Brick Lane (23 page)

'It will fly away,' said Amma, grinding the spices and testing her teeth against her lip. Her toes curled into the soft mud floor of the yard. From the shade of the pomegranate tree she withstood a few minutes more of her luckless life. She shouted at the servant boy because the yard was not properly swept and she shouted at the new widow (a relative taken in but a lesser relative who was suffered as long as she served) because the fire was not properly set. Groaning, she continued to grind.

'You're bad,' the bird told Nazneen one day. 'Go away.' Obedient, she went.

Everyone laughed and Nazneen made up her mind to return and join the laughter but her legs still carried her forward. She went to the edge of the village and looked across the fields, the river; watched a sampan with its ragged sail lazy in the still air, the boatman unconcerned on his haunches. When the smoke began to rise from the mound of the furthest village, the thought of dinner pulled her home. Mumtaz said, 'Well, my serious friend. Still glad you came back to life?'

The bird did not fly away. Someone taught it a bad word. Amma was furious. Abba laughed and said, 'Naturally she is upset. She comes from a family of saints.' He went away for a few days and when he returned there was a bounce in his step. The bird learned another bad word. It called out to everyone that passed and it had a new laugh, a chuckle at the back of its throat, and when Abba laughed as well they sounded like brothers.

A table had been brought out into the big yard. Stools set around. The women kept to their quarters and the men chewed their pipes. Nazneen and Hasina watched the elders arrive and take their seats. Hasina pulled on her imaginary beard and coughed and spat. Nazneen thumped her on the arm. Abba began to speak and the men sucked with all their strength on the hookahs and cups of steaming tea. Abba finished and another man began to speak, another joined in and another until soon they all struggled to be heard. A scream from the women's quarters scattered their words like a handful of seed; they fell and were lost and if anything grew from them it would be later. For now it was quiet, and Abba rose and walked quickly across the yard and Nazneen and Hasina darted around the back so that from different directions they reached Mumtaz at the same time. She held the bird, on its back, in the palm of her hand and she stroked its black chest. They went closer and they saw the way the head hung down. It was certain now. It would not fly away.

She woke from the dream and looked at her husband's face, squashed against the pillow. Her legs were involved with his and she reclaimed them. Then she went to the sitting room and began to sew. After a short time the machine was idle and she only sat.

A heap of sequined vests lay to the side. She had put zips in three of them. She picked one up and held it out. The little plastic discs caught the light, wavering between pink and white. She took it to the bathroom and locked the door, unbuttoned her nightdress and removed her arms from the sleeves, tied the sleeves around her waist. The zip went at the back and it was difficult to do it up, but she managed. She looked in the mirror and looked away quickly. In the cabinet she found a band for her hair and piled it on top of her head. Facing her reflection once again she saw that her breasts looked flat. She put her hand inside the top and pulled her left breast up and then the right one so that they sat together at the sequined neckline and made a deep valley between them. She looked in the mirror but she did not see herself, only the flare of the sequins, and then she closed her eyes and the ice smelled of limes and she moved without weight and there was someone at her side, her hand in another, and they turned together, arms around waists, and through her half-closed lashes she saw him. The fine gold chain about his neck. And then she opened her eyes and took off the top. She held it out again and she saw that the sequins were cheap. She turned it over in her hands. The sequins looked like fish scales.

D
HANMONDI
, D
HAKA

January 2001
Bismillahir rahmanir rahim.
How much I have to praise for Him! How much He have given me! All times 1 making mistakes, all times I going off from straight Path and He is giving chance again and then again. Here is for me another chance.

They took me from House of Falling Women is destitute hostel in Hazaribagh under wing of Brother Andrew who has come here from Canada for saving us. Friend of Lovely have take another woman out from there and Lovely say 'She is not only charitable lady in whole of Dhaka. Let us take one too.' That is how she say to husband James.

In actual fact husband name is Jamshed Rashid but everyone calling James. Lovely have name Anwara Begum but nobody call her like this. Everyone call Lovely even own children.

