Breathe You In (12 page)

Releasing a breath, I watched as the huff of air
from my lungs shifted the hair on the top of his head. He moved to the other
breast, feeding my nipple into his mouth and tweaking it with his tongue. He massaged
and gently squeezed the now damp breast he’d just given attention to.

A type of fever was growing in me. But it was fever
of the good kind. Between my legs felt heavy, needy. I had the urge to move
just a fraction farther forward in Ruben’s lap and see if the erection I
suspected was there was as hard as it had been yesterday.

I stayed still.

Ruben kissed up my sternum, my neck, and found
my mouth. He was still fondling my right breast as he kissed me, wetly,
hungrily and with a little less control than yesterday.

Running my hand down his chest and over his belly,
I found his groin. The folds of denim could do nothing to hide the swell of his
hard cock. I itched to hold it, release it. Learn the shape and weight of him
the way he’d just done to me. I popped the top button, but as I did so, he
grabbed my wrist, pulled back from our kiss.

“Katie,” he said slightly breathlessly.

“What’s wrong?” I stilled.

He looked away.

“We can be ourselves together,” I said gently.
“Tell me.”

“I like that.” He gently pinched my chin with his
fingers and thumb.

“What?”

“That there is a ‘we’. Us together.”

“Me too.” I grazed my lips over his. “So tell
me.”

He nodded and released my wrist. “It’s just,
well, I want you to do whatever it is you want to do, but…”

He shut his eyes, as though frustrated with
himself.

“But what?”

“But, well, I won’t deny it, I’m a bit anxious, you
know, about doing this, with this.” He placed his hand on his chest.

“With your new heart?”

He nodded.

I took hold of the bottom of his t-shirt and
peeled it up and over his head, threw it down by my bra. “This heart,” I said,
placing a kiss over his scar, “is a good, strong heart that can handle me just
fine.”

“I’m sure it will be okay it’s just…”

“You want to take it slow?” I shrugged. “I want
to take it slow too. We don’t have to go all the way, not if it’s too soon. We
can have some other fun.”

“God, you must think I’m a wimp.” A flash of
wounded pride crossed his face.

“There’s nothing wimpy about that package you’ve
got in your pants, mister. It’s feeling like a whole lot of hot, hard man to
me.”

He laughed. “You always say the right thing, you
know that?”

I smiled and pressed my palm over his cock,
squeezed through the denim.

His face fell serious. “That feels good. Your
hand on me.”

“I can make it feel even better, if you want me
to.”

He paused, then nodded. “Yes. That’s what I
want.”

I wriggled and slipped between his legs, so mine
were folded on the floor and my shoulders were between his thighs. I began to
undo the buttons on his jeans. I felt tiny nestled between his long limbs.

“You have…” I trailed off as a sudden panic
gripped me.

“What?” He clenched his fists that were resting
on his thighs.

I had to just say it. But how could I soften it
up? Make it fluffy and socially acceptable? I couldn’t. “You have made yourself
come since the operation, though.” I’d done a first-aid course last year with
my work. But still…

He touched my hair. “Yes, don’t worry, it works
fine, it’s just you, having you here, doing whatever you’re going to do.” He
frowned, rubbed his chin. “Even before my op you’d have had my blood pressure
going through the roof, Katie. You’re so damn sexy.”

I released the last button on his fly. I wasn’t
that sexy, and if he’d masturbated and all was well, then what was the problem?
“In that case it will be fine. Just enjoy.” I was impatient to see him, touch
him. My mouth was watering. I wanted to taste him. Learn his scent, shape and
texture.

He lifted his hips and helped me tug his jeans
down. His white CK boxers came down too and his erection sprang free.

My breaths were fast and shallow. His dark cock
was long and traced with bulging veins. I couldn’t help but compare him to Matt
who had been shorter but thicker. Also, Ruben was circumcised, the shiny,
smooth head a perfect flare and the groove beneath deep.

