to be kept together psychically or I will fall apart mentally.  A bag packed and my laptop in tow I head back to Cams bed side where I will refuse to leave.

It’s been almost a week and we are finally in a regular room, not much has changed. I got my way and never left
Cam after I went back to his room. I made a few fits of stopping all funding and next thing I knew I had a nice chair to rest in that turned into a recliner bed. I had all meals brought to the room and used the doctor’s quarters to bathe. Cam hasn’t woke up but he is breathing on his own the only thing he has in his arm now is the iv for fluids, food, and the occasional meds. I have had my entire first floor of the house done where I can take Cam home. I have a nurse staffed now fulltime to have at the house as well as a doctor on call 24/7. I am taking Cam home today. Awake or not he is stable and belongs at home with me and our child. Even Anna flew down to sit with him while I did last minute prep on the house plans. She really was like a sister.

Being
preggo is rough. Good thing I haven’t had to leave my home over the last few months. I ordered my entire nursery online from A Babies Land  in Mississippi where Cam’s mom informed me she bought all his stuff when he was little. She’s been down a few times but it’s tough for her to see Cam laying there. ,His room is nice thou he is as peaceful as he can be. The bed is a California king, they don’t get any bigger and he has a huge window covering most of one wall which we open every day to make sure he receives his vitamin C.  On the best of best days, now with his cast off his leg, when it’s not too hot I even have Gus help the nurse transfer him to a rolling chair bed type thing so we can get him out in the fresh air. I know I sound crazy but trying to keep him as active as I can while he is in a coma keeps me sane. I do all his bathing, well now with the nurses help since I am the size of a house and I even help with his leg therapy. He will wake up one day and I will be right here when he does.

All the baby furniture is assembled thanks to Gus and the room looks great. Val and
Mags both come over to help me decorate. I decided on little sock monkeys and they cover the entire room! Alex usually sits with Cam while we do girlie stuff. He usually reads to him from the sports section or tells him about the guys from back home. They came down when it first happened to be respectful but they don’t even call much now. I understand thou it’s hard to talk to someone who doesn’t talk back. Well for everyone but me. Over the last few months I have all but got my degree in home nursing. I sleep with Cam every night in the big bed it keeps me calm. Besides who would sing to him? I move his hand over my tummy when the baby moves. He may not be awake but I refuse to let him miss anything. Valeria has even got a few pics of us asleep with his hand on my tummy or me curled up beside him. She showed me once and I freaked but after I calmed down I realized how amazing it was that he will have this as a memory even if he doesn’t actually remember it, just knowing I made him a part of it all, that I have never left him. So along the way now we have made a point to get a few here and there. I have told him my whole life story and fill him in after every doctor’s visit.  I watch t.v. in this bed with him and I even got a few baby pieces for down here. When I have the baby I can’t walk the stairs and I wouldn’t anyways. I am still trying to figure how I will ever leave him long enough to have this little bundle. But I will because I have to make all the right choices.

It’s been 5 ½
 months since Cams accident and the baby is on its way. Hardest part about this knowing Cam will miss the whole experience but Valeria is here and taping the whole thing, one day he will watch it I have to hope! And I have to do a good job so I can get back home to him. As bad as I want him to wake up I don’t want him to while I am gone. It would kill me for him to be scared with someone he doesn’t even know. This fucking pain is CRAZY like stepping on a jagged knife and ripping my toes off CRAZY but I just can’t bring myself to get the epidural my baby will be drug free and I will endure what it takes to ensure that! It’s the least I can do after all the drinking my first trimester.  Maggie and Alex are here as well as Gus, Cam’s Mom Mary Ann, and of course Georgina. Just when I think I am going to pass out I hear it, the cry that sounds like an angel singing. A second later I see a beautiful baby  sporting my bronzy skin tone with dark blonde hair(I am surprised Cams color won out over my dark mop) and when I lock eyes with my perfect little angel I am floored to see Cam looking back at me. This child is a spitting image of Cam all the way down to the emerald green eyes. And now that my child’s life isn’t effected by my feelings and actions I let my guard down and I cry for 5 months lost with the man I love more than life. I cry because for the first time in 5 months I see him in my child’s eyes and I realize how void I am without him. I cry for the beautiful life we created that he still doesn’t even know about. I cried because for the first time I have a blood relative alive again and this child will forever love me like I should love myself. UNCONDITIONALLY AND WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.

After only 1 night at the hospital Baby Cruz and I are released with a clean bill of health. I had Gus come in the Hummer to get us I figure it’s the safest vehicle I own, however I wasn’t thinking about how I would get in. GESH The car ride home was a nightmare. I was a ball of nerves. Baby Cruz looked so sweet in the sock monkey car seat, my own little miracle.
Just sleeping the whole way never even batting an eye.  The house is the same of course it would be it’s only been a day. I let Gus and Valeria bring in Baby Cruz and the luggage. (I can’t tote the car seat yet) I go as fast as my legs will take me without hurting myself, still got a few stitches in my va-jay-jay ha! Through the door to Cam. He looks different. It’s only been a day yes but he is turned on his side and the curtains are still drawn to. I freak instantly. The hour it is he should not be turned towards the back wall he should be on his left side facing the window and the curtains should be open it’s beautiful. Oh when I see that nurse her ass is roasted, she is slacking with me being gone one dayum day seriously. LAZY BITCH. I go straight to his bed and start trying to get him turned he has a schedule and EVERYONE knows it just incase something happens and I am not home. We stick to it but with Val & Gus being with me the help got just too comfy.  Gus sits down the car seat and comes to help me before I hurt myself and I let him. Now I have tears staining my cheeks because no one will ever love him the way I do. His mom is on her way for a few days but she doesn’t know how to take care of him like this. After I pull the curtains open I take baby Cruz over to meet Cam.

Cam has on a simple grey t-shirt and is on his side now the right way. I can’t help but lay the baby in his arm on the bed and pull it over. All while secretly praying it would be what woke him up! But no of course not, another prayer unanswered today. They look like they are sleeping together. CLICK I hear the camera, looking over and Valeria
has captured their first meeting. Little did I know that would be the first of many of which I would turn into the photographer of.