Breathe (9 page)

Silence.  

“I am not going anywhere and if you do, I’ll just follow you.  At some point you’re going to have to explain, and I’ll be waiting.”

I was becoming frustrated and her glare became a little more wary.  I took a steading breath before I launched into her. 

“You know, it’s kind of insulting that after two months you still get that look in your eyes around me.  Do you not realize what you mean to me?  I would never, could never, hurt you,” I huffed exasperatedly.

Her eyes seemed to soften a bit with my words. 

“I’m not mad at you.  I guess I’m angry with myself.”

“Why?”  I asked, confused.

She smiled sadly.

“Because when you say that you’re always going to be here.  I’m starting to believe you.”

Chapter Eleven

BETHANY

Gradually balmy late summer gave way to cooler, blustery winter days.  Winter in south Texas is a capricious thing.  Just when I thought it was safe to put away my comfy t-shirts and flip flops, an eighty degree day would have me digging into my summer wardrobe.  Then overnight, a cold front would come through, sending me scurrying to put warmer clothes on.  There was rarely a need for anything beyond a warm sweater or light jacket during the winter months.  Near the gulf coast it rarely froze, much less snowed.  Beyond the fleeting little snow flurries we occasionally got in this part of the world, I’d yet to see an actual accumulation of snow. 

My first Christmas with Logan was more fun than any holiday I could remember.  Logan planned something festive almost every day during the month of December.  One night, he insisted that we start a fire in his home’s ancient looking fireplace, even though it was almost sixty degrees outside.  I highly doubted it had been used in the last century, much less ever been cleaned out.   While we successfully managed to light a fire without burning the house down, we had to open every downstairs window in the house in order to tolerate the intense heat.  The yummy s’mores we made out of toasted marshmallows were totally worth the effort.

Last weekend, to my utter embarrassment, he insisted we travel to Houston to wait in an endless line at the Galleria because I mentioned I’d actually never been to see Santa.  I still couldn’t believe we’d done it, but I had the picture of Logan and me smiling with a jolly Santa to prove it.  We attended the annual tree lighting ceremony on the square while the Fort Grange High School band played Christmas songs.  Another weekend, we watched nothing but cheesy old Christmas movies.  While I gave Logan a hard time about it, I secretly loved every minute.

On the Saturday before Christmas, Logan had another outing planned, but he refused to tell me where we were going.  I jumped out of bed the minute I woke up, showered, dressed, and texted Logan in record time.  I couldn’t wipe the silly smile off my face when I saw Logan waiting just outside the front door.  It was a beautiful, crisp morning, with the high forecasted to be only near fifty, so I wore an old faded pair of blue jeans with a pale green turtle neck sweater.  Usually, I didn’t enjoy surprises, but Logan’s were always good, so I was trying to be a good sport -- kind of…   

“So, do I get to find out what my surprise is yet?”  I wheedled.

Logan opened his welcoming arms to offer me a hug, and I gladly accepted.  Maybe it would soften him up enough to let me in on the surprise early. He shook his head sternly.

“Nope, no way.  You will find out soon enough,” he smiled smugly.

He gave me another tight squeeze before he led me to the passenger side of the Mustang.  Over the past few months, I had learned to accept Logan’s gentle touch without fear.  He couldn’t be in the same vicinity as me without some kind of physical contact -- holding my hand, touching the small of my back, or putting his arm around me.  Occasionally, if he surprised me, I would still automatically flinch, but it was rare.  When it did happen, he would always stop and glance at me for a second, reassuring himself that I was okay with the contact.  Beyond that, he never verbally acknowledged my reluctance.

He backed his car out of the drive and we quickly made our way out of town.  Once we hit the highway, the route we were taking was familiar.  Ha!  I knew exactly where we were going!

“We are going to the beach,” I announced triumphantly.

“Not quite, but we can stop by on our way back.”

My shoulders slumped.  I thought I had it.  Guessing was fun, so I kept racking my brain trying to figure it out, but I was stumped.

“So are you going to give me any hints?”

Logan smiled indulgently.  He kept his eyes on the road, pretending to be deep in thought before he answered.

“It has to do with Christmas,” he told me solemnly.