Very gently I took him in my fist and rubbed my
thumb through that trench of silky skin beneath his glans. I was rewarded with
Ruben’s soft moan.

“Is that okay?” I asked, glancing up at him.

His cheeks were flushed. He nodded.

I tipped forward, swept my tongue over the tip,
dipping into his slit and then laving around the head.

“Oh, fuck…” he said, slotting both of his hands
into my hair, his fingers just pulling on the roots, tugging my scalp in a way
that far from slowed me but turned me on all the more.

I stretched my mouth wide and took the entire
head of him in deep, still playing and exploring with my tongue.

“Katie,” he gasped.

I withdrew, traced a particularly thick vein
with my thumb. “Do you want me to stop?”

“Hell no.”

I smiled, tickled my fingers through the pubic
hair on the base of his belly and took him deep into my mouth. Feeling the
smooth tip of his cock running over my palate and hitting the base of my tongue
at the back of my throat was glorious.

He groaned in a deliciously decadent way. It was
the noise of a man who’d been denied a woman’s mouth for years. I was pleased
it was me here with him. More than pleased, I felt privileged.

I withdrew, sank back down. Set up a steady
rhythm with my hand and mouth. My pussy was hot, my clit pressing against my
knickers, each slight movement rubbing it and making it greedy for stimulation.
Ruben’s body was stiff, his legs holding me tight and his belly a sheet of
steel. I ran my free hand up to his chest, felt for his heartbeat. It was
thudding away, fast and strong.

“Oh, oh, I’m going to…Katie.” His shifted his
hips, toward my mouth, then bucked away, as though overwhelmed.

But I didn’t let him escape, if anything I
increased my enthusiasm. Sucked and swirled, intensified my grip on the root of
his shaft, holding it tight in the circle of my index finger and thumb and
dragging up and down to meet my lips.

“I’m
gonna
come in
your mouth if you’re not careful,” he said, fisting my hair.

That was the idea, but I didn’t pause to tell
him that. Instead, I found his balls with my fingertips, so I was cupping the
base of his shaft and rolling him too. Saliva dripped down my chin, lubricating
the way, heating us further.

“Ah, ah, ah, yes, yes,” he hissed.

His cock was bone-hard and bloated as I felt the
first pulse of release.

Cum flooded the back of my throat. I swallowed,
kept working him with my mouth and touching his balls. Another shot swamped my
tongue. I guzzled it, loving his flavor, the salty thickness of his pleasure.

He clasped a hand over mine, the one that was
flat on his chest. “Jesus, that’s so fucking good,” he gasped. “Fucking hell,
ah, oh yeah…”

I slowed and relaxed my grip. He unclamped his
legs from around me.

I caught his cock in my hand and looked up.

He was staring down at me, red-cheeked and with a
sheen of sweat on his brow and upper lip. His heart was pounding. His breaths
were coming rapid. His hair had flopped forward.

“That worked okay for you?” I asked, releasing
him and wiping moisture from my chin.

“More than okay. Bloody hell, Katie…that was…”

Suddenly I was on his lap again. He’d hoisted me
up beneath my arms and sat me sideways. His sudden speed and strength both surprised
and thrilled me.

I looped my hands behind his neck and felt his
softening cock against my hip.

“Thank you,” he said, touching my lips with the
tips of his fingers, following their shape, from one corner to the other and
dipping into my cupid’s bow.

I smiled. “I had fun.” I stroked down his neck
to his chest, touched his scar. Matt’s heart was still thudding, thudding
because of the orgasm I’d just given Ruben.

“Damn, I’m tingling all over,” Ruben said,
touching the layer of dampness on his brow.

“Is that a bad sign?” Shit, what had I done? Had
I finished him off with a blowjob?

He laughed. “No, good tingling. Long-overdue
tingling.”

“Phew.” I smiled and kissed him through my grin.

“I feel I should return the favor.” He ran his
hand over my shoulder, found my breast and fondled my nipple.

