Bringing Home Danny (36 page)

“
Everyone seems to really like him.”
 

Danny nodded, then got up from his seat. He started to roam around the room picking up knickknacks and pretending to be interested in them. The therapist leaned forward with his elbow on his knee. He rested his chin on his knuckles as he surveyed Danny's movements.

“
Why am I still coming? Ricky is the one with real problems,” Danny finally said, uncomfortable with the silence.
 

“
It's not a contest.”
 

Danny sighed, and rolled his eyes. “I’m not having bad dreams anymore,” he announced.

“
No?”
 

“
I think you cured me.”
 

“
That's remarkable.”
 

“
You can tell Mitch I'm fine.”
 

“
Why don't
you
tell him?”
 

“
He won't believe me.”
 

“
Perhaps it's time to have a meeting with everyone together.”
 

“
Are you going to tell him that I don't need to come anymore?”
 

“
That depends.”
 

“
On what?”
 

“
On you.”
 

“
They could save money now that Ricky is coming.”
 

“
Does it bother you that Ricky is coming to see me?”
 

“
No. Why would it bother me?”
 

Danny sat back down and started to bite his nails.

“
Danny, if there is something on your mind I'd be happy to hear it. You might find this shocking, but it's actually what they pay me for.”
 

“
There's nothing on my mind, I'm fine now, honest,” Danny said, refusing to be amused by his witty sarcasm. He didn't like the man on principle.
 

“
Antonio tells me that your caseworker came for a visit.”
 

“
So?”
 

“
He said you got a little upset.”
 

“
She's a bitch.” Danny peeked up at him to see how Terry would respond. He liked that you could swear in counseling and nobody would say anything, but it still felt weird cursing in front of an old guy.
 

“
He said she had letters from your mother you didn't want to take.”
 

“
She's got nothing to say that I want to hear or read.”
 

“
It might be important for her to let you know how she's feeling. You might want to do the same and send her a letter back, even if it's to tell her why you don't want contact with her.”
 

“
Doesn't that defeat the purpose?”
 

Terry hooted. He had a big, boisterous laugh that Danny, at first, was unnerved by. Now he was used to it, but he still didn't like being laughed at.

Danny crossed his arms in protest. “What?” he snarled.

“
You can make an art out of avoiding topics you don't want to talk about.”
 

If his therapist had asked him directly if he was bothered by the attention Ricky was getting, he would have denied it. He liked Ricky. Who wouldn't? He was polite, generous, helpful, even tempered, and easy to get along with. He wasn't envious of the time Antonio and Mitch were spending with him; not really. After all, Ricky was a really nice guy who was going through a really hard time. But, if TJ mentioned one more time how attractive Ricky was, or how lucky they were that he was staying with them, Danny was going to... Well, he didn't know what he could do other than suck it up like he's been doing. And, he was definitely
not
jealous. Ricky and TJ were closer in age; it only made sense that they would get along so well.

*****

Ricky found Danny sitting gingerly on the couch in the living room. His eyes were puffy and red, and he was staring blankly at the flat screen TV. It was the third time that summer Ricky heard what sounded like Danny receiving corporal punishment. It wasn't a particularly bad one, but it still tugged at Ricky's heart to hear him being punished.

“
Do you mind if I watch with you?”
 

Danny shrugged and admitted, “I wasn't really watching.”

“
Then, do you mind if we talk?”
 

Danny gave another slight shrug indicating he didn't care.

“
Can I sit here?” Ricky asked, pointing to the spot next to Danny.
 

Danny shifted his body making room for Ricky on the small couch.

“
Thanks. You know, nobody ever really told me your story.”
 

“
What story?”
 

“
Why you are living here, and not with your parents?”
 

Danny shrugged. He really did like Ricky, before when he was just
his
friend. Now that he has moved into his home he knew less about Ricky than the rest of them.

“
I don't mean to pry. I had thought Mitch was your father or an uncle. Then TJ told me you're like a brother to him, even though you're not blood family.”
 

"I'm just staying here for a while,” Danny said without elaborating.

Ricky nodded and said, “We have a lot in common.”

“
Why did you stay with your boyfriend if he was beating you?” Danny blurted out the question that been on his mind.
 

Ricky considered what he should say. If he wanted Danny to open up to him, it was only fair to do the same. After a long pause, he finally said, “It's hard to explain. He told me he loved me. I thought what we had was special.
I started to blame myself, and promised to try harder not to make him mad. Later, he would apologize to me for losing his temper, and promise never to do it again. I wanted to believe him. I thought we could work it out. Once he started hitting me more regularly, I was afraid to leave.”
 

“
Mitch and Antonio hit me, even TJ does." Danny needed to sort things out in his own mind, and he didn't want Ricky liking them as much as he did.
 

“
Even TJ?”
 

“
Sometimes,” Danny backpedaled, regretting that he was making it sound worse than it actually was.
 

“
That sounds rough.”
 

“
I never get an apology," Danny said, playing on his sympathy. "They make it seem like it's
my
fault and make
me
apologize. They practically promise they will do it again. Like they're just waiting for me to mess up.”
 

“
I know. Mitch explained to me that they spank you.”
 