“Wow.  Thanks for the hint Captain Obvious,” I huffed, “Everything we’ve done all month has had to do with Christmas. Can I have a REAL hint? Please?”

“Okay, but this is the last one.  It has to do with Christmas, and it’s on Galveston Island.”

I was still stumped.  I was just going to have to be patient and see where we ended up.

Once we made it to the windswept island, he turned toward the historic district.  Several stately, turn-of the-century homes were scattered throughout the area.  When he turned down a narrow side street and parked the car in front of an old building, I was perplexed.

“This is the surprise?”

“Just wait Miss Impatient.  You’ll see.”

When we got out of the car, the normally salty breeze was redolent with the scent of fresh roasted peanuts.  Faintly in the distance, I heard carolers singing Christmas songs.  Logan took my hand and led me closer to the source of the action.  When we turned a sharp corner, I was transported back in time. 

It was a magical scene right out of a book.  It resembled what a Christmas festival might have looked like in nineteenth century London.  Old lamp posts decorated with garland and ribbons lined the street.  People were strolling up and down the sidewalk dressed in Victorian era garb.  Peddlers pushed rolling carts laden with yummy smelling foods through the crowd, hoping to entice hungry revelers.   Storefront vendors were hawking their wares, encouraging customers to come in and browse.  Musicians, acrobats, and jugglers performed on the street corners. Amid all of the chaos, romantic horse drawn carriages driven by sharply dressed men in top hats meandered up and down the road. 

“Judging by the smile on your face, I’m guessing you like my surprise?”

“I love it!”

My eyes flitted from one thing to another.  There was so much to explore and experience, I wasn’t sure where I wanted to head first.  Logan tugged on my arm and led me toward a waiting horse drawn carriage.

“How about we start with a carriage ride?”

I nodded my assent and Logan gave the driver his fee.  The driver held his hand out to help me into the carriage, and my immediate reaction was to pull back.  Logan quickly stepped in front of the smartly dressed man, and lifted me into the seat before pulling himself up to sit beside me.  The driver climbed onto his perch in front, then lightly slapped the leather reins before the proud horses proceeded together simultaneously.  The rhythmic clip-clop of the horses’ hooves serenaded us as we explored the festive holiday scene.  Logan grabbed my hand and leaned in close, his warm breath tickling my ear.

“Merry Christmas, Beth,” he whispered softly, sending goose bumps down my spine.

The world disappeared for a precious moment.  The only things that existed were the two of us in the carriage from a by gone era.  The cacophonous noise of the street festival faded into the background.  His liquid brown eyes gazed into mine.  My throat tightened when Logan tilted his head even closer to mine. He was finally going to kiss me.   I released an anxious breath as he brushed a kiss to my forehead.  I was startled to discover I was a little disappointed. 

Despite my original protest, I knew my blossoming feelings toward Logan were definitely romantic.  He had been careful not to label our relationship when I told him I wasn’t interested in a boyfriend.  We spent the majority of our free time together, and his continual habit of caressing me, convinced me he felt the same.  When it came to dating, I was inexperienced and unsure of the next step.  In books and movies, girls my age dated someone for a few weeks, fell madly in love, had sex, and moved on to the next relationship.  That cynical scenario wasn’t for me, but I lacked the confidence to make the first move.

The Christmas festival began to wind down as darkness approached.  We thoroughly enjoyed our blissful day in Victorian England, taking in the sights and eating way too much food.  Afterward, we headed to River Oaks to view their extravagant Christmas lights.  The upscale neighborhood erected elaborate Christmas decorations among gracious homes adorned by noble old oak trees.  One of the light displays was synchronized to music, and it had me mesmerized.  I’d watched various clips of similar Christmas displays on YouTube, but it was much more impressive in person.  I wasn’t ready to go home, but we still had over an hour’s drive and we had to make it back to my bleak little house by ten. 

To my immense delight and astonishment, I saw very little of my loathsome step-dad after I met Logan.  It was confusing, but I refused to waste a second of my reprieve wondering when it would end.  My back might be healed, but I would never forget what Jack was capable of.  When I was home, I was very cautious.

Most nights, the lonely house was quiet, and Logan said a sweet goodnight at my bedroom door with a quick hug.  Tonight, Jack was in the living room when we walked in together.  It was a little eerie for Jack not to offer a forceful protest or rude comment when he saw us.  By the time we made it to my room, Logan’s shoulders were rigid as he sat on my bed.  He was always tense when Jack was around.  He nodded toward the hallway.