House in Dhanmondi. Good good place and house too good also. Downstair big room with plenty wood furniture television video machine. Special wood the furniture you never see like this how much it glow. This room know as reception room. Little room full toys and books is playroom. Is one whole entire room for children for play. Bathroom downstair and kitchen beside. My room is next kitchen. It have electric light.

Upstair is room for Lovely and James. Is call master bedroom. The boy name Jimmy. He have next big room. The baby name Daisy. She have own room all for she. Other bedroom have name guest room. Every day I go inside and turn down sheet for the bed is airing. Lovely say 'In good household the guest bed is always properly air.' Every evening I must keep to my mind to pull sheet again up.

Oh sister He has not turned His face from me. All the mistakes I make. Here I am in spite even so.

Street is wide and nice. But plastic bag blowing everywhere. Walk in street for five ten minute and by finish you cover in bag on legs and arms and stomach. Everyone hate the bag but also all accepting what can you do? Like as if Allah making mosquito and plastic bag equal-equal for being in this world.

End of street it go narrow and here one or two shop and also rickshaw workshop. You see them painting back panels and also on baby taxi. I like to watch. Most often is painting Taj Mahal or mosque but also is peacock tiger elephant and film star. One is painting picture for face of woman and I stop and ask. It face belong to singer in USA country she call Britainy Spear. Very beautiful she too. But when I find self there go slow and stop then I bring to mind that I must hurry and do errand for Lovely. How many time He bring me luck again? No I must hurry always.

My duty in house is for care the children cleaning wash plate wash clothes shopping and errand and thing. That is all. There is man for cooking and he also take heavy work in garden and I only do is bit watering weeding and grow some special few vegetable behind house. You see how is. Very good position.

Sister I waiting for your letter and praying. But maybe since long time you have move and these words stay words as they do not go into you and it my love only that reach somehow to you. Wherever you are still it come and it find you always.

Hasina

February
I have your letter. All others are lost. Gone in that time I hold on to nothing. I have your letter. So much I want from it that I feel to eat it and make part of me. But then too it gone to look at.

The girls are pride to you. Tell them auntie send love and never forget. You say you husband teach to them poetry. How it cause trouble? Good man for him to do this task. We never have teaching and learning this things but somehow it always there tangling up with us. It stay in the bone. You say nothing have change. Something saying you sad about it. But sister count your blessing. This unchanging of thing it is number one blessing. And the doctor still come to eat at your home. How I like to think of it. My sister giving food to doctor! Husband have big job now after this time I think. Entertaining with doctor. This is Lovely word for it.

She is very much love to entertaining. It in her own nature to give dinner and party no matter what how tired it make. Only few short years gone Lovely is Miss Comilla in Regional Beauty Pageant. She for certain sure have been Miss Bangladesh but marriage come in the way and stopping it all. She say 'I go around the world but for my James. So much he love me he cannot wait. It sweet really. He so sweet.'

Sometime she come in playroom and lie on couch. Children jumping on top and putting little arm round the neck. Darlings (is how she call them) thats very sweet but look at all your lovely toys. It true. If you try to count how many you running out of numbers before you running out of toys.

Jimmy is three and one half year old and he goes like bluebottle in jar. Most time he playing army game and like to give blow on arm and leg. Only toy he pick up is gun and sword. Very full energy this boy. When he tire out he drop down anywhere and I carry to bed. Baby Daisy is just start walk. Now she follow around me like baby duck and she never let out from sight or else begin the squawking. One time Lovely pick up and take outside but she bring back and say I dont know what is wrong with this girl. At first Daisy missing old maid who go away due to cheating of shopping money. But now she is all right with me. When Lovely take the children to go for visit she put sweet in baby mouth and that keep sound from coming.

I doing well in duty. Lovely say Oh you have saved my life you are an angel. She is nice kind lady. 'I will speak to James for building extension. Proper servant quarter. This house is so small.' I not sleep in my room at present time. Baby Daisy is start to wake in night and from my room is too hard for hear. Few nights sleeping on landing but husband is tripping over and stubbing toe on head. So I take bedroll and sleep on baby room floor. Is better in actual fact than own room. Now if I turn over in night I not hitting against door. And there is window for air too. Is nice room. Zaid (the cook) have put rice sacks and flour sacks in my room all on top of my things and I did must speak to him. 'Room?' he say. 'What room? I see cupboard. I see shelf. I dont see any bloody room.' Zaid sleep in kitchen on table. That if he here at night. Many night he go away and not come back until morning late. 'Do you think he has woman?' say Lovely. 'Do you think he is going to leave us? He could get job anywhere. His kichuri is famous whole length of the Buriganga. Somebody have poached him. I know it. I know it.'