“
Oh.” Danny was deflated as well as embarrassed.
 

“
He says it's for your own good.”
 

“
They think I'm a child. They treat me like I'm four years old.”
 

“
They look out for you. They don't want to see you get hurt.”
 

“
Trust me, it hurts.”
 

“
I bet it does. I've heard some of your spankings. I certainly wouldn't want one.”
 

“
You have?” Danny's voice went high and he immediately flushed.
 

“
Yeah, I have. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, the walls are kinda' thin.”
 

“
You must think I'm a wuss for allowing them to sp...punish me like that.”
 

“
No, I think you're brave.”
 

“
You do?”
 

“
You let Mitch and Antonio punish you because they care about you. I can see it in their eyes, and the way they talk about you. It was different for Brendan and me. He hit because he was angry at the world. He wanted to control everything, he wanted to control me.”
 

“
Mitch is controlling. He expects me to do everything he says.”
 

“
Mitch wants what's best for you, just like Antonio and TJ.”
 

“
You sound like Antonio," Danny scoffed.  "How's it any different from what Brendan did?”
 

“
Brendan didn't love me, or at least he loved himself more. Sometimes I think he even enjoyed hurting me. He liked to see me suffer when he was really upset.”
 

Danny thought about that. “I guess that make sense. I can tell Antonio doesn't like to, you know, punish me. But Mitch says if I earn it, he doesn't mind handing out the consequences.”

“
I suspect you'll just have to trust their motives. I think their intentions are good if they spank you out of concern.”
 

Danny blushed again and asked, “Did you love him?”

“
I thought I did. Once I realized I was in danger, I knew it couldn't be love.”
 

Feeling disarmed by Ricky’s honesty, Danny began to open up more. “Some people can be dangerous when they're in love. People hurt people they love all the time.”

“
Has anyone you loved ever hurt you?”
 

After a long silent pause, Danny finally said, “I guess.”

“
Do you worry that someone here would ever hurt you?”
 

“
You mean like you? Where I'd have to go to the doctor's?”
 

“
Something like that.”
 

“
No.” Danny looked over at Ricky's injured hand and admitted, “The spankings don't hurt
that
bad. I mean after a day or two, I can hardly feel anything at all. TJ says if a warm bottom for a few days keeps me from doing something I'll regret for the rest of my life, then it's worth it. And, Mitch and Antonio say they will continue to spank me even if I hate them for it as long as it keeps me safe.”
 

“
It must be nice in a way, to know that you're cared about as much as you are.”
 

“
I guess.”
 

Ricky smiled at Danny. Then he confessed, “I wasn't spanked as a child. My father never hit me. He barely even touched me. My family was –
is
rather reserved. I don't see much of them anymore. I wish I could say I miss them. But I can't honestly say that I do.”

Danny was caught off guard by Ricky's straightforwardness. Before he realized it, he was sharing secrets of his own. “I never told anybody, but my father lives here in New York. I kept it to myself because I didn't want Mitch to try and find him. I haven't seen him since I was twelve.”

“
Does he live close by?”
 

“
I have no idea where he lives anymore. We had a home in the suburbs, then he wanted to move closer to Wall Street.”
 

“
Why don't you see him?”
 

“
My parents divorced when I was eight. My mother was already a heavy drinker by then, and my father was having a lot of affairs. He never thought she was good enough for him. I think he felt the same way about me. When he left her for his new trophy wife, my mother moved us to Florida. He needed someone who could fit in better with his corporate image, and she needed someone who wasn't going to nag her about her drinking.”
 

“
Didn't he want to spend time with you?”
 

“
He took me a few times for visits. Whenever he wanted to appear like a respectable family man he'd drag me, and his flawless wife, to dinners with clients who were seeking the family man image. He also took us to corporate picnics to pretend we were a family for a day - that sorta thing. His new wife didn't want to have kids. She thought they were messy and distracted from her '
me time'
. She was mostly afraid she'd lose her figure. I hated her and my father.”
 

“
Why did he stop seeing you?”
 

“
He soon realized I wasn't going to help him in his family man act. I wanted him to stop making me go to those bogus events. The last time he took me to a work picnic, I refused to play the ridiculous father and son relay games with him. He called me worthless, and I called him an asshole. He lost it and began hitting me right in front of all his corporate friends.”
 

Danny laughed sardonically. “Needless to say, he didn't leave a good impression. I never saw him again after that.”

“
That's it? He stopped visiting you altogether?”
 

“
He called a couple of times to argue with my mother about child support. He kept hoping she'd marry Stan so he wouldn't have to pay alimony anymore. But I didn't want to talk to him, and eventually he stopped asking to speak to me.”
 

Ricky stared at Danny in disbelief. “Wow, he does sound like an asshole.”

“
He is.”
 

“
My father has never called me worthless, but sometimes I get the impression he doesn't think too much of me. He expects me to call him, but he never calls me. We never talked about Brendan or any of my boyfriends. I think, in his mind, if he didn't have to talk about me being gay, and no one mentioned it, then that part of my life didn't exist. I have a brother and a sister. One's a corporate business administrator. The other's on the way to being a corporate lawyer. My parents thought me being a musician was a waste of time. At least that was something they had in common with Brendan.”