“Go ahead and get ready for bed.  I’ll wait here.”

I swiftly brushed my teeth, changed, and dashed back to my room. Logan stood up and met me just inside my doorway.  He pulled me into a good night hug and securely held me for a couple of minutes.  He kissed the top of my head before he launched into his prolonged, nightly instructions.  I knew he was repeating them because he was apprehensive about leaving me here with Jack just ten brief steps away from my door. 

“I made sure the window wasn’t jammed.  Please don’t forget to lock your door after I leave.  Keep your phone close and charged.  Remember, if you need to leave your room call me first,” he whispered, just loud enough for me to hear. 

I sought to ease his anxiety. 

“Don’t worry; I usually sleep clutching my phone.”

He winced a little at my reckless admission and held me a little tighter.  I should’ve kept that information to myself; it only revealed how edgy I was when I was home.  I unsuccessfully sought to distract him.

“Thanks for a great day.  I loved it.”

His grip on me only tightened.  I could sense that he wasn’t comfortable leaving.  After a few seconds, he seemed to accept the inevitable.  Jack was going to flip soon if he didn’t leave.

“Me too. Goodnight angel.”

He kissed my head one more time before reluctantly releasing me and closing the door. He listened for the lock of my door before I heard the firm thud of the front door closing a few seconds later. 

I wasn’t exaggerating when I told Logan that I slept with my phone in my hand.  It was my lifeline.  I knew I was becoming too dependent on him, but I felt powerless to stop myself.  Jack was capable of tremendous violence.  I knew I could endure another beating, but I wasn’t sure I would survive it.  As long as I had Logan standing between me and Jack, I was safe.

Even though I was exhausted, the excitement of the day hadn’t worn off enough for me to sleep.  I decided to tackle my Algebra homework.  I managed to finish it but still wasn’t ready to go to bed yet.  I yawned as I grabbed my dog eared copy of “A Tale of Two Cities”.  We were reading it for English, and I was way behind.  After a few pages, I struggled to keep my eyes open.  Soon, I was so sleepy it was pointless to read anymore.  I checked to make sure the window was slightly open and my door was locked.  On my way back to bed, I turned the lamp off, grabbed my phone, and was asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

It was pitch black when I woke up to the sound of my window slowly sliding open.  I knew it wasn’t Jack because he would be too drunk to be so quiet.  Within a couple of seconds, I felt the bed dip under Logan’s weight.  In the dark it was easier to reach for him; I groped around blindly until I found his hands already reaching for me.  He pulled me towards him with both arms and ran his hands up and down my side as if to reassure himself that I was safe.  I sighed with relief when he pulled me closer, and I was able to put my head on his chest.  His arm was around my back, pressing me closer.  The silence wrapped us in our own bubble that we were reluctant to break.

He methodically ran his free hand through my hair for several minutes.  It was so soothing that he almost lulled me back to sleep.  His hand leisurely made its way down my cheek, continuing down the curve of my neck and making its way back up to my chin.  My entire body broke out in goose bumps when his hand coaxed my face up towards his.  He hesitated for a second, measuring my reaction and giving me time to refuse or turn away.  I was frozen in anticipation.  The only part of my body moving was my heart.  It was threatening to beat through my chest if Logan didn’t kiss me soon. 

He moved his hand up from my chin to cradle my face as he pulled me half onto his chest with his other arm.  He anchored me to him tightly and tilted my face still closer to his.  He gave me one more second to pull away before he closed the last inch between us.  My first kiss was exquisitely gentle and sweet.  Logan’s lips lingered on mine for several seconds before he drew just far enough away from me to put a couple of inches between us.  I could feel his breath on my face.  My eyes had adjusted to the darkness enough to make out his features. His eyes were locked onto mine, silently asking for permission to kiss me again.

My answer was to close the distance between us.  I had never kissed anyone before and was not sure exactly how to go about it, but judging by Logan’s groan when I kissed him, I was doing something right.  He responded by rolling me on my back without breaking the kiss.  He found both of my hands and laced his fingers through mine, pressing our joined hands down on either side of my head.