It not simple thing to run household. Sometime I feel Lovely got too many things weigh down on her.

April
Both children is now sleep afternoon time is how I sit down with pen for you. Many days children is sleep different time and then it keep me busy busy for all day Baby Daisy get up early maybe five and half past five. Brother is later get up and very late in evening go to the bed. When I lie down at night my head touching to ground and two three seconds sleep come. Yesterday Lovely have party for twelve people guest. Zaid spin around kitchen so fast it look like Sufi in there dancing spinning. Children too more excited with all guest and present and sweet. It take long time to calm. Then after is washing and clearing. Zaid watch me for some time. Then he say 'My time is coming.' And he go out.

Lovely just now come here look for childrens. She see me with pen and I jump up but she tell me be calm. I tell her about you sister. Lovely is say how sweet. That is kind of lady. No word of anger pass through the lip. She sit with me and discuss. She wear robe colour like ripe peach not yet dress because of late entertaining. Hair all way hang down back too beautiful. You have see this Britainy Spear? That more less how Lovely look. Rickshaw workshop make more carriage paint with this singer picture. It too surprising to me sometime how much like Bangla girl she look have long black hair and black eye.

Lovely do face exercise. One time judge in Regional Beauty Pageant tell chin is weak. Every day she do face exercise for strengthen though it look plenty strong for eat talk everything. When she finish she say 'You know we live in capital city but really is so provincial.' Then she tell me about big fashion show is call BATEXPO. This is meaning Bangladesh apparel and textile show. She sighing like she seen a piece of heaven. Show at Pan Pacific Sonargaon Hotel. Is very smart place and almost is not provincial. How she made it sound! She show me how the models walk and say this walk come natural to her in spite some model have struggle with it. Very wonderful way she move with hand on hip like she melting and you can tip over and pour out. Some famous model there. Miss India there. She famous for world over. Lovely describe me all clothes food drink dance music. Have you hear song Barbie Girl? Is everyone favourite song.

Lovely sit down with me for all this discuss. She ask 'Will you tell me something and swear to tell truth?' I say I will never tell lie to you who is giving this roof for head. 'Do you think Betty is more beautiful than me?' Her face come all serious. Betty is friend of her and she was Miss Chittagong 1997. I tell her no and it true for Lovely is more beautiful in my eye. She look a little pleased. 'I hear it said many time that Betty is more beautiful than Miss Beautiful Smile.' Then she explain about Miss Beautiful Smile who is daughter of Government Minister. Oh it is too too shame when that girl say she will become lawyer and help destitute women and all the photographer and reporter gather round to her and hang on to words when what she ever done at all for destitute woman and doesnt Lovely have destitute living right here in home with her. I say too it shame. Lovely think that girl only so high up in Beauty Pageant because of father name. I agree to her. Then she tell me television camera came for take film of BATEXPO. Indian fashion designer there speak into camera and it her opinion recorded in film that people of Bangladesh should be more fashion aware. Lovely sigh and say how you expect it in place where even capital city provincial like hell.

She speak to me many often and explain me her problems. If I sweeping floor then Baby Daisy hanging onto leg Jimmy running round diving in dirt pile and Lovely time to time sit on chair and tell to me. Betty is best friend and she have everything it seem all come to her no effort at all. This is instance – husband James have driver and sometimes driver come for Lovely and take around. But driver is come with job and not always time available for Lovely. Betty ask to her husband for car and driver and get it straight away no question is asking. Lovely is still wait for own driver. Also this house is not so big house in this street many house too much bigger. Betty house bigger than this house. Beside Lovely must manage house and children with one maid only and one cook. Husband James say no need of ayah as well maid. But in actual fact Lovely need ayah too also. And she is expect spend much time for Charity working and for party which is important for husband position and job.