The offer was very appealing. I, too, was
tingling with desire, a lust for more skin on skin and feeling Ruben hit that
high again, with me in tow. But I also believed that what we had was delicate
and new and we’d said we’d go slow. “Maybe another time,” I said.

“I feel like I could run a marathon. Don’t worry
about me. I’m fine, more than fine.”

I pulled away. “But what about slow? Us taking
it slow?”

“I’ve always loved speed. Fast cars…” He winked.
“Fast women…”

“I’ve noticed.” I giggled but kept my head drawn
back. “But still, we should eat.”

He stilled his movements, then released my
nipple and stroked his hand up to my cheek. “Okay, I hear you. But I should
warn you I’m not the type of bloke who likes to be in debt. It just doesn’t sit
well with me.”

I untangled myself and stood. “That’s great to
know because I’m not a woman who likes to be owed.”

“Perfect match then.” He shuffled on the sofa,
tugged up his boxers and jeans then reached for my bra and blouse, handed them
to me. “Much as I’d like to eat dinner with you like that.” He nodded at my bare
chest. “You might get your due quicker than you want.”

I didn’t see Ruben for several days. After we’d
hungrily demolished the pasta dish we’d cuddled and kissed in the hallway and
then he’d left.

I’d lain awake half the night, wondering if I
should have let him ‘return the favor’ as he’d put it. It would have led to
more, I was sure of it. How could it not? Ultimately it would have also led to
him staying the night.

Was I ready for that? A new man in my bed?

A few weeks ago my answer would have been a
definite no. But with Ruben, well, it was different. He was connected to Matt. He
made me feel closer to Matt. Ruben was Ruben, a man who’d become important to
me in a short space of time, yet someone who I felt had been waiting for me as
much as I’d been searching for him.

I stared in the mirror and applied a sweep of
scarlet lipstick that matched the flowers on my top. As I dragged the color around
I thought of my lips on Ruben. Matt’s heart had pumped blood around his body at
a furious rate as I’d made him come. Matt’s lungs had heaved air in and out of
Ruben’s chest, making him pant and gasp and stretch out a delicious moan that I
could still hear whenever I summoned the memory.

I put the lipstick away and felt a now familiar
bubble of pleasure pop inside me. That had been one hell of a sexy moment. I’d
replayed it over more times than I could count.

And it hadn’t been Matt I’d been thinking of as
I’d sucked Ruben off. Not at all. I was there, with Ruben, this new man, with a
new body for me to discover; what he liked, how he felt, his taste, what he
could do with
his
mouth. I was
definitely with Ruben. I just didn’t feel as if I was being unfaithful to Matt,
it was like he was there, approving of us.

Would he, though?

I shut the living room window then grabbed my
keys off the side. Let myself out of the flat. I was meeting Janine in half an
hour and a group of her friends she assured me I’d just adore. They were ‘a
scream’ apparently.

Matt would have wanted me to be happy, that I
knew in a very real, central part of my soul. We’d been a strong, united
couple, completely unselfish in every decision we’d made. If it had been the other
way round and I’d died, I would have wanted him to find someone to share the
rest of his life with. Living without love was a map of gray nothingness. Being
lonely like flailing through space without a destination.

But would I have wanted him to end up with a
woman who had my actual, physical heart?

I tightened the strap of my small red bag over
my shoulder, quickened my pace. How could I possibly know the answer to that
question? What were the chances of it ever happening?

But my chances had been high, the odds with me
because I’d manipulated it so Ruben and I
had
met.

But it wasn’t out of maliciousness, just
curiosity, macabre curiosity maybe, but that was all, a need to know. And I hadn’t
ever wanted to talk to him, certainly not date him and absolutely, definitely
not suck his cock. Not back then. All I’d wanted to do was see him, from a
distance. Make sure he was okay and that Matt’s heart was serving him well. I’d
just needed to be able to picture where that bit of Matt was when I lay in bed
at night, missing him more than I’d miss all four of my limbs if they were torn
from me.